ST TLJ opening crawl

Madness has infected every corner of the galaxy!
Some believe the scavenger Rey is Luke Skywalker's daughter
Other's think she's Han and Leia's kid
Still others think she could be related to Obi-Wan Kenobi
But that would mean they'd have to explain
that Obi-Wan had a secret lover
and that the two of them had a baby
and then that baby grew up, met somebody
and THOSE two people had a baby
and THAT baby is Rey!

Palpatine, Snoke Vader, cloning and DNA experimentation
have also been suggested to explain Rey's parentage

Also there's a galactic war going on
But back to Rey...

 

Revised:

The galaxy has fallen into chaos and fear. Despite the loss at Starkiller Base, the malicious First Order has decimated the entire Republic fleet.

With hopes for peace fading, General Leia Organa has sent the scavenger Rey to the remote planet of Ach-To, seeking out counsel from the exiled Jedi Master, Luke Skywalker.


As the Resistance struggles to restore order, the vengeful Kylo Ren has traced the path to the elusive Skywalker in an effort to prevent a new Jedi order from rising…

 

Star Wars Episode VIII:
The Last Jedi

The coward Luke Skywalker finally met his daughter Rey
but instead of training her
he keeps observing Porges
while Rey is exploring force trees
searching for little green
force ghosts to fight her boredom

In the meantime Kylo Ren was redeemed
and started fighting Snoke who
finally confirmed that he is Darth Plagueis.
General Hux has been fired and started
new career as a pod racer on Canto Bight with his
selfmade FOlkswagen Adolpho Mk II

Leia has given up and handed all her
business to Admiral Holdo who has
sent out Finn and Rose to bring
high heels to Rey so she is at least ready
for episode 9 as episode 8 seems to be lost
anyway....

 

It's weird because Disney never blocked my other title crawls. YouTube even identifies the music track as exactly the same. One is blocked and two other aren't.

EDIT: I turned the music off so I can now present the title crawl Disney didn't want you to see.

 

Huh? That's what you made?

 

Johnson made a joke that the entire crawl was just the word "poop" over and over again. I made this just as a joke and that's the one Disney blocks.

 

Maybe Rian wasn't joking and Disney thought your crawl was a leak of the real crawl! Somebody leaked the poop! Gotta flush that action!

 

Maybe it IS the crawl! Boy the **** is going to hit the fans.

 

First paragraph:

STAR WARS
Episode VIII
THE LAST JEDI

It is a time of great tension within the sinister First Order. Supreme Leader Snoke has increased his intake of Metamucil in the hope that his poop will be decimated once and for all.

 

People.....let's not get the word decimated mixed up with defecated please!

 

Snoke swears to decimate on the grave of Luke Skywalker?

 

Sigh....so much for my previous post.

 

It's official The Last Jedi is now called 'poop' .........

 

Here's my stab (it's a bit short but written under the assumption we 'cold open' with Luke and Rey on the cliff):

STAR WARS​

THE LAST JEDI​

​

Both the NEW REPUBLIC and sinister FIRST ORDER have suffered​

major losses as their battle for control of the galaxy grows. The​

fate of a thousand star systems remains in the balance.​

​

The mysterious SUPREME LEADER SNOKE, following the loss of Starkiller​

Base, has commanded the remaining First Order fleet be readied​

while he prepares dark protege Kylo Ren for an important mission.​

​

General Leia Organa meanwhile awaits news from the remote planet​

of Ahch-To where LUKE SKYWALKER, the elusive Jedi Knight​

and hero of the original Rebellion, has finally been discovered...​

 

LOL I shouldn't find this as funny as I did-I'm not usually one to laugh so hard at potty talk, but thanks for this!!

I especially love how "decimated" is just tossed in there at the end!!

 

You need to revise and add the word "decimated" in there as Rian Johnson has himself confirmed that the word "decimated" is in the crawl.

 

Does anyone hope that the Last Jedi title will go back to using the font they used in Return of the Jedi onward or do you want them to continue using the font they used for TFA?

Personally, I like the ROTJ-ROTS font. It doesn't bother me if it isn't that, but it's my personal preference.

 

I'd actually like a return to the ESB font, which TFA seems pretty close to.

 

I'm hoping for Comic Sans myself.

 

Actually, I'm almost 100-percent sure they are the same font. Both TFA and ANH/TESB seem to use News Gothic for the title, whereas Return of the Jedi--Revenge of the Sith use Univers.

 

I just had a look at some articles on Google, and you're right. So I don't know why people accused Abrams of using the "wrong" font when two of the six previous films used the same font as TFA.

 

I still can't tell the difference between any of the fonts.

 

The giveaway is the 'R' in the titles.

 

Because clickbait. I'm pretty sure that the guy who analyzed the opening crawls that all those articles quoted from said something along the lines of the Univers font evoking a more powerful reaction, which sounds utterly ridiculous.