Before Unchanged (Padawan Qui-gon finds how his Master is changing, Qui-gon's POV, angst, vignette)

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction- Before, Saga, and Beyond' started by Neon Star, Jun 6, 2003.

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  1. Neon Star Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Mar 30, 2000
    star 5
    Yes, the other updates are coming swiftly, most should be up today in fact. Sorry for the delay on those. This is a rather angsty fic, and not one of my usual Qui-gon's. I've decided I need a bit of a change of pace. As soon a I finish my remaining JAs and such, I'm going back to OT and doing pre JAs, mostly Pad Qui, for a while, to expand my ability out a bit more.

    I hope you all like this angsty piece! :)

    Look upon the harsh road my son,
    Look with eyes unseeing,
    The times have changed,
    The path remade,
    All is left is wondering,
    Shadows fall, to all recall,
    Yet here, I stand, and here I remain, forever and always, Unchanged.

    Unchanged

    You tell me I have changed, but I beg a differ. It is not I who has changed, but you, my dearest Master. Can you not see? Deep within me, there is a place that changes from day to day, yet always remains the same. I am what you would call unchanged, and the Living Force has made me so. Yet you, every day I turn to you, and every day you grow darker yet. I?m afraid, Master, more then I ever been. And what is worse, I?m afraid of you, as I have never been. I?ve never feared you, until now. Now, all of that has changed, and I don?t know why. Can?t you tell me, Master? You?ve always been able to tell me the gruesome truth, why should now be any different? But it is different, you?re different.

    Master? I don?t know what to do. I can?t change, my soul remains as it always has, and it burns now with your changing. It feels your darkness, and writhers as the dark washes over, silently screaming in pain. What am I to do?

    I don?t want to leave you, yet my light is bleeding whenever your soul touches mine. I see the blood in my dreams, I see your death in my dreams, I see your darkness swallowing you whole in my dreams. Tell me that it will not be so. For all your changing, my feelings still remain unchanged, I still love you as my Father, I don?t want to lose you.

    You struck me today, for the first time. It didn?t hurt over much; I?ve had worse, physically, but not mentally, not spiritually. Physically, the pain was sharp, and faded quickly, but in my soul, it rang on. I can feel it even now. It strangely feels like you?ve stabbed me in the heart. I know not whether to be numb or cry. I?m afraid, Master. Perhaps you had a right to strike me, I can?t remember the reason, yet the look within your eyes was what made my soul shudder. So dark, so cruel, so unknowing.

    Don?t turn away from me! Don?t leave me in your shadow! It hurts for me to speak the truth as much as it hurts for you to hear it. Please, Master!

    ?You?re no longer a child, Qui-gon. I thought you were mature enough to handle change.?

    Yet, yet I am still a child somewhere within. I?ve never been without your guiding hand. I know I act independent and rebellious, but within, I?m exactly as I was when you took me as an apprentice. No matter how many years have passed, no matter how much my braid and body has grown, I am still a child somewhere within. I can?t handle that my own Master is falling to the darkness, it hurts too much. Why must you leave me?!

    Fine, don?t answer. What is done is done, and if you can?t stop the changing, at least promise me one thing, for I can only ask for one promise from you, as a price for all my loyalty and love. All my loyalty, all my love, all to ashes. Yet I now find I can?t cry for the loss, because I am too numb. But promise me, dearest Master, Dooku, don?t leave me yet. Wait; wait till I am gone, for we both know I will die before you.

    You flinch, I am sorry, but we both know its true. I was of those born to die unnaturally, and my death will only be the beginning, we both know that. We cannot change it; there is only the now after all. Thus, stay, stay within the order till I have gone, then none can fault you when you go. That is all I beg of you, and you owe me that at least.

    You agree, yet I find no sense of victory within me. I only feel regret, for being so unchanged, while you change, and grief for how dark that change is. But it is impossible t
  2. female_obi_wan Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Aug 1, 2002
    star 3
  3. Darth_Leia_6669 Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Apr 26, 2003
    star 4
    I find myself nearly speechless after reading that! I could hear Qui-gon's voice as I was reading, and all the angst accompinying it. Excellant!
  4. Layren Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Oct 28, 2003
    star 5
    *jaw drops* woah... that was very well done. .....
  5. Keeper_of_Swords Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Sep 20, 2003
    star 5
  6. Jenny_The_Jedi_Girl Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jul 16, 2001
    star 4
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