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  1. In Memory of LAJ_FETT: Please share your remembrances and condolences HERE

Saga Three Imperial Stooges Join the Alliance! Palpatine/Vader humor/AU

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction- Before, Saga, and Beyond' started by PellyofGath, Feb 8, 2006.

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  1. PellyofGath

    PellyofGath Jedi Youngling

    Registered:
    Feb 8, 2006
    Title: Three Imperial Stooges Join the Alliance!
    Authors: Pelly-Welly & BrentusofGath
    Genre: What?! With Pelly and Brentus joining forces, you have to ask?! Ok, fine, fine, Humor/AU
    Characters: Palpatine, Vader and Thrawn
    Time Frame: Directly following ESB
    Disclaimer: Neither Pelly, nor Brentus owns SW, though they are allowed to dream.
    Notes: As you read above, this is a joint venture for Pelly-Welly & BrentusofGath and this is our attractive little sock. It fits nicely and is very warm and snuggly in winter. Anyway, enjoy, if you didn't already hurl from that description. :p




    Chapter 1: Kill the King

    ~*~*~*~

    Grand Admiral Thrawn made his way down the Imperial corridor, past Stormtroopers scurrying this way and that, bearing news he hoped he didn't have to give to his Emperor. The corridor seemed especially longer, and darker on this day than any other day before, and Thrawn wondered in silence if this would be his last delivery.

    He finally reached his goal, Lord Vader's room, just outside the main audience chamber of Emperor Palpatine.

    "What can I do for you, Admiral?" Vader asked.

    "I have a message for his Flabbiness. Do you know where he is?"

    "He's in his weight room."

    "What?!" Thrawn was taken aback. Could the ever flabby, flatulant Palpatine, ruler of the galaxy and keeper of the eternal unsexiness actually be doing, gulp, exercises?

    "That's what he calls his room where he eats chocolate and greasy, fried food, and feels himself up for hours on end," was Vader's reply.

    "Oh," Thrawn suddenly became uneasy. "Well, can you take this message to him then?"

    "Me? What did I do wrong?"

    "Please?" Thrawn begged. "We just got a message from the Rebel Alliance. They want to meet to discuss peace terms."

    "Sithspit!" Vader yelled, sitting up in his chair. The cup he was holding broke in his grip. "I just spat caf on the inside of my mask again! You better not be pulling my fake leg, Thrawn."

    "Which one?" Thrawn asked. "The message is legit, Lord Vader, but I don't want to be the one to bring it to him. Not in there." Thrawn felt a shimmer of fear glide down his back from the last time he had to go into that room.

    "Hmmm," Vader thought out loud. "This might be good for a laugh or two. All right, I'll do it, but on one condition."

    He stood up and stared Thrawn down. "The next time Flabatine wants to do one of his oil dancing holovids, you have to grease him up."

    Thrawn shuddered outwardly at the thought of that. He remembered the last sight of Palpatine, dripping in oil, gyrating his pelvis to Saturday Night Fever he was forced to see before he blacked out, only a week ago.

    "All right, but on one condition," Thrawn said. "The next time he wants to give me one of his demonstrations on: How to Kiss A Girl With as Much Tongue as Possible (Slobbering Included), you go in my place."

    "Hmm," Vader thought. "All right, it's a deal." Thrawn handed Vader the holoimager and took off down the hall, giggling like a little schoolgirl as he ran.

    Inside the weight room, Palpatine was musing over his sexy body, a fried nikrat on a stick in one hand, something else deep fried in the other. Before he realized, Vader was standing before him, almost hyperventilating, horrified by what he saw. Palpatine quickly shifted his position and rested his arms on the chair.

    "You didn't see a thing," he admonished his apprentice.

    "Unfortunately for the lunch I just ate, I saw it all," was Vader's reply.

    Palpatine hacked up a small nut he ate for lunch that got caught in his throat. He threw it at Vader's mask, for his apprentice's rudeness. The boy would have to be punished. Ah! The perfect thought entered the all-too-sexy head of Palpatine.

    He stood up and sidled over to Vader. He rubbed up against Vader's metallic chest and sighed.

    "The next time I need to do one of my sexy pole dances..."

    Oh, no, Vader rattled internally. He's not going to-

    "...
     
  2. The_Lady_Vader

    The_Lady_Vader Jedi Youngling star 1

    Registered:
    Jan 26, 2006
    [face_laugh] [face_laugh] [face_laugh] [face_laugh] [face_laugh]
    OMG! THAT WAS ABSOLUTLY HELARIOUS!
    My ribs are still hurting!
    Oh Poor Vader, poor, poor vader he'll be scared for life! (even though he already is)

    Cheers_Lady Vader[face_alien_1]
     
  3. Cobranaconda

    Cobranaconda Jedi Grand Master star 7

    Registered:
    Mar 3, 2004
    w00t! Teh funnily disgusting style returns! Well done you two!

    And Pelly: I thought you weren't doing fanfic anymore o_O

    :p
     
  4. Ludo_Kressh

    Ludo_Kressh Jedi Knight star 5

    Registered:
    Jun 30, 2005
    OMGs, just when I thought that Palpatine couldn't any more disturbing...then I read this fic! Hi-larious!![face_laugh] [face_laugh] [face_laugh]

     
  5. LilyHobbitJedi

    LilyHobbitJedi Jedi Knight star 5

    Registered:
    Aug 29, 2005
    [face_laugh] [face_laugh] [face_laugh]

    This is so absolutely hilarious and I have to agree with everyone else, poor poor Vader. Great story you guys!!! =D= =D=
     
  6. Tyranus230

    Tyranus230 Jedi Master star 7

    Registered:
    Feb 16, 2005
    [face_sick] [face_laugh] [face_sick] [face_laugh]

    Very funny and disturbing like the other fic. Excellent work! =D= =D=
     
  7. Pelly-Welly

    Pelly-Welly Jedi Knight star 6

    Registered:
    Jan 10, 2004
    Merci, merci, all ye merry readers. 'tis true, nothing worse than BrentusofGath and Pelly-Welly together. *wink*
     
  8. DaenaBenjen42

    DaenaBenjen42 Jedi Grand Master star 5

    Registered:
    May 15, 2005
    "I have a message for his Flabbiness. Do you know where he is?"

    His Flabbiness? [face_laugh] I could so see Thrawn saying that!


    "Don't you think my butt would look awesome in something sheer?"

    [face_laugh]

    And... gosh, Palpatine is demented in this, isn't he? (But then, I wouldn't have it any other way! Is very good!)



    Good post! :)
     
  9. IronSight

    IronSight Jedi Youngling star 2

    Registered:
    Jan 20, 2006
    ...Ow! SIDES! [face_laugh]

    That was a good one, you two... Comic gold! Certainly not how I expected to see the great Imperator, but hilarious to no end! :)
     
  10. Jedi_Master_Cazz

    Jedi_Master_Cazz Jedi Grand Master star 4

    Registered:
    Sep 13, 2005
    Owww! MY brain!!!

    Baby oil. Eww!

    Obi-wan always said Vader would suffer!!!

    Cheers_Cazza@};-
     
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