Saga ~ Training ~ From Idea to Story PoV Challenge

Title: Training
Author: MsLanna
Timeframe: Before the Clone Wars
Characters: OC Squad
Notes: Written for the From Idea To Story Workshop. The Challenge was to write in a PoV we avoid like hell. For me that can only be 2nd Person. So here goes nothing.

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[u]Training[/u]


So this is what it's like:

You get pumped already on your way, it's exciting and the adrenaline is the best, and only, drug you know.

The battlefield is different each time; it's house to house combat right now. You know the game. Only it's not really a game anymore. Now you play with life rounds. Checking your deecee for the last time, you plunge right in, just making sure you're following your sarge's orders.

People shoot at you from the houses, real people. You can shoot back, but none of them ever die. Not for real. Taking cover behind a wall you check the terrain, watch the viewport icons of your brothers; a simple hostage situation, you've done it before.

There is no need to actually see your [i]vode[/i], you're one team, you know what the others will do. But your sarge gives the commands anyway, signals anyway, because that's how it is done and if anything ever happens, you can always fall back on that.

You fan out, circumvent the first blockade and make sure the guys behind it keep their heads down while your ordnance man makes sure they won't need them any longer. It's a good explosion, but the house comes down, half of it anyway. Good you're wearing armour, otherwise, you'd be a pretty spiked corpse now. But no worries, you did this before. Of course, it always gets a bit more tricky, what would be the sense behind it if it didn't?

So you move on, around the corner, watching the six of your sarge, knowing that your six is watched in turn. There is an eerie silence, inside and outside of the helmet while you work your way to the centre. Intel placed the hostages in the second storey, but you know better than to trust that info. A quick scan and you know they're not there.

You nod at your brother and he rappels up to the roof. You take out the snipers tempted by his ascent. It works every time. And by now, you are faster than them. Your HUD catches the slightest movement and even before they show up the smallest bit in their windows, you have them targeted and down. You're one body, one entity; you spent all your life with these men. They are your pod brothers, there is nothing like it.

Then hell breaks loose as your [i]vod [/i] from the roof signals rapid entry. As one, you jump up, target the kidnappers, the snipers, the guards; one shot for each is enough. You are the best. You know it.

The hostages come into view, they look scared, as always, bound and one has a bomb strapped to his stomach. Your [i]vod [/i] is already on him, calming him, defusing the device. Almost endex. You secure the perimeter. Nothing moves out there. Nobody is left to move; another job well done.

Suddenly, there's laughter, a nasty sound and -

"No!" the voice of your-

BOOM!

Everything goes up in dust and thunder, the filters clog and you have been out for half a minute. Getting up you check for injuries, but it's nothing serious. You know why you wear that armour. Turning on the flashlight on the HUD you begin to survey the damage. The whole house has come down, nothing but rubble and floating dust.

Your [i]vode [/i] crawl up from under the debris. You check the viewport icons, but there's only two. The stance of you brothers tells you all, they see it, too. Only three of us, we look around. We see nothing. But our HUDs, they can find anything. You begin the search in more eerie silence.

We have just started to dig, when the trainer arrives. You don't really care, but neither does he. He calls endex on you, all of you, but there is no victory in it this time. And you don't get the time to dig. No, you return to your room and are one to few. One who will never come ba

 

Great job, MsLanna! Second Person is such a challenging point of view to work with, and you pulled it off nicely. I think it works very well with the Clone troopers (if I interpreted this right) because it suggests this creepy anonymity and shared experience. Great pacing and imagery too.

 

Hey great writing.

And nice in your story line (drabbles) with the clones.

 

Oh! Very nice work!

 

I hate 2nd person POV's -Grumpy the Smurf

Actually, using the HUD in that 2nd Person POV seems to work not that bad. Felt like I was there. Good job!

 

Ubersue - You are right, it's clones, maybe I should have mentioned in the header. It is eerie how individual they seem and how similar they are still. Know one, know all - or just not quite.

earlybird - *lol* I didn't even realise it was a tie-in until you said so. But you're right, it fits perfectly. Probably proves Ubersue's point about clones...

Vadey - Thank you.

Robimus - No smurfs please. You are supposed to fell like you're there, it's 2nd person's PoV. It's just difficult to make work. glad to hear it did.

 

You know, your 2nd POV actually gave me the idea for mine.
This was sad, though. They lost a brother. But, as you wrote, that's what it's like, huh?

I'm really beginning to enjoy 2nd POV.

 

I was really impressed by this! It shows me that yes, second POV *can* work, very well even. If fitted this story perfect, brought me right into the action. I especially like that it made me feel the whole adrenaline pumping through this guy, so to speak. And then the sadness at the end, when things went wrong after all.

 

Ceillean
Theft, robbery! Plagiarism!
Or not.
Actually, out two pieces are miles apart, so glad to inspire.
Yeah, that's what it's like. Coming to think of it, I'm afraid the first RC book starts something like that.
Theft, robbery! Plagiarism!


Thanks Seremela.
I like to think that I know my boys very well. And solving a complex task is exciting and rewarding. I think the death ration in training was something like you start with 104 clones and end up with 100.