Beyond - Legends To Hold A Blaster [angst, Poem]

Title: To Hold A Blaster
Author: Smuggler_Shidakis
Genres: Angst, Poem
Keywords: Blaster, war, suicide
Summary: From the POV of a soldier, reflecting on killing in battle.
Notes: I'm not really sure where this came from; I was exploring the depths of the Classic boards and reading long-buried fics when the title popped into my head.

To Hold A Blaster

There's a certain amount
Of power,
In holding a blaster
With a single motion,
Just a pull of your finger
On the trigger,
It can
Tear
Life away
Holding it
Is holding
A person's life
In the palm of your hand
And there's nothing
More personal
And nothing more
Detatched
Than pulling that trigger
With distant efficiency
And blazing rage

Your hand
Trembling
After the shot
Numbly watching
The death of the person
At the other end
By your hand
But also
By the barrel of the blaster
Gripped in your palm

No longer seeing
The enemy
The threat eradicated
Terminated
But just a person
Dying
With a scorched hole
In their chest
Someone
Who loved someone else
Whose spouse is now widowed
Whose children have now had
A parent
Taken from them
There's power
In choosing
To kill or not to kill
To shoot or not to shoot
And knowing
Others' lives
Depend on your choice

And there's power
In choosing
To raise that cold barrel
To your own temple
And closing tired eyes
Feeling the heavy,
Awkward
Weight
In your palm
Apologizing
Worthless I'm sorrys
To those people
Whose lives you took
Whose lives you ruined
And in being
Both killer and victim
Pulling that trigger
One last time

 

Wow...that was powerful, Shidakis. Very powerful. The implications of the battles within Star Wars seem to be rarely thought of...

I'm feeling rather subdued now....very nice job on this!

 

I have to agree. This is really powerful.

I always think about stuff like this and you captured it well.

 

This was simply wonderful! I love these sorts of explorations of the feelings of those involved in these struggles. Bravo!

 

I'm not into poems but this one I enjoyed.

Someone
Who loved someone else
Whose spouse is now widowed
Whose children have now had
A parent
Taken from them


Great job.

 

I do like poems, and this is a good one (in my humble opinion).

But, Shidakis, are you okay?

(Just kidding!)

Great job! You've used well-chosen words sparingly to evoke very large and deep emotions.

It hits home.

Maybe you should write more poetry.


oldj

 

ZekksGoddess: Wow...that was powerful, Shidakis. Very powerful. The implications of the battles within Star Wars seem to be rarely thought of...
I don't think most people really take things like this into consideration, even in real life.

I'm feeling rather subdued now....very nice job on this!
Thank you!

Mike: I have to agree. This is really powerful.I always think about stuff like this and you captured it well.
Awww, thanks, Mike. I think lots of returning soldiers have psychological troubles, you know? Like in Apocalypse Now, to a lesser degree.

VaderLVR64: This was simply wonderful! I love these sorts of explorations of the feelings of those involved in these struggles. Bravo! applause
Thanks bunches!

Lola64: I'm not into poems but this one I enjoyed. Great job.
Thanks, Lola! It makes me sad that a lot of people don't like poetry, but hey, to each their own!

ojn: I do like poems, and this is a good one (in my humble opinion).
Poetry rocks.

But, Shidakis, are you okay? worried
Hey!

Great job! You've used well-chosen words sparingly to evoke very large and deep emotions. It hits home.
Thanks!

Maybe you should write more poetry.
I looove writing poetry. There's links to a few more in my bio. ([/shameless plug] )

Once again, reviewers, you rock.