Before - Legends Under Duress - Dear Diary Entry - Sian Ny - updated 12/3

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction- Before, Saga, and Beyond' started by VaderLVR64, Jan 5, 2007.

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  1. VaderLVR64 Manager Emeritus

    Member Since:
    Feb 5, 2004
    star 8
    Title: Under Duress
    Author: VaderLVR64
    Characters: OC (Sian Ny)
    Notes: An OC from this series: Shadows of a Lost Padawan



    Under Duress


    First, I want to make it clear that I am doing this under duress. This diary should in no way be construed as something I wanted to do, or even that I don?t mind doing. I am lodging my most hearty protest in this, the very first entry and I do not expect to budge from my opinion of it as time goes on.

    Now that that is taken care of, I suppose I should move on to the reasons for maintaining this embarrassing bit of prepubescent ritual.

    Apparently, the Healer thought I would benefit from this exercise as a way to ?work out my pain and grief.?

    That?s so ridiculous that I hardly know how to answer, so I will only say this... If I did need to work out those particular issues, I would do it the way any male my age would: I would kick a wall repeatedly until I broke something in my foot.

    However, that brilliant plan has two flaws ? first, I am a Jedi and supposed to be above such petty responses, and second, I cannot move my legs at all, so kicking a wall seems a bit out of my repertoire now. Who knew being paralyzed would be such a drag?

    I guess she thought I should do this because I?m still sad over my Padawan?s death.

    Trin is dead.

    I have to stare at those words for a few moments and let them sink in because it still doesn?t seem real. But it is real and there?s nothing I can do to change that.

    Trin is dead.

    He?ll never walk through that door again; never giggle in line with the other younglings at third-meal. He?ll never do anything again.

    Yes, I?m still sad. I still mourn him. Is that so unusual?

    I suppose for a Jedi it is, though now I must admit that I question our mandate to prevent attachments. How could I possibly train a young one, care for him and nurture him as every youngling deserves and then simply not care when he dies?

    It doesn?t make sense and I don?t think it ever will.

    So to keep the Healer happy I?ll continue writing in this ridiculous journal, though I fear the mortification of it will take years off of my life. Maybe that wouldn?t be such a bad thing after all. I admit, I probably would have been willing to risk her considerable wrath (after all, who is going to hit a man who can?t walk?) but she called in that big gundark, Qui-Gon Jinn, who threatened to sit on me until I complied with all of the Healer?s orders.

    He would have killed me.

    To pacify the idiot Healer and the overgrown Jinn, I?ll do as directed.

    But I don?t have to like it.
  2. Layren Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Oct 28, 2003
    star 5
    Oh yay! I get to see more of Sian!!! He's got a special place in my heart since you made him just for me ;) I'm so glad to see his diary up :D =D= Even if he doesn't like it ;)

    Drex and Sian ought to get together and complain about the Healers over a drink sometime :p
  3. KELIA Manager Emeritus

    Member Since:
    Jul 26, 2005
    star 6
    :_| :_| :_| :_|

    Perhaps this diary will prove to be healing after all. At least Sian is willing to follow the Healer's suggestion.

    Looking forward to more

    =D= =D= =D= =D=
  4. GraySaberFreque Jedi Padawan

    Member Since:
    Nov 23, 2006
    star 4
    I love a good depressing story.

    So much drama in this one I must say, especially with the poor guy being parylized and all.

    I might also read the fic this is based on.

    Great Fic.
  5. Star-Foozle Jedi Youngling

    Member Since:
    Aug 24, 2006
    star 2
    Eee!!! It's Sian Ny!

    I remember reading about him in a few of your earlier fics, and I really liked him. It's good to see him around again!

    Poor Sian. His story's certainly a sad one, but hopefully keeping this diary will help to ease the hurt a bit. It's a little early, I know, but may I ask to be PM-listed? I'd love to see where this goes.

    Nice work, can't wait for more!

    =D=
  6. CT-13438 Jedi Youngling

    Member Since:
    Jan 4, 2007
    star 1
    what is sians last name i want to look him up.
  7. GraySaberFreque Jedi Padawan

    Member Since:
    Nov 23, 2006
    star 4
    he's an Original character as in you can't look him up, the best you can do is PM the author to ask about him.
  8. CT-13438 Jedi Youngling

    Member Since:
    Jan 4, 2007
    star 1
    oh ok srry i didnt know.
  9. Lea-El Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Aug 13, 2005
    star 4
    I would do it the way any male my age would: I would kick a wall repeatedly until I broke something in my foot.


    Yes so male. Girls cry and eat chocolate and guys kick something.

    Jinn sit on him. Torture

    Good start
    =D==D==D=
  10. earlybird-obi-wan Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Aug 21, 2006
    star 6
    Oh this is great a paralysed Jedi, will he be able to move around again in the future? Can you put me on the PM list for this one
  11. correllian_ale Jedi Padawan

    Member Since:
    Jun 20, 2005
    star 4
    Oh man, what a double-dose of bad luck...Sian is paralized and recently lost his padawan.

    I forsee some very intense diary entries...if your'e keeping a list, be sure to PM me when you update.

    =D=

    and we don't all kick walls...sometimes its something with more give, like a dryer ;)
  12. GraySaberFreque Jedi Padawan

    Member Since:
    Nov 23, 2006
    star 4
    eh, I don't kicdk walls.

    I hit myself in the head with a stick :).

    Anyway, if your doing a PM list be sure I'm on it.
  13. Valairy Scot Backpacking One Pack a Day Mod of New Films

    Manager
    Member Since:
    Sep 16, 2005
    star 6
    Oh, very nice as always. I'll be watching for updates.
  14. VaderLVR64 Manager Emeritus

    Member Since:
    Feb 5, 2004
    star 8
    Layren They can commiserate with each other! [face_laugh] Those interfering healers! [face_shame_on_you]

    KELIA But only with much whining. :p

    GraySaberFreque It's more a series of vignettes, with some posted on this board and some on the forum board. :)

    Star-Foozle Sure! And glad to know that you like Sian. He's one of my favorites. [face_love]

    CT-13438 As someone else said, he's an OC created for Layren.

    Lea-El Personally, I like our system better. ;)

    earlybird-obi-wan
    His condition is permanent, unfortunately. :(

    correllian_ale That's because you're more civilized. :p

    GraySaberFreque Thanks! And I will. :D

    Valairy_Scot Glad you like it.





    #2



    The Jedi have a platitude for everything it seems. I?m pretty sure they write them all down and store them in the Archives under ?Useless Information.?

    They are a veritable font of wealth when it comes to meaningless words which do absolutely nothing and mean even less when it all comes down to it.

    Excuse my bitterness, but I feel I?ve earned it.

    Some might think I mourn these legs of mine, my ability to move where I want, walk free among my kind.

    They would be both wrong and right in that assumption.

    It is true that I miss the use of my legs; I would be a liar to say that I didn?t. But that is not what makes me feel as if my heart is a leaden weight inside my chest.

    No, what I miss is that I?ll never watch young Trin grow to manhood. He would have been a remarkable Jedi, but an even better person. He had a rare spirit, one that I was honored to have known. I was proud of him for so many reasons, not just for his skills as a Jedi Padawan.

    He was full of laughter, finding amusement even in those burdens that sometimes wear us down. Trin could see beyond the temporary sadness and heartache and look forward to something more, something better. He had the gift of contentment, a gift I now envy him terribly.

    If only I could find contentment now, or even peace.

    Those things, it would seem, are to be denied me.

    I?ve seen Jinn watching me, his normally placid blue gaze worried. But we seldom speak of Trin. He skirts around the question and I dance (so to speak) around my answers when he finally dares to mention him.

    My grief for Trin is still a private affair, shared only between myself and this accursed journal.

    Here are some things I shall never forget about Trin:

    *He liked to read poetry, though he would have been mortified if any of his fellow Padawans knew his secret taste in reading.

    *Trin could wiggle his ears ? he made me laugh many nights as we sat down to our evening meal. I would look up to answer some casual questions and his ears would be wagging back at me. Funny how we miss those little things, the silly little details we learn from living together.

    *Though he was skilled with a saber, one of his fears was that he would be forced to take a sentient life. We talked often of the duty of a Jedi, that line between protecting the peace and the needless taking of a life. I was proud of him for questioning, for worrying.

    I shall close this entry for the day. I grow tired more easily now, though you would think that since I do nothing but sit in this chair that I should have energy to spare.

    Isn?t that odd?



    />
  15. Lea-El Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Aug 13, 2005
    star 4
    Trin sounds like an exceptional padawan. I hope to learn more about him. Poor Sian at least he has a friend and his diary.

    =D==D==D=
  16. earlybird-obi-wan Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Aug 21, 2006
    star 6
    Great update and a great character =D=
  17. Layren Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Oct 28, 2003
    star 5
    Poor Sian, have to feel so bad for him. I don't blame him for missing the use of his legs, Jedi or not that would be hard to get used to.

    At least he can remember his padawan without feeling like he wants to die -- he's doing better than Drex in that regard :p

    Poor man. Feel just awful for him. Send him to me and let me hug on him.
  18. correllian_ale Jedi Padawan

    Member Since:
    Jun 20, 2005
    star 4
    The Jedi have a platitude for everything it seems. I?m pretty sure they write them all down and store them in the Archives under ?Useless Information.?

    They are a veritable font of wealth when it comes to meaningless words which do absolutely nothing and mean even less when it all comes down to it.


    [face_laugh] I'd imagine they'd all do very well at Jeopardy!

    *Trin could wiggle his ears ? he made me laugh many nights as we sat down to our evening meal. I would look up to answer some casual questions and his ears would be wagging back at me. Funny how we miss those little things, the silly little details we learn from living together.


    [face_laugh] Again MamaV, trying to pull the tears from me!

    =D=
  19. KELIA Manager Emeritus

    Member Since:
    Jul 26, 2005
    star 6
    :_| :_| :_| :_|

    I just loved Sian's reflections of Trin.

    It's not odd at all that he has low energy - emotional duress is just as taxing as physical.

    Wonderful update

    =D= =D= =D= =D=
  20. VaderLVR64 Manager Emeritus

    Member Since:
    Feb 5, 2004
    star 8
    Lea-El Not sure he's thrilled about the diary. :p

    earlybird-obi-wan I've got a bit of a crush on Sian. [face_blush]

    Layren Go easy on him, he's fragile. [face_batting]

    correllian_ale Me? Make people cry? Never. [face_mischief]

    KELIA Yes, he's tired.





    Chapter 3

    Apparently, the Force has a sense of humor. After all, it created Qui-Gon Jinn.

    That man is stubborn enough to make a bantha look positively indecisive. And he?s big enough to make a rancor look dainty. Yes, I know. I?m grumpy.

    Anyone who had to live with Master Jinn watching their every move would be cranky too. That man is everywhere.

    He has taken it into that thick skull of his that I need watching.

    Me!

    Sian Ny!

    Of all the nerve.

    If I could kick him I would. Of course, I might break something. That man has legs the size of trees. And a head as hard as rock. I told him so, too. More than once. And sometimes not so politely.

    I suspect that the healer has been whispering her poison in Master Jinn?s distinguished ear. I think she has a soft spot for him. That would make sense. She?s one step away from the Dark Side and I?m sure that Jinn is all she needs to push her over the edge.

    Actually, the thought of those two together makes me slightly nauseous and more than a little worried. They might bring back the Sith single-handedly. Or would that be double-handedly? Stars, another issue for those late night ruminations.

    Like I need something else to think about.

    Anyway, my days are full. I get to visit the Archives and read dusty volumes of ancient Jedi lore. The excitement is killing me. Literally. I can feel my pulse weaken as I read. Perhaps it is possible to die from boredom. I?m afraid that I?m about to find out.

    I?ve never had much use for the Archives.

    Let?s just say my experiences there have not been the best. Like the time that old krayt dragon Master Nu grabbed me by my ear and dragged me to Master Yoda. She?s not that much older than me, but I think she was born already in cranky puberty and progressed rapidly from there to cantankerous old age.

    She hates me.

    The feeling is mutual.

    I have discovered one thing that makes my hours there slightly more enjoyable.

    The sound of my hoverchair annoys her no end. I can practically hear her grinding her teeth when I move from one stack to another. I?d like to say that I don?t deliberately move just to irritate her.

    I?d like to say that but I can?t. I?m a Jedi. We?re not supposed to lie. It?s in the rules or something. I?m pretty sure it is, anyway. If not, it should be. Maybe I should look that up. Never mind, it would mean more time in the Archives. If Trin was around, I?d set him to the task. But he?s not. Still one more thing to miss.

    Of course, there?s always that handy little disclaimer about ?truth from a certain point of view? or something like that. I know that?s in there.

    Now I?ve got to tinker with this chair and see if I can make it a little louder.

    A man has to have some form of entertainment.

    />
  21. Lea-El Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Aug 13, 2005
    star 4


    I have discovered one thing that makes my hours there slightly more enjoyable.

    The sound of my hoverchair annoys her no end. I can practically hear her grinding her teeth when I move from one stack to another. I?d like to say that I don?t deliberately move just to irritate her.

    I?d like to say that but I can?t.


    [face_laugh][face_laugh]

    Now I?ve got to tinker with this chair and see if I can make it a little louder.

    A man has to have some form of entertainment.


    [face_laugh][face_laugh][face_laugh]

    Love this post
    =D==D==D==D=
  22. earlybird-obi-wan Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Aug 21, 2006
    star 6
    another one with no love for Jocasta Nu, just like Obi-Wan. Also an archive-disaster?
    great update
  23. KELIA Manager Emeritus

    Member Since:
    Jul 26, 2005
    star 6
    [face_laugh] [face_laugh] [face_laugh] [face_laugh] [face_laugh]

    Well, at least "cranky" Sian has found ways to amuse himself - too bad it's at Jocasta's expense. :p

    Great update

    =D==D= =D==D=
  24. correllian_ale Jedi Padawan

    Member Since:
    Jun 20, 2005
    star 4
    Of course, there?s always that handy little disclaimer about ?truth from a certain point of view? or something like that. I know that?s in there.

    [face_laugh]

    It doesn't work in RL though; but neither does waving your like a Jedi at the ATM...



    Excellent update LadyVadey!
    =D=
  25. VaderLVR64 Manager Emeritus

    Member Since:
    Feb 5, 2004
    star 8
    Lea-El Think of it as a coping mechanism. :p

    earlybird-obi-wan Well I'm sure she had to be pretty strict to keep all of those younglings in line! :D

    KELIA Whatever it takes! ;)

    correllian_ale Glad you liked it! [:D]





    Entry #4


    I?m going to kill Jinn.

    All I need is a place to hide a body that large. That?s going to take some thought and effort. I?ll probably need help moving the big guy, though I suppose I could drag him along behind this hoverchair. Of course, that?s not exactly being discreet, I suppose.

    But he?s got it coming and I?ll bet any judiciary would pardon me. Well they would if they knew Qui-Gon Jinn.

    Every time I turn around, there?s Jinn. Watching me. I can practically see him taking notes to give to the healer.

    Traitor.

    Today he asked me if I wanted to go out to dinner with him. Like I want to spend any more time with him. Besides, I?m not hungry much anymore.

    Okay ? enough about Jinn.

    I?m supposed to be using this journal as a way to work out my feelings about Trin. That seems rather stupid to me, as I?m already quite aware of what my feelings about my Padawan are, thank you very much.

    I miss him. What could be simpler than that? It seems a very natural thing to miss someone when you?ve cared about them more than yourself and now they?re gone. It would be more unnatural not to miss them. Wouldn?t it?

    The worst part of the day is the morning, because there?s always that split second before I remember, before I realize that Trin is gone. Then it hits me and I can?t breathe.

    It?s been two months now, and I feel like I?m supposed to be starting to get over it ? to accept Trin?s death and move on with whatever kind of life I?ll have now.

    I can?t.

    Every day when I wake up and I can?t walk out of my own room, I?m reminded of the day ? the very hour ? that I lost Trin. That sounds like I miss my legs more than I miss Trin, but that is not true at all. I would give my arms, my legs, my life a thousand times over to bring him back ? to grab hold of him and pull him up as he dangled over that cliff and then feel him climb up to lay beside me, panting and sweaty andscared. But alive.

    Alive.

    Sometimes, if I let myself, I can feel his hand in mine, feel it slip away from me. Stars above, he fell so slowly. It took forever for him to hit the bottom and the whole time I kept thinking ?This can?t be real.?

    But it was. And he?s gone. I watched him die. But he doesn?t feel dead to me, and that?s the problem.

    How can I tell Jinn that? How can I admit that I still expect to see Trin sitting at the table or hear the door every afternoon when lessons are over? And every day I?m still surprised when he isn?t there.

    Jinn would tell me I?m crazy.

    Maybe he?s right.

    I?m tired. I haven?t been sleeping well.

    I?ll try to write more tomorrow. Maybe make a note of where I hid Jinn?s oversized body.

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


    There are still a few hours until dawn.

    I tried to sleep. I really did.

    But my dream woke me.

    A nightmare really.

    It?s the first time I?ve dreamed of Trin?s death.

    Why do I feel like it won?t be the last?
    />
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