Before - Legends Thunderous Wrath (Best Child and Best Villian 2010) Updated 4/12/11

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction- Before, Saga, and Beyond' started by Raphire, Sep 13, 2009.

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  1. GlindaForJediCouncil Jedi Youngling

    Member Since:
    Nov 21, 2009
    star 1
    I loved the Jedi healing trance, it painted a very vivid picture of just what the heck they do during those those =D=:)
  2. Raphire Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Dec 19, 2008
    star 4
    HelloKelly Awwww. Thank you!

    Gkilkenny Yeah that could ahve been bad. Oh and the next post is going to go back to Obi-wan just for you!

    GlindaForJediCouncil Thank you! I'm glad you liked it!
  3. Raphire Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Dec 19, 2008
    star 4
    Kiren ran through the alleys of Coruscant fighting tears. His mind kept returning to the livid expression on the man?s

    face. The way he had looked at him. He hated him. He?d seen that look on many before, the kids at school, strangers on

    the street, and most of all the upper class citizens. Nobody wanted to be reminded of how terrible life could be. Kiren?s

    life was terrible and people hated him for it. The only love he could ever remember seeing was that which shone everyday

    from his mother?s face. Even the noble Jedi in their fancy robes and hypocrisy stared at him with disgust. And that hurt

    even worse, because out of everyone, they were the ones who were supposed to care. But instead when they saw him or his

    mother, especially his mother, they turned up their noses and whispered condescending phrases under their breaths. But

    even at a whisper the words echoed in his mind. Traitor, oath-breaker, and worst of all, whore. A loud clatter came from

    behind him and he spun around. A tall stately looking woman stood next to a large pile of crates. Half of them downed at

    her feet. She glanced up at him and flashed a nervous grin. ?Hello there, sweetheart!? She said as she slowly crossed the

    alley and walked towards him. ?You look cold. How would you like a warm cup of soup?? Kiren looked up at her and gently

    shook his head. ?Are you sure?? She asked stepping closer. ?It?s just down the street; we could walk over there now.?

    Kiren took a step back and said quietly. ?I?m very sorry miss, but I must get back to my mom.? The lady put her arm

    across his back. ?But you could bring her a cup too! I?m sure she would love a cup of soup to warm her up!? She led him

    back down the alley and past the crates. ?No thank you.? Kiren said as he detangled her hand from around and turned back

    the way he came. Two men stood blocking his way. ?I?m sorry dear but you simply must come and get yourself warmed up.?

    The lady said her voice keeping its same oily tone. ?And after that maybe you can solve a few financial problems for us.?

    She let out a chuckle and beckoned for him to follow. Kiren bolted across the alley and tried to past the two giants in

    front of him. One of them grabbed his arms and grinned down at him. Kiren looked up into his dirty ugly face and saw in

    him the same anger and lust that filled his father?s face so often. He then did something he?d always wanted to do to his

    father. He fought back. As the thug turned back and started to drag him back to the lady, Kiren turned around. His face

    was inches from the man?s chest and the smell was almost overpowering. Kiren reached up and with both hands rammed his

    thumbs into the guy?s eyes. The screams of the man filled the alley and he dropped Kiren to the floor. Kiren immediately

    spun around and slammed his palm into the other man?s noses. He shuddered as he felt the feeble bones crunch and watched

    as the man crumpled at his feet. Then just as he was about to flee a knife flicked across his throat. ?Come on you tramp!

    It?s time for your employment.?


    Qui-gon stared up at his padawan dangling high above him. There was no way for him to get Obi-wan from down here. He was

    on a small platform a hundred feet below Obi-wan and there was nothing between them but open air. No ladders adorned the

    tower and the outside of the temple walls were made of a smooth marble. So there would be no hand holds to help him up.

    Lightning flashed across the sky and Qui-gon?s heart lurched. Obi-wan was hanging onto a lightning rod! Qui-gon had never

    been good at levitating objects, but it seemed as if he had no other choice. He gently outstretched his arm and opened

    himself to the force.


    Obi-wan could feel his Master below him. The Force radiated from him in waves. He had never felt his Master this in tune

    with the Force. The weight suddenly lifted from his hands and he felt light. Like he was standing on something; not

    hanging in mid air. The air felt solid beneath his feet a
  4. Raphire Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Dec 19, 2008
    star 4
    Pms will be a little late. Sorry
  5. Gkilkenny Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Mar 27, 2004
    star 4
    Poor Kiren a knife to the throat.[face_worried]

    Lucky Obi-Wan let go of the pole, otherwise he'd be fried now.

    Lets hope he stays safe in Qui-Gon's arms.[:D]

    Great post Raphire.=D=
  6. HelloKelly Jedi Youngling

    Member Since:
    Nov 12, 2009
    star 3
    Yum! That post was intense! I'm glad that Obi-wan is safe now but that doesn't mean that their part in the story is over with right?
  7. Raphire Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Dec 19, 2008
    star 4
    Gkilkenny Thank you! He might he might not. [face_skull]

    HelloKelly No. I have much more to write with them.
  8. Raphire Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Dec 19, 2008
    star 4
    Qui-gon entered the room cautiously. Mace was laying in bed in a Jedi trance and Master Yoda sat on the bed beside him.

    He had Mace?s hand clasped in his own and was staring off into space; completely oblivious to all that was going on

    around him. Qui-gon quietly sat down next to them and watched Mace lay there. The room was completely silent except the

    occasional soft intake of breath from any of the three men. Qui-gon stared at his friend in confusion, wondering how he

    could possibly have gotten into this mess. He should have known better then to have gone head to head with a Sith knight.

    Especially this one. Not many knew Mace?s story and those that did knew better then to talk about it. But needless to say

    Qui-gon was pretty sure the Sith hadn?t overwhelmed Mace outside of the cell.


    Obi-wan lay in bed staring up at the ceiling. After being given a once over by one of the healers he was declared fine

    but it seemed that Qui-gon had other plans for him. Hence him laying here on bed rest for the rest of the day.

    Apparently he wasn?t as well as an expert healer had seemed to think he was. Obi-wan growled in frustration and then sat

    up and looked at the clock. Fifteen minutes had passed. It had now been exactly two hours since he had first entered this

    room and lain down to ?rest?. Obi-wan swore and got to his feet. This was ridiculous. He quickly got changed into his

    Jedi robes and left. He would go to the mess hall. After all a poor sick boy needs nourishment more then sleep. He

    thought to himself. When he arrived at the mess hall he was pleasantly surprised to find all his friends currently

    sitting down to a meal. He quickly went and joined them.


    Qui-gon leaned over and quietly said goodbye to his friend. Careful not to wake the sleeping form of Yoda he turned to

    go. A hand reached out and grasped his shoulder. Mace? He turned around and looked around. There was nobody there. And

    yet he could still feel the hand resting on his shoulder. It was thin and frail but it seemed to grip with extraordinary

    strength. He moved his hand up to his shoulder and tried to physically move it but before he could do so the door burst

    open. ?Master Yoda!? A young voice cried out. Three voices filled the air with startled curses. Qui-gon looked behind him

    in shock and was greeted by Mace?s open eyes staring into his. Master Yoda took no notice to Mace and immediately went to

    the little kid. ?What?s wrong Kyle?? The boy stared a Mace in shock. He?d never seen him like this. Yoda gently shook him

    and he glanced up. ?It?s Obi-wan! He?s collapsed in the Mess hall and he won?t wake up!?

    Tbc
  9. GlindaForJediCouncil Jedi Youngling

    Member Since:
    Nov 21, 2009
    star 1
    He turned around and looked around. There was nobody there. And

    yet he could still feel the hand resting on his shoulder. It was thin and frail but it seemed to grip with extraordinary

    strength.


    *shivers as chills go up and down her spine*

    Ok, maybe not that bad, but still... lol

    Very good post, with this one you have brought the story back to life for me and made it extremely interesting in my opinion. Really well written as well, two thumbs up from me :)
  10. Gkilkenny Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Mar 27, 2004
    star 4
    Ooh a hand resting on his shoulder[face_worried] I wonder who could it be and now Obi-Wan has collapsed.
    He should have listened to Qui-Gon.:oops:

    Great chapter=D=
  11. HelloKelly Jedi Youngling

    Member Since:
    Nov 12, 2009
    star 3
    A mysterious hand. Cool! How much you wanna bet its a female!

    Good job! Next post soon right?
  12. Raphire Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Dec 19, 2008
    star 4
    GlindaForJediCouncil Oh. I see how it is. What your saying is my stories are boring! Lol. Thanks. And I hope the next post won't put you to sleep.

    Gkilkenny He really should have. You'd think he would know better. Thanks!

    HelloKelly Everyone likes the hand. Makes me think I should put more etheral body parts in my story. Lol not really. Well that depends on your definition of soon. To me since I'm posting it now it would indeed be soon. To you however not so much.
  13. Raphire Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Dec 19, 2008
    star 4
    Khi-Lech wandered down the back alleys, a look of grim satisfaction on his face. His leg was a little twitchy but after all

    it had been through Khi was willing to be forgiving. He watched in wonder as he went through alley after alley. He?d been

    to Coruscant before but never had he seen this side of it. Children lay against the durocrete walls and hid in dumpsters,

    trying to appear unremarkable. Cripples lay on pieces of cloth and begged for anything and everything. Khi shook his head

    in disgust. A fine republic indeed! He doubted any members of the council had been within ten yards of this place. They

    just buried their noses in their work and tried to forget what was right below them on the streets. Then they had the

    audacity to try and spread this kind of happiness to the outer rim! Khi?s leg suddenly spasmed and he grabbed onto the

    wall. It hadn?t healed as well as he thought. He slowly turned himself around and tried to go back the way he came. His leg

    gave out on him after two paces and he slowly sank to the ground. He rested his back on the wall and quickly took in the

    area around him. The place didn?t seem as threatening as some of the other spots he?d seen coming over here and it was mid

    morning so the daylight should reduce the chance of being attacked. Thankfully he hadn?t tried this at night! He sat there

    for a little while, trying to give his leg a chance to relax. He had probably over exerted it and that was why it had

    spasmed. If he gave the muscles a chance to settle and didn?t force them to do anything exuberant then he might have a

    chance of making it home today. He waited a few minutes and then gingerly stood to his feet. His leg wobbled at first but

    it didn?t act up. Khi sighed and rested his head against the wall. For now he would just stand here and let it get used to

    being erect then maybe in a few minutes he would try walking. He once again cursed his impulsiveness and waited with his

    back against the wall. He didn?t like the glances he kept getting from the man in the doorway to his left. He contemplated

    showing the man his weapons to try and scare him but he quickly talked himself out of it. The last thing he needed in this

    neighborhood was to draw attention to himself. So for now he just kept an eye out for any sudden moves or guns. Suddenly a

    cry pierced the silence. All heads in the street turned towards the direction of the noise. It sounded like a woman! Khi

    turned and ran in that direction ignoring the outraged cries from his leg.


    Kiren let out a small cry as the cold metal touched his throat. ?None of that you little imp!? The lady said in a sharp

    whisper; her breath brushing past his cheeks. The two men slowly got to their feet. ?Where is that little demon!??? The one

    Kiren had gouged the eyes of said. ?I?m going to cut his ears off and then make him eat them.? He said as his vision slowly

    cleared. His eyes alighted on Kiren and a vicious grin stole across his face. ?Oh. I?m going to enjoy this!? Kiren started

    to tremble in the lady?s arms. He shut his eyes as the two men started forward. Then hands touched his body and he

    flinched, fear overcoming him. Suddenly the lady behind him screamed and released him. He turned around and stared in shock

    as she writhed on the ground beneath him. ?Make it stop!? She begged from the dirt. Tears streamed down her face and blood

    dripped from her ears. Her body started seizing and then she lay still. Two sets of arms grabbed him and spun him

    around. ?You?ll pay for that you little witch!?

    Tbc
  14. Gkilkenny Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Mar 27, 2004
    star 4
    Oh dear, not good. Keiran is in serious trouble.[face_worried]

    What about Obi-Wan?[face_thinking]
  15. GlindaForJediCouncil Jedi Youngling

    Member Since:
    Nov 21, 2009
    star 1
    Good post :)
    I was curious about Khi and Kiren, thanks for coming back to them! lol

    *writing comments*
    - I loved your use of "Exerted" and then "Exuberant" one right after the other *thumbsup*
    -- You used "cry" too much
    --- All in all very good writing :)
  16. Raphire Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Dec 19, 2008
    star 4
    Crap! I did indeed! Thanks Galinda!
  17. HelloKelly Jedi Youngling

    Member Since:
    Nov 12, 2009
    star 3
    Very good! It's about time Kiren met a good male role model. I mean if a Sith can't teach him good morals who can! Lol Sorry I couldn't resist. Can't wait for the next post!
  18. Raphire Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Dec 19, 2008
    star 4
    Gkilkenny Here is another post with Obi-wan and Qui-gon just for you! Lol

    HelloKelly Lol. For your information Khi is a perfect gentleman when he isn't slitting throats of innocents.
  19. Raphire Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Dec 19, 2008
    star 4
    Qui-gon leapt from his position by master Windu?s bed and grabbed the young apprentice. ?What happened? When was this?

    Where is he now?? The words spilled from his mouth in jumbled mass. The child in front of him began to tremble. ?Where is

    my apprentice?? He asked again giving the little boy a small shake. ?I-I-I don?t k-know sir.? The boy tried to back away

    but Qui-gon held him fast. ?Qui-gon!? Mace yelled from his bed. ?Can?t you see that you?re terrifying the apprentice? Let

    him go now, sit down and take a deep breath. Then after you?ve calmed down ask in a more comprehensible way? Qui-gon glared

    at Mace, but sat down anyway. He took a deep breath, stood to his feet, and marched from the room. Mace shook his

    head. ?He?ll never learn self-control, will he?? Yoda chuckled. ?Learned he already has, decided to use it he hasn?t.? The

    apprentice just stood there staring after Qui-gon, a small grin spreading over his face. Mace moaned. ?Oh, Kriff! Look at

    Kyle! Now we?re going to have to deal with two of them!?


    Qui-gon tore down the hall and into the Intensive Care room. One of the healers was just exiting when he skidded to a stop

    directly in front of him. ?Where is my apprentice?? Qui-gon said as he towered over the smaller man. ?I?m sorry sir but we

    can?t allow anyone in the Intensive Care Unit.? Qui-gon stared at the man. He slowly grabbed a hold of the man?s tunic and

    lifted him up in the air. ?Where is Obi-wan?? He growled. ?I know he?s in there! What room?? The man shook his head. ?I

    can?t tell you that!? Qui-gon gave him a small shake. ?I?ll give you two choices. You tell me what room he is in and I go

    and see him or I?ll tear apart those rooms trying to find him myself.? The man slowly nodded and motioned for Qui-gon to

    set him down. Qui-gon smirked. ?Not until you tell me.? The man sighed and whispered a number. Qui-gon dropped him.


    The man smiled to himself as he watched the big Jedi go. The Jedi may have gotten the number from him but there was no way

    he could get into the area without proper access. Satisfied, the man slowly left the corridor rubbing his rear

    unconsciously. He took his lunch break, flirted with one of the maintenance workers, and overall just enjoyed his time

    off. Later he went to his room and tried to get in but sadly he had no key chain to unlock his door.


    Obi-wan floated in what seemed to be a state of half-consciousness. He could make out all that happened around him but it

    was as if he were watching it through a screen. He was still unsure what had happened. The last thing he remembered was

    eating lunch with some of his friends but after that nothing. When he came back to consciousness, he was here; watching his

    life through someone else?s eyes. They had him strapped down in the Med-Lab and he could see himself thrashing around but

    he could do nothing to stop it. Finally they gave him a sedative and his body slowly relaxed. As he watched his body sink

    into slumber, his vision went white.


    Tbc
  20. Gkilkenny Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Mar 27, 2004
    star 4
    When he came back to consciousness, he was here; watching his

    life through someone else?s eyes.
    Is Obi-Wan seeing this through Keirans eyes and why are they all smiling and smirking. What is Qui-Gon missing.:confused:

    So many questions.8-}

    =D=
  21. HelloKelly Jedi Youngling

    Member Since:
    Nov 12, 2009
    star 3
    Hmmmmmmm. Obi-wan is having an out of body experiance. Interesting.

    Can't wait for the next post!
  22. HelloKelly Jedi Youngling

    Member Since:
    Nov 12, 2009
    star 3
    Wow. You haven't updated this in forever.

    Can you? [face_praying] Please!
  23. Raphire Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Dec 19, 2008
    star 4
    Gkilkenny Lol. He might be...

    HelloKelly Your wish is my command!
  24. Raphire Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Dec 19, 2008
    star 4
    The sound of fists hitting flesh hurt worse then the pain they inflicted Kiren thought as he stood helpless against the two

    men before him. It was the sound of his mother protecting him, of his father betraying them; it was a sound that made him

    sick to his stomach.

    Their lecherous faces were just another reminder of where he had been and what he had to look forward to in his future. The

    smell of blood was nothing new either but there was something different this time. In this instance it was he who was; the

    one to cause the pain. He?d killed this woman; he had no clue how he?d done it. but somehow she was at his feet. Her blood

    streaked face stared up at him and Kiren felt his heart tighten.

    He?d done this, killed a girl in cold blood, just like his father would sometime in the future. Kiren turned to face the

    two men. He would let them brutalize him, after all he deserved it. And so he watched as his assailant drew his hand back

    for another strike. He closed his eyes and waited for his punishment. The sound of flesh connecting with flesh filled the

    air and Kiren flinched. But the pain never came.

    Kiren looked up and saw one of the two thugs curled into a fetal ball at his feet. The sound of a bone cracking came from

    behind him and Kiren spun around. His second attacker was on his knees crying in agony and standing over him was a homeless

    man. The man was holding the attacker?s arm and above it the wrist was limp and twisted.

    Tears rolled down the man as he knelt there on the ground and the stranger knelt slowly down before him. ?Child

    molesters are not high on my mercy list. So if I were I would flee before I finish with your friend.? The man whimpered an

    affirmative and then bolted from the alley as soon as the stranger let him go.

    Kiren got a good look at the stranger?s face when the man turned around to finish off the second attacker. His face

    was rather normal, even friendly in some ways, but it also had the look of a man who had seen and done horrors that

    continued to haunt him. However he didn?t look quite as much like a homeless person now that Kiren had taken a good look at

    him. Actually he looked rather noble, maybe of royal descent?

    A loud crash jerked Kiren?s mind back to reality as his second attacker tried to flee the alley. Unfortunately for him, a

    certain crate got in the way and soon both the man and the crate hurtled to the ground. The poor mugger watched in horror

    as the stranger slowly turned around. His hand twitched by his side and ever so gently he started to grin.

    Kiren watched in shock as his attacker slowly rose up three feet off of the ground and hovered in the air. The

    man?s face went white in panic and then he grabbed his chest. His body arched and his hands clutched at his heart. Then he

    fell limp and a few seconds later collapsed to the ground. The stranger walked over to his body, placed his foot on the

    man?s neck, and a loud crack filled the alley as the man?s neck snapped.

    Tbc
  25. Gkilkenny Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Mar 27, 2004
    star 4
    :eek: A homeless man is defending Keiran... Umm I don't think he is homeless maybe in disguise.

    A lot of killing is going on.:eek:



    =D=
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