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Story [Twilight] If It Kills Me - Songfic

Discussion in 'Non Star Wars Fan Fiction' started by jmsbndgrl, Nov 7, 2009.

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  1. jmsbndgrl

    jmsbndgrl Jedi Master star 4

    Dec 31, 2004
    Title: If It Kills Me
    Author: JmsBndGrl
    Genre: Songfic
    Characters: Jacob, Bella
    Summary: New Moon Songfic told from Jacob?s perspective. Song is ?If It Kills Me,? (from the Casanova Sessions) by Jason Mraz.
    Disclaimer: I do not own the Twilight Saga. I?m just borrowing Stephenie Meyer?s characters for a bit. I also do not own ?If It Kills Me,? by Jason Mraz.
    Note: Anyone who knows me, knows I?m on Team Edward, but I heard this song and it made me think of Jacob..


    ?You like me, right?? I spoke quickly from our bench outside the movie theater?s bathroom. I should probably feel bad that Bella?s friend was sick, but he had presented me with an opportunity I could not pass up. Bella shifted uncomfortably within the circle of the arm I had placed around her shoulder, but she did not completely shrug me off.

    I know she did not want to talk about this. She did not want to admit that her feelings for me were growing, and I knew now was not the time for that admission. However, I could tell she already knew how I felt, and though I knew I would have to wait for her to finally be honest with herself over her feelings, I wanted her to hear where I stood.

    Hello, tell me you know
    Yeah, you figured me out
    Something gave it away

    ?You know I do.? Her response, although strained, was like music to my ears. It was not what I ultimately wanted, but it was a start. However, under my arm I could feel her shoulders tense, and knew I had to put her at ease. In response to her comment I added, ?Better than that joker puking his guts out in there??

    ?Yes,? I heard her sigh and I could almost hear the smile she tried to hold back. Pressing on after her response, I continued, ?Better than any of the other guys you know??

    ?Better than the girls, too,? She supplied, turning to look at me for the first time since I started.

    ?But that?s all.? I replied in answer, reflexively tightening my arm around her, knowing that would sting at the wounds she carried from the Cullens? departure. I did not want to hurt her, but she also needed to know where we both stood.

    And it would be such a beautiful moment
    To see the look on your face
    To know that I know that you know now

    ?Yes.? Bella supplied in a whisper, her eyes willing me to understand that she could not give me anything else. I just smiled at her before replying. ?That?s okay, you know. As long as you like me the best. And you think I?m good looking ? sort of. I?m prepared to be annoyingly persistent.? Maybe I laid it on a bit thick at the end, but she, herself had admitted that I was ?sort of beautiful.? That was the day I knew there were cracks in the walls she had put up around her and I had every intention of breaking through those cracks, even if it was a slow process.

    And baby that's a case of my wishful thinking
    You know nothing

    ?I?m not going to change.? She spoke with a mournful tone, reminding me of the mess she had been the day she brought our bikes to me. She had looked dead that day, but with each passing day we?ve spent together I?ve watched her gradually come back to life. The loss of her boyfriend and taken its toll and although I would never say it, I secretly wished he would pay the price for what he did to her.

    I took a moment to think of how best to respond to her. I knew what she was trying to say, but if I voiced it aloud, would she run from me? And if I said nothing would I ever get anywhere with her? I told myself I would be patient, but at the same time I knew we needed honesty to build on the foundations of our friendship if we were ever going to have our relationship progress.

    Resolved to what I wanted, I softened my tone as I stated, ?It?s still the other one, isn?t it?? Despite the gentleness in my tone I still watched her cringe and added, ?You don?t have to talk about it. But don?t get mad at me for hanging around, okay?? I patted her head in a friendly gesture in an attempt to lighten the mood before finishing with
  2. Miana Kenobi

    Miana Kenobi Admin Emeritus star 8 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    Apr 5, 2000
    Aww that was beautifully done! The song was a great fit and worked with the mood so well! I'm not a huge Jacob fan but you wrote him so well in conveying his hurt and feelings.

    Nice job!
  3. NYCitygurl

    NYCitygurl Manager Emeritus star 9 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    Jul 20, 2002
    That was great!! It provides a nice, not-whiney perspective on Jacob and really makes me feel bad for him. Great job!
  4. jmsbndgrl

    jmsbndgrl Jedi Master star 4

    Dec 31, 2004
    Miana Kenobi: I'm not a huge Jacob fan either. He's nice enough, but he just isn't Edward. I never thought I would write a Jacob fanfiction, but I heard the song and the plot bunny hit me. Thanks for reading!

    NYCitygurl: I thought Jacob was ok in New Moon. In my opinion he didn't get whiney until Eclipse, but at the same time can't really blame him for it with what was going on. Thanks for reading.
  5. Kynstar

    Kynstar Jedi Knight star 5

    Mar 2, 2004
    Oh this was awesome! Loved it! (sorry folks I'm a Jacob fan [face_blush] ) So felt for Jacob in this tale (and the movie) I mean she nearly leads Jacob on and then dumps her once a Cullen returns ... well I know the reason ;) and that it was important for her to go...but that was sad the way it ends :( The movie did an excellent job I thought. :D

    Thanks for sharing this! Great work :D
  6. jmsbndgrl

    jmsbndgrl Jedi Master star 4

    Dec 31, 2004
    Kynstar: Glad you enjoyed it. I'm on Team Edward, so this was a bit of a challenge getting into Jacob's head, but it was a great song, and that helps me in building the story. The moment I heard this song, it made me think of Jacob and New Moon. Didn't hurt that we were also being constantly bombarded with New Moon news all the time. ;) I would say that I genuinely did feel sorry for Jacob in New Moon, until he nearly killed Edward with that all important phone call. I know Stephenie Meyer explained that he didn't know that was Edward on the phone and I put that in this story as well, but I don't care, he still almost killed my favorite vampire, and I hold a grudge. ;) Thanks for reading. :)
  7. ratna

    ratna Jedi Knight star 4

    Mar 1, 2007
    I felt that Bella started out on the wrong foot with Jacob right from the get-go when she tried to 'seduce' the story about the Cullens and the Quileutes out of him there on First Beach. And it pretty much went downhill from there. I had so wanted to care about Bella, too. Anyway, nice Jacob POV here.
  8. jmsbndgrl

    jmsbndgrl Jedi Master star 4

    Dec 31, 2004
    Ratna: See I would disagree. Yes, she should not have "seduced" Jacob, but I don't think it did that much harm. After that Jacob got to see her and Edward together so he knew where he stood. Also, there is about a two year age difference between Jacob and Bella and at 15 and 17, or 16 and 18, that age disparity can be huge. There is a different level of maturity at that age. There is even a difference in maturity between two 17 year olds, but Edward's been around so long, that he's been able to get past his immaturity. I can see why Bella would see Jacob as much younger than her, which she mentions in the beginning of New Moon. She starts to change this view throughout the story, but the disparity is there. I think the real problem with Jacob starts in New Moon when she hangs out with him so much, and is then exacerbated in Eclipse and Breaking Dawn because she clings to him. That whole bit irks me a little because I find Bella irrational, but she is also only 17/18 in the saga going through some major life decisions. Some of her behavior I feel is her age and then the "magic" that has wrapped itself around her life. I think the point is Jacob is reality and Edward is the fantasy. So if the vampires did not exist Jacob would not have been a wolf and she probably would have ended up with him. However, instead Edward does exist and is her soul mate, countering what she could have had with Jacob. Bella mentions this in the end of Eclipse. And at the end of the day, its just a story, and is there anything wrong with choosing the fantasy? If I had my choice I'd pick the fantasy, but then again I'm on Team Edward, but to each her own. Glad you enjoyed it. Thanks for reading.
  9. ratna

    ratna Jedi Knight star 4

    Mar 1, 2007
    jmsbndgrl: Points all well taken! I am Team Edward thru and thru by the way. I just wished for a little more respect for Jacob as a person rather than an emotional crutch. In that regard I think it was Bella who was being immature, although, as you have so rightly pointed out, perfectly age appropriate. Perhaps I was hoping for Bella to stand out as being somehow more soulful than her peers, to have a special spiritual dimension, of which the overpoweringly beautiful scent of her blood was the physical manifestation. Yes, I am totally into it as a story/myth, aren't I? :p

    Anyway, I felt that you gave Jacob a needed voice, here, and wanted to show my appreciation. =D=
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