Story [Twilight] May We Have Our Halloween?--Post-Breaking Dawn humor

This time, Charlie had gone too far. I could understand him wanting to give Renesmee a normal childhood?we all wanted that insofar as it was possible?but he had overstepped his bounds as a grandfather and now I was having to clean up the mess.

It had all started with one of our usual visits. Charlie had nothing to do on a lonely Saturday and I offered to bring over spaghetti, meatballs and his favorite granddaughter. It was the middle of the playoffs and Charlie spent most of the time trying to explain things like the infield fly rule to Renesmee. Before she could start to fidget as all good Swan-Cullens did when listening to one of Charlie?s sports soliloquies, I made a quick trip to the car to find the book of Shakespeare stories that she had been reading this morning.

And then I heard them, the words that ruined my day.

?So, Nessie,? Charlie cooed in his kooky-old-grandpa voice, ?what are you going to be for Halloween??

?What am I going to be?? she echoed, sounding confused.

?Yeah, are you going to be a princess? A ninja, maybe??

There was a long pause while my daughter contemplated the nonsense her grandfather was spouting and Charlie guessed everything from Snoopy to a Mighty Morphin? Power Ranger. If I had been a human, I probably would have gotten a headache around now. Instead, I ground my teeth and dashed off to her rescue.

?Hey, Bells,? Charlie called, ?this cutie doesn?t know what she?s being for Halloween. Don?t you need to decide that soon??

?We?ve got plenty of time,? I rationalized frantically, ?and we hadn?t really thought about it yet.?

?Well, you?d better hurry,? he counseled. ?I was at Wal-Mart the other day and most of the good costumes are already gone.?

I?d have to relay this to Alice. She balked at the idea of Renesmee wearing anything that wasn?t designer and I could just imagine her reaction to the idea of her niece wearing a polyester catsuit from Wal-Mart.

?Thanks for the advice,? I said smoothly. ?Here you go.?

Renesmee took the book, but was too engrossed in watching a replay of a throwing error by Victorino to read. I rolled my eyes.

?Hey, I need to make a phone call,? I said blithely. ?Do you mind watching the munchkin for a minute??

?Sure,? he called around a mouthful of meatball. ?Jacob and Billy are going to be here soon anyway, so she?ll have plenty of babysitters.?

Great. Jacob would probably be just as helpful with this as Charlie. I headed upstairs to my old room and sprawled on the bed with one hand over my eyes more out of habit than need.

?Bella,? Edward greeted. ?How?s Charlie??

?Nosy,? I answered with a sigh. ?He wants to know what Renesmee?s being for Halloween.?

There was a contemplative silence. Finally, he spoke again and sounded annoying unperturbed.

?It?s not something we forgot,? he admitted. ?I just don?t think we had planned on celebrating. We certainly didn?t last year.?

?Last year, we all had other things on our mind,? I pointed out. ?This year, Charlie probably wants to drag out that gosh-awful plastic pumpkin suit that he used to wear for the policemen?s Halloween party. I hadn?t thought of making her go through that.?

?Of course we hadn?t,? he deadpanned. ?No one foresees plastic pumpkin men.?

?It?s not as if we can take her trick-or-treating!?

?Well, not around the neighborhood,? he agreed, ?but we could always visit a few family friends??

?Absolutely not,? I interrupted. ?I don?t want to know what a succubus thinks is a trick or treat.?

?I was talking about Charlie, the Blacks, maybe the Clearwaters,? he soothed. ?You know Seth would enjoy it.?

Last I checked, Seth was planning to be a zombie for Halloween, but I doubted that would bother Renesmee. She had enough experience with the macabre undead to last her a lifetime.

?If you?re opposed to the idea of taking her, Jacob can do it,? he suggested.

I was not so much annoyed as flustered. I hated being caught off-guard and Charlie had managed to pull off that feat.

?No, we

 

I've never read the Twilight books, but my cousin is crazy for them. I did enjoy your story very much though. Great job, I just love to read Fan Fiction.

 

Brilliant and hilarious as usual

 

That... was made of awesome. Edward and Jake dressing as each other for Halloween... that should've been in Breaking Dawn.

 

GuNgAnFaN3090--LOL, believe me, it would be much more amusing if you had read the books. Thanks for reading in spite of not really knowing about them.

NYCitygurl--Thanks and glad you enjoyed as usual.

Handmaiden_Rabe--LOL, thanks. I had way too much fun with this overall. The best part for me was definitely the "role reversal" that was inspired by a fic in which Mike Newton comes to a Forks High Halloween dressed as Dracula.

 

That rocked. I loved Jacob and Edward's costume choices, there. Good one for Bella, too. Yeah, she's the bride of a monster all right.

 

Okay, so you got my pre-twilight review. Now I've read all the books and read this little story again. Loved it!

I love how you got Jacob's character dead right, he was always one of my favorites. Loved his and Edward's costumes too, very funny.



Looks like I have a lot more twilight Fan Fiction to go check out... !