About 9 years ago, I hit that train wreck point in life. You know, the teen angst, the world crashing down upon you. I just didn't know what to make of anything. Then one day at lunch, I heard someone talking about LaVey's teachings and I decided to take it upon myself to look further into the subject. Well thank god for the Church of Satan, because heaven knows what I'd be doing with my life right now without them. For those of you skewed on the popular media-induced crap about the CoS, here are the 9 Satanic Statements from the Satanic Bible (it's a good beginning crash course on our basic beliefs): "1. Satan represents indulgence instead of abstinence! 2. Satan represents vital existence instead of spiritual pipe dreams! 3. Satan represents undefiled wisdom instead of hypocritical self-deceit! 4. Satan represents kindness to those who deserve it instead of love wasted on ingrates! 5. Satan represents vengeance instead of turning the other cheek! 6. Satan represents responsibility to the responsible instead of concern for psychic vampires! 7. Satan represents man as just another animal, sometimes better, more often worse than those that walk on all-fours, who, because of his ?divine spiritual and intellectual development,? has become the most vicious animal of all! 8. Satan represents all of the so-called sins, as they all lead to physical, mental, or emotional gratification!" 9. Satan has been the best friend the Church has ever had, as He has kept it in business all these years! Since becoming a follower of Satan, I've turned my life around for the better. Now *I'm* happy being me, for who I am. (Also I apologize if my personal beliefs offend anyone, but this is my religion and my Bible. r-e-s-p-e-c-t.) I just thought I'd share this little life lesson with you all. Enjoy.