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This made me lol. Some of my faves: Fan Fic Trope, the Comic Tropes,Slow Electricity, and of course (Traci and Nicki, can I get an Amen?): The Most Common Superpower.

An example:

How to Survive a War Movie

A list of ways to survive a war film.

* I will not mention my family, girlfriend or hope for the future.
o Nor will I keep a treasured picture of them.
o If I insist on keeping a picture of them, I will never show it to my buddies. I will never show it to my commanding officer. In fact, I will never show it to anyone

* I will only join the Allied force.
o If it is after 1945, I will not join the Soviet military.
o On second thought, let's go ahead and scrap the "after 1945" bit.
o Unless it's anime, in which case it's perfectly ok to be an Axis soldier, as it's probably an alternate universe and Those Wacky Nazis probably don't exist anyway.

* I will not be a spy.

* I will be thin.

* I will never remove my helmet, assuming I wore one in the first place.

* I will not go crazy. I will take every precaution to avoid going mad, such as regular therapy, calming thoughts, and immediately reporting my condition to my superiors if I seem to be becoming unbalanced.

* I will not be the friend or relative of a major character.

* I will fight the final battle with the least powerful and technologically advanced weapon.

* I will not try to collect any tokens or souvenirs. ...Unless they can be placed in my breast pocket, or are given to me by beautiful young women or children whose lives I have saved, in which case they may be helpful.

* I will be either the most jaded (but NOT cruel) or the most naive (but NOT idealistic) member of the group, and make sure to "learn" about either the importance of teamwork or the true horror of war by the end.

* I will not invoke Catch-22.

* If the sergeant says "I'm not making you go; anyone who wants to can bow out of this with no consequences", I'll bow out of it.

* I will not be the poet, or the really smart guy.

* I will not name my gun. It never helps.

* If the war involves Humongous Mecha, I will angst as much as I can about the horrors of what I am facing. Also, I will refrain from engaging any enemy mecha that looks slightly different than the usual enemy mechs, or was stolen from our side. And I will stay the hell away from any red ones.

* I will wait to be conscripted, or, if I absolutely must enlist voluntarily, I will endeavor to be suitably disillusioned by the time the film actually starts. In any case I will NOT be puppyishly enthusiastic about "putting my life on the line for Queen and Country!"

* Similarly, if I absolutely must enlist voluntarily, I will not lie about my age to do it. I will wait until I have reached the required age.
* I will not be the youngest member of my squadron, platoon or unit. If I am, I will get a mentor figure as soon as possible.

* I will not be the oldest member of my squad, platoon or unit. If I am, I will not become a mentor figure to any new recruit.

* I will not mention to anyone, under any circumstance, that my tour of duty or enlistment is going to be up soon.

* While it helps to be attractive, I will do my best to not become too beautiful to live. Unless I am a female, in which case I must strive to be the more conventionally attractive of the two main female characters.

* While a dry, gallows humour may help keep my spirits up and endear me to the audience, I will not be the company clown.

 

That's hilarious!


I will take every precaution to avoid going mad, such as regular therapy, calming thoughts, and immediately reporting my condition to my superiors if I seem to be becoming unbalanced.

If I'm injured, I will arrange to be transferred to the 4077th MASH. Once there, I will be as big a jerk as possible and insist I absolutely have to go back out into the field.