Saga Thrawn Wars: And Then There Was One (Humor fanfic, please read and comment)

Thrawn Wars: And Then There Was One

The Ultima-Class Imperial Star Destroyer drifted lazily in orbit around the mysterious planet, its million Class-10 Turbolasers pointed at it like a million arrows ready at a moments notice to eviscerate it out of existence. Around the awe-inspiring command ship were a thousand other Imperial Star Destroyers in perfect formation.

What an obnoxiously serene planet. Commander Parck thought casually. It will be a pleasure to bombard it into atoms. He looked around the bridge of his Ultima-class battlecruiser, the finest ship in the Imperial Starfleet, with the finest crew found anywhere in the known galaxy. His entire battle fleet was nothing to scoff at, either. In his entire 254 years of Imperial service, Commander Parck has never so much as even contemplated losing a battle. He was the epitome of Imperial excellence, the standard bearer of military brilliance, the perfectness of?.

?Commander Parck, sir, there is a strange energy emission reported by commscan sir? A junior lieutenant said professionally from his station. In a flicker of psuedomotion, Commander Parck was at his side.

?Define ?strange? lieutenant? he said menacingly.

?I can?t say sir, with all due respect, I have consulted the field manual and it gives the readings as tentatively 40% pompousness, 20% calculatedness of the cool kind, and?.. 40% military brilliance? He said with apprehension, knowing how absurd the whole thing sounded.

?Is this some kind of joke lieutenant?? Parck asked, his voice cooling slightly.

?N-n-no sir, I?m sorry sir! I meant no disrespect, I only repo-?

?It doesn?t MATTER what you meant!!!? Parck growled. ?Fighter command, launch all fighters, order the fleet into bombardment positions! I will show this PATHETIC planet what it means to defy the Empire?. To defy ME!!!?

?Sir, the planet is uninhabited, there has been no-?

?Silence, no one DARES stand up against me! I am Commander Parck! Now, see to your duties?


Meanwhile, on the mysterious planet, deep in the Unknown Regions, stood a Being known only as Mitth'raw'nuruodo. His perfectly muscular blue body uncovered except for a simple loincloth around His waist, held naught by any mere thread, but by the sheer gravity generated by his massive gonads, truly, the most massive in the universe and the envy of any man. His perfectly sculpted blue-black hair, His brilliant glittering red eyes, and His perfectly cocked blue-black eyebrow only adding to the brilliance that is He. Contemplating the serene blue sky above the beautiful jungle, He knew what the disturbance He had felt in the Nature of Things would entail. But for the moment, He cast his benevolent gaze upon the group of women around him.

But truly, they were no mere women. Not the same member of the female species that inhabit every corner of the galaxy, no, they were nothing less than the most beautiful, exotic, desirable, and most sought after beings in the galaxy?

?. The Takati Virginal Maidens.

Many a man has sought them out, the mere sight of their bounteous bosoms was enough to make the most sexually-ambiguous man shudder with desire, their voluptuous bodies carrying both the promise of eternal fertility and endless pleasure, their mere presence enough to render the strongest man incapacitated with lust.

But to Mitth'raw'nuruodo, their effect was confined to a simple **** of the eyebrow.

Noticing the sound of approaching Imperial fighters, Mitth'raw'nuruodo turned to the group of simian Ekhala monkeys arrayed behind him, and listened to their pack leader?s report.

?Ohhh gaaaahhh, boogah gaaaaaahhhh? it screeched.

Commander Mitth'raw'nuruodo, a hundred squadrons of Imperial TIE Fighter lns are approaching at a Delta-Gamma vector, bearing 12-45-30!?

Mitth'raw'nuruodo smiled, and said simply ?Ah! Omgha, dabba, eeeeeek? Ah! Quickly then, my little simian companions, for there is not a moment to lose!?

At his command, the Ekhala monkeys poured forth from the dense jungle, millions strong, and arraye

 

Any takers? I'm sorry if its too long.