As of last call last night I have been clean and sober for 20 years. It blows my mind. The loss of my wife and the resulting spiral nearly ended me. I thought I was gonna die. I did some shameful things, but I didn't drink. Those were the darkest days of my life. It feels good to be back on an even path again. I have a new wife and we are closing this week on our new house. I'm letting my mom and my sister (who has terminal cancer) live in my old house. The hard times, it seems, are not over. But at least for now my self-distructive behaviour is.