Before ~To You a Happy Birthday ~Responce to OC dueling challenge #17

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction- Before, Saga, and Beyond' started by MoeTharen, Mar 21, 2006.

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  1. MoeTharen Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Sep 10, 2005
    star 4
    This is the first time I've posted fanfiction in Before the Saga. :D

    Title: To you Happy Brithday
    Author: MoeTharen
    Time Frame: 5 years before TPM
    Genre: Humor
    Characters: My two new OC's, Crey Coldstone and her Master Salsa Ray, and most of the Jedi.

    Sumary: You?re gonna need your OC master/padawan team for this one. Grab your OC master/padawan team and write about an event that is ought to be memorable to both of them. Weather it be in a positive way or a negative way. This one is open to many possibilities so I hope you have fun with it

    Yoda's birthday is an event my Master/Padawan team will NEVER forget.

    * * *

    Crey Coldstone, fourteen year old padawan Jedi, was known for her bad ideas. If fact, the entire Jedi Temple was aware of her monstrous creations she called "Brilliant Ideas". When you first heard them, they did indeed sound quite brilliant, but their outcome wasn't so.... Brilliant. And she wasn't the only one who suffered from them, she usually managed to drag others down with her. But Crey's boundless enthusiasm kept her going, and coming up with more ideas, unfortunately. All this was flying through Master Ray's mind as she warily regarded her exited padawan.

    "Oh c'mon, Master! He'll love it!" the girl's reddish brown ponytail bounced at her shoulders, and her gray-green eyes glowed with excitement.

    Salsa Ray pursed her lips. This was the hard part. Turning down the young padawan often resulted in moping for days and days on end. The only way to drag her out of her ravine would be to agree, and go through whatever torture she had innocently set you and herself up for. The young girl had an amazingly cheerful personality that always brought you back, no matter what she had previously done to you. Master Ray sighed in defeat.

    "Are you sure you even know the right day?"

    "Course I'm sure! Says so right here!" Crey said as she shoved some papers into her Master's reluctant hands.

    Salsa's emerald eyes scanned the papers, and then popped wide open in shock, "Padawan! You know your not aloud to get into the Jedi's medical records! Let alone remove them and bring them back here!" Salsa waved her hand around their small apartment to indicate her last statement.

    Crey shifted uncomfortably, "Well....."

    "Crey," Master Ray said sternly, tapping the paper's on her open palm.

    "Well ok! I needed to know when Obi-Wan's birthday was and the little brat won't tell me!"

    Salsa snorted at the idea of Obi-Wan Kenobi being a brat. He was most likely the most well behaved among the padawans in the entire Temple.

    "He told me to search the Force," Crey folded her arms and glared darkly. She hated it when Obi-Wan tried to "play Master".

    Salsa raised an eyebrow, "So you 'searched' his medical records?"

    "You bet! You try to find a blasted birthday with the Force!"

    Salsa bit her lip, trying desperately to hold in a shriek of laughter. Her face started getting red and she held the medical papers in front of it. Crey could see her Master's shoulders shaking with muffled laughter. The padawan grinned knowingly. Gotcha. She snatched the papers from her Master and laughed. Salsa couldn't hold it in any longer and laughed aloud with her padawan.

    "All right!" she gasped, "But please... Please don't let this be another disaster."

    "Oh course not! Yoda'll be sooooooooo surprised!"

    Uh-oh. Surprise isn't good, not from Crey. Salsa grabbed her padawan's shoulder, "Should... Shouldn't we warn him?"

    "Nah. Oh hey I know!"

    Oh no. Another idea? Salsa braced herself as if she was about to be punched, "What now, Crey?"

    "Let's invite the ENTIRE Council to his birthday party!" Before Master Ray could protest, Crey grabbed her arm and drug her off in the direction of the Council. I have a bad feeling about this....

    * * *

    Master Windu looked up from his book of the "Gungan's eating Habits" when the Council door flew open. Crey Coldstone came bouncing in, dragging
  2. WyoJedi Jedi Youngling

    Member Since:
    Nov 7, 2005
    star 4
    This is so great Moe! My favorite part has got to be:

    "I'll let you decorate the cake."

    "Why would I want--"

    "The whole thing can be purple."

    "I don't care--Purple?"

    Crey grinned. Gotcha.


    That was just so hilarious.

    Cheers,
    Wyo
  3. MoeTharen Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Sep 10, 2005
    star 4
    Thanks Wyo! :D I was hoping to get a laugh out of someone! :D :D :D Your post made my day. :)



    -Commander Tharen-
  4. bi0nic Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Feb 15, 2006
    star 3
    Ha! That was great!

    I love the idea of Obi-Wan being all prim and proper and Master-ish even as a child - I can totally visualise a miniature Alec Guinness in that role [face_laugh] .

    Also, I think the name Salsa Ray is awesome :) .
  5. Meredith_Kenobi Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jul 20, 2005
    star 4
    Crey Coldstone, fourteen year old padawan Jedi, was known for her bad ideas. If fact, the entire Jedi Temple was aware of her monstrous creations she called "Brilliant Ideas". When you first heard them, they did indeed sound quite brilliant, but their outcome wasn't so.... Brilliant. And she wasn't the only one who suffered from them, she usually managed to drag others down with her. But Crey's boundless enthusiasm kept her going, and coming up with more ideas, unfortunately.

    [face_laugh] Loved the description.

    Salsa Ray pursed her lips. This was the hard part. Turning down the young padawan often resulted in moping for days and days on end. The only way to drag her out of her ravine would be to agree, and go through whatever torture she had innocently set you and herself up for. The young girl had an amazingly cheerful personality that always brought you back, no matter what she had previously done to you. Master Ray sighed in defeat.

    [face_laugh] [face_laugh] [face_laugh]

    "He told me to search the Force," Crey folded her arms and glared darkly. She hated it when Obi-Wan tried to "play Master".
    Salsa raised an eyebrow, "So you 'searched' his medical records?"
    "You bet! You try to find a blasted birthday with the Force!"

    [face_laugh] [face_laugh] [face_laugh] [face_laugh] [face_laugh]

    Master Windu looked up from his book of the "Gungan's eating Habits"

    o_O Uh...Mace? "Gungan's eating Habits"?! Right...

    875, to be exact. If I ever live to be that old I'd want to celebrate!"

    [face_laugh]

    "I'll let you decorate the cake."

    "Why would I want--"

    "The whole thing can be purple."

    "I don't care--Purple?"

    Crey grinned. Gotcha.


    ROFLOL

    I wore out my throat laughing while reading this, and the laughing smiley as I typed out my review. This fic is fantastic! More soon?

  6. Alley_Skywalker Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Sep 27, 2005
    star 4
    Wow! That is one hyper padawan you have there!

    Turning down the young padawan often resulted in moping for days and days on end.

    [face_laugh] I can SO imagine that!

    "He told me to search the Force," Crey folded her arms and glared darkly. She hated it when Obi-Wan tried to "play Master".

    [face_laugh] [face_laugh] [face_laugh]

    That is SOOO Obi-Wan!

    I liked the part about Mace and the purple cake too!



  7. HanSoloIsSoCute Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Sep 7, 2005
    star 3
    Wow sis that was great!! It was sooo funny, you are doing so well! :D Heh heh, I beta her. :cool: But I don't deserve any of the credit(unless it concerns spelling ;))! She is a genious!! I can't wait for the update! :D :D

    Jasmine @};-
  8. Rogue_Pilot_2347 Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    May 16, 2005
    star 4
    "You bet! You try to find a blasted birthday with the Force!"

    I like Crey. She?s so cute!

    "I'll let you decorate the cake."

    "Why would I want--"

    "The whole thing can be purple."

    "I don't care--Purple?"

    Crey grinned. Gotcha.


    I LOVE IT I LOVE IT I LOVE IT!!!!!! She got him with the purple! I LOVE IT!!! [face_laugh] [face_laugh] [face_laugh] [face_laugh] [face_laugh]
  9. MoeTharen Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Sep 10, 2005
    star 4
    :eek: :eek: :eek:!!!!! Whoa! These have got to be the best replies I've ever had!!! Thanks you guys!

    [:D] *Hugs everyone on the thread* [:D]

    bi0nic

    Lol, thanks. Yeah, the practical padawan I like to call him. :p

    I'm so thrilled that you like Salsa Ray's name! That one took a little brain stormin' lol.

    Meredith_Kenobi

    Loved the description.

    I loved your feedback! When I saw it I got this HUGE grin on my face! :D Seriously, my cheeks hurt, lol!

    Uh...Mace? "Gungan's eating Habits"?! Right...

    Ya learn something new everyday. Who woulda known that Gungans ACTUALLY consume speackled dace! :eek:

    ROFLOL

    I wore out my throat laughing while reading this, and the laughing smiley as I typed out my review. This fic is fantastic! More soon?


    Lol, I'm sure glad ya got a laugh from my little tale. :D Sorry about your soar throat. Ya know, Gungans drink a little hoppidy doom tea when they have a soar throat. Or at least, that's what Mace keeps telling me. [face_laugh] More? Well alrighty!

    Alley_Skywalker

    Wow! That is one hyper padawan you have there!

    Muahahaha... That's the impresion I was hoping for. [face_devil]

    I can SO imagine that!

    Lol, you have one wild imagination! [face_laugh]

    HanSoloIsSoCute

    Aw thanks sis! [face_peace]

    And an awesome beta-er you are, my dear! Believe me folks, without her help this would hardly be readable! :D Thank you so much HanSoloIsSoCute!

    Rogue_Pilot_2347

    I like Crey. She?s so cute!

    Aw thanks [face_blush].

    I LOVE IT I LOVE IT I LOVE IT!!!!!! She got him with the purple! I LOVE IT!!!

    :eek: Wow! Thanks, Rogue! Lol, Windu... The man has a purple heart! [face_laugh]






    Crey, Salsa, Mace, Obi-Wan, Adi Gallia, and Siri stood out side Yoda's apartment. All of them loaded down with gifts, balloons, and a rather large purple cake. Inside... The unsuspecting troll is making his dinner....

    "SURPRISE!!!!!!!!!!" they all screamed in union as they flung open his door.

    Yoda, being a Jedi warrior with very fast reflexes and a constantly wary mind, defends himself by flinging the closest object at them on instinct. This object being his dinner bowl, filled with a very sticky, green, soup. We know this because it is now all over Mace Windu's face.

    "Some party," Windu said, as he wiped the goo off his face.

    Yoda looked at the now silent Jedi's, "Thought being attacked by a gang of hooligans, I was."

    "Happy Birthday!" Crey announced happily as she plopped a huge purple cake down on the counter. Yoda's ears pricked as he looked at it, but he didn't say anything.

    Salsa approached Yoda cautiously and handed him a package, "I didn't really know what to get you...."

    Yoda grunted and took it. He hobbled off his perch on the bar stool and looked up at them all with his big green eyes. He almost looked like a green puppy with no fur. A silence fell over the room. Well! Crey certainty wouldn't have any of that!

    "C'mon Yoda, you sit here and I'll hand you your presents," she rushed him over to his favorite chair, nearly picking him up and plopping him in it herself. "Now, open this one first!" she demanded, shoving a purple package into his green little hands.

    Yoda seemed to grudgingly remove the purple wrapping and take out a pair of purple socks, "For the um...socks thank you, Windu," he said politely. Another silence, except that Windu was beaming happily.

    "Now this one!" Crey said, handing him a package that had Obi-Wan's name on it. Yoda gingerly plucked off the blue bow and picked at the tape.

    Pick, pick, pick....

    *Sigh*

    Pick, pick, pick....

    When Crey thought she was going to snatch the package from the poor troll and RIP the paper off...

    Rip...ri/>
  10. -Darksaber- Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Mar 22, 2005
    star 3
    He he....Brill, this was, Moe!

    -DS

  11. MoeTharen Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Sep 10, 2005
    star 4
    Why thank you, Darksaber. I see your a "Yoda Speaker" as well. [face_laugh]



    -Commander Tharen-
  12. bi0nic Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Feb 15, 2006
    star 3
    ROFL! [face_laugh]

    That was hilarious! You made Windu into a really comic character, which is quite a accomplishment considering there was nothing funny about him in the movies (imo). Him getting hit with a face full of soup and describing him as "a little fruity" were the standout moments for me.

    Describing Yoda as a "troll" and a "green puppy with no fur" though. Kinda harsh, no? [face_shame_on_you] :p

    No, for my money that was great, there were laughs aplenty. Good work!

    EDIT: my ability to do decent spelling or grammar is apparently somewhat diminished at 2 in the morning.
  13. Rogue_Pilot_2347 Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    May 16, 2005
    star 4
    Can't be specific with this half. Suffice it to say you had me laughing so hard I all but cried. [face_laugh] [face_laugh] [face_laugh] [face_laugh] [face_laugh]

    Okay, I lied - one halfway specific: i LOVE when someone makes a fool of Mace Windu! He's so somber, he just begs for it!!!!!!!
  14. WyoJedi Jedi Youngling

    Member Since:
    Nov 7, 2005
    star 4
    :D :D :D
    That was great Moe. I loved the grape juice in the icing... I like grape juice too :p
    Just hilarious. Wonderfully done.

    Cheers,
    Wyo
  15. Meredith_Kenobi Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jul 20, 2005
    star 4
    Yoda, being a Jedi warrior with very fast reflexes and a constantly wary mind, defends himself by flinging the closest object at them on instinct. This object being his dinner bowl, filled with a very sticky, green, soup. We know this because it is now all over Mace Windu's face.

    "Some party," Windu said, as he wiped the goo off his face.

    Yoda looked at the now silent Jedi's, "Thought being attacked by a gang of hooligans, I was."


    [face_whistling] Now where would he get an idea like that? [face_batting]

    Yoda seemed to grudgingly remove the purple wrapping and take out a pair of purple socks, "For the um...socks thank you, Windu," he said politely. Another silence, except that Windu was beaming happily.

    [face_laugh] Somehow I can't even imagine that. Windu? Beaming?

    "This is what?" Yoda asked, looking at Obi-Wan inquisitively.

    "Oh! It's really something special Master Yoda!" Obi-Wan said excitedly as he bent over Yoda's chair, "It's an unscented bar of white soap!" he exclaimed.

    Yoda blinked.

    "It's really quite practical," Obi-Wan said, clasping his hands behind his back, an all too pleased grin on his face.

    "Thank you very much..." the soap was added to the pile of socks.


    [face_laugh] [face_laugh] [face_laugh] [face_laugh] [face_laugh]

    She wished she hadn't left Windu in charge of the cake. It tasted... Fruity. She knew Windu was a little fruity... But his cooking? Crey shook her head. The only one seeming to have a good time was Windu himself. He had now consumed three very large pieces of cake and was starting on the fourth.

    [face_laugh] :p Mace Windu? Fruity?! [face_laugh]

    This fic was H I L A R I O U S!!! It was probably the funniest fanfic I've ever read and I'm not exaggerating. My favorite part was Obi-Wan's practical bar of soap. LOL! Well done MoeTharen!!! =D= =D= =D=
  16. Alley_Skywalker Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Sep 27, 2005
    star 4
    "It's really quite practical," Obi-Wan said, clasping his hands behind his back, an all too pleased grin on his face.

    So Obi-Wan!

    and Windu putting gapes in the frosting! Lol[face_laugh]

    This was a really funny fic Moe! Great job!
  17. MoeTharen Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Sep 10, 2005
    star 4
    Yippie!!! Replies!!! I ain't been this doggoned happy in a long ole time! :D [face_dancing] :D

    bi0nic
    That was hilarious! You made Windu into a really comic character, which is quite a accomplishment considering there was nothing funny about him in the movies (imo). Him getting hit with a face full of soup and describing him as "a little fruity" were the standout moments for me.

    Really? :D That makes me soooooooo happy!!! Lol, I dunno... That purple lightsaber of his is pretty funny to me! [face_laugh]

    Describing Yoda as a "troll" and a "green puppy with no fur" though. Kinda harsh, no?

    [face_talk_hand] Guilty. I'm a Yoda teaser too. :p Sorry about the puppy comment, but he just sort of impresses me as one lol! There are times when he looks kind of... Pitiful. [face_laugh]

    No, for my money that was great, there were laughs aplenty. Good work!
    Awww thanks. [face_blush] Your reply made me all cheerful this morning. :D

    Rogue_Pilot_2347
    Can't be specific with this half. Suffice it to say you had me laughing so hard I all but cried.

    Aw shucks, twernt nuthin' [face_blush].

    Okay, I lied - one halfway specific: i LOVE when someone makes a fool of Mace Windu! He's so somber, he just begs for it!!!!!!!

    :D x a million. Lol! He is!!! [face_laugh] Him AND Bail Organa. Hmmm... I should get Bail sometime...[face_devil] I loved your reply! Thanks so much! [:D]

    WyoJedi
    Thanks so much. :) Lol, that grape juice IS rather tasty. [face_laugh]

    Just hilarious. Wonderfully done.

    [:D] Thank you so much! Those words mean alot to me. :)

    Meredith_Kenobi
    Now where would he get an idea like that?

    Boy I dunno. A whole buncha Jedi jumping and screaming don't look like no gang. [face_laugh]

    Somehow I can't even imagine that. Windu? Beaming?

    *Snicker* All kind funky things happen on YODA'S birthday, lol.

    Mace Windu? Fruity?!

    Fruity tootie! [face_dancing]

    This fic was H I L A R I O U S!!! It was probably the funniest fanfic I've ever read and I'm not exaggerating. My favorite part was Obi-Wan's practical bar of soap. LOL! Well done MoeTharen!!!

    [:D] x a million. Thankyou so so so so much, Meredith! I loved your reply! That whole thing made me grin til my face hurt! Lol, glad you liked the soap. I figured Obi-Wan is probably a CLEAN padawan too, and he wants everyone else to be clean too! [face_monkey]

    Alley_Skywalker
    So Obi-Wan!
    Lol, I was hopning to get one of those. ;)

    This was a really funny fic Moe! Great job!

    Aw thanks! I had a lot of fun writing it. Thank YOU for coming up with that awesome challenge! :)


    -Commander Tharen-



  18. HanSoloIsSoCute Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Sep 7, 2005
    star 3
    Ah great fic sis! I loved it! :D It was sooo funny, LOL!!!!!!! Mace, Yoda---*annoyed phyics drag my cackling body away* That was all so funny, I most adored the part with the green soup---PRICELESS!!!!! [face_laugh][face_laugh][face_laugh][face_laugh][face_laugh] My goodness, you are good!!!

    Jasmine @};-
  19. MoeTharen Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Sep 10, 2005
    star 4
    LOL!!!!!! Your post made me laugh sooooooo hard! *gasp gasp* Ok, I'm recovered now. :D Thank you so much for your nice comments! I wouldn't be here if it weren't for you! [:D]


    -Commander Tharen-
  20. Lola64 Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Mar 10, 2005
    star 4
    I like characters like Crey. I hope you get to do some more with her.

    This was very cute and I admit having to supress the urge to burst out laughing throughout this fic.

    Glad that the party wasn't a fiasco I thought it would be.

    The fact that the cake didn't settle well with Yoda was the icing on the cake. [face_laugh]

    Great Job.
  21. MoeTharen Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Sep 10, 2005
    star 4
    Thanks so much Lola! Your comments made me smile. :)


    I'll defanetly write more Crey stories, she's a fun character.



    -Commander Tharen-



  22. Lord_Zeron Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Mar 19, 2005
    star 2
    [face_laugh]

    I don't think I stopped laughing the entire time I read that, it was one of the funniest stories I've ever read! Crey is such an interesting, optamisitc, and energetic character that I don't blame you for wanting to write more of her. The Jedi Order could really use her cheer sometimes.

    Poor Salsa, I'm sure Crey isn't an easy Padawan to train, though I bet there are few dull moments for the pair. The description was wonderful, it gave me an excellent idea of how the other Jedi felt about Crey. It's good to see that one of her ideas worked out for a change. Count on Yoda to make someone feel good.

    It's not hard to see why Yoda enjoyed his party, I would've loved to have been there. All the presents were great, and Mace was hilarious throughout the story. "Gungan's eating habits?" Can't say I've read that one before. And the way Crey persuaded him (& her Master) to come to the party were wonderful.

    Excellent entry, I think I'll read this one again.

    -Zeron
  23. MoeTharen Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Sep 10, 2005
    star 4
    *Jumps up and down in uncontainable happiness*


    Thank you!Thank you!Thank you!Thank you!Thank you!Thank you!Thank you!Thank you!Thank you!Thank you!Thank you!Thank you!Thank you!Thank you!

    That reply made me like, BEYOND happy! It really REALLY encorages me, made my dull week about sixty million times brighter! Those words reall mean alot to me, and I'm so glad you took the time to say them! Hope you don't mind if I hug you! :D



    [:D] [:D] [:D] [:D] [:D]


    -Commander Tharen-


  24. correllian_ale Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jun 20, 2005
    star 4
    "He told me to search the Force," Crey folded her arms and glared darkly. She hated it when Obi-Wan tried to "play Master".

    Salsa raised an eyebrow, "So you 'searched' his medical records?"

    "You bet! You try to find a blasted birthday with the Force!"


    [face_laugh]

    "I'll let you decorate the cake."

    "Why would I want--"

    "The whole thing can be purple."

    "I don't care--Purple?"

    Crey grinned. Gotcha.


    [face_laugh] -What a softie, when he's not 'raining down furious anger'...and all that.


    "Thought being attacked by a gang of hooligans, I was."

    - I know, i'm just pulling out all the parts I think is funny...

    "It's really quite practical," Obi-Wan said

    -I think Obi-Wan is supposed to be young, but all I can hear is Ewan saying it...[face_laugh]

    Oh Moe, truly hilarious that was!!!!

  25. PadwanKayla Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Jul 2, 2005
    star 4
    Yoda quickly abandoned the purple cake and started on the green ice cream. Crey didn't blame him. She wished she hadn't left Windu in charge of the cake. It tasted... Fruity. She knew Windu was a little fruity... But his cooking?

    This was so cute. Great job MoeTharen!
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