Trials of the Force: Episode 1-Dynasty's Dawn- COMPLETED!

Hey all... it's nice to see everyone here.

There was a power outage in New Jersey. I thought that sort of stuff happened only in California

It was 105 degrees in the shade today for me at the beach. So it was tough. And there were dozens of flies. It was kinda like the Death Star and the X-Wings...

But the Death Star won this time...

I really don't mind bugs, per se, when they're just by themselves, not bothering me, but when they start that fly-ass ****, that's when I become Bwana, the Great White Fly Hunter...

 

Hello everyone, I survived the heat and power outage, as Jaxx has (damnit, I was rooting for the flies!).

Casper- For these teens, peace is a word that is and will be rarely used and spoken of in regard to their lives. But for now anyway, yes.

Sabre- Hey, I wanted Mazza to kick some butt eventually, so here was the opportunity! And this is quite the odyssey for you, isn't it? Have a safe trip!

Di-Lee- Indeed!

Jaxx- It was only 105? I thought it was worse....


Well, I can't post tonight, but I will tomorrow. Lets try and get this thread to 750, shall we people? I'd like to get all of your feedback and analysis after this is all over, especially regarding the storyline, characters and my overall writing style. Later!- excal

 

Ooh, can't wait to find out what Turu's plan is! It better be a good one...

 

Up. Let's go peeps, so we can post Hand of Fate!!

 

Does Turu ever have a good plan, sari? lol. We'll just have to wait and see! excal

 

Sweet Cheesus! I look at the title today and what does it read?

Trial's of the Force: Dynasty's Dawn COMPLETED



Hot damn, Excal! Great job. Congratulations on completing this thing. Can't wait for the next chapter to get started and for the adventure to continue.

After all, there's always a liiittle more magic, right?

 

Rok- Thanks bud, it was a wild ride. I don't even want to know how many problems I had posting and writing this story, but it was sure fun.

And you're right, there's always a little magic left. And you know what, Hand of Fate is going to be awesome, so stick around.

 

Hey, you left me out, no fair!


Great ending, excal! Now I'm all nice and ready for "Hand of Fate." So, when are you going to start posting it?

Oh, and BTW, I just put it together: Alpha and Omega, lol.

 

Yippee! What a fun ride!

Congratulations on finishing this fic! It was quite a project, and you did well with it.

So will we get more insight into Spectre's character in the next installment?

 

I would like to start Hand of Fate September 1, but excal would like to do it sooner.

We'll see

 

Sari- D'oh! My fault, my big fault! I edited it though, you're in there. A BIG THANK YOU to ya Sari! We'll probably start posting Hand of Fate in a week or two, but I'll pm everyone a warning. And as for Alpha and Omega, I named Jace's droid a while ago and Jaxx thought having Turu's droid named Alpha would be funny.

Di-Lee- Thanks a lot, it was a unique experience, I'll tell you that and I did my best. And yes, you get a little more into Spectre's character in Hand of Fate, he plays a major role.

Thanks everyone!

 

Okay, here is where I need your advice. I have some questions for you the readers, and I'd like you to be honest. Call it a "Trials" survey.

-What was your opinion of the overall plot?
-Was there anything you would have changed?
-What is your opinion of the characterization of Jace?
Arcturus?
Kelli?
Mazza?
Spectre?
- Is there anything you would have changed about the story?
-What did you like most?
-What did you like least?
-Grade my writing style (strengths, what to improve)
- What would you like to see in the next stories?
-Is there anything that does not seem to belong in the story?


Thanks guys and girls, I really do value your thoughts. -excal

 

I'm going to get to 750 if it kills me! UP!

 

What was your opinion of the overall plot?
I say it was good, since we came up with the overall plot. (By overall, I mean all 4 books)
-Was there anything you would have changed?
Yes. I would have changed the fact that there is no good actor out there to play Arcturus in real life, so I'll have to settle for Thomas Ian Nicholas
-What is your opinion of the characterization of
Jace? Close to the mark (coulda used more bad luck)
Arcturus? Close to the mark (yes, he is supposed to be sarcastic most of the times, but he can also be a little more serious)
Kelli? She was good. She is the tough bitch she needed to be.
Mazza? Again, she was good. She is a little more regal and formal than the rest. So you did good there
Spectre? Good old Tough ****. What else needs to be said?
- Is there anything you would have changed about the story? Yes. I would have converted it into a movie and turned it into a box office smash, but alas, that will never happen
-What did you like most? Action
-What did you like least? The non-posting periods
-Grade my writing style (strengths, what to improve) Just improve your ability to post more frequently. Otherwise, during HoF, I will have to kill you.
- What would you like to see in the next stories? More frequent posting.
-Is there anything that does not seem to belong in the story? The all too frequent curse words that we use. *nervous chuckle* hehe

 

Urg. Well, I don't think I'm particularly good at this kind of stuff, but here goes:


-What was your opinion of the overall plot?
Overall--excellent. You gave the characters plenty of challenges and things to overcome, and kept things moving along.

-Was there anything you would have changed?
Can't think of anything offhand.

-What is your opinion of the characterization of Jace?
Arcturus?
Kelli?
Mazza?
Spectre?
I think all the characterizations were good. Each one is unique and you did a good job of dealing with all their relationship with each other, too.

- Is there anything you would have changed about the story?
Ditto what I said above--can't think of anything at the moment.

-What did you like most?
All the action; the way the story moved from place to place, which reminded me of the SW films. Strong female characters like Mazza and Kelli.

-What did you like least?
Please nobody flame me for saying this--I'm not trying to censor, just giving my honest opinion. The swearing. It pulls me out of the story and back to Earth, 2001.
Oh, and as Jaxx said, the periods of waiting for posts. Unfortunately, there generally isn't much you or any other writer can do about that. Darth Real Life, very powerful is he.

-Grade my writing style (strengths, what to improve)
I give you an "A".

- What would you like to see in the next stories?
More about Kelli's morphing ability. How Mazza deals with learning about her father and that whole situation. More of Turu, Jace, Mazza, and Kelli in general.

-Is there anything that does not seem to belong in the story?
The swearing again.


Told ya' I'm not any good at this stuff. Hope that's at least a little helpful, excal.

 

Sari, that was good. We tend to curse a bit, but we'll try to improve on that a bit for you

 

Thanks I kinda realized that after I started to edit it. That's my fault sari, but we toned it down in HOF, don't worry. And you will see more about Kelli's morphing situation (jaxx is chuckling to himself i'm sure).

gotta run! -excal

 

Well, here's some news for you all. I am in the process of editing Hand of Fate and I can see it being posted by the middle of next week. But we'll have to see.

Also, I have begun the editing of Dynasty's Dawn (mis spelled words and such) for the Fan Fiction Archives, so if anyone wants to read it again, it will be there forever, lol.

Well, gotta run! excal

 

That was a pretty neat idea for Arcturus to pull off at the end. Good story.

-What was your opinion of the overall plot?

It generally works well because the plot elements match the characters, which is very important(basically the rivery between Jace and those nimrods is a very good example).


-Was there anything you would have changed?

Tough to say really. It goes back to plot, and therefore to change anything would mean to change the plot.

-What is your opinion of the characterization of Jace?
Arcturus?
Kelli?
Mazza?
Spectre?

This story is an esemble story, so every character must be characterize as one entity in regards to the story. The balance may be a little off between the characters, but again that is due to the plot. Sometimes we can never correct that.

- Is there anything you would have changed about the story?

Again, goes back to the plot. The plot was great.


-What did you like most?

The story, but not only that character interaction. When your focus is on multiple characters AND you are telling each side of their story, you have to have that interaction.


-What did you like least?

There really isn't a least, other than maybe a few times it seemed that the paragraphs were not space apart at all. But I know that will be corrected in the next fic.

-Grade my writing style (strengths, what to improve)

You strenght as well as something you can improve on is Story telling techinque. I mean it's there, and it keeps us reading, but there was maybe one or two times I almost wanted to skip an entire section because it seemed repetitive to me. But that's just me. Like I said, it's still a strength and it can only improve for the better.


- What would you like to see in the next stories?

Oh, I never tell an author how to plot out a story if I can help it. The next thing I know(and I'm not saying you would do it, excal) someone or a lot of someones are saying 'well, you could use more action here and more violence there and balance the emotions more everywhere. So it's my policy not to suggest something. To me, it is the first step towards censorship: that's how much I feel about that.


-Is there anything that does not seem to
belong in the story?

Well, the bad guys, but of course that goes back to plot.

Just kidding.

Honestly, I will tell you something that I told Jaxx(and maybe you but at the moment I don't remember) is that most of this material wouldn't belong in a story IF IT WEREN'T FOR THE PROLOGUE- PREQUEL TO TRIALS OF THE FORCE: A DIFFERENT REBELLON. There were some moments that could easily make people say "I wish they had that scene in there that they are referring to". But since A Different Rebellon is on the boards, and most of us have read, and newbies could read it before reading this, they are satisfied.

EDIT- Yup, thanks for the heads up Jaxx.

 

Anybody else care to comment?

 

-What was your opinion of the overall plot?
I thought it flowed very well and was pleasantly balanced in terms of comedy, action, drama, and other suchj things.

-Was there anything you would have changed?
Can't say there was anything that I flat-out disagreed with in terms of plot or anything. I guess one suggestion I would make would be to have a sort of epilogue-type post at the end, but that's your own perogative.

-What is your opinion of the characterization of Jace?
Arcturus?
Kelli?
Mazza?
Spectre?
For all of them, I say that you did a pretty good job. The only one I suggest inprovement in would be Spectre. He just kinda struck me as a one dimensional villian. Maybe just a little more character development in the next story.

- Is there anything you would have changed about the story?
See question #2.

-What did you like most?
The battle on Dathomir. Simply splendid!

-What did you like least?
Tough call. Like I said earlier, nothing really stood out that made me say, "Gah! Why did he put that in there?" Over all I was pleased with the storyline.
-Grade my writing style (strengths, what to improve)
A-/B+. Strengths: Action and Dialog. You got those two areas down pat. Your weakness seem to be in filler plot (desribing what's going on when things aren't all that active.) I struggle there too, so I can't really say I have a sure solution. but that's just what I saw.

- What would you like to see in the next stories?
Action! I loved it here, and I'd love to see more of it. And like I said earlier, a little more development and use of Spectre's character. Villains can really make a story great, plus they can be so much fun to pay around with in terms of writing.

-Is there anything that does not seem to belong in the story?
Hmmmm, nope. Nothing that I can think of.

Hope this helps out, man.

 

Casper and Rok,
Thanks guys, this really does help. In fact, I edited part of Hand of Fate to actually go in and add to it. To reply to your suggestions-

Casper- Yeah, the balance between characters is meant to be off, but like you said, that's because of the story. And you know, some of the paragraphs and sections probably were repetitive. The one thing I regret is that I wish I hadn't written this all at once. The first half of this story was pre-written, but my computer crashed and I had to race to re-build it. And sometimes I was forced to chop the story up a little due to posting constraints (from school, from the library, from home, lol).

Rok- Personally, the fight on Dathomir was my favorite scene to write. The whole time spent on Dathomir was my favorite section to write. And if you liked that, then you'll love the third and final book in the trilogy, "DESTINY'S KNIGHTS". Trust me.
And you will get to see more of Spectre in the next book as well as in KNIGHTS. Thanks.

Thanks for responding people!- excal

 

I sent my comments in PM, so I guess I'll just up the thread for you.

 

saying up!

 

EDIT: oops, double post