"Two Jedi Walked Into A Bar . . ." (A JA Quickie)

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction Stories--Classic JC Board (Reply-Only)' started by Lwyn'nya Kenobi, Sep 12, 1999.

Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.
  1. Scully-Wan Kenobi Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Aug 20, 1999
    This is SO hilarious!! Your shot scene made me think of the scene in 'A Life Less Ordinary' where Ewan has a shot contest with Cameron Diaz! And I always suspected that the Jedi have a secret fondness for telling dirty jokes

    And 'Qui-Gee'! I almost died laughing when I read that! Great job, LW!
  2. Lwyn'nya Kenobi Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Jun 27, 1999
    star 1
    *ahem, On with the drinking fun!!*
    *********************************************
    An hour more of drinking, and soon all the dark little secrets and embarrasing stories were out on the table.

    When he could get a moment of reason in his alcohol-soaked brain, Qui-Gon stopped to peruse the situation as he brought over two more drinks. He'd spent the past hours, in fact ever since they left the Temple, wondering just what in Sith hell he was doing. He abhorred the practice of senseless intake of alcohol, and yet here he was, dragging his apprentice along with him to get completely sloshed. The short episode with Ghesalda had truly worried him that Obi-Wan would lose the high-level respect that the boy held for him. When Ghesalda began ranting, Qui-Gon thought for sure all of the was ruined. How could the boy possibly respect him after learning that?? Qui-Gon was ready to choke the damn woman himself, but Qui-Gon was sure he didn't mistake the bright gleam of awe and admiration he saw in Obi-Wan's eyes. Perhaps he hadn't admitted it to himself before now, but Qui-Gon realized, in that moment, exactly how much he treasured his apprentice's respect and worship. How much he cherished Obi-Wan's opinion of him.

    Face it, Jinn . . . he's a surrogate son to you . . . not to mention the closest friend you've got!

    The Jedi Master sighed as he began his slow journey back to their table. Maybe another drink could hold off his confusion for a while, although Qui-Gon wasn't sure how much drinking he would have to do to accomplish that. Why was he here? Why had he dragged Obi-Wan along? Why was he insisting in geting them both drunk? Why did he think this could possibly solve his problem? Qui-Gon, to his dismay, didn't have the answers.

    But he did have two Corellian Screwdrivers.

    Perhaps later he would be angry at himself for giving into the easy way out of his problems, the temporary fix that often did more harm than good. But for the meanwhile, he was glad to enjoy his present company.
  3. Garli Pesan Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Apr 13, 2000
    star 4
    More, more. (Try not to do too much *cough* research in one night)
  4. Amidala22 Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Jun 20, 1999
    star 3
    this is sssssooooo funny lwyn, you have to write more for us!!!!!!!!!!!!!
  5. Kaea Lioren Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Jun 14, 1999
    star 1
    Oh, Lwynn'ya...you ought to put a warning label on the thread title "DO NOT READ THIS WHILE AT WORK OR ENGAGED IN OPERATING HEAVY MACHINERY" since the resulting laughter will render you senseless.

    Really, I started reading this at work, and KNEW that I ought to stop at just one post, but I had to keep reading one more...then one more...and another... all the while with this idiot smirk on my face and my co-workers wondering why I am snorting coffee out of my nose.

    More, please! How about some sleazy chick hitting on Obi-wan? Not fair for Qui-Gon to get all the action! Maybe some karaoke (a la "Life Less Ordinary"?) Yipes!

  6. Garli Pesan Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Apr 13, 2000
    star 4
  7. JediPerson Jedi Padawan

    Member Since:
    Aug 17, 1999
    This is so funnnnnnyyyy!!! You really should
    have someone hit on Obi-Wan. That would be great!!!!!!
  8. Jedi Bystander Jedi Padawan

    Member Since:
    Jul 23, 1999
    a dance contest would be great!
  9. Garli Pesan Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Apr 13, 2000
    star 4
  10. Jaro Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Sep 1, 1999
    star 1
    One word: karaoke.

    This was on the second page! What kind of rabid fans are you? Jeez!
  11. Nanai Akira Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Jul 30, 1999
    star 1
    I did some "research" of my own this weekend. I don't know where Lwyn'nya is going with this story, but since my research was at my boyfriend's house, it quickly turned R rated!
  12. Garli Pesan Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Apr 13, 2000
    star 4
  13. Nicckia Jedi Padawan

    Member Since:
    Sep 6, 1999
    I can't stop laughing when I read this!


    Keep going LW
  14. Lwyn'nya Kenobi Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Jun 27, 1999
    star 1
    As the liquor kept increasing, the wall between Padawan and Master began to crumble. Soon, they were carrying on like two old friends . . . two very drunk old friends.

    Whether from the alcohol, the company he was keeping, or his earlier embarassment, Qui-Gon found himself opening up to Obi-Wan, sharing with him old stories and secrets that no one else had gotten out of him before. With rapt attention, Obi-Wan listened intently, despite the fact that the room was spinning without his permission.

    "You did that?!?" he gasped at the older Jedi, his eyes wide with awe and wonder.

    Qui-Gon chuckled as he reached for another bottle of scotch. He knew in the morning he would regret sharing so many stories with Obi-Wan. Above all, he feared losing the boy's sheer admiration and respect that Qui-Gon-The-Impeccable-Teacher had. But to look at the younger Jedi's response, it almost seemed . . . that he respected this new side to him more.

    Obi-Wan was still in awe and shock. "I didn't think someone could do that with two muja fruits, a kaadu, and a landspeeder!"

    Now was the time that Qui-Gon was thankful for the natural redness in his face given by the alcohol, that so nicely covered up the blush he couldn't control. "I was very flexible back then."

    This sent Obi-Wan into a laughing fit which toppled him back to the floor. However it took him a moment to realize that he was on the floor to react. With Qui-Gon's help, he got back on his chair. "Someone shhhhould tell th'management, their furrrnature keeps moving!" And with such a solemn, innocent face that it sent Qui-Gon rolling with laughter.

    Qui-Gon wiped away a tear as he regarded his student, who was trying to focus his hazy view by telescoping it with the empty shotglass plastered to his eye.

    "Ahhh, I've really enjoyed this night, Obi-Wan."

    Obi-Wan clumsily set down the glass and regarded his Master, smiling brightly, "Me too, Qui-Gon. It's shame we don' do thisss more often."

    Qui-Gon sighed and looked away. "We spend so much time together, and yet not enough. Actually, I'm surprised someone your age would want to spend the rare amount of free time we're allowed with an old golem like me."

    "Master, you're not old."

    Qui-Gon snorted. "Matter of opinion."

    Obi-Wan suddenly brandished a unexpected amount of resolve and sobriety as his eyes fixed on Qui-Gon's unrelenting. "Yes, and it's my opinion that you're not old. Don't you remember Master Yoda's lecture on how age doesn't define or hinder a person's legacy?"

    "Hmph. That was only to defend himself against anyone who called him old," Qui-Gon bitterly retorted, but he sighed. Obi-Wan did have a point.

    ****

    The night progressed and more stories were thrown onto the table. Qui-Gon had even gotten Obi-Wan to open up a bit with a few of his own embarassing tales from his career in the Temple.

    "Did I ever tell you how I first heard about you?"

    This lit a spark of interest in Qui-Gon's watering eyes. He shook his head to show he hadn't heard, but motioned for the boy to continue with the story.

    Which he did, after slamming back another scoth on the rocks, "Well, it was the day the initiates first started to learn how to pilot. So naturally we were trained by driving cloudcars around Coruscant." Qui-Gon stifled a chuckle. Ahhh, he remembered that day well!

    "So who trained you, Obi-Wan?"

    Obi-Wan winced, "Master Yoda."

    "You got Yoda?!?" Qui-Gon laughed full-heartedly. "I thought the old troll swore up and down he wouldn't train another student to drive!"

    If Obi-Wan noticed the slur, he made no mention. He was lost in his story . . . and his alcoholic haze. "Well, as usual, there wasn't anyone left to train me. So he took it." Despite his own liquor delirium, Qui-Gon noticed the slight sad note in his student's voice. He speaks as if this isn't the first time that he's been 'thrown to the forestwolves' so to speak. But how could-

    "It was my first time driving anything," Obi-Wan said to his own defense, his expression turning guarded, sobered. "It wasn't like you can just learn how to pilot something just by reading a
  15. Jedi Obi-Wan Kenobi Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jul 14, 1999
    star 2
    Yeah, what did he mean by that?

    Great story Lwyn'nya
  16. Lwyn'nya Kenobi Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Jun 27, 1999
    star 1
    "Aahhh got fffriens in loow placess
    Where d'whiskey ruuns and d'beer chases my blues away . . . an' I'll be ookay . . ."

    Slowly the two drunken Jedi made their way through the silent darkened halls of the Temple, leaning clumsily on each other for timid support as they cheerfully sang their song, swinging their bottles of Tirellian Vodka about dramatically.

    "Shhwell I guess I was wrong. I jes don' b'long. But den, I been dere b'fore. Ev'thing's ahright, I jes say g'night an I show m'self to de doooorrr!" They stopped and giggled at each other's attempt to badly carry the note, then began their haphazard attempt to get to their room, the Vodka sloshing in spots onto the floor.

    Heyy I d'dn't mean, t'cause a big scene!
    Jes wait till I finish dis glassssss!
    Den soon litt'l ladeeyy I'll head back to de bar.
    And you can kiss my-"

    "WHAT IS GOING ON HERE?!?"

    The loud interruption to their merry song startled both of them as the lights suddenly flared to life in the hallway, revealing the very displeased, dark-skinned figure of Mace Windu, glaring at them.

    Sloppily, both Jedi tried to erase the merriment from their faces and attempt solemnity. Qui-Gon gave a modest bow, enough to keep him still upright on his feet. Obi-Wan wasn?t as sucessful. He bowed, tipped over, and wound up face down on the floor with a content THUD.

    Windu gave them both a cursory glance, his toe tapping in repetition on the carpeted floors. ?I?m waiting for a half-decent explanation for this!?

    ?Tolerance lessssonssss, ssir!? Obi-Wan answered obediently from the floor, his voice muffled from the carpet.

    Windu shot Qui-Gon a sharp look, to which Qui-Gon nodded enthusiastically, a sloppy grin on his face.

    ?Well, it would appear, Padawan, that your lesson has been a total failure.?

    ?That?ss mattor o?opion,? Qui-Gon replied, paying the dark-skinned, fuming Jedi Master no mind as he unsteadily worked to get Obi-Wan back on his feet.

    Mace Windu threw his hands up in surrender, with a dramatic noise of disgust. ?Go to sleep, you two. We?ll discuss this in the morning!? And with that, he stormed off.

    ?Yess Masster,? both Jedi responded, then broke into a convulsion of giggles.

    It took them another hour to reach their room, to clumsily paw the sensor for the door to open, and to stumble to Obi-Wan?s room. The younger Jedi was still given to a fit of giggles as Qui-Gon, who had sobered up some, fussed with getting Obi-Wan into bed and under the covers.

    ?Man wouldn? know a good time iffit bit?em on?is rear!? Obi-Wan mumbled as he snuggled into his pillow.

    Qui-Gon gave a small laugh and brushed the younger man?s hair back from his face. ?No, I?m afraid Master Windu was born with Yoda?s stick up his rear.? This sent both into anoter fit of giggles.

    When the laughter had subsided, Qui-Gon turned off the light. ?Get some sleep, Obi-Wan.?

    ?Yesss, Master,? the younger Jedi replied obediently, his voice already thickly lathered with sleep.

    For a moment, Qui-Gon simply stood there and watched his young apprentice fall asleep in the moonlight pouring through his window. A smile touched him. I know you?ve always been unfairly treated as if you weren?t good enough to be a Jedi, Obi-Wan. As if people didn?t see the potential in you, or as if they didn?t care. Regrettably, I know I?ve done that to you on occasion. Like the time we first met. But perhaps I didn?t realize it till tonight how much it hurt you.

    I can?t swear that it won?t happen again. But I give you my word that I will never forget this night, when you reached out to me as a friend when I wouldn?t let anyone else in. Somehow you always find a way, Obi-Wan. Your persistence has always been one of your prominent features. And I promise you that I will always make the effort to return the favor. I still can remember when I scoffed at Yoda for insisting that it was the will of the Force that you be my Padawan. Although I should have realized it sooner, it was meant to be. But never doubt, Obi-Wan, that you are something special. To the Force, to the Jedi, and to me. I daily give thanks for the Forc
  17. Jedi Obi-Wan Kenobi Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jul 14, 1999
    star 2
  18. Scully-Wan Kenobi Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Aug 20, 1999
    That was great, Lwyn'nya!!! I couldn't stop laughing and people in the computer lab kept giving me strange looks!

    I really like how you managed to work in some good character issues too...now you just need to write a sequel about the Morning After...Obi's first hangover, and the punishment their little stunt is likely to get them!
  19. Khab Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    May 23, 1999
    star 1
    This is hilarious! Continue! Please?
  20. Hiroko01 Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Dec 14, 1998
    star 3
    hehehe! I was having a bad day, but I feel better now. Thanks! That was awesome!
  21. Garli Pesan Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Apr 13, 2000
    star 4
    I love it! Don't let it end, please. *pouty eyes*
  22. blackjedi Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Jul 31, 1999
    Dude!! That rocked!! I <i>loved</i> the ending!
  23. Darth Tyhei Jedi Padawan

    Member Since:
    Sep 25, 1999
    Ay, Master, you finished! YEA! What a wonderful story, truly; I was cracking up and saying, "Awwww..." and even *sniff*ing a bit there. Once more, a delightful little work...and I support SWK's suggestion for a Morning After. Jedi may be able to handle large amounts of alcohol--as evidenced here--but I think their hangovers will still be...tremendous.
    *evil cackle*
  24. Jaro Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Sep 1, 1999
    star 1
    What's wrong with me? Why didn't I notice the two new posts until now? Jeez!!

    Great job, LW! I loved every word!
  25. Lwyn'nya Kenobi Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Jun 27, 1999
    star 1
    Hey everyone!

    Glad you liked it! Despite Purp's support, I still think my comedy writing is in need of a sling, but I'm glad it made you guys smile

    As for the "Morning After" it sounds like a good idea! I just don't know when I'd have time to do that, PLUS Faces of the Enemy, PLUS Dark Side of Truth (BTW: keep guessing on that one! It's giving me more ideas of adding depth to the already twisted plot!) So I'll turn that one over to you guys! Give me your interpretation of "The Morning After" Can't wait to read it!

    ~ Lwyn'nya Kenobi
    Mistress of the Midnight Hour Almighty Cliffhanger
Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.