Before Too Bad (Obi-angst/post-TPM/suicide) (Repost)

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction- Before, Saga, and Beyond' started by KrystalBlaze, Mar 19, 2003.

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  1. KrystalBlaze Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Aug 3, 2002
    star 5
    ~ ~ = dark voice in Obi's head
    / / = song lyrics
    Italics = Qui-Gon's voice
    * * = Obi's thoughts

    Rating: PG-13
    Summary: Song-fic. Obi-Wan is dealing with Qui-Gon's death in a very bad way: suicide
    Notes: Too Bad was written by Chad Kroeger and belongs to Nickelback or their label RoadRunner.

    Too Bad



    Obi-Wan hopped around the punching bag. He stabbed at the bag, his head whirling and spinning, lost in the exhilaration of simply sparing. He punched the bag, whirled around on his heel, and slammed his foot into it. He jumped around the bag, faster and faster, his gloved hands making small indentions where he hit.

    He heard the murmurs from the crowd gathering around him. He paid them no heed, just hit the bag and hit the bag until he felt sweat begin to drip off his bare shoulders. He pressed on ward, his breath coming in short, short breaths. He threw his anger and sadness at the bag, throwing his whole body into the punches. If he missed, if the bag moved, he?d land on the floor and knock himself out. He ground his teeth against each other and hit harder, the bag swinging hard and almost slamming into his face.

    He punched and punched, lost in his body?s exhaustion, but refusing to give into it. He couldn?t. He refused to. He had to keep punching, had to keep driving and driving himself. He could feel the tiredness lapping behind his mind, and it rang like an ocean in his ears. He slammed and slammed, letting his anger drive over and over into the bag in the form of his fist.

    //Father?s hands are lined with dirt from long days in the field

    Mother?s hands are serving meals in a café on Main Street

    With mouths to feed?just trying to keep clothing on our backs

    And all I hear about?is how it?s so bad//

    Qui-Gon Jinn was dead. His beloved Master was dead. He threw his body into the bag, slamming his head into it and swinging it, sweat soaking the tank top he wore. He started to punch it again, his rage leaking into it.

    Qui-Gon was dead. Qui-Gon was dead. It was like a mantra in his head, over and over again. Qui-Gon was dead, Qui-Gon was dead. It cause flames to lick at his mind, making his stomach feel raw and torn, making him want to vomit his inner organs up. He executed a chop to the bag, using his elbow and forearms to make it swing in circles around him.

    Qui-Gon was dead. His Master was dead. His father was one with the Force. He had left Obi-Wan in an array of responsibility and hate and sadness and despression. He charged the bag, his head hitting it and making his headache jump at him harder. He almost screamed as the Sith?s face ran through his mind.

    The Sith, the murderer, the evil one. He kicked the bag and felt his foot cry out from the Force. He ignored it, as he ignored the murmur of the crowd, as he had ignored the young boy who watched him quietly from the sidelines, his face frightened.

    Obi-Wan didn?t care. He had been Knighted just a day ago, and he pounded the bag as he pictured the image of him kneeling before the Council as Yoda used one of Qui-Gon?s daggers to cut off his braid.

    He hated Qui-Gon Jinn. How he loathed his dead Master, how he wished it had been him delivering the killing blow, even after all the comfort his Master had provided, all the knowledge and the wisdom he had handed down.

    //It?s too bad, it?s stupid

    Too late, so wrong, so long

    It?s too bad we had no time to rewind

    Let?s walk, let?s talk//

    Because Qui-Gon had left him. Had forced Obi-Wan into a vow that he didn?t want, that he hated, because the boy whom the vow concerned was a stupid, stuck up brat who didn?t know the difference between dark and light, wrong and right. He hated Qui-Gon because the man had loved him, taught him there was a world outside his view, had nurtured him, and had taught him love. He hated the man because Obi-Wan had come to think of the man as a father, as a friend, as a partner. And in this world filled with so much hate and evil there was no room to love.

    Qui-Gon Jinn had weakened him.
  2. Obi the Kid Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Apr 13, 2000
    star 4
    Wow! Great job of portraying Obi-Wan's anger and confusion...until he decided there was only one way out.

    Very good!


    Obi
  3. masterobiwankenobi Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Mar 1, 2003
    star 1
    Wow, that was amazing. Very well written, and just...wow. Can't wait to read more of your stories. :D

    MOK
  4. Jovieve Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    May 19, 2002
    star 4
    Wow, what a hot and savage dose of anger and grief. While Obi-Wan directs it outwardly, lashing at anyone, it's also really internal.

    Using blades to kill yourself is a exercise in self-loathing. Otherwise jumping from a no-handrails-Coruscant building or using the quick and bloodless lightsaber is an easier path to eternity.
  5. LuvEwan Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Mar 24, 2002
    star 4
    wow. woweee wow wow. [face_shocked] I read this at ff.net a long time ago, and always loved the quality and originality of it. Raw emotion, Obi so very very close to the edge...

    wonderful job. ;)
  6. KenobisGirl Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jul 10, 2001
    star 4
    Oh, wow. Poor Obi!!! :_| *Quickly rushes in and cuddles him*

    That was amazing. The emotions were very well portrayed. I love that song, too.

    Nice job! :)
  7. Jemmiah Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Mar 5, 2000
    star 5
    Just read this - very good, very powerful! It's great when a fic involves you to the point where you actually want to step in and physically prevent what's happening! Well done! :D
  8. Padawan_Jess_Kenobi Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Nov 20, 2002
    star 4
    [face_shocked] Woweee! I can't believe that Obi... :_| :_| You did a very good job with this. The anger and everything was just so overwhelming! And the end... :_| Very good story, although very sad. Obi!!!!! :( Come back Obi!!
  9. Renton Kenobi Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    May 24, 2000
    star 4
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