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Story [Twilight] Metastasis (vignette | Carlisle, Edward)

Discussion in 'Non Star Wars Fan Fiction' started by jedi_of_ennth, Jul 28, 2008.

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  1. jedi_of_ennth

    jedi_of_ennth Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Mar 1, 2005
    Title: Metastasis
    Author: jedi_of_ennth
    Characters: Carlisle, Edward
    Genre: Angst
    Summary: I am a lonely monster?and I believe that I have met my son.
    A/N: Lyrics in italics from Falling Up?s Drago or the Dragons

    *

    one cholera outbreak; the blinds are pulled,
    the shades are drawn here once again


    Sweet isolation and darkness mean dreams for every other doctor, relief from the claustrophobia of one thousand sickbeds. Though I maintain every pretense of humanity, sleep will never still my thoughts again. And isolation?isolation is no longer a comfort.

    I am a lonely monster?and I believe that I have met my son.

    Edward Masen will die soon. I already see Heaven?s angels reflected in his eyes when he blinks weakly up at me through his pain. Influenza seeks to claim him for herself; I would very much like to spare him her lethal ministrations, but the cost will be terrible, and he is in no condition to consent to the life I will damn him to almost-live.

    I have no right to choose, says the Bible across my knees. God the Father condemned his only Son for the sake of a million souls; I am not so holy. My son will be condemned only to share my eternities of misery?there can be no resurrection from this lifelong tomb. Though made a monster, I could never act so selfishly as to make a monster of another.

    a late aesthetic exit is impossible
    but not from rafter sins


    Elizabeth Masen pleads for her son. Somehow she finds the power to defy the end, to clench her teeth and take my hand and beg with otherworldly authority.

    ?Save him,? she gasps; her eyes know. They are the pure green of youth and spring and truth; there are angels in those depths. Is she speaking of her own accord, or are those spirits dancing in her gaze sent from Heaven to dictate my path?

    I promise, unsure of what I am promising and who I am promising it to. Elizabeth?s eyes pierce my pretenses like knives, shredding my excuses into bloody rags. And then her thin eyelids veil the daggers, her eyelashes fall like pale feathers against her still-paler skin.

    The angels are gone. I must act alone.

    this mathematic sunset starts
    a neck to sink her teeth into again


    Can I conquer one disease only to perpetuate another? Edward?s eyes have fallen closed, echoing his mother?s; if those eyes ever open again, they will have traded their gemstone hues for charcoal anguish, emerald vehemence for midnight thirst. I hesitate, a father on the verge of unholy adoption, and then a mother?s love decides Edward?s fate and moves my hands.

    He murmurs from the chasms of delirium as I move him to the morgue; his mother lies dead beneath thin linen, and I wonder if she knows?if she sees?if she realizes what she has given me the resolve to do. It is only the memory of the way the fever roared through her eyes as it picked her frail body to pieces that allows me to steal Edward from the hospital; her strength makes me equal to this nightmarish task.

    I act.

    He screams.

    His fever will abate as my venom mars his blood. He will never burn with influenza?s zeal again. His skin will frost over, attain the properties of marble as supernatural rigor mortis gains ground; he will relearn breathing as a voluntary abstraction.

    But for now he writhes on the carpet, screaming wordless agony as I crucify him in the name of fatherly love and a mother?s final breath.

    I am a lonely monster?but now I have a son.

    .fin

    *

    Comments are great; concrit is awesome. :)
     
  2. mavjade

    mavjade It's so FLUFFY! Fanfic Manager star 6 Staff Member Manager

    Registered:
    Sep 10, 2005
    WOW ennth!! That was very powerful!!

    I can definitly see those thoughts coming from Carlise!

    Is she speaking of her own accord, or are those spirits dancing in her gaze sent from Heaven to dictate my path?

    I hesitate, a father on the verge of unholy adoption, and then a mother?s love decides Edward?s fate and moves my hands.
    Those two lines were particularly powerful!!

    =D= Wonderful job!! =D=
    Thank you for sharing with us!
     
  3. NYCitygurl

    NYCitygurl Manager Emeritus star 9 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    Registered:
    Jul 20, 2002
    Woah, this is awesome!!

    Religious tones usually turn me off, but I love the comparisons and symbolism in this. It's very moving, the way you show Carlisle's thoughts and indecision.

    Absolutely beautiful.
     
  4. DarthIshtar

    DarthIshtar Jedi Grand Master star 9

    Registered:
    Mar 26, 2001
    Very nice interpretation of this.
     
  5. Idrelle_Miocovani

    Idrelle_Miocovani Jedi Master star 6

    Registered:
    Feb 5, 2005
    Brilliant, ennth! Very powerful vignette; I think you hit Carlisle spot-on. :)
     
  6. emeraldshadow

    emeraldshadow Jedi Youngling star 3

    Registered:
    Oct 7, 2005
    I just love this vig. You have Carlisle's voice down perfectly.
     
  7. jaina1415

    jaina1415 Jedi Youngling star 1

    Registered:
    Jul 16, 2008
    This was absolutely amazing. Definitely Carlisle. It was very easy to understand his emotions. Way to go!!! =D=
     
  8. Flowerlady

    Flowerlady Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Dec 14, 2005
    Wow...I can definitely see Carlisle's intervoice like this...

    Wonderful little vig. =D=


    FL @};-
     
  9. ZekksGoddess

    ZekksGoddess Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Oct 2, 2004
    Sam, this is absolutely amazing!

    Sweet isolation and darkness mean dreams for every other doctor, relief from the claustrophobia of one thousand sickbeds. Though I maintain every pretense of humanity, sleep will never still my thoughts again. And isolation?isolation is no longer a comfort.
    So true for poor Carlisle. Lovely wording.

    I have no right to choose, says the Bible across my knees. God the Father condemned his only Son for the sake of a million souls; I am not so holy. My son will be condemned only to share my eternities of misery?there can be no resurrection from this lifelong tomb. Though made a monster, I could never act so selfishly as to make a monster of another.
    The way you used religion here is wonderful- I know it was mentioned in the series, but seeing it really explored by Carlisle here, concerning such an important moment is enrapturing.

    ?Save him,? she gasps; her eyes know. They are the pure green of youth and spring and truth; there are angels in those depths. Is she speaking of her own accord, or are those spirits dancing in her gaze sent from Heaven to dictate my path?
    Your depiction of Carlisle's conflict is incredible- the confusion, the indecision, it's all amazing.

    I promise, unsure of what I am promising and who I am promising it to. Elizabeth?s eyes pierce my pretenses like knives, shredding my excuses into bloody rags. And then her thin eyelids veil the daggers, her eyelashes fall like pale feathers against her still-paler skin.
    I love this imagery. It made me shiver.

    But for now he writhes on the carpet, screaming wordless agony as I crucify him in the name of fatherly love and a mother?s final breath.
    I am a lonely monster?but now I have a son.

    Heartbreaking, and yet, fulfilling.

    Beautiful work. Your characterization of Carlisle was incredible, and dead-on. I loved it.

    =D=
     
  10. jedi_of_ennth

    jedi_of_ennth Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Mar 1, 2005
    mavjade: Thanks for reading! :)

    NYCitygurl: I?m not used to incorporating religious themes into fic, but they seemed to fit well with Carlisle. I?m glad you didn?t think they were too much. :)

    DarthIshtar: Thanks!

    Idrelle_Miocovani: Thanks! Carlisle is one of my favorite characters.

    emeraldshadow: Thank you. :)

    jaina1415: Thanks for reading! :D

    Flowerlady: Glad you enjoyed it!

    ZekksGoddess: Thanks for the great review. :) Carlisle?s views on religion make him a very compelling character, IMO. I would love to see more of his POV in canon.
     
  11. Irish_Jedi_Jade

    Irish_Jedi_Jade Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Jul 19, 2007
    OH my gosh!

    :eek:

    That was AMAZING! Beyond amazing, that was...wow! Holy flying....just wow. =D=

    But for now he writhes on the carpet, screaming wordless agony as I crucify him in the name of fatherly love and a mother?s final breath.

    I am a lonely monster?but now I have a son.


    :_| :eek: =D= [face_love] [:D]

    Beyond spectacular! Your writing style is so...wow! It sounds like Carlisle!!!

    Bravo!
    [face_good_luck] Irish
     
  12. brodiew

    brodiew Jedi Grand Master star 5

    Registered:
    Oct 11, 2005
    This is truly a powerful piece, j_o_e.

    Your use description is enriches the content and the Carlisle's tone is haunting and guilt-ridden even has "saves" Edward from death.

    His fever will abate as my venom mars his blood. He will never burn with influenza?s zeal again. His skin will frost over, attain the properties of marble as supernatural rigor mortis gains ground; he will relearn breathing as a voluntary abstraction.

    But for now he writhes on the carpet, screaming wordless agony as I crucify him in the name of fatherly love and a mother?s final breath.


    This is a wonderful description of the conversion.

    Well done.
     
  13. ratna

    ratna Jedi Knight star 4

    Registered:
    Mar 1, 2007
    Pitch perfect from first word to last.

    Rock my world!


     
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