To Live Life as a Stranger - *A JA fanfic*

Okay, this is my second attempt at JA fanfic. So please, be nice! We'll see how it goes. If after reading this you're interested in my other one, it's called "A Figment of the Imagination" and here's the link: Forum16/HTML/000518.html Forum16/HTML/000518.html

Here I go!
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To Live Life as a Stranger


//OBI-WAN!// Qui-Gon Jinn sat up in bed, drenched with sweat. He stretched across the Force-bond he had shared with the blue-eyed, brown-haired boy. It was hacked in half, ending in torn splinters that ripped at Qui-Gon?s heart. Splinters that he had made. He tried to stand, his disobedient legs tangling up in the long sheets and dumping him to the ground instead. Qui-Gon scrambled to his feet and stumbled to the refresher.

He flicked on the light, the sudden brightness of it searing into his brain and jolting him fully awake. Qui-Gon splashed cold water on his face and then looked at the reflection in the mirror. His long brown hair pulled back from his pale, withdrawn face. Midnight blue eyes gazed back at him, filled with sorrow and guilt. Black circles marked the long nights where was he no longer able to find the ever-elusive sleep. His loose nightclothes looked a couple sizes too large. Hadn?t they fit just months ago? What had happened to him?

Nightmares had plagued Qui-Gon ever since?ever since?no! He would not, could not think about that. But his mind would not let him go. It kept replaying the events over and over, trapping him in an endless cycle of grief. Grief he had caused. There was no other person responsible. Qui-Gon had dug his own grave and then shoved someone else into it. Someone he had loved dearly. If not for him then Obi-Wan wouldn?t be?

Qui-Gon?s breathing came in gasps as the guilt clawed at his heart. He stumbled out of the refresher and onto the balcony outside his room. Outside, the cool night air of Riftan slowly calmed him, the peaceful twinkling lights of the capital city seeming to sing reassurance. But not to him. They sang reassurance to another Master, a room away. They sang to that Master and promised that her young Padawan had not died in vain. Her young Padawan. Not his. Never his again. Qui-Gon had seen to that. Her Padawan. Not his, not his not his nothisnothisnothisnothis not!

Qui-Gon leaned over the railing, dropping his sweaty forehead onto his icy cold hands. It was his fault. The bright eyes, the impish grin would never return. They were lost forever, had slipped away onto the large energy web of the Force. He didn?t want to think about them anymore. It hurt too much. Because they would never twinkle or smile again. Obi-Wan was dead.
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What do you peeps think?

 

My attention you have !!! Now are we talking more Obi torture or is he really dead. Poor kid.

 

That is really powerful. You have my attention too, and very strongly, I might add! POST!

 

Oh my gosh! Such intensity. I love it!
Way to go with the JA jedi_master_gimpy!

 

Please tell me this is going to get happier. I don't think I can take this pain!

 

OMG jedi_master_gimpy you didn't kill him, did you?!?!?! This is a great start, Poor Qui, I am anxious to read what happened, don't wait to long to end my suffering!!

 

Awwww Porr Qui-Gon

 

Wow! Thank you for the comments!! And yes, Obi-Wan is 'dead' right now, but hey! It's SW...anything can happen!! I am editing the next post right now, and will have it up tomorrow morning some time for sure. Thanks for the comments, all!

 

COOL! cool.gif

Can't wait to find out what the heck happened to Obi-Wan and Qui!

 

Once again, thank you for all your encouragement!! Here's another post, kinda long.
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Qui-Gon woke to the sound of chirping birds. He sat up and rubbed his eyes in the bright sunshine, wondering where he was. He had fallen asleep in one of the balcony chair last night. Qui-Gon leaned back and let his eyes drift lazily over the view of the bustling city below.

It was all so empty to him now. At one point Qui-Gon had had it all. Purpose, strength, love, respect and happiness. And then Xanatos had betrayed him, had ripped his world to shreds when he turned to the dark side. He had been destroyed. It had taken Qui-Gon a long time and the love and devotion of Obi-Wan Kenobi to allow him to believe in the world again, to trust again.

Until Melida/Daan. Another betrayal. Obi-Wan had left the Jedi order to help the Young of Melida/Daan bring peace to their world in the midst of a civil war. Had left Qui-Gon. No matter his good intents, he had shattered the Jedi?s heart again. When Obi-Wan was accepted back into the Jedi order later they had once again been paired as Master and Padawan.

But Qui-Gon had been different. He could not regain the bond he had once possessed with the boy. It was no fault of Obi-Wan?s. The teenager had thrown his whole being into repairing the relationship. He had given his trust and love to Qui-Gon again and again, even after the numerous times Qui-Gon had originally turned him down.

Qui-Gon was ashamed he couldn?t do the same. He was incapable of trusting or loving the boy. Or perhaps not incapable, but too afraid to try. Too afraid of being hurt again.

So he was on his own now. Shattered inside and still trying to recover. He found no purpose, meaning, happiness or love in life and the tedious missions he was sent on. There was nothing to occupy his mind. Leaving him only to?remember.


Four months earlier

Jedi Master Qui-Gon Jinn entered the Council chambers silently. Aloofly. He did not say a word to the small fourteen year-old shadow that trailed miserably behind, unsure of what was happening but knowing it was not good. Qui-Gon had already separated himself from the young boy inside. Had prepared himself for the events to follow.

?Sure you are about this?? Master Yoda gravely asked.

Qui-Gon nodded. How could he explain it to the Council? Especially with the boy right there? It wasn?t Obi-Wan?s fault, but he wouldn?t understand that. It was better to stay simple and merely nod.

Yoda sighed deeply, his chin drooping to his chest. ?Very well.? He raised his head to look everyone in the eye. ?Official it is. By request of Qui-Gon Jinn, no longer Master and Padawan they are.? He addressed the rigid Jedi Master. ?No longer his Master you are. No longer your Padawan he is.?

Qui-Gon dropped his eyes, unable to face the confusion and hurt in Obi-Wan?s. ?M-Master?? Obi-Wan took a step toward him, pleading in his eyes for it to be a mistake. Why? How? Why was Qui-Gon doing this? Why did he just stand there so coldly?

?I am no longer your Master, Obi-Wan.? Qui-Gon said quietly. He reached out through the Force and abruptly cut off their Force-bond, destroying the cherished Master-Padawan link. Obi-Wan gasped in surprised shock as he felt Qui-Gon?s presence suddenly disappear from his mind. Qui-Gon bowed to the Jedi Council. ?May the Force be with you, Masters.? He had to get out of there now. The air was stifling him. He couldn?t look at those eyes, those sapphire blue eyes and see the hurt he had caused there. No.

?And with you, Qui-Gon Jinn.? He fled from the room. Outside there was the sound of butterfly soft steps behind him, a small hand on his arm. Qui-Gon turned.

?Why? I don?t understand.? Obi-Wan?s heart was in his eyes. Qui-Gon held the boy?s heart in his hands: one word could save it, save him. One word could shatter it forever.

Qui-Gon?s face was made of stone. ?It is impossible for me to recapture the bond I once shared with you, Obi-Wa

 

This is quite good, now, we need the why??

 

My heart is breaking for Obi-Wan

This is a very welll written story, I hope we discover more soon!!

 

I feel so bad for Obi-Wan.
You're doing a really good job.

[This message has been edited by Captain Proton (edited 04-21-2000).]

 

Wow, this is harsh, really harsh! At first I thought maybe Obi-Wan had killed himself after being rejected a second time, but then I looked at the first post and realised that this couldn't be the case.

So what happened? Post more! Post now!

 

Hm...I guess you'll just have to wait and find out, won't you?!?
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Obi-Wan stood in the middle of the hallway watching his former Master walk away from him. How, why was this happening? He watched the scene as if from far away, his whirling mind separated from his motionless body. At first Obi-Wan thought it must be some horrible nightmare, that he would wake up any second in his warm bed. But it was not.

How could Qui-Gon say it had nothing to do with him? He was the one who was broken off and left behind. Why would Qui-Gon reject him unless he had done something wrong?

Obi-Wan?s insecurities from his time as an initiate came rushing back full force. He had never been good enough. Obi-Wan had not been chosen until shortly before his thirteenth birthday. Qui-Gon had rejected him time and again before finally accepting him as his Padawan Apprentice on Bandomeer.

And then came Melida/Daan. At the time, it had seemed right to stay and help the Young as they struggled to form peace between the Melida and Daan. But later Obi-Wan had known it to be a mistake. He was meant to be a Jedi. He had been so relieved when Qui-Gon had taken him back as Padawan. He needed Qui-Gon, as he needed air to breathe. He needed Qui-Gon to love, teach and protect him. He had thought everything would be all right. But it wasn?t.

Qui-Gon couldn?t forgive him. He couldn?t trust or love Obi-Wan anymore. And it was all his fault. Obi-Wan felt his very world shatter into a million tiny shards. Qui-Gon never looked back.

Obi-Wan snapped. He ran through the cool temple halls to the gardens. Masters, Padawan and initiates alike turned to stare as he ran by, tears streaming down his pale cheeks. Obi-wan was too heartbroken to care.

Obi-Wan threw himself down under his favorite tree and hugged his knees to his chest, trembling. His body shook with silent sobs as his eyes took in the sparkling waterfall to the right. Where Bant had almost died because of him. Where Bruck had died because Obi-Wan wasn?t able to save him. Yet another series of failures. Obi-Wan began to cry openly.

 

**sniff** tremble of the lower lip....

"Wahhhhhhhh...3 installments only and I am already weepy! No fair!" **pout** tear trickling down cheek....trying to convince hubby that I just got something caught in my eye...I am NOT crying at the computer...yeah, right!

eek.gif eek.gif confused.gif

 

I AM crying at my computer

Scenes with Obi being left by QGJ when he is still young seem to get to me in a "BAD" way, but don't you just love that?!?!

This is a very sad, but very well written story, Please don't leave us hanging to long!!!

 

This is too sad

Come on what happened next!

 

I already have my hankis and tissues standing by

Kim B

 

Oh, poor Obi-Wan! That was so sad.
But this story is so good, I must say.

 

Thank you all, your replies are appreciated!! Here's a small scene to tide you over!
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Night had fallen by the time Obi-Wan dragged himself back to his and Qui-Gon?s quarters. He had spent the rest of the afternoon in the gardens. Obi-Wan had cried until he had no more tears to cry and then huddled against the tree, thinking.

It was there that Obi-Wan realized he no longer had a place to stay. He would no longer room with Qui-Gon. Obi-Wan had found a deserted computer terminal and discovered that both he and Qui-Gon had rooms in the Knights? wing of the Temple and were expected to move out of their Master-Padawan suite within the next few days.

Unable to stand the thought of another night or day with a silent, cold Qui-Gon in those rooms full of memories Obi-Wan had decided to move that night. The door to their quarters slid open on silent hinges before him and Obi-Wan stepped quietly inside. Soft, deep breathing from Qui-Gon?s room and the familiar presence told the teenager that the Jedi Master had already retired for the night.

Obi-Wan was glad. He couldn?t stand the thought of seeing the rejection and aloofness on his former Master?s face. Obi-Wan crept quietly to his own room and packed up his belongings. No one in the Temple had many personal belongings and when Obi-Wan was done everything fit in two small duffel bags.

Obi-Wan turned and walked out of the room as quietly as he entered. He walked down the dark empty hall to what would be his quarters until another Master took him as Padawan. Obi-Wan shuffled down the corridor, a small figure with a bag in each hand, hunched over as if hiding from an invisible wind that only he felt.
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The next post will start to explain QG's reasons for leaving Obi-Wan.

 

This is a GREAT story - I can't wait for more. Poor Obi - he can come to my place and I'll cheer him up

 

I'm just hanging on every word...

MORE!

 

So Sad

I hope when we know QGJs reasons for hurting sweet Obi-Wan I will get over wanting to SCREAM AT HIM mad.gif mad.gif mad.gif

Post those reasons soon!

 

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Geneva,Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Kelly Kenobi:

I hope when we know QGJs reasons for hurting sweet Obi-Wan I will get over wanting to SCREAM AT HIM mad.gif mad.gif mad.gif



Yeah...what she said..that's what I'm thinkin!! mad.gif BAD QUI-GON! mad.gif

marie