CONTEST Treatment Contest Round 1

Discussion in 'Star Wars: Episode VII and Beyond (Archive)' started by PrincessKenobi, May 16, 2013.

  1. rocknroll41 Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    May 28, 2013
    star 1
    can we still share treatments even though the contest is over just for fun?
  2. PrincessKenobi New Films Manager of DOOM

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    star 6
  3. rocknroll41 Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    May 28, 2013
    star 1
    awesome, thanks :) its late now but I'll make sure to write my treatment for fun tomorrow
  4. rocknroll41 Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    May 28, 2013
    star 1
    Ok this is a long one so don't feel the need to read it. I just had nothing to do today so I went full force on this. It's not really as original as some of the other treatments but whatever

    STAR WARS EPISODE VII: THE LOST HERO
    Arra Skywalker, a strawberry blonde teenage Jedi girl wearing a tan Jedi tunic, is traveling on an old Rebel ship with her droid guardian, C-3PO. They're being hunted by a group of space pirates traveling on an old Star Destroyer. Their leader, a neimoidian named Captain Kroth, orders his men to raid the ship and "search for Skywalker." During this time, Arra and 3PO hide underground. She briefly lifts the secret platform above them and places a tracer on one of the pirates. When the pirates don't find anything, they return to their Star Destroyer and fire at the Rebel ship. This attack causes the ship to crash land at a spaceport, where Arra calls her aunt Leia and apologizes for crashing her old transport ship. Her uncle Han walks in on the call and Arra asks if he can come get her but he says he needs to go to a meeting with his fleet and says he'll send Chewy. While waiting, Arra gets into a scuffle with a gang but is rescued by a young adult white brunette female wearing dark clothes named Zel.

    They bond for a bit and Zel explains that she's a mechanic who owns a parts shop nearby. Suddenly, the gang comes back with blasters and Arra ignites her blue lightsaber to deflect the blasts. She tries to attack but can't fight them all at once. Suddenly, a loud growling roar in the distance scares the gang away and we see it came from Chewbacca, who then takes Arra, Zel, and 3PO up a mountain where Han and Leia live in a massive fortress. Once indoors, Leia walks with a plate of drinks and uses the force to pass a drink to each person in the room. Arra then explains that her dad went missing several months ago and that she came to Corellia to get advice. She also explains how the pirates were looking for her and asks her aunt if she thinks those pirates are somehow connected to the disappearance of her dad. Leia closes her eyes for a moment and says her knowledge of the force is being clouded and that she sadly can't help right now.

    Arra then looks out the window and sees her uncle Han and his old friend Lando on a platform and suddenly a fleet of A-Wings lands in front of them. Lando welcomes back his son, Chance, while Han congratulates all the pilots on a job well done and especially thanks their leader, Aaron Antillies. We then see Aaron look up at the window and briefly exchange a flirtatious smile with Arra. Suddenly, Arra hears a beeping noise and pulls out a device that is virtually connected to the tracer she placed on the pirate earlier. She explains to Zel, Chewy, and 3PO that the pirates' Star Destroyer has just come out of hyperspace and is now orbiting an outer rim world called Onun. Because they don't have a ship anymore to get there, Chewy takes them to the basement and introduces to them the Milennium Falcon, to which Zel says "I have a bad feeling about this."

    Meanwhile, we see that Onun is a grassy world as the pirates land on a platform and enter an ancient temple that has now become a base for a recently formed New Empire which consists of surviving Imperials and Stormtroopers that are now lead by a mysterious cult. We learn here that Kroth and his crew were hired by this cult to hunt down Jedi. Kroth approaches one of them, a human male named Avlis, and explains that he and his men were unable to find Skywalker. Avlis then force chokes Kroth to death and tells one of the other pirates, a lizard humanoid named Rito, that he is in charge now. Frightened, the pirates exit the planet. Soon after, the Millennium Falcon arrives and is detected by the Imperials. Avlis then orders to fire at them, but using her flight skills, Arra is able to dodge all the bullets and lands the Falcon far away from the temple. Avlis send a squad of Stormtroopers after them.

    Meanwhile, Arra begins sensing a familiar presence in the force and steps outside, followed by Zel, Chewy, and 3PO. They walk for a while and suddenly come across a tiger-like alien. Arra pulls out her lightsaber, but is rather frightened to attack. The tiger looks as though it is about to jump on them when suddenly a beeping scream can be heard in the distance. This scares the tiger away as the group looks outwards and sees the source of the noise, R2-D2, climb up a hill. Arra, Zel, Chewy and 3PO then follow R2 to the entrance of a cave, where we see a Jedi dressed in brown robes sitting and using the force to move rocks around him. His face is hidden by a hood, but he then pulls back his hood and we see that it is Arra's father, Luke.

    The two of them then embrace for a moment and Luke then takes Arra, Zel, Chewy, 3PO and R2 into the cave, where we see his old X-Wing in ruins. Luke explains that he has chased here by the pirates and during his several months in hiding learned that this New Empire was put together by a mysterious cult of force-sensitive beings who do not embrace the dark side and are therefore not Sith and also do not use lightsabers and are therefore not Jedi, they're something else entirely. He says these may also have been the people that killed Arra's mother. Later that night, when Luke, Chewy, R2 and 3PO are asleep, Zel asks Arra who was her mother, to which she replies: "Someone my father met long ago...She died when I was very younger. I only remember...images...feelings."

    The next morning, Luke gives Zel his blaster from his old old Rebels days so she can defend herself and trains Arra for a bit in both force skills and lightsaber skills. Then the Stormtroopers arrive at the cave and Luke fights them off with his green lightsaber while Zel and Chewy fire their blasters at them. Arra tries to fight but instead becomes afraid and runs into the cave with R2 and 3PO. They manage to kill all the Stormtroopers, but Chewy is wounded in the arm and Arra feels guilty for not helping to fight. Luke tells her that in time she will learn to overcome her fears and trust in the force and that she can help now by going back to the Millennium Falcon to get first aid supplies with R2. At the Falcon, she puts the supplies in a bag and also packs some tools for Zel to use to repair her dad's old X-Wing.

    She then pauses to talk to R2 for a moment and expresses how she wishes she wasn't so afraid all the time. They then walk out of the Falcon and are suddenly surrounded by new Stormtroopers. They are taken as prisoners to the temple and come face to face with the cult. As the Stormtroopers exit the room, Avlis explains how he and his "brothers and sisters" are simply trying to restore true balance to the force by making sure both Jedi and Sith would become extinct, but added that they were willing to spare the lives of Jedi who agreed to give up their fighting ways and political devotions to the New Republic and join them. Arra shakes in fear for a moment but manages to gather up the courage to say she will never join them.

    Avlis then begins to force choke her as she tries to reach for her lightsaber but is unable to. R2 then electrocutes the two Imperials holding him and rolls to the nearest computer port, where he actives water sprinklers, alarms and smoke machines all at the same time. This causes Avlis to lose concentration and Arra therefore manages to regain breath and ignites her lightsaber. All of the cult members begin using the force to throw things at her, but using her recent training with her father, she is able to deflect all of the attacks and her and R2 escape back into the tunnel from where they came. The Stormtroopers then return to the room and Avlis commands them to go into the tunnel after Arra and R2.

    Arra and R2 make it to the platform and jump off. The Stormtroopers assume that the fall killed them and return to the temple. We then see Arra hanging onto one of the platform poles and R2 floating right beside her. The two of them then make it back to the cave and begin to heal Chewy's wound. Luke congratulates his daughter for being able to face her fears and trust in the force. R2 then explains that while he was attached to the temple's computer, he learned that the source of it's power was comingfrom underground. Arra says if Han's fleet could distract the Imperials, they would be able to get below the temple to kill the power. She then calls her uncle Han and aunt Leia and asks them to send Han's fleet to Onun, she also apologizes to Han for stealing the Falcon. As Han, Leia and Lando prepare to follow the A-Wing fleet on a royal ship, Aaron mentions to Chance that he is worried about Arra.

    Back on Onun, more Stormtroopers arrive in front of the cave, much more than last time. Luke realizes there are too many of them now and hands his lightsaber to his daughter. He then steps out of the cave, closes his eyes, raises his hands and explodes into white hot energy that blows all the Stormtroopers away. Arra is crushed to see only his brown robes remaining on the ground. After a few moments of sadness, she realizes that grieving any longer will do no good and helps Zel repair the old X-Wing. When the A-Wing fleet arrives, the Imperials detect them on their radar and send out a fleet of Tie Fighters. A dog-fight sky battle breaks out as the royal ship lands in front of the cave. Just as Han, Leia and Lando step out, Luke's old X-Wing takes off from the cave and we see Arra as the pilot and R2 with her.

    Han then asks Zel, Chewy, and 3PO to take him, Leia and Lando to the Falcon. In the sky, Arra is attacked by several Tie Fighters but rescued by Aaron and Chance. On the ground, Zel, Chewy, 3PO, Han, Leia and Lando come across more Stormtroopers, but all manage to fight them off with blasters, except for 3PO of course. Back in the sky, Arra manages to get passed all the Tie Fighters and land at the top of the temple. Her and R2 then exit the X-Wing and, using her lightsaber, Arra is able to cut a hole in the ventilation system and the two of them enter. In the main temple room, the cult begins to sense a disturbance in the force. Avlis closes his eyes to think for a moment and then begins heading for the underground.

    Once underground, Arra and R2 realize that a crystal emitting a blue glow is the source of power. But before they can act, Avlis appears from behind them and uses the force to bring parts of the stone ceiling down. Arra uses her force powers to bring the stones down softly, but R2 still gets trapped underneath them. Avlis then uses the force to bring Luke's lightsaber to him and ignites it, saying: "my people don't believe in these duels, but against you, I can't resist." Arra then ignites her lightsaber and the duel begins. Outside, Chance is nearly hit but rescued at the last moment by Han and the others in the Falcon. Still with their old skills, Han and Chewy manage to wipe out quite a bit of Tie Fighters, but Aaron is hit and crash lands on top of the temple. He then steps out of his damaged A-Wing and is about to enter the X-Wing when he suddenly hears the lightsaber duel coming from the open ventilation system.

    Back underground, Avlis manages to cut Arra's lightsaber in half as she falls to the floor. He then raises his blade and prepares to kill her when suddenly a blast hits his hand and he drops the lightsaber in pain. Arra grabs hold of it and chops off his arm. This causes him to fall off the ledge and smash the crystal. Not only does this kill the power, but the energy from the crystal seriously burns Avlis' skin. Using the light from her father's saber, Arra sees that the blast came from Aaron. The two of them share an embrace and Arra uses the force to lift the rocks off of R2. Outside, the loss of power kills the temple's deflector shield. Having wiped out virtually all the Tie Fighters, the A-Wings begin firing at the temple. Just as it falls apart, Arra, Aaron and R2 make it back to the top and are picked up by the Falcon.

    Inside, the cult is getting ready to retreat onto a ship and order some Stormtroopers to go underground and get Avlis. They return and the rest of the cult sees that Avlis has been burned all over his body and is having trouble breathing. As they enter their ship with him and take off, the temple explodes from all of the A-Wing firings. Out in space, Avlis, is taken to a room where medic droids begin putting various parts of a breathing suit on him. The screen fades to black just as we hear the familiar breathing of Darth Vader for a few seconds. The screen then fades back into light and we see the Falcon and A-Wing fleet return to Corellia. As Arra, Zel, Aaron, Chance, Chewy, R2, 3PO, Han, Leia and Lando begin walking back into their fortress home, Arra looks up and sees Luke's force ghost for a few seconds just as it fades away. She then hears her father's voice in her head saying "Arra, the force will be with you...Always." Iris out. End credits.

    STAR WARS EPISODE VII: ASSAULT OF THE DARK SIDE (rough notes)
    Arra and Aaron's relationship peaks and we learn that Boba Fett had escaped from the Sarlaac all those years ago and has since formed a new group of Mandalorians, which form a partnership with the cult and New Empire. Fett's feud with Han also comes to a climax when Han crashes the Millennium Falcon into the Slave I, killing both of them in the process. Arra also begins bringing Jedi from all over the galaxy together to help her fight off these new threats, among them are Kyle Katarn.

    STAR WARS EPISODE IX: THE WILL OF THE FORCE (rough notes)
    Leia dies of grief over Han's death, Zel's relationship with Chance peaks and the heroes discover a world where the force is believed to have originated. There, they find various prophecies drawn on ancient cave walls that basically tell the story of the previous 8 films and learn that the last prophecy left to be fulfilled is for the force to literally "die" and the galaxy to be destroyed except for that star system, and that only one other will survive and travel to another galaxy to tell this story to a race of beings called The Whills. All the heroes manage to rally up worthy survivors to live on that world with them for the rest of their lives and prevent the cult and New Empire from enter that world, leaving them to be destroyed along with the rest of the galaxy. 3PO also gets destroyed at some point before this by sacrificing himself for R2, who accidentally is put into a pod and shot off into the vastness of space. Millions of years later, he crash lands on Earth and is discovered by a band called The Whills.
  5. A Chorus of Disapproval New Films Riot Deterrent

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    Member Since:
    Aug 19, 2003
    star 7
    That took some thought. Where were you 2 weeks ago, scriptaholic?
  6. rocknroll41 Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    May 28, 2013
    star 1
    haha thanks :) i dont really know why I didn't try the contest two weeks ago. I just didn't have any ideas like the ones I had today.
    Last edited by rocknroll41, Jun 12, 2013
  7. Original Oatmeal Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jan 22, 2013
    star 1
    Liea dies of grief over Han Solo who dies while killing Bobba Fett?
  8. rocknroll41 Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    May 28, 2013
    star 1

    yeah but she dies after years of depression. If Padme can die of depression in her 20's after just being sad for one day than Leia can die of depression after going through years of it in her 50's.

    Keep in mind that I wrote this on the fly as thoughts were going into my head without giving it much second thought.
    Last edited by rocknroll41, Jun 15, 2013
    Original Oatmeal likes this.
  9. Jabari Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Jun 25, 2007
    star 1
    Sorry, I don't buy it at all. Leia's survived her planet/family/friends all dying at once without dying of depression. She's a pretty independent and strong woman, I think Han dying would just make her fight back harder. (And Padme was Force-choked!) Can't a woman ever die a hero, if she must die at all?

    Point for female Jedi main character, but dang it, can we stop killing off all the cool women in Star Wars? There's limited numbers already.
    Last edited by Jabari, Jun 16, 2013
  10. rocknroll41 Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    May 28, 2013
    star 1
    ok you make a good point. I forgot about the destruction of Alderaan and the fact that Leia has always been a badass. But just to point out, the female Jedi isn't the only main character. Her mechanic friend in my fanfiction piece is also female. Just saying.
    Last edited by rocknroll41, Jun 17, 2013
  11. Jabari Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Jun 25, 2007
    star 1
    So you have 3 named female characters and 10ish named male characters (counting 3PO, but not R2). At least you have one more woman than any given Star Wars movie so far...I'm not trying to pick on you, this is something that really frustrates me in movies/fiction/games in general. I am really tired of all the female characters being relegated to passivity, if they exist at all. Especially when it does not fit their personality, and the corresponding male character gets to go out in a blaze of glory. Other than that, your story is pretty good. :)


    (Seriously though, how do you forget that Leia is a badass??)
  12. A Chorus of Disapproval New Films Riot Deterrent

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    star 7
    He must have watched ESB and ROTJ. That would do it...
  13. rocknroll41 Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    May 28, 2013
    star 1
    thanks for the constructive criticism. glad you liked most of my story. I understand your point of view, but it's hard to get the balance right. At least the two young females are the leads in the story. Besides, some of the other Jedi and New Sith would also be female. One thing that's making me pretty excited is how the casting call seems to be asking for two young female leads, kinda like my story X)
    Last edited by rocknroll41, Jun 20, 2013
  14. Darth Archimage Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    May 28, 2013
    star 2
    Now that vague lead roles have been confirmed, is anyone up for a second round of new stories?
    I don't currently have any new ideas, but the first round was a blast.
    Last edited by Darth Archimage, Jun 20, 2013
  15. El_Machete12 Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Oct 30, 2012
    star 1
    I'm off for a while, and it'd be awesome to have a chance to submit a story since I have loads of free time
  16. rocknroll41 Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    May 28, 2013
    star 1
    I just did a personal revision of my story the other day so I would be more than happy to share it with you guys if there was a Round 2.
  17. Tanku-Gladyks Jedi Youngling

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    Jun 20, 2013
    My favorite was The Jedi Heretics!
  18. PrincessKenobi New Films Manager of DOOM

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    star 6
    Maybe we'll try the treatment contest again in the later months. We'll have a different contest coming soon.
  19. The Hellhammer 7SA Forum Interrogator

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    star 5
  20. PrincessKenobi New Films Manager of DOOM

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    star 6
  21. Jedsithor Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Oct 1, 2005
    star 4
    Heh, a number of the roles from the casting call fit pretty well with my treatment. In fact, pretty much all of them do.