Before - Legends Torment--an Obi-Wan Kenobi piece

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction- Before, Saga, and Beyond' started by BlindMan, Oct 7, 2004.

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  1. BlindMan Jedi Youngling

    Member Since:
    Nov 25, 2001
    star 2
    TORMENT


    Obi-Wan Kenobi awoke slowly, his entire body aching. His surrounding were a blur that gradually resolved into a stone-walled, domed room. Small, high-set windows let in shafts of bright sunlight that sparkled in the dusty air. It was not a place he recognized, though his mind was still a bit foggy. How had he gotten here?

    He realized he was lying on his back, and tried to sit up. Something bit into his wrists and ankles. Craning his neck, he saw that he was manacled to a stone slab in the center of the room. He also noticed a rack hanging on one wall, filled with a variety of sharp instruments--all of which bore disturbing reddish-black stains on the blades.

    Suddenly, the memories came flooding back. He'd been part of a strike team that had been called in to infiltrate and neutralize an evil presence on Obilon 7. But they'd been ambushed near the mountaintop citadel of their target, and Kenobi had gotten hit by a stun bolt. But was he still on Obilon 7? And what about Master Qui-Gon and the others?

    Even as he pondered this question, the door to the chamber opened, and in walked a slim man in black clothes, roughly Qui-Gon's age. Scars criss-crossed his sallow face, and malice glittered in his eyes as he grinned at Kenobi.

    "I see you've awoken, young padawan."

    "You." Kenobi put every ounce of distaste he could into the word.

    "Indeed." He stopped beside Kenobi, who struggled against his bonds. "Pitiful fool--you and your little task force had no idea who you were up against, did you? You thought to simply stroll into my domain--into my very fortress--and capture me?" He shook his head. "Now you shall pay the price for daring to challenge the one and only Gen'Eric Vill-ain."

    "Do your worst, fiend," Kenobi said. "I'll never break."

    "We'll see about that," Vill-ain said. He leaned over Kenobi, his head hovering a foot or so above Kenobi's face. He cleared his throat with a loud hawking sound, but didn't move. Kenobi braced himself.

    Then it happened. Slowly, a bit of yellowish-white spittle began to seep out from between Vill-ain's lips. Kenobi watched in morbid fascination as it congealed together, growing bigger and bigger--and then it began to descend. Slowly, oh so slowly, suspended on a streamer of rancid saliva, the glob of goo made its controlled plummet toward Kenobi's face, cruel, cruel gravity complicit in the torment.

    Kenobi tried to turn away, but Vill-ain's hands grabbed his hair and held him pinned. Kenobi cursed himself for his perfect coif and vowed to shave his head like Master Windu if he ever got out of this.

    The loogie touched his face, and it was all Kenobi could do not to scream. His flesh cringed from the touch. And then--when Kenobi thought he could take no more--it vanished, slurped back into Vill-ain's smirking mouth.

    "You...you fiend," Kenobi shuddered.

    Vill-ain grinned. "I know!" he said with barely contained glee.

    Then the loogie came again. And again. It was on its fifth descent when Kenobi blacked out from the sheer horror of it.



    When he came to, Kenobi found Vill-ain still standing nearby. From the position of the sunbeams coming through the window, he couldn't have been unconscious for very long.

    "Back for more?" Vill-ain rubbed his hands together.

    "The others...what happened to them?" Kenobi asked.

    Vill-ain gestured non-chalantly. "Oh, they got away. I've got my droids out hunting them down. Won't be long until they're joining you."

    Well, at least there was the hope of a rescue, Kenobi thought. But would it come in time?

    As if reading his thoughts, Vill-ain stepped closer, bringing one claw-like, jagged-nailed finger in front of Kenobi's eyes. Was he going to pluck Kenobi's eyes out? the padawan wondered. Claw his face?

    Quick as a flash, the evil finger moved--into Vill-ain's mouth. Then the moistened finger shot back out and before Kenobi could react, it plunged into his right ear.

    "Wet willy!" Vill-ain crowed, twisting the finger around and around.

    Kenobi cried out with the shock of the violation. Was nothi
  2. Phoenix_Reborn Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Feb 23, 2003
    star 4
    ROTFLMAO

    very vrey very funny! Laughing too hard to say anything else!
  3. Layren Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Oct 28, 2003
    star 5
    ROTFLOLOLOL!!!!!! Oh BlindMan, that was hilarious!!!! Great job!!!!!!
  4. JediMaster_Jen Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jun 3, 2002
    star 4
    I agree. ROTFLMAO. That was positively hillarious.

    Brava. =D=
  5. Durhelediel Jedi Youngling

    Member Since:
    Mar 5, 2004
    star 3
    [face_laugh] OMG!! Blindman is now my hero!! :[:D]: Wow! I absolutely positively loved it! ROTFLMBOAS (rolling on the floor laughing my butt off and snorting)
  6. dianethx Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Mar 1, 2002
    star 6
    Really funny once I got past the disgusting part. Great job dancing around the rules!!! LMAO.
  7. JadeSolo Manager Emeritus

    Member Since:
    Sep 20, 2002
    star 6
    I liked the end the best. :p

    And those names! [face_laugh]
  8. VaderLVR64 Manager Emeritus

    Member Since:
    Feb 5, 2004
    star 8
    OMG! I think I hurt something from laughing so hard. Seriously, this could be bad. It hurts now when I do this...Hey, isn't anyone gonna give me sympathy here?

    That was so funny! Words can't begin to describe how funny that was.

    "Indeed." He stopped beside Kenobi, who struggled against his bonds. "Pitiful fool--you and your little task force had no idea who you were up against, did you? You thought to simply stroll into my domain--into my very fortress--and capture me?" He shook his head. "Now you shall pay the price for daring to challenge the one and only Gen'Eric Vill-ain."

    Torture by loogie, purple nurple, and wet willy! Oh the HORROR! Will it never end! Please, we need more sensitive masculine tears. There, that's better.

    Ouch, I still hurt. Maybe I better quit reading this. You should put a warning label on it or something...
  9. SarkaVrae Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jun 3, 2004
    star 5
    oh
    my
    goodness!!

    How funny! I think I woke up some neighbors I laughed so loud and long.

    H-I-L-A-R-I-O-U-S!!!
  10. Enji Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    May 14, 2002
    star 6
    "You can't do any more," Kenobi croaked. "It's against the rules."

    "What are you babbling about, Jedi?" Vill-ain scowled.

    "Only three torture incidents allowed," Kenobi said. "Rules of Engagement, page 324, paragraph two."


    Absolutely great! [face_laugh]
  11. jeday Jedi Youngling

    Member Since:
    Jan 4, 2004
    star 2
    Can't stop laughing! [face_laugh] [face_laugh]
  12. Kynstar Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Mar 2, 2004
    star 5
    That was totally freakin' hilarious indeed!!!! *SNRK!* I so loved it!!!!! hehehehe [face_laughing]

    Man I loved the name Gen'Eric Vill-ain hehehehe that was juz priceless!!!

    hehehe loved the 'torture' scenes! hehehehe

    Excellent work!!! and the bit with the 'blond Jedi' was great!! hehehe and sooooooo her too!!! ;)
  13. red rose knight Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Sep 3, 2001
    star 4
    [face_laugh] ROTFLMAO

    That was so funny. Brilliant. [face_laugh] I absolutely needed a good laugh and that was OMG! =D=
  14. LukesTheMan Jedi Youngling

    Member Since:
    Apr 30, 2004
    star 3
    Quick as a flash, the evil finger moved--into Vill-ain's mouth. Then the moistened finger shot back out and before Kenobi could react, it plunged into his right ear.

    "Wet willy!" Vill-ain crowed, twisting the finger around and around.

    Kenobi cried out with the shock of the violation. Was nothing sacred? By the Force, did this man's villainy know no ends?!

    The left ear was next. Then the right ear again. Then the left. And then the torment ended as Kenobi slipped into blessed unconsciousness again.


    I'm with Kenobi, I hate those things! Hilarious take on this situation. I think we all needed a good laugh. This was perfection!
  15. Jedi_Chani Jedi Youngling

    Member Since:
    Aug 30, 2004
    star 1
    I can't remember the last time I read something so damn funny.
  16. LuvEwan Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Mar 24, 2002
    star 4
    Geez! [face_laugh] That was fantastic.
  17. Healer_Leona Manager Emeritus

    Member Since:
    Jul 7, 2000
    star 9
    Blindman-- I had so hoped you were serious on the Torture Limit thread. I didn't see this till now, but the title had me saluting the air because I just knew I could expect brillance. I was not disappointed!

    Thank for the best laugh!
  18. MY-T-Chewbacca Jedi Youngling

    Member Since:
    May 10, 2004
    star 1
    [face_laugh]

    Totally freakin' hilarious!
  19. obaona Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jun 18, 2002
    star 4
  20. vader_incarnate Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jul 29, 2002
    star 4
  21. Arin_Atona Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jul 10, 2004
    star 4
    *gx*
    *snrx*
    *pfft*
    BWAHAHAHAHAHA [face_laugh]
  22. Fate Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Apr 22, 2003
    star 3
    [face_laugh] [face_laugh] [face_laugh]

    *clutches stomach*

    Too... much... can't... breathe...

    BlindMan, I haven't laughed this hard in ages. Thank you. :p

    *remembers that she never finished the infamous Monologues and immediately sets off to rectify that fact*



    For freedom. For justice. Viva la Rebellion.

  23. VadersMistress Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Apr 7, 2004
    star 6
    *clutches sides desperately* Can't....breathe... need...oxygen. *faces turns slightly blue*

    [face_laugh] [face_laugh] [face_laugh] [face_laugh] [face_laugh] That was beyond hilarious. This was priceless. Perfect!!

    I love the names!!!
  24. Stormtrooper_Shrink Jedi Padawan

    Member Since:
    Feb 11, 2004
    star 4
    [face_laugh] [face_laugh] [face_laugh] [face_laugh] [face_laugh]

    I think I strained something. :p

    Brilliance -- positive genius!
  25. DarthIshtar Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Mar 26, 2001
    star 9
    oooooooooooooooh, force! Kenobi closed his eyes. "Thank you, Mod," he breathed.

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