JCC Top Tips for Surviving the Zombie Apocalypse

When raiding the local food emporium for supplies, head straight to the Starkist Tune pouches. They have a shelf life of over two years and each one provides 40% of your daily B12. Very handy to have energy when staving off the undead.

 

Wait it out, because most likely it's actually just one hobo tripping on bath salts but CNN got ahold of it.

 

Every day feels like a Zombie Apocalypse to me.

 

whats the point in surviving it tho

 

Get friends slower than you.

 

I have to second questioning why "surviving" is the goal of everything. I mean, I wouldn't suggest that actively trying to die is desirable, but I don't see why survival itself is so paramount.

 

What if the tuna is reanimated by the zombie magic?

 

Survival is a natural instinct. When crossing a road, do you look for cars?

 

Zombies don't have magic beyond rising from the dead. They're dead people, not ****ing Gandalf.

 

Zombies don't use magic. They are magic. Do you even Haitian folklore?

 

Your sentences are not making sense. You're either drunk or a zombie.

 

Why not both?

 

Sword, hand gun, semi auto rifle with scope.

 

He's probably drunk, but he is speaking truth.
http://www.npr.org/blogs/codeswitch...g-the-history-of-zombie-from-haiti-to-the-cdc

 

No, I understood. But the sentence "Do you even Haitian folklore?" Doesn't make sense.

Grow a sense of humour before the zombie apocalypse. You'll need it.

 

Wear a full suit of armor and chainmail and go about your regular routine

 

I'm fine with my sense of humor... it'll get me by. The post was a play on "do you even lift?" pretty sure it was supposed to be funny, in a dry Darth Guy sort of way. Do you even Darth Guy?

 

Kill yourself. You'll wish you had when the zombies are tearing apart your innards or you're statving to death because there's no food.

 

its an apocalypse. 90% of the population is down. You are living in a cornucopia of food. If you starve to death you deserve it, Murican. No wonder TWD have to be lead by a brit.

 

CORAL!

 

You've got five years at most. I didn't say you'd starve to death straight away.

 

Well, my point is that we have far too much of a cultural fascination with going to the extreme, or doing "whatever it takes." How many stories do we have about heroes who have to break all the rules to win? Dick Cheney's barely contained glee in announcing the Bush Administration felt it would "have to work [. . .] sort of the dark side." How about we not? Could we for once give up on these paper thin excuses people want to wave around for their sociopathic fantasies?

How come no one ever wants to talk about the things it wouldn't be worth doing to survive? Why isn't anyone concerned with drawing sensible lines of behavior, even in difficult situations? It's always about what illegal/immoral/questionable things one would "get" to do in a disaster scenario.

 

You could be carrying the cure to the Zombie Apocalypse, and I'd throw you to them with a smile on my face. Because certain painful death is preferable to reading more of your rubbish.

"How come" is not a legitimate way to start a sentence.

 

Pick a colored dress that'll draw less attention from the undead... perhaps something in blue & black.

 

Tunes. In the Apocalypse your short lived nickname would be "bait".