Tiime Shiifters - Siith Fic (AU Humour thru all era's) *updated 4/11*

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction Stories--Classic JC Board (Reply-Only)' started by C-3PX, Mar 14, 2003.

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  1. Daarthe_Lemelemie Jedi Padawan

    Member Since:
    Aug 2, 2002
    star 4
    ...

    :p well, c-3 has to write next, so, go harrass him ;)
  2. WarmasterDan Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Sep 3, 2002
    star 6
    Cool. :D I'm surpirsed I'm not in it because of all my anti-siith rants. ;) :p
  3. C-3PX Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jul 2, 2002
    star 6
    Well if we need a Vong to beat up we'll add you in. :p
  4. Daarthe_Lemelemie Jedi Padawan

    Member Since:
    Aug 2, 2002
    star 4
    good plan, c-3. now, are you actually writing the next post??? ;) (hint hint)

    :p
  5. Fire_Light Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Mar 24, 2002
    star 5
    Have Daarthe InFeernoo save the day because he is so cool. :p ;)
  6. Daarthe_Lemelemie Jedi Padawan

    Member Since:
    Aug 2, 2002
    star 4
    "EARTH!"
    "FIRE!"
    "WIND!"
    "WATER!"
    "HEART!"

    "Go Planet!"

    "By your powers combined, I am Captain Planet!"

    Captain Planet, he's our hero
    Gonna take pollution down to zero

    He's our powers magnified
    And he's fighting on the planet's side

    Captain Planet, he's our hero
    Gonna take pollution down to zero

    Gonna help him put asunder
    Bad guys who like to loot and plunder

    "You'll pay for this Captain Planet!"

    We're the Planeteers
    You can be one too
    'Cause saving our planet is the thing to do!

    Looting and polluting is not the way
    Hear what Captain Planet has to say!

    "The Power is Yours!"


  7. C-3PX Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jul 2, 2002
    star 6
    Ok, what you've all been waiting for. ;)



    A collective gasp filled the chamber followed closely by gagging. Several white-clad troopers doubled over and spilled vomit from the bottom of their skull-like helmets. The dark figure juts averted his eyes and groaned, ?someone get that old guy some pants.?

    DA tucked his thumbs into the waistband of the tight, very small hot pants. He waved his hips from side to side with a sardonic smile on his twisted lips, ?only now do you see the power of the pink side.? He looked down at his shiny pink shorts.

    All the Siith stood there in shock or disgust except InFerrNoo, whose eyebrows were perked with interest. The one they called fishi/Monogpfm stepped forward careful to keep her hand in front of the Hot Pants of Doom, ?listen buster, you just can?t come in here dressed like that.?

    ?I second that, what is wrong with you?? The black breather shook his head. His voice sounded wetter and all present guessed that he was fighting back bile.

    ?Shut up sonny, a Sith Master will do what he must. That Bin could destroy the galaxy,? DA?s eyes darkened as a predatory grin flashed across his face. ?Give it to me now or I?ll show you the back??

    ?Oh god no!? Deestructo dropped to his kneels with the One Bin in his shaky hands. He fumbled with the dial all the while muttering about ?the horror?. He finally got it right and the Siith plus a few of the white armoured troopers were gone.

    The vein on DA?s forehead popped out and looked as if it would burst. ?Fool! You let them escape!?

    ?Me?? Questioned the dark figured man, ?you?re the one you wants them. Now cover up or I?ll strike you dead. Lord Vader bows to no old man?.ok, no TWO old men.?

    DA mumbled to himself and preformed the mystic dance that brought the time shifting powers of the hot pants to life. Within a minute of rhythmic hip shakes he was gone.

    The steaming pit hissed and the frozen smugglers body rose. The woman and Vader exchanged glances, ?where were we again??

    ?I was just about to alter the deal further.? Replied Vader in a monotone voice.

    ?What?!? Bloody sith,? cried a neatly dressed man behind him. ?You ask to borrow a quarter for the phone and they take it too far.?

    ~*~

    The sounds of hard boots across the metal decking filled the battle stations bridge. A smartly dress, lithe man strode towards a young girl held by a dark dressed figure and a pair of whites. Boy you?ve gotten yourself into it this time Tarkin old boy, he thought to himself.

    ?Governor Tarkin, I expected to find you holding Vader?s lease,? spat the small woman in white. ?I recognized your foul stench when I was brought aboard.?

    Tarkin started to raise his arm to smell himself but stopped, she?s just being rude. I don?t really smell that bad?note to self, have a shower later.

    ?Charming to the last,? he took her chin in his long thin fingers. ?You don?t know how hard I found it to sign the order to terminate your life.?

    ?I?m surprised you had the courage to do it yourself.? Fire burned in her dark eyes.

    These boots really hurt my feet, he mused to himself. Well, I better get on with the show.



    The group of Siith and tag along troopers dropped back into what seemed like a weapon targeting room. Large viewers had images of a blue/white planet swirling in the distance. A collective sigh filled the chamber, as all present knew they?d escaped the horrid DA?s hot pants.

    ?That was a close one,? breathed Lemelie.

    ?Too close,? agreed fishi. ?Now where or when are we??

    The two white armoured trooped were holding on to each other in the corner. ?T-this is the Death Star. The battle station that blew up Alderaan then was destroyed by the rebels. We have to get off it now,? stammered one of the troopers.

    Deestructo examined a control panel near him, ?well if it means to destroy that planet it?s aim is a little off. Don?t worry I?ll fix it.?


    Meanwhile?

    What a smart man you are Tarky. First act like you?re going to blow up her home world so she spills the beans ab/>
  8. Daarthe_Lemelemie Jedi Padawan

    Member Since:
    Aug 2, 2002
    star 4
  9. Daarthe_Lemelemie Jedi Padawan

    Member Since:
    Aug 2, 2002
    star 4
    meh, not as long as i'd have hoped, but here ya go...

    **********
    ?I never realised just how much I hate swamps,? Fishi complained, holding her Siith robes up away from the mud and slime and strange little crawly things squirming through the mud and slime.

    Lemel sighed. ?Fish, it?s your fault we?re? whenever and wherever we are, so shut up and try to find someplace dry, or at least less muddy, than here.?

    Suddenly, they heard a voice? a whiny voice? a whiny, annoying, irritating, hateable, disgusting, nausea-causing, nasal voice? belonging to a whiny, annoying, irritating, hateable, disgusting, nausea-causing ?Jedi? named Luke Skywalker.
    ?But Master? it?s so? so? muddy and disgusting!? he complained.

    Lemel gasped and Force-called the One Bin into her hands. ?Let?s get outta here, I can?t stand that whiny, annoying, irritating, hateable, disgusting, nausea-causing ?Jedi?, or his whiny, annoying, irritating, hateable, disgusting, nausea-causing, nasal voice!?

    She turned the dial.

    A few pretty coloured lights flashed, then the Siith dropped to the ground with a thud.

    Music started?

    Earth!
    Fire!
    Wind!
    Water!
    Heart!

    GO, Planet!

    By your powers combined, I am Captain Planet!

    Captain Planet, He's our hero
    Gonna take pollution down to zero
    He's our powers magnified
    And he's fighting on the planet's side

    Captain Planet, He's our hero
    Gonna take pollution down to zero
    Gonna help him put asunder
    Bad guys who like to loot and plunder

    "You'll pay for this, Captain Planet!"

    We're the Planeteers
    You can be one, too
    Cuz saving our planet is the thing to do
    Looting and polluting
    Is not the way
    Hear what Captain Planet has to say

    The power is yours!


    Deestructo turned to stare at Lemel, looking rather confused. ?What the hell did you press??

    Lemel studied the Bin. ?Uh? there?s a little button here that says, ?Do Not Press - Exit From Star Wars Universe?.?

    Fishi removed her hands from her ears. ?Why the hell is there a button that takes us to the? the? the Captain Planet Universe?!?

    Lemel shrugged. ?Well, that doesn?t matter right now.? she smiled. ?What matters is now InFeerNoo is gonna want to??

    She was cut off by the sound of an unexpected appearance. The smoke cleared, then Darth Attorney stood there, thankfully with his cloak once again wrapped around himself.

    Lemel whipped the One Bin behind her back, and fixed her sweetest, most innocent smile onto her face. ?DA. How? nice? to see you again??

    DA?s responding smile was pure malevolent evil. ?Daarthe Lemelemie,? he replied, ?How nice, indeed.? His smile vanished. ?Now hand over the Bin.?

    Lemel was still for a second, then she tossed the One Bin to Deestructo, extended a hand and Force-threw a random bin at DA, bowling the old dude over. ?Deestructo! Get us outta here!?

    Deestructo turned the dial?


    *******************************
    mehehehe your turn c-3 ;)
  10. C-3PX Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jul 2, 2002
    star 6
    Niice. :p Mine was better.
  11. Daarthe_Lemelemie Jedi Padawan

    Member Since:
    Aug 2, 2002
    star 4
    no, yours was longer :p


    there is a difference ;)
  12. C-3PX Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jul 2, 2002
    star 6
  13. Daarthe_Lemelemie Jedi Padawan

    Member Since:
    Aug 2, 2002
    star 4
    now, write another one ;) :p


    (but not too long, so mine looks awesome :p)
  14. lexu Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    May 28, 2002
    star 6
    LOLOLolol... ect. :p

    Hehe, great job, Siithians. ;)

    Now didn't we negociate a lexu cameo a while back...? (Preferrably one that doesn't require me to see DA in Teh Hot Pants... [face_plain] ) :p
  15. Daarthe_Lemelemie Jedi Padawan

    Member Since:
    Aug 2, 2002
    star 4
    everyone has to see DA in hot pants. it'd be unfair if only some of us ended up mentally scarred while others didnt :p
  16. lexu Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    May 28, 2002
    star 6
    But I talked to him for like 35 minutes yesterday! Isn't that punishment enough?!

    YOU DON'T KNOW THE HORROR!!!!
  17. C-3PX Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jul 2, 2002
    star 6
    I'll see if I can right you in. At first you were going to be the scientist instead of Valyn but I didn't know if you'd like that. :p
  18. Daarthe_Lemelemie Jedi Padawan

    Member Since:
    Aug 2, 2002
    star 4
    who said anything about punishment? i was talking about fairness :p


  19. Fire_Light Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Mar 24, 2002
    star 5
    All the Siith stood there in shock or disgust except InFerrNoo, whose eyebrows were perked with interest

    Droid, you have some 'splaining to do! :mad: :p
  20. C-3PX Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jul 2, 2002
    star 6
    I'm sorry Ricky. Waaaaaah! :p
  21. Daarthe_Lemelemie Jedi Padawan

    Member Since:
    Aug 2, 2002
    star 4
    All the Siith stood there in shock or disgust except InFeerNoo, whose eyebrows were perked with interest

    Droid, you have some 'splaining to do! :mad: :p





    [face_laugh]


  22. C-3PX Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jul 2, 2002
    star 6
    So here's my part. I included everyone you told me too. :p



    The pungent scent of an expensive Corellia brandy filled the small metallic office. A human female sat over her desk with a glass in one hand and a data pad in the other. Two other figures stood in the room, their faces blank. ?Do you know who much this is going to cost me? You two were paid to kill the Emperor!?

    ?It?s not our fault..? Started the left most of the pair.

    ?Not your fault that you?re incompetent? Of course it is!? She barked back. He dropped the data pad and brushed a strand of hair out of her face.

    ?But madam Lexu! That upstart Vader tripped us when we made our move! It?s not our fault!? Replied the right most figure.

    ?You call yourselves Siith! Hang you heads in shame.?

    ?This is your fault Bruutus.?

    ?It?s yours Hoorn, it?s always yours.? Shot back Bruutus.

    ?Quite fools! I don?t pay you to talk!?

    ?You don?t pay us at all,? they replied together. Suddenly the Siith jumped back in a cold sweat. ?Some ones here??


    ~*~


    ?Now where all we!? InFeerNoo inquired with a frown on his face.

    ?Looks like a base or station of some kind,? replied fishi as she read a plaque. ?Hosk Station.?

    ?Do you feel that? It feels?.grey.? Lemelie closed her eyes and stretched out with her feelings (like that would work).

    ?Feels like siith,? shrugged Desstruto. ?Not many, many two.?

    ?Well at least we know we have some friends here,? smiled InFeerNoo.



    Lexu ran behind her trained siith, if more force users were on the station they could foil all her plans. It would be best to kill them quickly. The trio rounded the corner and nearly crashed into the time traveling group.

    ?Siith!? Spat Lexu, ?Bruutus, Horrn, take them out!?

    ?Take us out?? Coughed Lemelie. ?Those two trainer Siith couldn?t hurt a fly.?

    ?We could so!? Sobbed Hoorn.

    ?Pffft, I could beat both of you without my body,? Deestructo motioned to a broken protocol droid body in a junk pile. ?I bet I could beat both of you in that.?

    ?Like to see you try!? Cried Bruutus.

    A sadistic smile blossomed on Lexu?s lips; this could work to her advantage.

    Deestructo smirked then levitated the droid shell into the centre of the room and closed his eyes. He raised one hand and his forehead beetled with effort. A mental flash caused all thinking beings to recoil; InFeerNoo remained steadfast. When the flash cleared from their brains Deestructo and the droid lay on the ground in a heap.

    ?Did it work?? Questioned Fishi.

    ?How would I know,? replied Lemelie.

    Bruutus walked towards the pile of flesh and metal and gave the druids head a gentle kick, ?it didn?t work! He just killed h-? He was cut off by metal fingers around his throat. The golden hand tightens its grip until the Siith?s face was bright red.

    ?MwaHaHaHaHaHaHa, Deestructo doesn?t need his body to beat you two!? Laughed the red-eyed droid in its deep metallic voice. With that he threw Bruutus at Hoorn.

    Hoorn who was dumbstruck got, well, struck by Bruutus. The new generation Siith fell to the floor, ?owwwww, that?s not fair!? Squealed Hoorn.

    ?All?s fair in Siith war. Now to finish you off.? The droid Deestructo raised his gold hand and made a fist as if he was using a force choke, except that nothing happened.

    ?Uhhhh, it didn?t work,? whispered Lemelie. ?Maybe the body swap messed up your force power.?

    ?Yeah that must be it. I?ll change back?.HEY! WHERE?S MY BODY??

    Lexu heard the Siith?s yell and continued running. She?d stolen his body as soon as they had become caught up in the fight. She patted the limp form over her shoulder; ?I have big plans for you.?


    The glowing red eyes of the droid Deestructo seemed to get redder, ?some ones going to pay for this! I liked that body!?

    A metal finger pointed towards the cowering Siith, ?YOU!?

    With that hidden ports on the droid body opened, revealed many, many weapons.

    ?Oh snap! That was C-3PX?s body. We?re done fo-? The cowardly Siith were cut short by a rain of lasers. When the smoke cleared only a smoking crater />
  23. Daarthe_Lemelemie Jedi Padawan

    Member Since:
    Aug 2, 2002
    star 4
    *sigh* guess its my turn again... :p
  24. C-3PX Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jul 2, 2002
    star 6
  25. Daarthe_Lemelemie Jedi Padawan

    Member Since:
    Aug 2, 2002
    star 4
    yeah, yeah... you know that means you'll probably have to wait longer
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