Chic, IL Top Ten Star Wars Superweapons

This was recently posted on the Official Site - Pablo Hidalgo's mildly irreverent take on all the WMDs that have popped up in the GFFA over the years. Includes everything from the obvious (Death Star and Death Star II) to the...well, how do you characterize the Galaxy Gun and Sun Crusher?

 

11. George Lucas

Destructive Potential: Wielding nothing more than a pen, GL is capable of destroying movies at will, taking the hopes and dreams of millions of people with them as they go. He can even crack the protective coating of 25 years of love and loyalty with targetted attacks like "Greedo shooting first" and "New Jabba musical sequence".

Origins: Originally conceived as a force for good, years of rolling around naked in swimming pools of $100 bills let toxic chemicals seep into his blood stream and alter his brain and he now uses his powers for evil. More corporation now than man, he spends his days sitting on a flannel throne fashioned in the shape of Jar-Jar's head, stroking Rick McCallum who sits curled up in his lap.

Plausible Non-Draconian Reason To Keep it Around: Indy IV

Designer Gripes: Apparently he is missing the gene that lets the rest of us leave well-enough alone.

Considerably Less Effective Name: The Gerogeinator. His Holiness. Goldenmember.

Achilles Heel: A two-meter wide exhaust port, just below the main port.

Continuity Headache: Oi, the list goes on. My favorite is his criticism of colorizing the "Three Stooges" movies because it would ruin them, while simultaneously changing his own movies to fit some internal agenda.

Further Reading: I wouldn't recommend it.

 

Super weapons always seem poorly conceived at least in the SW universe. There is always some Achille's Heel that gets exploited. That's kind of lame IMO. Just once I want a super weapon that can mess stuff up and not have some tiny exhaust port or need to be powered by force sensitive wonder hamsters.

The one that destroys the whole universe is definitely lol worthy though. That's too ridiculous even for SW.

Haz++ GL is maybe the weapon I speak of.

 

Priceless. Personally I'm a little worried at there are enough to make a list out of.