To Hold Another's Life (JA, much Obi-angst)

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction Stories--Classic JC Board (Reply-Only)' started by Firedrake88, Aug 8, 2001.

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  1. Firedrake88 Jedi Youngling

    Member Since:
    Jul 25, 2001
    star 1
    Hi everyone! For those of you that read "Something Worth Fighting For", this is the sequel I promised! For those of you who haven't read it, don't worry, it's not all that important for this story.

    The first post is kinda mushy but after this we get into the actually 'plot' part of this story and there's a whole bunch of Obi angst for you all to anjoy!

    Title: To Hold Another's Life
    Rating: PG
    Summary: When Qui-Gon falls ill Obi-Wan is left alone to make the most difficult decision of his life.
    Time Frame: Right after JA8. This is a sequel to my first FIC "Something Worth Fighting For" but there's nothing *really* important that you need to know. I think the most important thing is that Obi and Qui talked about what happened on Melida/Daan and that Obi *borrowed* Qui's birth certificate.
    Spoilers: For JA5-JA8
    Category: AU, Angst, H/C, *NON*- SLASH, POV
    Disclaimers: The Star Wars universe and all of its characters belong to George Lucas, I'm only borrowing them to have a little fun and I promise to return them unharmed (well, at least mostly unharmed). I'm making no money off of this and this is written for entertainment purposes only. Any characters that are not recognizable as being part of the SW universe belong to me, but you guys probably figured that out, right?
    Special Thanks To: to my beta reader, Adi-Ser, thanks for your help!

    Things enclosed in *'s are *italic*
    Things in <>'s are <telepathic> communication through the Master/Padawan bond.

    To Hold Another's Life
    ~ Part One: The Braiding ~

    Qui-Gon:

    "It's very beautiful, Master." Obi-Wan said softly, glancing at me from where he stood a couple of feet away. "Thank you for bringing me here."

    I smiled as I gazed across the small walkway that my Padawan and I stood in front of. No more than ten feet ahead of us was a small waterfall that emptied itself into the depths of a lovely blue-green pond. Surrounding the pond was a fence of small white flowers and to the right of the rocks that the waterfall fell over was a delicate young tree. The soft sound of the water as it rushed over the reddish-brown rocks was very soothing. I had always loved the Macarvic Gardens and was pleased that Obi-Wan could appreciate their beauty.

    "Yes Padawan, it is," I said gently, "I am glad that you are enjoying yourself."
    "I am. I'm honored that you would bring me here, Master."

    Honored? His words echoed in my mind. Xanatos had not felt 'honored' the only time that I had brought him here?he had been *bored*. "No, Obi-Wan," I said with a heavy sigh, "it is I who am honored by your presence here. Thank you for coming with me."

    I could feel Obi-Wan's surprise flood our newly-forming bond and before he could say anything I continued, "I had to ask Xanatos four times before he agreed to come here with me and even then he only pretended to enjoy himself. I am grateful for your honest enjoyment of something so simple and yet so intricate as nature."

    "I am sorry, Master," Obi-Wan said slowly, choosing his words carefully, "that Xanatos could not appreciate how lucky he was to have someone like you for his Master and friend. I will never make that mistake again," he vowed fiercely.

    A small lump formed in my throat at Obi-Wan's words but I quickly swallowed it away before answering, "Thank you, Obi-Wan. I know that you will never take our bond for granted again?neither will I."

    Obi-Wan didn't answer me and instead a calm silence fell between us as we each enjoyed the comfort of the other's company. I had to admit that my Padawan's presence near me was just as calming, if not more so, than the gardens themselves. How could I ever have tried to keep this boy out of my life?

    "Obi-Wan," I said after a few minutes of silence, "if you would allow me the pleasure and the honor, there is something I would like to do now."

    Obi-Wan turned toward me and I also moved to face him, "Yes, Master, what is it?"

    I smiled and lay my hand on his shoulder, "Let us sit down on the grass by the lake and I will tell you."

    Obi-Wan nodded and
  2. KenobisGirl Jedi Padawan

    Member Since:
    Jul 10, 2001
    star 4
    Ahhh, mush is so refreshing! Thank you for a sequel!

    More soon please! :D
  3. Firedrake88 Jedi Youngling

    Member Since:
    Jul 25, 2001
    star 1
    Glad you're enjoying it, KenobisGirl. This one is sort of a medium sized fic, then there are two shorter ones, and then there's one long one that I'm still working on, but I hope to post before I go back to school in September.

    I'll post the next part tomorrow.
  4. Obi the Kid Jedi Padawan

    Member Since:
    Apr 13, 2000
    star 4
    Nice beginning! MORE!!!!!!!!!
  5. Red_Forever Jedi Youngling

    Member Since:
    Apr 19, 2001
    star 2
    Very good beginning! Post more soon!
  6. Kelly Kenobi Jedi Padawan

    Member Since:
    Mar 23, 2000
    star 4
    What a lovely start :D

    I look forward to more!
  7. Jenn-Kenobi Jedi Youngling

    Member Since:
    Aug 3, 2001
    star 3
    Wow! That was so touching! *sniff* something is going to happen... :(
  8. greencat336 Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Jan 27, 2001
    star 5
    Very nice. I liked your portrayal of Xanatos in Qui's memories. I liked your portrayal of Qui & Obi, for that matter :)

    looking forward to your next post!
  9. Knight_Maria Jedi Youngling

    Member Since:
    Jan 4, 2001
    star 3
    So SWEET! :) Waiting for more! :D
  10. Firedrake88 Jedi Youngling

    Member Since:
    Jul 25, 2001
    star 1
    Hi everyone! I was gonna post this earlier this morning (I'm in California so it's about 1:30 now) but I had to go to the doctor (aarrrhhhh!) and get some vaccinations (help!). I just got home a little while ago.

    Anyway, I'm glad you guys are enjoying it, and here's the next part (I'll be back tomorrow!)

    We stayed in the gardens for almost another hour without speaking as we simply enjoyed the beauty of our surroundings and each other's company. For the most part, I was able to keep myself from thinking of Xanatos and from comparing him to Obi-Wan. However, sometimes he resurfaced in my mind and disturbed the peacefulness that had fallen between my companion and me. Would Xanatos continue to cause problems for us even though he no longer lived?

    I knew that Obi-Wan sensed my troubled thoughts and for his sake, as well as my own, I mostly avoided them. Mostly. No matter how hard I tried though, Xanatos still harbored a corner of my mind as if he was intent on ruining this for Obi-Wan and me. Finally, I managed to simply take pleasure in the beauty around me by meditating for a few minutes and finding my center. I enjoyed the rest of the evening sitting silently by my apprentice.

    Finally, when the sun began to set, I regretfully told Obi-Wan that we would have to return since it *was* a two hour flight back to the Temple.

    <Can we come back here, Master?> Obi-Wan asked, still delighted by this new aspect of our bond.

    <As many times as you like, Obi-Wan,> I assured him as we left the gardens and headed toward our transport.

    As we boarded the ship I again felt the Force buzz around me in warning. When I reached out to find my center I felt the same dark cloud hanging over my head and this time I felt the urgency in its message. I felt tired and disconnected from myself?as if my link to the Force was weakening. Something was going to happen. I couldn't tell what, for precognition had never been one of my talents, but I knew that it involved my Padawan and me in some way. In my mind I could see Obi-Wan - standing alone - faced with some terrible decision and having no one to turn to?

    "Master, are you well?" Obi-Wan's urgent voice broke through my trance-like state and brought me back to reality. I looked around and found that we had stopped walking and that Obi-Wan was staring at me extremely concerned.

    "I am fine, Obi-Wan," I said. After everything that had happened the boy deserved at least *one* night of good sleep without having to worry about what the next day would bring. "Everything's fine," I said, draping an arm over his shoulders and leading him into the small transport we had rented to bring us to the gardens, "Let's go home," *before the weight of decision hangs on your shoulders?* was my unspoken thought.


    Obi-Wan:


    "Master!" I called out desperately into the darkness that surrounded me, "Master, where are you?"

    I shivered involuntarily and tried to control the surge of fear that rose up deep within me. Where was I? It was so dark?I could see nothing. I reached out with the Force but couldn't feel anything?at all. There was life, no Temple, no universe? It was as if I was nowhere.

    I reached out through the Master/Padawan bond but I couldn't find Qui-Gon, he was just gone. Everything was gone. <Master?> I called out into the emptiness of our bond but received only a wave of coldness in return. <Please?Master, where are you?>

    "Is there anyone else here?" I yelled, now unable to control the small tremors that began to wrack my body. Why was I alone? I couldn't find anyone?

    For no real reason I began to run, hoping that I could escape this darkness, but nothing around me changed. It was too dark to see anything and it didn't seem like I was going anywhere even though my legs were moving.

    <Master, please.> I reached for him like a frightened child but still there was no answer.

    I couldn't contain my shout of surprise as the unseen ground caved in underneath me and without any warning I found myself falling through the never-ending
  11. Knight_Maria Jedi Youngling

    Member Since:
    Jan 4, 2001
    star 3
    AHHHHHH!!!!! Poor Qui! DO SOMETHING OBI!!! :eek:

    MORE PLLEEEEEASSSE???? :D
  12. Jenn-Kenobi Jedi Youngling

    Member Since:
    Aug 3, 2001
    star 3
  13. Firedrake88 Jedi Youngling

    Member Since:
    Jul 25, 2001
    star 1
    Okay, for those of you reading this *smile*, here's some more. I'll try to post a little more later but I'm going to a picnic so I'll be gone for most of the day.

    To Hold Another's Life
    ~ Part Two: Comfort and Despair ~

    Obi-Wan:

    Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep?

    The constant beeping of the EKG monitor both reassured me and gave me cause to despair. On one hand, it was comforting to know that even though my Master was cold and seemingly lifeless his heart was still strong and beating steadily. On the other hand, it only served to remind me that I was now sitting in the Healers' Ward by an unconscious Qui-Gon who had mysteriously collapsed some time this morning.

    I sighed, frustrated. The healers were all but ignoring me. I had no idea what was wrong with Qui-Gon and at the rate things were going, I'd be lucky if I ever found out. All I knew was that it was serious. It had to be serious or else why were the healers so busy running back and forth and performing so many tests? If it were something minor - some rare form of the Melorian flu - wouldn't they have figured it out by now?

    I reached out and took Qui-Gon's large hand in my own small one. I didn't know if he could hear or sense what was going on, but if he could I wanted him to know that I was here with him and that I wouldn't leave. I wanted him to know that he wasn't alone.

    Critically I examined Qui-Gon's form. Except for the fact that the healers had him hooked up to all sorts of machines, he looked almost normal. His face was more pale than usual, but other than that it didn't seem like there was anything wrong with him.

    A wave of guilt suddenly flowed through me. If I hadn't stayed behind on Melida/Daan then our bond would be stronger than it was now and I might have sensed him collapse. Instead I had just slept through it. What if he had called out to me and I hadn't heard him? Perhaps if I had gotten him here earlier?

    "Obi-Wan?" A soft voice spoke from behind me, interrupting my frantic thoughts.

    I released the large hand from my grasp and turned around in my chair to see who had called my name. "Jewel," I said, surprised to see an old friend of mine standing in the doorway. Jewel was seventeen and had been training as a healer for the last four years - ever since she realized that she wouldn't be taken as a Padawan but wanted to remain at the Temple anyway. Although most older initiates had always ignored me, Jewel had often taken time away from her own lessons to help me when I was having trouble or listen to me when I needed someone to talk to.

    "How are you, Obi-Wan?" She asked softly, and from the tone of her voice I could tell she had something to tell me about Qui-Gon but that she wasn't sure how to phrase it.

    "I'm okay, I guess. I'm not the one who's unconscious though. What do you know about Qui-Gon's condition?"

    Jewel sighed. She was fighting an inner battle - trying to decide whether to tell me and what to tell me if she did. "Please, Jewel. He's my Master, I need to know what's wrong with him," I urged her gently.

    Jewel looked around, apparently making sure that no healers were heading towards the room, before approaching me and sitting down in the chair next to mine. "We don't know much about your Master's condition yet. We have run several tests but everything has turned out normal. According to what we know so far there is *no* reason your Master should be unconscious."

    How could that be possible? If nothing was wrong with him that why wasn't he awake? "Jewel," I grated, "how can nothing be wrong with him? People don't just collapse because of nothing. Maybe you missed something on one of your tests or-"

    "That's what we thought also so we redid all of the tests, that's why so many healers have been in here, but they still came back normal. Nothing is physically wrong with your Master."

    "Yeah," I exclaimed before thinking, "except for the fact that he's unconscious."

    Jewel didn't answer and I immediately let my breath out in a long sigh.
    "Are you sure you're alright
  14. Jenny_The_Jedi_Girl Jedi Padawan

    Member Since:
    Jul 16, 2001
    star 4
    god this is getting better and better i need more i need more i need more.... :) :) :)
  15. Knight_Maria Jedi Youngling

    Member Since:
    Jan 4, 2001
    star 3
    POOR OBI!!!! :( WAKE UP DARN YOU QUI-GON! Don't make the boy go through this...even if it does make the story more interesting...on second thought, put off waking up for awhile. ;)
  16. Cheryl_Kenobi Jedi Padawan

    Member Since:
    May 6, 2001
    star 4
  17. Jade's Fire2003 Jedi Padawan

    Member Since:
    Oct 12, 1999
    star 4
    I'm glad I finally caught track of this sequel, Firedrake88!

    What's wrong with Qui??? ?[face_plain]
  18. Kaylla_Norn_II Jedi Youngling

    Member Since:
    Jun 4, 2001
    star 2
    well you beter have a good time to make up for leaving us here.... if you have a miserable time you should have been here posting! now. post agian soon! please
  19. KenobisGirl Jedi Padawan

    Member Since:
    Jul 10, 2001
    star 4
    Please spare us your waking up, Qui. Obi needs a little angst and a little time alone... teehee

    More soon please! :D
  20. Firedrake88 Jedi Youngling

    Member Since:
    Jul 25, 2001
    star 1
    Hmm...I'm beginning to think you guys don't like Qui...no one wants him to wake up... Why is that?????? Or are you guys all just after the Obi angst????????? Well, anyway, here's a little more.

    BTW, I *did* have fun at my picnic, and sorry to keep you guys waiting!

    "Obi-Wan," I recognized Master Healer Alida's voice from behind me.

    I clutched Qui-Gon's hand tightly, using that comfort to give me strength for whatever she was going to tell me. "Yes, Master Alida?" I answered without turning around. I had to stay calm. I couldn't let my emotions show or the healers would send me away with instructions to mediate and find my center. I *wouldn't* leave my Master. I belonged at his side, no matter what anyone said.

    "You were the last person to see Master Jinn before he collapsed, were you not?"

    "Yes, I was," was my weary reply. Her voice was cold and distant, so dissimilar from Jewel's gentle understanding.

    "Did he seem different to you? Weak, perhaps?"

    Again I strengthened my hold on Qui-Gon's cold hand, holding on it as if I could somehow use it to anchor him to me. "No, he seemed fine," I answered without thinking. I just wanted to be left alone with Qui-Gon until they knew exactly what was wrong and how to treat it. They had to be able to treat it?my Master couldn't *die*. He would be alright.

    "Are you sure, Obi-Wan? I need you to think carefully."

    I closed my eyes and reviewed what I remembered of yesterday. Halfway through the braiding Qui-Gon had stopped and when I touched our bond I had sensed his distress. Then later, just as we were boarding the transport, it had happened again. "Well," I said slowly, "there were a couple of times when he seemed distressed but when I asked him he said that he was fine."

    "Distressed how?" the healer pressed mercilessly. If she couldn't tell me anything about Qui-Gon's condition, why couldn't she just leave?

    "Obi-Wan," Master Healer Alida's voice softened slightly, "I know this is hard for you, and I know that you don't want to talk with me, but anything you remember, *anything*, might help us determine the cause of Master Jinn's collapse *and* find a cure. What you remember is important, even if you don't think it is."

    I sighed. I knew she was right. I had to stop acting like a child and behave like a Jedi. Closing my eyes and breathing steadily I reached out for the Force and calmed myself enough to think clearly and answer the healer.

    "His thoughts were troubled," I began slowly; "I think?I think he was thinking about Xanatos but I'm not sure."

    A long pause followed my statement before the healer *finally* answered, "Obi-Wan," she began slowly, "what did Jewel tell you?"

    I sighed softly, "She said that there is nothing physically wrong with him and that you don't know why he collapsed."

    Another painful stretch of silent seconds passed and when she spoke again I was startled to hear that she was standing directly behind me. "Obi-Wan, Jewel is right, there *is* nothing physically wrong with him, however we think we know why he collapsed."

    My ears perked up, "Why?" I asked, desperately trying to read the healer's emotions. I needed to know if he was going to be alright.

    "One of the healers who came in here a little while ago is a Soul Healer who tried to connect to Master Jinn through the Force and found that his connection to his body is extremely weak."

    I swallowed, "What does that mean?"

    "Well," the healer began expansively, "it means that your Master is only halfway connected to his body?and half way one with the Force. Think of it this way; your Master is waging an inner battle between life and death?and so far, death is winning and his spirit is slowly being pulled away from his body."

    I blinked back my rapidly forming tears and desperately released some of my swirling emotions into the Force. "He's dying?"

    The silence that followed my question was answer enough and soon Master Alida confirmed my greatest fear, "Yes, Obi-Wan, he is. The more time he spends in this state between life an
  21. Cheryl_Kenobi Jedi Padawan

    Member Since:
    May 6, 2001
    star 4
  22. Knight_Maria Jedi Youngling

    Member Since:
    Jan 4, 2001
    star 3
    :eek:
    Okay, you can wake up NOW Qui! PLEASE!!!!
    Do it before you drive me insane! :p

    MORE...please? :D
  23. Jade's Fire2003 Jedi Padawan

    Member Since:
    Oct 12, 1999
    star 4
  24. Firedrake88 Jedi Youngling

    Member Since:
    Jul 25, 2001
    star 1
    Okay, I'm back!

    I hope no one's been waiting for me or anything, I got kinda caught up this morning! Sorry!


    My hands began to shake and my grip on my Master?s hand was painfully tight. This couldn?t be happening! ?How did this happen??

    ?We have a couple different theories but there is no way to prove any of them without speaking with Master Jinn himself. The first theory is that someone extremely strong in the Force ? most likely one who has already died ? tried to kill your Master. The second is if your Master, overcome by grief and remorse?tried to kill himself by expelling his Force signature outward.?

    Commit suicide? Qui-Gon? My strong, noble, Master? Impossible! ?No!? I exclaimed almost violently, ?Qui-Gon would *not* try and kill himself! He would never take the easy way out!?

    ?Obi-Wan,? she said softly, ?calm down. No one believes that about your Master either. ?A theory has been brought up that perhaps Qui-Gon inflicted this condition upon himself accidentally.?

    I closed my eyes and forced myself to remain calm. How could someone *accidentally* almost kill himself? I wished she would just tell me at one time instead of stopping to see how I reacted. ?How would he do that??

    "What seems most likely is that in the process of contemplating an extremely painful memory your Master tried to?lose himself in the Force and accidentally inflicted this condition upon himself by trying to get away from all the pain he was feeling.?

    Xanatos. The name raced through my thoughts like a bolt of lightning. Oh, no. This was all my fault. I had questioned Qui-Gon about Xanatos and no doubt caused his painful memories to resurface. Qui-Gon was lying here, unconscious and close to death, because of *me*. What kind of Padawan was I? First I betrayed him on Melida/Daan and then I forced him to remember things he would rather forget and caused him to fall into a coma-like state. What was wrong with me?

    ?Obi-Wan? You need to remain calm. I know this is hard for you, but losing yourself in your grief will not help anyone. Master Jinn needs you to be strong for him. Right now *he?s* the only thing keeping him alive. If he should stop fighting this he *will* die. I have already called in more Soul Healers and Master Yoda is also on his way. They will be in here to examine him soon.? I felt a comforting hand rest of my shoulder, ?Talk to him, Obi-Wan, tell him that he?s not alone and tell him to keep fighting.?

    For a few long, silent minutes the hand remained on my shoulder as the healer silently comforted me and tried to assure me that everything would work out. No more words passed between us and there was just a small squeeze of my shoulder before she silently left me in a wake of denial and sadness.

    As soon as she left, I crumbled. No! It couldn?t be! My Master *couldn?t* be?*dying*. We had just started over...he had just retaken me as his Padawan and told me that he would be more open with me. We had apologized to each other and agreed to trust each other enough to give our Master/Padawan bond another chance? He couldn?t die now! There was so much left for us to do?so much left for us to learn about each other?

    I shook my head and blinked back the rapidly forming tears, forcing myself to look calm on the outside. I couldn?t let myself lose control?but it was so hard. Qui-Gon, *my Master*, was dying. It wasn?t supposed to be happening like this? I was supposed to teach Qui-Gon how to trust again, I was supposed to show him that his new-found faith in me wasn?t misplaced?I was... *We* were supposed to do so many things together?

    I accepted that I could lose him on a mission but like this?? I refused to accept that I would lose him because of an accident? I wouldn?t lose him because I had been stupid enough to ask about his former Padawan and force him to remember the betrayal.

    Still holding his hand to my chest I began to slowly rock back and forth in my chair. ?M-Master,? my voice was thick and unsteady, but I didn?t care, ?please don?t leave me.
  25. Ginger_Jedi Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Jun 4, 2001
    star 6
    Very good sequel so far! :) I can't wait for more! (crosses fingers) post soon. There will be a post soon. Oh yes, there will be a post soon...

    Dark purple lightsaber sounds cool.
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