Before Thunderous Wrath (Best Child and Best Villian 2010) Updated 4/12/11

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction- Before, Saga, and Beyond' started by Raphire, Sep 13, 2009.

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  1. QueenArdnassak Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Mar 30, 2009
    star 4
    Then he would get what he?d been

    after for years now. Revenge.


    :eek: Oh, dear. This sounds... not good. [face_worried]

    Wonderful post! BUT NOW I'M ALL ANGSTY AND CLIFF-HANGER-Y, WHAT WERE YOU THINKING?![face_plain]:p
  2. GlindaForJediCouncil Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Nov 21, 2009
    star 1
    Interesting posts. I'm curious about Mace though. Are you going to do more with him?
  3. Raphire Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Dec 19, 2008
    star 4
    Gkilkenny: Thanks for reading! And as for making him a Sith it all depends on his potential. He certainly has the anger to be a Sith but Kiren also has his mother keeping his heart pure.

    HelloKelly: Lol. Having him beat up his father would be fun to write. Lol.

    QueenArdnassak: Nope. Not good at all! Lol. That what I do Darling. *Kudos for anyone who got this reference*

    GlindaForJediCouncil: I will but not quite yet. Lol Thanks for reading!

    Sorry everyone that it took so long for an update.
  4. Raphire Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Dec 19, 2008
    star 4
    It had taken Obi-wan seconds to figure out how to move in his current state but that was not the hard part. The hard

    part was stopping, luckily for him he did not need to stop quite yet. The silver hand was slowly picking up speed and

    Obi-wan ran after it. His feet never touched the ground but he still had no problem moving through the corridors. All

    he had to do was will his body to move forward or to speed up.

    At first his mind had instinctively moved to help his master but now as he drifted down the halls of the temple, his

    instincts were failing him. He had no idea how to turn or slow down. He barely knew how to keep his momentum. But he

    knew that he could not leave his master alone against this threat.

    He had no clue what the silver hand had been doing as it held onto Qui-gon but his master had seemed unaware of it.

    That meant it was up to him to find out where the hand had come from and what its purpose was.

    The hand sped up and Obi-wan tried in vain to keep up with it. He pushed his new body to its limits and yet the hand

    always seemed the same distance ahead. Then the hand made a sharp turn left and Obi-wan tried in vain to follow. His

    body would not turn. It would not slow down. He glanced ahead and saw the temple doors shutting. He had to make

    himself go faster!

    The doors were shutting swiftly and belatedly Obi-wan realized he wouldn?t arrive in time. He tried to stop himself or

    at least slow down but his body would not respond. The door was only a few feet away and Obi-wan instinctively closed

    his eyes. He braced himself for impact and then felt a whisper of air ripple across his body. It tickled his skin

    playfully and he opened his eyes. He was outside the temple.

    His face broke into a smile and he started to laugh with relief. He wasn?t dead. Obi-wan spread his wispy arms and

    looked up at the sky in rapture. Then he felt the sensation again. His body tingled and he quickly looked around. He

    was inside an apartment building?s lobby.

    He barely had time to take in the room before his body hurtled through another wall. An apartment room flashed by and

    he broke into another room. The couple inside did not notice him and he barely had time to register them before the

    room flashed by and he was in the next one. His whole body felt like it was on fire. Once again he tried to stop

    himself and once again he failed.

    He frantically tried to focus but his ever changing surroundings kept him in a constant state of distraction. He tried

    to sink into a meditative state and shut his eyes. Immediately the burning increased and his eyes snapped open. Just

    in time to see a bit of silver flash by his face. In a heartbeat he latched onto it and before he knew it his momentum

    was no longer his own. His body shot upward.

    Tbc
  5. Gkilkenny Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Mar 27, 2004
    star 4

    The door was only a few feet away and Obi-wan instinctively closed

    his eyes. He braced himself for impact and then felt a whisper of air ripple across his body. It tickled his skin

    playfully and he opened his eyes. He was outside the temple.

    His face broke into a smile and he started to laugh with relief. He wasn?t dead.


    "Are you sure he's not dead? How did he get through the walls then?"
  6. HelloKelly Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Nov 12, 2009
    star 3
    Well he thinks he isn't dead but I sure do!

    Really liked this post. You definately paint a beautiful picture with this post. I think that's what i like best about your stories. They all have really good imagry!

    KUI
  7. Brian_Westhouse Jedi Padawan

    Member Since:
    Dec 18, 2010
    I love the concept of the sith mind trap! That was probably my favourite part so far. You should explore that further somehow... Maybe in another story?
  8. GlindaForJediCouncil Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Nov 21, 2009
    star 1
    Curious! An out of body experiance!

    Is this a Force power or is he really dead?

    I really enjoyed this update!
  9. Raphire Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Dec 19, 2008
    star 4
    Gkilkenny No he isn't dead just a force ghost. Confusing isn't it. Lol.

    HelloKelly Awww. Thanks. Glad you are enjoying reading this! And thanks for the compliment I appreciate it a lot.

    Brian_Westhouse It is interesting. Maybe I will. Maybe in this story. [face_thinking]

    GlindaForJediCouncil Lol. Why does everyone think he is dead? But not really a force power either.
  10. Raphire Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Dec 19, 2008
    star 4
    Kiren stared at his house and willed himself to go inside. His feet refused to cooperate

    with him. Maybe Daddy won?t be home. He thought to himself. Maybe I can just

    sneak in there and get Mommy out.
    He didn?t move. He knew where his mother would be.

    Locked in the bathroom and yet he couldn?t bring himself to go around back.

    The back door squeaks and the boards in the hall creek. What if Daddy is asleep and I

    wake him up?
    A tear trickled down his cheek and he still didn?t move. The lights were

    out in the house and dirty windows made shiver. What if Daddy is watching me right

    now? What if he comes out and makes me unlock the bathroom door?


    Kiren inched forwards. He placed his foot on the front step and winced. A splinter

    stabbed his foot. He crawled up the steps and sat with his back to the house. He sat

    under the window so no one could see him and looked at his bare foot. It was dirty and

    black from the alleys and he thought of his shoes.

    They lay inside the house waiting for his feet. He had forgotten them when he snuck out

    of the house. This time he would remember them. He gently tugged at the splinter. It hurt

    and he once again thought of Mommy. She always pulled out his splinters and kissed them

    to make them better. She would be proud of him.

    The splinter came free and he slowly stood to his feet. He peered in the window. No

    daddy. He gently turned the doorknob and walked into his house. Daddy never locked the

    door. He peered into the shadows of the room. Still no Daddy. He slowly crept into the

    hallway and then stopped. Three, seven, ten and eleven, nineteen, and twenty-three. Those

    were the boards that creaked.

    He stepped forwards onto board two and moved down the hall, occasionally jumping to avoid

    the bigger gaps. Board twenty four was right in front of the bathroom. Kiren knocked

    carefully on the door. ?Mommy, its Kiren. It?s safe to come out.? The doorknob slowly

    turned and Jyrida poked her head out.

    ?Daddy isn?t around Mommy. We can go.? Jyrida nodded and stepped out into the

    hallway. ?You want me to fix you a snack Kiren? Then we can scrub the floor together.?

    Kiren shook his head. ?No Mommy. I mean really go. I left the house last night! Nothing

    bad is out there and Daddy couldn?t find me!?

    Jyrida shook her head. ?I can?t leave. It isn?t time.? Kiren tugged on her hand. ?We have

    to go. Daddy might hurt you again.? Jyrida paused. ?Mommy, please! I don?t want him to

    hurt me again.? Jyrida nodded and took a step forward. Onto board twenty three.

    The creak seemed so much louder in Kiren?s head but not as loud as the thump that

    followed. ?Boy! Is that you?? Loud footsteps sounded in the main bedroom. ?I?ll show you

    never to run from me again.? The bedroom door opened and light shown into the

    hallway. ?Hello Jyrida. Nice to see you out and about.?

    Tbc

  11. Gkilkenny Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Mar 27, 2004
    star 4
    Oh no! Daddy found them. What will Kiren do now.
  12. HelloKelly Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Nov 12, 2009
    star 3
    No! I don't want them to be found!

    Sigh. I hope things work out for Kiren!
  13. QueenArdnassak Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Mar 30, 2009
    star 4
  14. GlindaForJediCouncil Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Nov 21, 2009
    star 1
    Wow. This story is really building intesity.
  15. Brian_Westhouse Jedi Padawan

    Member Since:
    Dec 18, 2010
    I am REALLY hoping that Kiren breaks out some as of yet unmentioned force ability and kills the dad....
  16. Brian_Westhouse Jedi Padawan

    Member Since:
    Dec 18, 2010
  17. Raphire Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Dec 19, 2008
    star 4
    Gkilkenny: That's for me to know and you to find out! [face_devil]

    HelloKelly: Lol. I'm sorry.

    QueenArdnassak: [face_laugh]

    GlindaForJediCouncil: Aw. Thank you!

    Brian_Westhouse: Yeah that would be really nice.
  18. Raphire Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Dec 19, 2008
    star 4
    Qui-gon had felt the small voice whisper to him again. It was definitely female. He had

    felt her hand touch his shoulder and then in an instant disappear. The voice, before it?d

    fled, had said. ?Save him? The future resides in his hands.?

    The presence had been familiar and yet he could not recognize her. She lingered in his

    mind, the taste of her lips, and the feel of her hair. Yet he could not find her face. He

    felt her call touch his heart though; he was unable to think of anything else. The sound of

    her voice, the wind of the sea, and a child? The child.

    Qui-gon lay on his bed where he had been ?resting? for the past hour. He could not bear to

    look at Obi-wan?s still form and the woman?s voice had echoed in his head until he ran from

    the corridor. He had retired to his room to meditate and ponder what to do about the

    choices he had made.

    He would not be taking on another apprentice nor would he be teaching at the temple. He

    would go on missions and return to his bunk. This way no other Jedi would get hurt by him.

    He placed his hands over his eyes. He had hurt so many. Xanatos, Obi-wan, Jyri-

    Qui-gon shot from the bed. Jyrida! The name meant so much to him. She had been his love,

    his life. Her face still would not come to his head and already he found her name

    retreating to the recesses of his mind. Jyrida! He needed to write it down before he

    forgot. Jyrida. He typed it into his data pad and did a search. Jyri?

    Why was he looking this woman up? Who was she? He knew no one by that name. He set down the

    data pad just as an address popped up. It was on corescant? Not far from the Temple

    actually. And if he had been looking her up she must have some significance. He should

    probably go check out the address.


    Obi-wan felt his apporeal body flow with the hand. They were moving at a very rapid pace.

    As the hand retracted he noticed the Temple pass by. The hand had led him in the opposite

    direction of where it ultimately wanted to go. Which meant the hand belonged to something

    sentient? This could not end well.

    Slowly the streets passing below him became less and less refined and gave way to the

    darker and more deprived. The houses became rickety and bars started to appear on certain

    windows. Shadows flickered in the alleys and rats could be seen scampering amongst the

    garbage. Kids played below in the midst of filth and decay while their mothers watched with

    apprehensive eyes.

    Then he saw the house. He saw the small silver line stretching from inside the house out to

    where he floated. The house grew larger and he could barely make out the form of a man

    standing on the porch. He came closer and closer and he tried to catch a glimpse of the

    man. Then he passed through the house door.


    Khi stared at the house before him. He could feel the fear emanating from the house. He

    could taste the hatred that was hidden in its rafters. He could feel both flowing from the

    boy. The child had come to the cross road in his journey. He was face to face with his

    father and this was the moment that would decide his fate. This was where his destiny

    changed.

    Khi stood at the porch door. He debated going in. He could help the boy, indebt him to Khi

    but that might not work. The mother would cause a problem. Or he could wait. If the child

    was the one, all would go according to plan. Khi shook his head. If he let things go on

    like this it would tear the boy apart. Khi sighed and went quickly inside.

    Tbc
  19. GlindaForJediCouncil Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Nov 21, 2009
    star 1
    This is starting to get intense! Is this the climax?
  20. Gkilkenny Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Mar 27, 2004
    star 4
    So Qui-Gon is being pulled toward the house too.
    Kiren/Obi and the mother.

    =D=
  21. HelloKelly Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Nov 12, 2009
    star 3
    OMG! This is getting really intense!

    Maybe Qui-gon can beat some sense into Kiren's stupid father!

    That's what I'm hoping for at least.

    KUI!
  22. Brian_Westhouse Jedi Padawan

    Member Since:
    Dec 18, 2010
    Am I a bad person for hoping that Khi gets Kiren instead of Qui-Gon?
  23. aalagartassle Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Jan 11, 2011
    star 4
    Great sith character and the boy should become one too![thats up to you]. Great twists and turns, i get a little confused in maces and obiwans manifestations ADD ME TO PM PLEASE
  24. QueenArdnassak Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Mar 30, 2009
    star 4
    Please tell me that Obi-Wan's ghost is going to come in and kick some alien tail. ;)

    Sorry it's been so long, but it was so awesome to log on and see that there's an update! *dance dance*
  25. Raphire Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Dec 19, 2008
    star 4
    Sorry this is taking so long. I switched to sixty hour weeks and its killing my writing time.
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