Saga Thy Endless Wait (poem) [ongoing]

Title: Thy Endless Wait
Author: DaenaBenjen42
Characters: Everybody
Timeframe: All over the place...
Genre: Poetry
Disclaimer: Don't own 'em.


On a lone star ship
Passing through the
Maw cluster
A man waits

Waits for a sign
For life to improve

On a lone star ship
Touching down on Kessel
A man waits

Waits
for a sign
To see
The light
Of day

On a lone star ship
A man waits

Waits
For a sign
To believe in

On a lone star ship
A man waits
For life to begin
To see the light of day
To believe

~*~*~*~

On a lone planet
Off in the outer rim
A boy waits

Waits
For life to begin
For a future

On a planet
Where the rain
Never falls
A boy waits

Waits
For adventure

On a lone planet
Where even the weather
Is hostile
A boy waits

Waits
For life to begin
For a future
For adventure


TBC...

 

That was cute, and easy to read. I don't like reading poetry too much because I tend not to understand it, but this I could.

You did a good job, but I feel that the poem stopped short. The two need to meet.

Maybe a sequal will be posted?

jacky

 

jackyyy17: Thankyou. It will be continued.

 

Beautifully done!

 

VaderLVR64: Thankyou.

As requested, by my wonderful padawan, a continuation!



Off in the outer rim,
on a planet
where the rain
never falls
a boy
and a man
are about to meet

The long,
endless wait
is coming
to an end

High above the planet,
a battle
and evil
is winning

a princess
two droids
stolen plans
to a battle station

Last hope
kindly couple
Two driods
a message
going nowhere

a runaway
an old general
the message
mission given

the boy
message recieved
guardians dead
adventure begun

inside the cantina
a man waits
waits for a sign
a sign
to believe

An old general
a young boy
two droids
stolen plans
on a mission


TBC...

 

very cool. its good to see poets around here. there aren't many of us.
i'll echo the other replies in saying that is was very easy to understand. you didn't get all jumbled up on huge words that made no sense and i really like that.
-mia-

 

That's beautiful! Excellent work!

 

Good poetry.

Good feeling.

Good execution.

Good work!

 

americantragedy: Thankyou for reading. Yep. Simple is good.

Gina: Thankyou. Glad you enjoyed it.

BrentusofGath: Thankyou, I do.

 

Ooh cute and nice poem! I love it

 

padawan lunetta: Thankyou!


the endless wait
seemed like forever
from the table
of great pain
to the battle station
where unknown
family met

Wether by the
will of the force
or not,
family found
and friends gained
the light of good
has returned

Once a general,
now an old hermit
he waited
for the day
now it's here
and now
it has begun

once a hero,
now a villian
anger festers
with a feeling
familliar

Fire lined
and stone walled
four people caught
in an alcove


TBC...

 

Fantastic. I have such a respect for those who can write poetry. When are we going to get more of this?

 

emeraldshadow: More? Well, now... hereth you go! (Thankyou.)


in the cantina
a man watches
watches a boy
get shoved to the floor

in the cantina
a meeting takes place
a meeting for the ages

in the cantina
as patrons watch
and drink
and talk
a man
and a boy
meet face to face

in the cantina
the timeline turns
a meeting
a boast
and all at once
destiny is assured

in the cantina
an old jedi
a farmboy
a smuggler
a wookiee

in the cantina
where droids
are not allowed

 

This is great.

 

Great pottery- er, poetry!

 

Healer Leona: Thankyou.

Palpy560: Thankyou.

BrentusofWrath: Pottery? Uh-huh... Thankyou.


It's cold in space
a blanket's warmth
and a gesture
of comfort
in a time of loss

Family found
though they
do not know

Grief interrupted
battle fought
lives lost
in the blackness
of space

With little fanfare
Hope has returned

TBC...

 

You see? This is what happens when I forget to keep checking on all the stories I review. I miss stuff.

I loved both poems. The one about the scene at the cantina painted a very clear picture. I could just see the scene from the movie in my mind's eye.

Family found
though they
do not know

I really liked these lines from the second poem.

Great job, padawan.

 

emeraldshadow: Thankyou, master!



In a lonely cell
on a battle station
in a star system
with one less
planet
a woman waits

Waits for a moment
that may never come

waits for hope
for life
to grieve
for the lost

In a lonely
dimly lit
cell
a woman waits

 

You did a good job capturing Leia's despair here.

Now it's time for the rescue. *rubs hands together in anticipation.*

 

emeraldshadow: Alrighty then... One rescue, coming up! (Thankyou, master.)


In the observation room,
a melee ensues

In the observation room,
an old general
says goodbye

In the observation room,
a discovery is made
a plan is formed
a deal is made
a wookiee is handcuffed
by a friend

In the corridor
a roar is sounded
a mouse droid is startled

In the turbolift
the obvious
is stated

In the cellblock
confusion
and chaos

In the cellblock
an entry
a statement
the moment is here
hope has arrived

TBC...

 

I know, I know, I'm late (as usual ).


In the turbolift
the obvious
is stated



the moment is here
hope has arrived

Hooray!

 

emeraldshadow: Late? Nah, you weren't late. Thankyou, master.


fire lined
and stone walled
four people caught
in an alcove

incomplete plan
princess with blaster
in hand

regardless
of unknown danger
down they go
into the muck

TBC...

 

Oh! I really must stop by Saga more often. See what I've been missing?!

These are really wonderful. You capture so much emotion and action with minimal word usage. A gift and a reason why I love poetry. The first poem was surprising in that I loved how Han and Luke's tale fit together laterally. (It's late..I hope I make sense.)

The cantina, Leia...all are moments you captured beautifully.

In the observation room,
a discovery is made
a plan is formed
a deal is made
a wookiee is handcuffed
by a friend

The pacing in this is so telling. Adds even more to the action. If it's not too much to ask, could I receive PMs? Thank you!

 

MirandaFair: Thankyou. Glad you like it. (Yep, you made sense. )



At the edge
of the Dune Sea
a man waits

At the edge
of the Dune Sea
a man watches

Waits
for a time
that is not
yet here

At the edge
a man waits
and thinks
and mourns

Loved ones lost
Opportunities missed

At the edge
of the Dune Sea
in the Jundland Wastes
a man waits


TBC...