Beyond - Legends Twisted Fates: A Jedi's Fate- CHAPTER SIX IS UP! 1/28/05 Authors note..READ! GIVE FEEDBACK!

Bump...COME ON, GUYS! The writing isn't THAT bad, is it?

 

Here's the next part of chapter five. This is where the torture/interrogation comes in. PLEASE GIVE ME FEEDBACK!

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Examination Room
AA635-193

The room Avalynn was taken to was filled with different machines and contraptions that Avalynn didn?t even want to know what their purpose was. The image of Brayon?s first encounter in a room such as this flashed through her mind. Needles, suction cups, electric shocks . . .

The guards pulled her toward a chair that lay half way back with straps on it and pushed her in, quickly strapping her ankles, wrists, waist, and neck down tightly. Her right arm was turned so the under part was shown. One of the guards began rubbing some sort of yellow substance on a large area of her arm before stepping back.

Avalynn watched in horror as one of the guards stepped toward her with a branding iron that was red-hot. She shook her head, trying to escape from the straps but they were too tight.

The guard holding the iron stood above her and pressed the iron onto her bare skin, making it sizzle as medal connected to skin.

?AH!? She screamed at the top of her lungs, biting her lower lip after a moment.

The skin sizzled as the iron was pulled away, revealing the numbers that had now been branded into her skin. Steam began to rise from the surface of her skin and into the air, soon disappearing after just seconds.

Avalynn tried to remember the relaxation technique her master was trying to teach her. What had he said? Pull in on the Force, let it flow. Forget your surroundings, forget everything, and just concentrate. But the pain was too immense for her to do that.

She heard the door slide open and then closed and the figure of the Sith Apprentice who had captured her came toward her, smirking down at her.

?It was not long ago that your brother Brayon was in this position, young Lorran. He was able to keep from talking after his examination. I wonder if you?ll be able to do the same,? Kathan said.

Avalynn closed her eyes, saying nothing. She pulled in on the Force, beginning to concentrate on pushing the pain away.

?What to do first, hmm? We can make this easy for you, you know. Of course, the branding is permanent, and there is one thing that we require of our more important prisoners such as yourself, but other than that, you could save yourself a lot of pain,? he said.

Avalynn shook her head, opening her eyes again and looking at him, ?I don?t know what you want from me. How can you expect me to tell you anything??

He laughed, ?You are Brayon?s sister, which means you must know what he knows about the Sith Holocron. He once told us that he had destroyed it, but if it had been destroyed, we would have known immediately. The Sith have a connection to it. Now, tell me what you know of the Holocron.?

Avalynn shook her head, ?He?s told me nothing.?

Saying nothing, Kathan stepped back and let four guards form around Avalynn, one at each side. One of them held a collar with three small squares marked with different colors. One guard unstrapped Avalynn?s neck and held her head still as the guard placed the collar around her neck and locked it in place.

?Stop! Let me go!? Avalynn cried out, but she knew it would do no good; she was trapped.

The collar seemed to tighten around her neck, adjusting to the length and width of it. A button was pressed and the squares began flashing slowly, each a different color.

The guards began to undo the straps, taking a tight hold onto her arms and bringing her toward a changing curtain. They pushed her behind it and waited.

Inside the changing curtain, the curtain seemed to close around her. Above was a shower; it turned on and hot water began to pore down onto Avalynn, making her cry out in pain as the hot water touched her mark on her arm.

The hot water turned off and suddenly a bucket of soap appeared above, held onto by a mechanical hand with a white glove on, the arm long and silver colored. The hand pored the soap onto her and three more of the hands appeared, this time h

 

Bump...Where the heack is my feedback? PLEASE GIVE ME SOMETHING to be excited about with this, guys...Please?

 

I do promise to read this. The bit I've read was pretty good so far. I've only read half the first chapter. But seeing as I need to go to bed at this moment, I will finish in the morning. One thing I notice though, is the your sotry is a bit difficult to read at times because of spacing. Try puttin spaces between paragraphs and spoken parts. It makes it a lot easier for a reader/reviewr.

~*Whisper*~

 

I've also only read the first post, my time is limited on the boards. But I will make sure to check this one out every time I get here. It's too good to miss!

 

You've done very well, so far. I like this, really I do. A lot of my characters are OCs too. Try not to beg for reviews so much. Going to other peoples stories and posting there is very helpful in getting your stories read, trust me, I speak from experience. Try NYcitygurl's Family Ties. I'm sure she'd email you the first two stories in the series, if you asked her. Narundi_Jedi has very lively threads too..Try posting in some of the more active threads. It's almost guarenteed you'll get readers. It just takes time.

~*Whisper*~

 

Jedi_WhispersI do promise to read this. The bit I've read was pretty good so far. I've only read half the first chapter. But seeing as I need to go to bed at this moment, I will finish in the morning. One thing I notice though, is the your sotry is a bit difficult to read at times because of spacing. Try puttin spaces between paragraphs and spoken parts. It makes it a lot easier for a reader/reviewr.

~*Whisper*~

I -have- spaced it. I have to put spaces between paragraphs on another message board, so I usually just copy and paste it from there and onto here. I will try to fix the paragraphs thought after I reply to this. Thanks for reading it! Glad I've finally got some readers. I'll hopefully be posting the next chapter, if not part of it, soon.


WhosScruffyLooking: I've also only read the first post, my time is limited on the boards. But I will make sure to check this one out every time I get here. It's too good to miss!

Thanks! Glad someone thinks so. Thanks for reading it!


 Jedi_Whispers: You've done very well, so far. I like this, really I do. A lot of my characters are OCs too. Try not to beg for reviews so much. Going to other peoples stories and posting there is very helpful in getting your stories read, trust me, I speak from experience. Try NYcitygurl's Family Ties. I'm sure she'd email you the first two stories in the series, if you asked her. Narundi_Jedi has very lively threads too..Try posting in some of the more active threads. It's almost guarenteed you'll get readers. It just takes time.

Trust me, I've given reviews for a lot of other stories. I had almost forgotten about this myself, but I used to go under the username JediDannySkywalker, and I got a lot of reviews for the stories I posted there, mainly because they were canon/OC stories. I think I started to read Family Ties, though I'm not 100% sure. There are a couple stories I'm keeping my eye on that I really liked. I hope that they start reading my stuff soon since I've read theirs.

I'll try to get the next chapter finished soon. Muahaha.


Edit: I just fixed the spacing in the first chapter. If the other chapters need it, I'll fix them, too. READ MORE!

 

Okay. Here is CHAPTER SIX! Yay! I think I might finally be over my writers block and might actually be able to FINISH a story...Now hopefully I can finish a series...

Chapter Six
To the Rescue; Brayon?s Sacrifice

Sith Prison
The Cell
The Next Day

When Avalynn woke up, Brayon was gone. She assumed he had been taken to be tortured; when she felt a cry of pain sore in her heart, she knew her assumption as true. She could feel his pain.

She sat up slowly, still sore from the ordeal she had gone through the night before. The collar was still around her neck and it seemed to get tighter every minute. The door slid open and two storm troopers entered.

Oh, Force. Now what do they want with me? she thought.

?Get up, Jedi,? one of the guards sneered from beneath his helmet.

The troopers turned around for a moment and Avalynn sent a glare to the troopers back. She stood slowly, glancing down at her arm. She hoped a nice dip in a bacta tank would be able to heal her ?mark?.

After a moment, they turned back to face her and one of them backed into the room pulling on a table that lay flat with straps on it. Avalynn swallowed hard, not wanting to know what they planned on doing next.

One guard walked toward her and grabbed her arms, bringing her to the table. The second guard bent down to pick her up by her feet and the two lifted her onto the table, strapping her down tightly.
?No! Let me go!? she yelled, struggling beneath the straps.

The guards began to wheel her down the hallway, pushing her into a room different from the first one she?d been in. A button was pressed and the table began to move up so she sat up and Avalynn found herself practically staring into the eyes of Kathan.

?How are you today, my Princess?? Kathan asked.

?Why do you keep calling me that, Sith scum?? she sneered, knowing that she would pay for it within moments.

Kathan laughed, shaking a finger at her, ?Such a temper, Avalynn. I?m sure that will soon change. You see, my master grows impatient with you, and wishes to extract whatever information you have as soon as possible. Once you?ve given us the information we need, you and I will be wed. Isn?t it perfect??

?I told you, I don?t know anything,? Avalynn said. She closed her eyes for a moment, trying to keep herself from getting angry, ?I will not marry you. There is someone else I love, someone that my life for could never change.?

?So be it, Jedi,? Kathan said, no emotion on his face. He stepped back and watched as the examiners stepped forward to begin their work once more.

Once more, the electric shock belt was wrapped around her waist, and the white circles put on her legs, arms, stomach, and forehead. The two troopers then stepped forward and began pushing the table out of the room and down the hall, Kathan following behind her.

Avalynn frowned, unsure of what was going on. Soon, they came into the throne room and Avalynn swallowed hard, knowing that she was once again going to face the Sith Lord keeping her prisoner.

The guards stood by Avalynn, one on each side, bowing their heads at the man who sat upon the throne with a crooked, evil smile on his face.

?Welcome, young Lorran. I trust you?ve had an excellent stay so far,? the Sith Lord said.

Avalynn said nothing, knowing that as soon as she made the Sith
angry, they?d turn the belt on or do something worse.

Kathan moved to stand by the table, patting Avalynn?s cheek, ?I?m afraid she?s been a little uncooperative, Master. She says she knows nothing about the Holocron.?

Avalynn pulled her head away as Kathan patted her cheek, sending a glare at him.

?Have you placed the dream sifter on her yet?? the Sith asked.

?No, Master. The technicians are currently rendering it to make it a little more?painful,? Kathan answered.

?Excellent See to it that she is the first to use it as soon as it is ready. Tonight will be the wedding ceremony of the youngest heir of the Lorran family to you, Kathan, and we will

 

Very nice, but i get the feeling Brayon is hiding something...

~*Whisper*~

 

As of right now, he's only hiding the memories he has of everything he knows of the Holocron...the tricky thing with this is going to be bringing the Holocron into A Jedi's Destiny when half of it is already written. I think I can still do it, but it's going to be hard.

Anyway...I'm slowly working toward a seventh chapter. Might be a few days late because I have to work a long day tomorrow and I might be losing a day to work on it Sunday...Blaaaaah. Anyone wanna work at McDonalds for me?

Oh yeah..PLEASE give more feedback! Thanks to those who already have!

 

Bah..I'm having a -liiiittle- bit of writers block with this story. I hate that...But I'm also working on a fantasy story (dang, I wish I could post those here...) that I thought I was having writers block with, but it turns out I'm not really. Being inspired at 1 AM is a good thing. So, erm...It might take a bit for me to update this. I might have some other story to post soon, hopefully one about my Skywalker character. She needs to be dusted off.
Anyway...Please read what I -have- posted and give me feedback..Lots and lots of it!

 

It is sort of weird.

 

I read your message about the lack of people reading OC stories. As an aspiring writer (well, on here anyway) who would rather not mess with the big name characters, I can relate. I'm going to try and read as much as I can and comment as I would also like feedback on my first story I put up yesterday. I saw my story hit the second page without any comments within a few hours. Harsh!

Anyway, I'm just now trying to catch up, but I like the story so far! I'll be sure to keep an eye out for Chapter 7. Don't worry about the block.. Something will hit you and the flood gates will open up. Keep up the great work!

 

darth91monkey- 'It's sort of weird'? What in the world do you mean by that? I mean...You don't just post something like that and not expect the author to want to know WHY you would say something like that.
Vesper2112- It sucks that original characters don't get as much attention as they should. The characters about Jaina and Jag's wedding, first child, first grandchild, get boring after a while...Especially if they're poorly written. I'm glad you like the story so far. I hate that I've just stopped, as usual, writing this story, but I'm attempting to work on a fantasy story and am hoping that this story will actually get finished, but I'm kind of doubting it. I almost wish this board allowed us to post original fantasy stories...And I wish they'd make a section for original characters. Oh well, though.