Two Hours of My Life I'll Never Get Back: The Absolutely, Obscenely Awful Movie and TV Thread

Discussion in 'Memphis, TN' started by Qui-Gon Tim, Jul 12, 2008.

Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.
  1. Qui-Gon Tim Memphis, TN FanForce Chapter Rep

    Chapter Rep
    Member Since:
    Apr 1, 2000
    star 5
    Yep. Sometimes you lose a couple hours of your life that you really didn't mean to lose. And sometimes you lose brain cells and IQ points in the process.

    Because sometimes you end up watching really, absolutely, obscenely-awful movies and TV shows.

    What sparked this thread?

    The "Star Wars Holiday Special"? Almost, but not quite.

    Catwoman? Close, but no Tender Vittles.

    Showgirls? Getting warmer, (but only because "I got towels").

    No... It was Andy Warhol's 1974 piece of cinematic tripe Flesh for Frankenstein, which is on as I type this, and which is soooooooooooo..... wait a sec... I need to add more "o's" to that.... oooooooooooooooooooo awful that I keep looking for Joel, Tom Servo, and Crow at the bottom of the screen.

    Yes, folks. This movie is so bad that I wish we could watch it together at a movie night just so I could hear the jokes everyone would make. It's bad enough to make Ed Wood say, "Damn, that's bad." It has enough fake gore and nudity to make Roger Corman say "Damn, that's a lot of fake gore, and some damned ugly naked people." It makes The Sensuous Nurse look like Citizen Kane. (At least if Ursula Andress was in it there'd be someone hot to look at!) It makes me want to watch the last Lord of the Rings movie again... in super slow motion! And if I weren't laughing so damned hard right now, I'd dig up Andy Warhol and tell him that I want my two hours back!

    So, share with the rest of the class, boys and girls... Tell us about the movies and shows that robbed you of a couple of hours of your lives.



  2. StarBlazerM31 Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Jan 8, 2005
    star 2
    The Hulk (the one from a couple years ago)
    Casino Royale
    Mission Impossible 3
    Doomsday



    -Darth Grace [face_skull]
  3. hyperspace_police FanForce CR Arkansas US

    Chapter Rep
    Member Since:
    Jun 22, 2005
    star 4
    Ummmm...

    I like the Holiday Christmas Special...Star Wars version... Only if it's played with the Riff Tracks behind it...

    You should show that and tape us all making fun of it and put it on the internet...

    I've got another one for you...

    But, The think is I kind of like it but, it's so wrong that it's not funny.

    It's called Reefer Madness the Musical and I'm bringing it with me next time I come to your place and we really really need to watch it...
    of course, you need reefer to watch it... but, thats another story...

    I think it was called

    The Age of Innocence... great costumes but my roommate at the time fell asleep....
  4. Commander Antilles Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Jul 21, 1999
    star 6
    The Blair Witch Project.

    It took me two nights to get through it on DVD, mainly because I couldn't believe it could be this bad with everyone raving about it and because I thought it had to improve at some point (it didn't). 2 hours of braindead idiots lost in a wood, swearing constantly, filmed with a camera that's being used by an epileptic who's forgotten his meds, in a film that dared call itself a horror when I've seen scarier Disney films, is my benchmark for cinematic hell. And you know the worst bit? Not one of them got turned into hamburger as a small gesture to make me feel slightly better over watching this abortion.
  5. Qui-Gon Tim Memphis, TN FanForce Chapter Rep

    Chapter Rep
    Member Since:
    Apr 1, 2000
    star 5
    Holy crap, Ben... That stupid movie was on this afternoon when I turned on the TV. I could've made that same movie at my sister's house for 20 bucks. (You could have made it for 8 pounds since the American dollar has crapped out on us. In fact, you may start seeing illegal aliens showing up in the UK- Illegal American aliens seeking work to send the more valuable British currency back home to support their families.)

    My movie submission for today: The Fountain. What in the high holy hell was up with that movie? It should have come with a vial of crack.

  6. hyperspace_police FanForce CR Arkansas US

    Chapter Rep
    Member Since:
    Jun 22, 2005
    star 4
    This episode of Dr Who called Warriors of the Deep....

    It was absolutely hideous. But had great fight scenes. I won't subject you to it... But, you still have to watch Reefer Madness the Musical.

  7. Obi_J_Kenobi Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Nov 15, 2002
    star 3
    The Hulk (ERic Banna version) *STill havent seen the new one..but I'll wait for the 2 buck theater*

    The Truman Show. (Walked out of that one.)

    Godzilla (Matt b. Version)

    *I'm sure there are more to come*

  8. JohnJacksonMiller Mastermind: KOTOR, LTotS, Knight Errant

    VIP
    Member Since:
    May 24, 2005
    star 3
    Not playing. The time I wrote in a magazine that Batman & Robin and Highlander 2 were noteworthy for having been the only two feature films completely written by baboons, I got an angry letter from the guy who worked the primate area of the Chicago Zoo, sticking up for the honor of his animals. Swear to God -- we even ran the letter.

    So I don't need to be ticking off any more of the animal kingdom... [face_pig]
  9. Qui-Gon Tim Memphis, TN FanForce Chapter Rep

    Chapter Rep
    Member Since:
    Apr 1, 2000
    star 5
    [face_laugh]

    Man, John, how could you insult baboons that way? I can understand their anger, especially considering those two films. You should have shot for the absolute lowest denominator on the writing scale and said that they were written by viruses or Joe Eszterhas.

    Here's mine for today: Starship Troopers. Brain Bugs, Doogie Howser, and... well, geez... is there any reason to continue after just those two? This one made me question the film studio industry's right to exist. This movie was so incredibly awful that it had to violate the Geneva Convention in some way. Had I been President Clinton back in 1996 and I had the foresight to know just how much of a cinematic colostomy bag of sheer torture that this film was going to be, I would've sent military troops into Tri-Star Studios to halt production.
  10. Commander Antilles Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Jul 21, 1999
    star 6

    I sat through Highlander 2 in the cinema. And enjoyed it. Then again, I was only 15 and.....

    **** it, I have no excuse. [face_blush]
  11. hyperspace_police FanForce CR Arkansas US

    Chapter Rep
    Member Since:
    Jun 22, 2005
    star 4
    Hmmmm.... I don't think that there will be that much hate mail directed to these forums...

    But... I came up with another one.... How about.... Strangers. And thats a recent movie.

    I've never been so glad that I snuck into a movie before...Cause if I'd paid money for that??? I would be demanding myself a refund...
  12. Aravis_Antilles Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Feb 20, 2003
    star 1
    Bandits
    Dumb and Dumber
    Hellboy 2
    (Yes, I'm well aware it was pretty. Even a little Gaiman-esque. But the storyline just makes me hate...oh wait, I already hated the franchise.)

    *more later*
  13. JohnJacksonMiller Mastermind: KOTOR, LTotS, Knight Errant

    VIP
    Member Since:
    May 24, 2005
    star 3
    Highlander 2 we saw in the old Fare 4 as a group, the night before a friend of mine got married; we'd intended to take him out and knock some sense into him, but the movie nearly killed him instead. People were actually jeering the screen Rocky-Horror style about halfway through. Never seen that before...

    I remember it also for one of my two favorite movie reviews. Roger Ebert's newspaper review was start-to-finish vicious: "This movie has to be seen to be believed. On the other hand, maybe that's too high a price to pay. "Highlander 2: The Quickening" is the most hilariously incomprehensible movie I've seen in many a long day - a movie almost awesome in its badness. Wherever science fiction fans gather, in decades and generations to come, this film will be remembered in hushed tones as one of the immortal low points of the genre." And that was just the start -- he wraps it up with "If there is a planet somewhere whose civilization is based on the worst movies of all time, "Highlander 2: The Quickening" deserves a sacred place among their most treasured artifacts." (The mere possibility of a review like that is why I never read my own reviews! [face_whistling] )

    My favorite review ever, though, came from the late Gene Siskel, who on the "At the Movies" show sat silently for a moment after the clip from Tony Danza's She's Out of Control completed. Then he sort of sighed and said, "You know, I think I'll just quit."
  14. Qui-Gon Tim Memphis, TN FanForce Chapter Rep

    Chapter Rep
    Member Since:
    Apr 1, 2000
    star 5
    Oh... :oops:... You had to bring up anything with Tony Danza that isn't "Taxi". Going Ape was bad enough.
  15. StarBlazerM31 Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Jan 8, 2005
    star 2
    Got another one.

    Nightwatch (the one with Ewan McGregor in it)

    The only reason I watched that messed up waste of time was because of Ewan and because Brad Dourif had a minor role in it. >.>



    -Darth Grace [face_skull]
  16. hyperspace_police FanForce CR Arkansas US

    Chapter Rep
    Member Since:
    Jun 22, 2005
    star 4
    Nightwatch... Is that the one with the dead girls and at the end some guy cuts his hand off or something like that to get out of handcuffs???
  17. Obi_J_Kenobi Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Nov 15, 2002
    star 3
    nightwatch was about a kid(ewan) who takes a job at a morgue. I don't remember the story line, as i saw it a long time ago, but it was a dump.


    Ill add a movie called, "The Outpost" all about some un dead Nazis haunting an abandoned WWII outpost. Don't ask me why I got it, the things we do at walmart late at night.
  18. StarBlazerM31 Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Jan 8, 2005
    star 2
    Yeah, that's the one.

    A serial killer was killing...girls of ill repute, and Ewan's character was working at the morgue they were all brought to (and somehow being blamed for the murders). Nick Nolte was the bad guy in that movie. But yeah...that movie was horrible.


    -Darth Grace [face_skull]
  19. Qui-Gon Tim Memphis, TN FanForce Chapter Rep

    Chapter Rep
    Member Since:
    Apr 1, 2000
    star 5
    Yeah, that one was pretty freakin' bad.

    I watched The Tulse Luper Suitcases. All three parts. Nine hours. They were written and directed by Peter Greenaway, the director who brought us The Pillow Book and Prospero's Books.

    I can't decide if I like them or not, but Greenaway has a way of telling a story in nine hours that could be told in two. In other words, I think I need to have my meds adjusted for watching it in the first place.
  20. Commander Antilles Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Jul 21, 1999
    star 6
    http://www.variety.com/article/VR1117989391.html?categoryid=13&cs=1

    This.

    You don't need to see something or even wait for filming to finish before knowing it's going to be an horrific crash and burn.
  21. Qui-Gon Tim Memphis, TN FanForce Chapter Rep

    Chapter Rep
    Member Since:
    Apr 1, 2000
    star 5
    :eek: :eek: :eek:

    Oh, nuuuuuuuuh-uuuuuuuuuh! Why in the high holy hell would they they even dare think that Rocky Horror needs a remake?
  22. TNPredsFan Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Nov 10, 2004
    star 4
    Because there are no original ideas left in Hollywood. We must remake every movie, TV show, children's toy, book, and video game into a movie.
  23. Qui-Gon Tim Memphis, TN FanForce Chapter Rep

    Chapter Rep
    Member Since:
    Apr 1, 2000
    star 5
    Broadway's going the same route: We now have musical versions of Legally Blond and Happy Days. What next? Deliverance: The Musical?

  24. StarBlazerM31 Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Jan 8, 2005
    star 2
    Well, they did make Evil Dead into a musical. Nothing is sacred anymore.
    And I heard they are wanting to remake The Princess Bride. Can there be no greater travesdy?! It's absolutely PERFECT the way it is!!!


    -Darth Grace [face_skull]
  25. Qui-Gon Tim Memphis, TN FanForce Chapter Rep

    Chapter Rep
    Member Since:
    Apr 1, 2000
    star 5
    Somebody stop the remake madness!

    Don't you just love it when they remake a movie that was already perfect? There have been two Steve Martin movies that fall into this category: Father of the Bride and The Pink Panther. Granted, I am a big fan of Steve Martin, but these movies just didn't need to be remade.

    The Hollywood studio machine is completely out of original ideas. You have to look to independent features for originality now. It's not surprising, though, especially since the film industry has become a bastion of investors seeking to make a return on their capital instead of a creative haven.
Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.