Tips for travelling in the south

These are some I got from an e-mail add on any more you can think of. I figured this would give us something to do and bring more life into this forum.

Tips for traveling in the South

1. If you run your car into a ditch, don't panic. Four men in a four-wheel
drive pickup with a 12- pack of beer and a tow chain will be along shortly.
Don't try to help them, just stay out of their way. This is what they live for.

2. Don't be surprised to find movie rentals and bait in the same store.

3. Remember: "Ya'll" is singular, "All ya'll" is plural and "All y'alls'" is plural possessive.

4. Get used to hearing, "You ain't from around here, are ya?"

5. Don't be worried at not understanding what people are saying: they can't understand you either.

6. "Mom'n'em" is not one person. When someone asks, "How's your Mom'n'em?"
They are referring to the whole family.

7. Be advised that "He needed killin'" is a valid defense here.

8. If you hear a southerner exclaim, "Hey, y'all, watch this," stay out of
the way. These are likely the last words he'll ever say.

9. When you come up on a person driving 15 mph down the middle of the road,
remember that most folks learn to drive on a John Deere and the rest learned
to drive while road hunting in the back roads. In both cases, this is the
proper speed and position for that vehicle.

10. Do not be surprised to find that 10 year olds own their own shotguns
and are proficient marksmen. Or that their mammas taught them how to aim.

11. Shakespeare is a rod or a reel, not a writer.

12. Duct tape is not only part of every survival kit, it is the whole kit.

13. Rasslin' is not fake. Don't dare whisper otherwise unless you want a
kind-hearted southerner to fix your busted head with duct tape.

14. Grapefruit is not a substitute for biscuits and gravy.

15. Richard Petty, Dale Earnhardt and Elvis are good ole boys. Jeff
Gordon isn't.

16. Turkey hunters actually curse Noah for letting coyotes and armadillos on
the Ark.

17. If you hear a turkey gobble, get out of the way. Some southerners
view that sound like pay-off bells at a slot machine.

18. Don't be surprised if an obituary mentions that the deceased requested
to be buried in his four-wheel drive truck because, "It ain't never been
in a hole it couldn't get out of."

19. "Ya'll come back now, ya hear," is a temporary statement. We love
Yankees to visit, but dang Yankees are those who decide to stay.

20. If you decide to stay in the South and bear children, don't think we
will accept them as southerners. After all, if the cat had kittens in the
oven, we wouldn't call 'em biscuits.

is it ok if i have done every one of those

most of the time this one. 12. Duct tape is not only part of every survival kit, it is the whole kit

You have no idea how true #1 is. I got stuck in a ditch out in Joelton, TN. I had already called for a tow truck, but four different guys in different pickup trucks drove by and offered to help pull me out.

Oh boy, and the sad part is that many of those (#'s 1, 3, 5, 9, 10, 12, & 14, especially) are true most of the time...

Number 8 is hysterical! And 19...

Very humorous... thanks for sharing!

THought I'd bring this back up

LOL number 8 is great!

Don't be surprised to find movie rentals and bait in the same store.



Oh man, I've been into a few stores like that!


If you run your car into a ditch, don't panic. Four men in a four-wheel
drive pickup with a 12- pack of beer and a tow chain will be along shortly.
Don't try to help them, just stay out of their way. This is what they live for.


My dad used to have a large four-wheel drive pick-up, so he occasionally helped pull folks out of ditches.

Hehe. Alot of that rings true down here where I live in NC, especially the small-town nearby wake forest which I won't mention as to not offend anybody. Been here in NC since 1991 and i've picked up saying Ya'll, eating grits (no cheese or pepper, just sugar , butter and milk) and drinking sweet tea. Thats about it though. Still got my michigan blood and california up-bringing defeating the southerner trying to take over my brain.

BTW, for a great laugh, read this page about some guy in georgia keeping a weblog of his redneck neighbor. It's classic:

http://www.knology.net/~carlos/redneck.htm

Southern Sweet Tea: 2 tea bags, 1 cup water, 1 pound sugar. The ONLY way to drink it (the way God and your Grandmama meant you to).

no thank you for type-casting a whole area and people

from a person whose family has lived in the south since the 1770's

WOW excuse me. But I'm afraid most of those
ARE true. ESPECIALLY in the deep south where it's mostly rural country. Besides which it's meant as a JOKE! You should never get to the point where you are unable to laugh at yourself. It gives us southerners a bad name.

Just out of curiosity what part of georgia are you from

BTW I just saw a comercial initing you to qoute "Come on out for good clean family fun at the Waresboro mud bog" The comercial was complete with pictures of rebel flags and liftkitted redneck trucks.


I just reread the entire list so I'll put out this advisory notice.

7 and 18 are exaggerations.


On the other hand all of the others have been done if not by me then by close friends.





And for those gun control advocates.

10 is also very much true and I can't remember ever hearing of an accidental shooting down here

Well, it was my dad, not mom who taught me how to aim. I don't mind giving a bit of credit to the fine folks at Ft McClellen Al. either.

My truck is only a 2WD, but I've been the guy who stopped to help a nice girl out of a ditch before. Actually, a second truck showed up right after me, and the guy did have a log chain.

I guess we should mention that it helps if you are / have with you a pretty girl

Wait- I forgot the ultimate in Southern convenience.....

Which I discovered in my travels through Missouri.....


The VEND-O-BAIT Machine


I wish I could make that up, but it's true. A bait vending machine. I could only imagine the horror of the poor, intoxicated soul who would confuse it for a Coke machine.

And, thank you Darthmalt16 for your words about self-depricating humor in regards to one's homeland and culture. I concur, whole-heartedly.

Thank you, I still haven't heard where Daala is from.

OH yeah and I saw Jeff Foxworthy at YEC in macon and he was talking about how most of his jokes came from. Such as Working T.V. on top of Non working T.V. (parents) Salad bowls that say cool whip on side (sister). Dad who wrote MALE on side of mail box.

Darthmalt: Yeah, growing up, we had two TV's in the living room. One for picture (color, even!), and one stashed in the corner for sound. I wish I were making that one up.

tinn

I haven't heard that one before but I have no problem believing it. that's something I would do.

That is some very funny stuff. If I may add one to the list.

Don't be surprised to see a pick up truck pull into a gas station and the guy get out and start showing off the dead deer he just hit.

Here's one for map-readers:

2 dead possums in the road equals one mile.

This is the Robeson County, NC Bible!!!

LOL!

If you decide to stay in the South and bear children, don't think we
will accept them as southerners. After all, if the cat had kittens in the
oven, we wouldn't call 'em biscuits.

Yeah... Don't expect the kids to view themselves as Southerners either... especially if they were born in the South, grew up as Yankees, and then were forced to move back down South.

12. Duct tape is not only part of every survival kit, it is the whole kit.



Funny. You know, Duct tape is just like the Force. It has a Dark side and a Light side and it binds the Galaxy together.

Why didn't I see this before?!?! LOL!!!!!

Those are so funny!!!

Sadly they are true!!



God bless!

<3-Moose

Don't be surprised to find people changing the duck tape on their cars. (Just had to retape my back window)