Story [Twilight] Glimpse--A poem about Alice's first vision of Jasper

Note: This was inspired by Gaze by Lon Dubh. When I saw that wonderful art, I contacted the author and asked permission to write something based off of it. It came out as this poem. Yes, I know it should have punctuation, but it is meant to have the disjointed feel of someone who has been insane and is reacquainting herself with coherence.
*****
Alive
Alert and awake
I am truly alive
but cannot comprehend
where I have come from
or
where I am going

I gaze
upwards
towards the light of understanding
and catch a glimpse

Strong features
and garnet eyes
a face
that is all angles
all defense
meant to be
all mine

It is gone in a moment
swallowed whole
by other sensations
the smell of rain
the temptation
of human blood
very near
the sigh and groan
of conversation

But the face returns
turns towards me
from shadows
into light
as if he too has been looking
for me
and me alone
for all time

His face is so clear
and so present
that I can nearly feel
the cool of his skin
the press of his lips
against mine
I can almost hear him
calling my name
in reverence
and in affection
as a term of endearment
and possession

My mouth forms an unfamiliar name,
"Jasper"
and I know
that though I have never had the chance
to gaze
upon his face
that I have been looking
for him
all along

 

Very nice, Ish. I like it without punctuation ( ), it works. I can really see the inspiration from the art.

Awesome work!

 

So beautiful!! I love the disjointed feel

 

WOW! That was amazing, Ish! And so very beautiful!

I really like the lack of punctuation! It definitely gave the disjointed feel and really worked for this!

Wonderful job!

 

Lovely. I think the disjointed style did a lot in respect to Alice's situation- I admire that you incorporated that, too.

Very nice!

 

You're good at these poems, Ish. I've enjoyed your Leia poems as well.

This captures what Alice's visions might feel like as well as her uncertainty of the feeling Jasper's image stir within her.

My mouth forms an unfamiliar name,
"Jasper"
and I know
that though I have never had the chance
to gaze
upon his face
that I have been looking
for him
all along

Nice.

 

wow, this is beautiful

discovery and emotion

but not sentimentality

beautifully done!