Before Thunderous Wrath (Best Child and Best Villian 2010) Updated 4/12/11

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction- Before, Saga, and Beyond' started by Raphire, Sep 13, 2009.

Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.
Moderators: Briannakin, mavjade
  1. Raphire Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Dec 19, 2008
    star 4
    Title: Thunderous Wrath
    Author: Raphire
    Summery: Can't tell you that or it will give stuff away
    Disclaimer: Blah Don't own this. Blah-Blah

    Thunderous Wrath


    Kiren trudged slowly home, dragging his feet along the Durocrete. At age seven he had a maturity that was normally found in

    an eleven year old and a brain to match. His mother had barely any time on her hands but she still found some way to work an

    extra job for him. After six months his mother had finally scrounged enough money to get him into first grade. His feet

    were hardly moving now. He needed as much time between now and the time he crossed the threshold of his house as possible,

    to compose his face. He wasn?t going to let anything tell the story of what had happened on his first day of school. He

    leaned against a light pole to wipe away the tear-streaks that stained his dirty face. The faces of the other kids filled

    his mind and the tears started anew. No one wanted to be associated with a bottom-dweller like him. They turned their backs

    and held their noses as he came up to them at recess and made snide comments about him in class. Shunned because of his

    looks and age he ate by himself. As he?d left the building to go home a foot snaked out and he found himself staring up

    from a puddle into the eyes of his classmates laughing faces. Tears had filled his vision, but that just made it worse.

    Their taunts still echoed in his ears. About his appearance, his tears, and worst of all, his mom. Some of the things said

    made his ears burn and his heart tremble. Things kids like them had no business knowing about. He fled and didn?t stop

    running until he had arrived here.

    Even from here he could here their accusing voices yelling in his ears. He lowered himself onto the ground and cried

    himself to sleep.



    ?Where?s the boy!? The massive man charged into the room his jowls quivering in anger.

    A small frail woman cowered at his feet. Under normal circumstances she would be called petite but now she looked so thin

    her ribs were visible under her long sleeved sweater, the only article of clothing her husband had ever bought her. She

    could smell the booze on his breath but that was nothing new. He came home from the sewers and drank until he passed out.

    All their money went towards his various drinks and what he didn?t spend his buddies came over and took care of it for

    them. She slowly looked up at him and answered him in a throaty whisper. ?I asked him to get some food for us from the

    store.? But her answer didn?t matter to him anymore. All that mattered was that she was his to do with as he pleased. And

    right now, as he leered down at her, the thing that pleased him was the way she cried out when he hit her. Fist after fist

    descended and still she wouldn?t make a sound. She collapsed onto the floor blood flowing from her mouth and he paused. He

    didn?t feel like bending over to hit her anymore. His boot smashed into her side and he chuckled as he heard the breath

    expel from her lungs. He cracked his knuckles and brought his foot back for another kick.


    Tbc
  2. Ceillean Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Nov 13, 2001
    star 5
    I really hope someone kicks the living hell out of that guy. [face_plain] What a [insert whatever curse words you wish].

    And that poor boy!

    Awfully sad beginning. I'm guessing Jedi to the rescue? Maybe?

    PM's when you update?

  3. KELIA Manager Emeritus

    Member Since:
    Jul 26, 2005
    star 6
    I'd love to see someone come in and give that man a taste of what he's been dishing out.

    :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad:

    And poor Kiren!

    It's tough enough being the new kid in town but to be in his position...:_| :_| :_|

    Very nice beginning - I look forward to more

    =D= =D= =D= =D=
  4. Raphire Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Dec 19, 2008
    star 4
    Ceillean Don't we all? Maybe maybe not. Will do.

    KELIA Poor Poor Kiren indeed. Someone should definetely do that.
  5. Raphire Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Dec 19, 2008
    star 4
    Kiren awoke suddenly to the sounds of screams. His mother?s screams. He bolted to his feet and ran for his house. His

    mother?s screams echoed in his ears as her ran. He was almost there! A small cat suddenly ran in front of him. He felt his

    legs tangle with it and the next thing he knew the durocrete was rushing towards him. The cat wound itself up to his side

    and started licking the blood from his wounds. Kiren got to his feet and ran for the house again, the cat trailing behind

    him. The screams slowly turned to quiet moans. Kiren burst through the front door and saw his father drawing back to kick

    his mother one final time and gasped. His mother was a bloody mess and he could tell if his father kept it up she wouldn?t

    last the night. Kiren didn?t know what to do. His father?s boot came down and Kiren screamed.


    Jyrida heard her son scream but could do nothing. She could feel her strength starting to leave her, but all she could feel

    was pity for her son, to have to live with this monster who, as soon as she was dead, would turn to her son to entertain

    himself. For her husband despite what he did to her. He didn?t deserve her pity. In fact she would have every lawyer in the

    county on her side if she had killed him while his back was turned or poisoned his food while he was away. But instead she

    put up with him and nothing he could do would chase the small hope that the man she married was somewhere inside him. That

    he was just waiting for the right stimulus to bring him back. So as her life faded away from her she had only pity for him

    and yes even love. Not for what he had become, but for what he used to be. She braced herself for the final kick that would

    relieve her pain but it never came.


    When Kiren opened his eyes he was shocked to find his mother still breathing. A small corpse of a cat lay against the far

    wall, its neck broken. His father stared at the cat through booze veiled eyes and then slowly walked over to it. While his

    father was distracted by the dead animal, Kiren snuck his mother from the room and locked the two of them in the bathroom.

    A small supply of food lay on the floor and the key to the room hung around Kiren?s neck. They could stay in here for weeks

    but Kiren knew that in doing so they would just make his father?s anger intensify. So he bandaged his mother?s wounds and

    placed the key in her hand. Steeling himself he opened the door and darted out into the hall. His father wasn?t around.

    Kiren shut the locked door behind him and then sat in the middle of the hall for his father to find.

    Tbc
  6. Gkilkenny Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Mar 27, 2004
    star 4
    Poor Kiren what chance does he have against that horrible man.
    At least he trying to save his mother.:_|

    Good beginning.=D=
  7. TheMacUnleashed Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Feb 2, 2009
    star 4
    Poor Kiren. :( I do hope things look up for him!
  8. Ceillean Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Nov 13, 2001
    star 5
    At least now we can hope that Kiren's father gets what he deserves.
    What an evil person.

    I hope his Mom survives.

    More soon?

    [face_batting]
  9. Raphire Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Dec 19, 2008
    star 4
    Gkilkenny Not a very big one... *Cough* *Cough* ;)

    TheMacUnleashed They might...

    Ceillean Same here.
  10. Raphire Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Dec 19, 2008
    star 4
    Obi-wan wandered aimlessly around the food court. He couldn?t sleep and didn?t dare go back to his room in the off chance

    he disturbed his master. Qui-gon was scary when awoken unexpectedly. So he strayed from one room to another until he ended

    up in here. The room felt so peaceful now that all its occupants had vacated to the warmth of their beds. Obi-wan slowly

    sat down on top of one of the tables, enjoying the cool caress of the metal surface as it slid across his legs. He lay down

    and stared up at the ceiling with a quiet contemplation. Something about being here when he should be asleep awoke

    something inside of him. A creativity he?d never known he had. He wanted to do something new, something completely unheard

    of. Something scandalous. These feelings startled him. He thought he knew what kind of Jedi he was, but now he wasn?t so

    sure. Sometimes he didn?t want to be the obedient one, the one you can rely on. Sometimes he just wanted to be bad. He

    suddenly sat up. I want to steal something. The thought lingered in his head and the more he thought about it the

    more he wanted to do it. Recognition. The word popped into his brain. Hmmmmm. I want to be noticed for once. All

    my life I?ve been the model apprentice and have I been noticed? No! What could I do that would get me noticed?
    An odd

    little thought appeared in his mind and he shivered involuntarily. A sly grin came across his face and he got to his feet.


    Mace Windu had stayed up late to observe the prisoner. To be honest he took a large amount of pleasure watching the Sith

    slowly pace back and forth in his cell. It was definitely worth losing sleep over to him. It had taken them a long time to

    get this individual here and a lot of Jedi were killed in the process. Soon however the rest of the Jedi Council would come

    for this Sith and he would be punished for what he had done. But first Mace had a score to settle. He chuckled. Actually,

    he didn?t plan on leaving the room at all tonight. He looked down at the Sith and smirked. It was time to have some fun

    with the prisoner. And so with the screams of the innocent in his ears and revenge in his heart he entered the cell.


    Jedi Master Yaddle walked down the corridor that led down to her stateroom. She had thoroughly enjoyed her walk in the

    forest tonight, but something about walking down this dark passageway made her regret having ever taken a walk. Fear filled

    her, despite all her efforts to find peace. Kind of ironic that she would go for a walk in the forest, with all the animals

    howling. And yet here in the silence of the temple she was afraid. A slight flicker in the corner of her eye made her stop.

    She glanced nervously from side to side and then in an act that went against every Jedi principle she?d been taught, she

    fled to the comfort of her room.


    Qui-gon awoke in the middle of the night with the knowledge that something had gone terribly wrong. His heart skipped a

    beat when he realized he could no longer hear his apprentice breathing. He reached out to him through the Force but instead

    of the calm, impatient presence he was so used to he found nothing. Suddenly he felt something new in the force and before

    he could react, his eyes rolled back in his head. Cold dank breath washed the back of his neck and the stench of death

    filled his nostrils. He quickly realized the trap he?d fallen into. The perimeter defenses of a Sith?s mind. Somehow he had

    tapped into the Sith prisoner?s mind and the cunningly positioned defenses had done the rest. With the knowledge of what he

    was facing, he fought the snare with all his might. He?d almost broken through when the traps power increased ten-fold.

    He?d been discovered. He was now no longer battling the subconscious protections of a Sith Knight but was now fighting the

    Sith mind to mind. Sweat poured down his face and beard as he struggled for a foothold on this man?s mind. Curiously the

    Sith seemed to have no interest i
  11. Gkilkenny Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Mar 27, 2004
    star 4
    WoW, it appears their sith prisioner is making them all lose the light.o_O
    Obi-Wan wants to do something bad and so did Mace Qui-Gon gets drawn into the sith's head.
    Mace and wire clippers.[face_devil]

    What next[face_worried] Why can't Qui-Gon sense Obi-Wan what has happened.[face_praying]

    Have no idea what happened.:D

    =D=
  12. Raphire Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Dec 19, 2008
    star 4
    Gkilkenny [face_laugh] No Mace has a perfectly good reason for the wire cutters.[face_devil]

    As for Obi-wan, it was rather unusual behavior.;)

    Thank you for reading!
  13. Raphire Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Dec 19, 2008
    star 4
    Kiren waited in the hall for hours before he made himself get up and look around. His father had left, probably right after

    his toy had disappeared from the kitchen. So with nothing entertaining at home, he went out on the town with his workmates.

    Kiren had the house to himself, to do with as he pleased. And so with all his free time he went to the kitchen got down on

    his knees and wept where his mother had lain. His tears mingled with her blood as he poured out his heart to the only thing

    that would listen. No one.

    When his tears ran out, Kiren cleaned the floor. The water bucket was soon filthy. Blood, urine, sweat, and tears clouded

    the water as it lapped over the rim.


    It wasn?t until sunrise the next morning that his father found him. His frame filled the hallway the red light from the sun

    shone around him filling the room with a bloody light. The red light shone through his father?s long greasy hair, making

    his eyes seem that much darker. Sweat glistened on his face and saliva dribbled down through his stubble and onto his chin.

    Kiren cowered in the corner as his father came towards him. ?Where is she?? Kiren?s father roared as he came towards him,

    his hand fingering his zipper. Kiren shied away into a corner and tried to make himself as small as possible. He hoped his

    father would be too drunk to remember that his son used to be in front of him. No such luck. Within seconds his father was

    before him and swearing by everything he?d ever given a seconds thought about. ?Where?s my Kriff?n woman???!? He growled

    his face mere inches from Kiren?s nose. The overpowering smell of cheap ale washed over him and for a second his seven year

    old brain wondered if he could get drunk off of the fumes from his father?s mouth. Suddenly Kiren?s vision went black and

    pain quickly followed it. His head smashed up against the cupboard behind him. His father?s patience had worn out.


    Obi-wan woke up with a pounding headache. He slowly sat up and stared around him with bleary eyes. Smoke or fog covered the

    floor and tendrils of it blew past his face. He looked up into the blackness above him and bolted to his feet, all trace of

    sleep gone. He could see the stars above him! And the sun was shining on the horizon! He took a step forward and then

    stumbled when his foot didn?t come in contact with the ground. The floor was slanted! For a second his mind registered that

    his foot had yet to touch solid substance and then gravity took hold. Obi-wan fell forward his hands trailing behind him

    and his life flashing before his eyes. Then one hand smashed into something and grabbed onto it.

    He slowly looked down and saw, to his horror, tiny specks of people walking in a daily routine. Then he looked up. His hand

    grasped onto the rod at the top of the temple!

    Tbc
  14. Gkilkenny Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Mar 27, 2004
    star 4
    Oh my Kiren gets hit in the head and Obi-Wan wakes up with a headache.[face_idea]

    Now Obi-Wan has found himself out on the roof hanging on for dear life.:confused:

    What a mystery.=D=


  15. Ceillean Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Nov 13, 2001
    star 5
    Those bloody wire clippers made me cringe. [face_sick] Do I want to know who did what and did where with those things? :p

    So, seems to be Obi-Wan and Kiren are connected somehow? But how in the world did Obi-Wan get ontop of the Jedi temple?

    Mysterious, I say.

    Great updates.

    And thank for the PM's. Keep them coming. :)

  16. HelloKelly Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Nov 12, 2009
    star 3
    Oh Wow. I really like this story can I be on the Pm list as well?
  17. Raphire Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Dec 19, 2008
    star 4
    Gkilkenny Lol. Didn't think of it that way. Unfortunately There is no Obi-wan in this post. Thanks for reading!

    Ceillean You might. Yeah a lot connects Kiren to the temple. Thank you and I will do!

    HelloKelly Yes you can!
  18. Raphire Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Dec 19, 2008
    star 4
    Buzzzzzz!!!! The doorbell rang and Kiren sighed with relief as his beast of a father swung his bulk around to face

    the door. As his father?s hulking frame disappeared into the hall Kiren suppressed a giggle. He had been saved by the bell.

    Quite literally. Kiren quietly snuck out the back door and with a gasp, let his nerves take over. He collapsed into a heap

    and laughed with relief until his sides hurt. Knowing he couldn?t remain in the yard much longer, Kiren got to his feet

    and vaulted the fence into the vacant lot beside his house. He barely made it over the fence when his personal monster

    burst from the kitchen and circled the yard. Kiren lay as still as he could, desperately hoping the fence shadow spread

    far enough to cover him. He hoped his father?s eyes were still adjusted to the light in the kitchen. Then he realized they

    had no electricity. All the money had gone to his tuition. So with his back firmly against the fence he slowly scooted

    farther from the house and towards the street. His father?s bulky frame loomed over the fence a few feet down and slowly

    made his way towards him. As Kiren stared upward in fear his father came closer and closer until his head eclipsed the

    moon. A wave of panic washed over him and Kiren seized up. On the opposite side of the house, an animal tipped over the

    trash can with a clatter. His father spun around and stalked towards the cans. ?Come on out boy! It?ll go easier on your

    mother if you do.? Kiren shuddered and bolted down the street. There was no way his father could get to his mother. They?d

    locked and barricaded the door. She had food and water. She would be safe without him. Kiren looked up into the sky and

    wondered. What would it be like to be among the stars? He?d seen ships go up but he knew he?d never join them. Kiren walked

    and enjoyed the feeling of the cool polluted air on his face and feeling of rats nibbling on his toes. His walk led him

    away from his home and towards a place he?d never dared go before. The upper levels. The streets no longer littered with

    trash and the buildings were no longer covered in graffiti. A new developer had taken over and placed the rich in their new

    homes. Then he pushed the poor further into the filth where they thrived. Now there was less space but more people. And

    somehow new people came everyday. Like rats pushed out of their holes and into the streets with the dogs. Kiren walked

    between the dark, pretty houses and nice vehicles until he came to one house. The light was still on and he could hear the

    squeals of little kids inside. Kiren pushed a can against their wall and climbed on top of it. He peered into the house and

    into a life he?d never known. The mom sat on the sofa and slowly read a magazine despite the chaos around her. Kids

    littered the floor and there in their midst was a man. The father. When a child came near him, he would tackle them and

    throw them into the air. Then when they landed in his embrace he would chase them around the room while they screamed at

    the top of their lungs. And when the children eventually collapsed onto the floor in tired giggles he picked them up and

    threw them over his shoulder. Then he tottered up the stairs and tucked them into bed while telling them stories of wonder

    and grandeur. Finally with all the kids in bed he came down the stairs and sat with his wife. She still sat there with her

    undivided attention on a particular article. He sat there for awhile then slowly reached over and poked her. She gave and

    un-earthly screech and jumped up from the couch. He fell to the floor laughing and she stared at him in shock. Then with a

    mischievous grin on her face she jumped on him. A small tear ran down Kiren?s face as he saw something he knew would never

    come into his world. Then the father looked up. He saw a dirty face watching him and his wife through the window and

    charged outside. Kiren fled and as he ran past the door a shoe flew passed him. Its par
  19. Valairy Scot Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Sep 16, 2005
    star 5
    My goodness..this is different. Sith, an abuser...you're weaving quite a tale.
  20. Gkilkenny Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Mar 27, 2004
    star 4
    Kiren is such a brave boy and it was sad as he watched how a real family lived together, but at the end what happened. The Father was nice inside but then he throws shoes at poor little Kiren.:eek:
    Did one of the shoes knock him unconscious.[face_worried]

    Great post=D=
  21. HelloKelly Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Nov 12, 2009
    star 3
    I really like how you make Kiren still seem like a kid with the little wittisms like the whole Could I get drunk off of my dad's breath thing.

    I think that the father was thinking more of a creepy stalker staring at me and my wife I'll fix him!
  22. Ceillean Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Nov 13, 2001
    star 5
    Aw man, what an ass. Both Dad's, actually.

    Being so nice to his own family but then throwing a show towards Kiren?
    Idiot. :(

    Poor Kiren. This isn't one of his lucky days, huh?
  23. GlindaForJediCouncil Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Nov 21, 2009
    star 1
    I love the story so far, it really draws you in! I can't wait to see where you take it :)
  24. Raphire Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Dec 19, 2008
    star 4
    Valairy_Scot Hey! A new reader! Thank you and hope you enjoy the next update.

    Gkilkenny Sorry I can't answer your questions yet. It's back to the temple for this post. But I hope you like it anyway.

    HelloKelly [face_laugh] Thank you!

    Ceillean Lol Not very many good father figures in this story are there?

    GlindaForJediCouncil Another reader! This is my favorite day ever! Well I hope you like reading this one as much as I enjoyed writing it.
  25. Raphire Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Dec 19, 2008
    star 4
    Oh Right! PM list is currantly

    Ceillean
    HelloKelly

    Anybody else want to jump on board?
Moderators: Briannakin, mavjade
Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.