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Before - Legends Under Duress - Dear Diary Entry - Sian Ny - updated 12/3

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction- Before, Saga, and Beyond' started by VaderLVR64, Jan 5, 2007.

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  1. KELIA

    KELIA Manager Emeritus star 6 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    Registered:
    Jul 26, 2005
    I sense Sian is finally allowing himself to heal.

    I hope he'll be able to help Qui-Gon through his loss of Xanatos.

    Great update

    =D==D==D==D=



     
  2. Layren

    Layren Jedi Master star 5

    Registered:
    Oct 28, 2003
    I happily accept all the blame for him, Kim ;)


    And I wonder if it is the Force that is whispering in my head at night, telling me that Jinn is about to face something difficult. I can only hope that the mission goes smoothly and Xanatos is knighted and sets off on his own. He?ll be happier that way, I think. And so will Jinn, he just doesn?t know it yet.

    By the way, that Healer is still an idiot, but this journal idea wasn?t completely terrible. Not that I?ll tell her that.



    Awwwwww so heartbreaking to know how it all turns out in the end, and LOL that he would admit that the journal idea wasn't so bad :p
     
  3. ardavenport

    ardavenport Jedi Grand Master star 4

    Registered:
    Dec 16, 2004
    Very nice. So Sian doesn't want to admit that the diary might be helping a little? And how very intriguing that he finds something good in his nightmares. Sadly, it looks as if Sian is going to have company with mourning over a lost padawan. But Qui-Gon's loss will be more difficult.
     
  4. VaderLVR64

    VaderLVR64 Manager Emeritus star 8 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    Registered:
    Feb 5, 2004
    BrentusofGath You're a naughty one, aren't you? [face_shame_on_you] [face_mischief]

    earlybird-obi-wan Poor healers, so maligned!

    KELIA Let's hope so. :p

    Layren We caught him in a moment of weakness!

    ardavenport Yes, far more difficult. :_|












    [b]Entry #8[/b]


    I?m happy to report that all body parts, with the obvious and glaring exception of my legs, are working well. To say I breathed a sigh of relief is an understatement.

    Of course, the beautiful Lynka is enough to inspire any man, I admit. Truth be told, it felt nice to feel close to someone again, in any form.

    Missing Trin has put a hole in my life, one that no one else can fill, but having a friend like Lynka certainly doesn?t hurt.

    Sometimes, [i]most[/i] of the time, the life of a Jedi is a lonely one. Even our relationships with our Padawans are carefully structured and we are constantly reminded that attachments are forbidden. As if we could forget.

    Like Jinn, I sometimes wonder what we?ve lost by cutting ourselves off from some of the more basic emotions. I can see the danger in it, the risk, but isn?t anything worthwhile also worth the risk? And doesn?t everything we truly want and need in this life contain some element of risk?

    It?s a question that someone like me is never going to answer, but I do wonder about it.

    When Jinn comes back, I plan to share a bottle (or three) of the best whiskey I can afford and we shall ponder this very question. Or at least, we will give it our very best effort. I expect that Jinn will be feeling a bit blue, having set loose his Padawan at long last.

    There?s no doubt that Xanatos will pass his trials without difficulty. The boy is talented, I?ll give him that. I just don?t necessarily like him all that much.

    And, just as always happens, every thought brings me back to Trin.

    What would that day have been like for me? The day I cut his braid and presented him with his saber once more, making him a full-fledged knight on his own? Trin wouldn?t have been dry-eyed, that?s for sure. Neither would I. That I can admit freely.

    The boy would have been a wonder to behold, at least for me.

    The Order lost something more precious than they can know when Trin died. At least I know what I lost.

    And it haunts me.

    I?ll never have a son or a daughter, that is a joy denied to a Jedi. But I can?t imagine any child of my body being any better than Trin.

    Trin was my son; biology doesn?t matter in the end, does it?

    All that matters is what you feel, what you accept as your own truth.

    And that is [i]my[/i] truth.
     
  5. Star-Foozle

    Star-Foozle Jedi Youngling star 2

    Registered:
    Aug 24, 2006
    Trin was my son; biology doesn?t matter in the end, does it?

    All that matters is what you feel, what you accept as your own truth.

    And that is my truth.


    Heartbreaking, and beautiful. Excellent work.
     
  6. earlybird-obi-wan

    earlybird-obi-wan Chosen One star 6

    Registered:
    Aug 21, 2006
    Beautiful, Sian Ny's relation with Trin, a parent and son, just lik I see the relation between Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan[:D]

    Great update
     
  7. BrentusofGath

    BrentusofGath Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Aug 12, 2005
    I'm happy to report that all body parts, with the obvious and glaring exception of my legs, are working well.

    Hehe, the old devil.

    All that emotional stuff toward the end was groovy too. :p

    A bottle of whiskey? Is Jinn a drinker? [face_thinking]
     
  8. KELIA

    KELIA Manager Emeritus star 6 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    Registered:
    Jul 26, 2005
    Trin was my son; biology doesn?t matter in the end, does it?

    No, it doesn't.

    I have a feeling many more Masters share that sentiment. How could they not?

    Poor Qui is probably going to need all the whiskey he can get :p

    Very nice update

    =D= =D= =D= =D=
     
  9. VaderLVR64

    VaderLVR64 Manager Emeritus star 8 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    Registered:
    Feb 5, 2004
    Star-Foozle Thank you!

    earlybird-obi-wan That's what I was hoping for. :p

    BrentusofGath Not a problem drinker, but he enjoys knocking back a few drinks every now and then. ;)

    KELIA Or maybe none at all! [face_shame_on_you]







    [b]Entry #9[/b]

    Something has happened on Telos. That was where Jinn and his Padawan were sent on Xanatos? last mission as a Padawan. What happened there, I don?t know. Nobody who knows anything for sure is talking. Not yet anyway. It will all come out in the end, but for now, we?re left wondering.

    I don?t know any of the details yet. What I?ve heard so far is mostly rumors and second-guessing. Whatever it was, it?s bad. I know only this for certain ? Qui-Gon is coming home and without his Padawan.

    Lynka was the one who came to me and told me the news when it first started filtering through the layers of the Temple denizens. I knew it was bad news the minute I saw her face. She?s always worn her emotions quite clearly, so rare in a Jedi.

    She was crying a little when she told me. I hate it when women cry. I?m never quite sure what to do. So I ended up patting her on the back and saying some stupid along the lines of, ?There, there?? I felt like a moron.

    ?I was afraid of this,? she said as she buried her face in my tunics.

    I didn?t say anything in response to that. I didn?t tell her that I had fears about this very thing -whatever it was- myself. Something in Xanatos always jangled falsely in the Force, or maybe it was just my own instincts. It wasn?t something overt or obvious, just a subtle thing. I could never warm up to him, never bring myself to like him.

    Maybe that?s why Jinn and I haven?t seen as much of each other over the past few years. It was always somewhat uncomfortable to be around his Padawan, and one cannot befriend the Master without accepting the Padawan. I wouldn?t accept it from anyone else for Trin, so I can?t blame Jinn for it. Things just got uncomfortable when Xanatos was with him. Soon, it seemed like Jinn just came by to see us when he was alone. Would things have been better if I had tried harder to like Xanatos? Or maybe I should have just told Qui-Gon why I was uneasy around his Padawan.

    Perhaps I should have shared my fears and misgivings. Maybe then we could have made a difference.

    This is ridiculous. I?m wasting energy worrying about something that I have no control over. I don?t even know what?s really happened. But Qui-Gon was there for me when Trin died, whether I wanted him there or not.

    When Qui-Gon comes back, I have to be there for [i]him.[/i] His Padawan is lost as surely as Trin is, but at least I can mourn the life Trin might have had. Jinn will only second-guess himself every step of the way.

    I can only hope I can be a better friend in the future than I was in the past.
     
  10. Layren

    Layren Jedi Master star 5

    Registered:
    Oct 28, 2003
    Awwwwwwwwwwwwwww I missed an update!

    Have I mentioned how much I love Sian recently? I just love his care and concern for Qui-Gon in that chapter....so heartbreaking and heartwarming all at the same time!


    If you've got a PM list, would you add me to it so I don't miss anymore?

     
  11. earlybird-obi-wan

    earlybird-obi-wan Chosen One star 6

    Registered:
    Aug 21, 2006
    "I can only hope I can be a better friend in the future than I was in the past."
    Sian and Qui-Gon let them be friends
    great update
     
  12. KELIA

    KELIA Manager Emeritus star 6 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    Registered:
    Jul 26, 2005
    I'm gald to see Sian is determined to be there for Qui-Gon and I'm sure with that determination, he will indeed be a better friend today than he was in the past.

    Who knows if Qui would have even listened if Sian tried to talk to him about Xanatos?

    Great update

    =D= =D= =D= =D=
     
  13. VaderLVR64

    VaderLVR64 Manager Emeritus star 8 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    Registered:
    Feb 5, 2004
    Layren Sian's a charmer. ;) And I'll add you! :D

    earlybird-obi-wan I'm sure Sian will come through for Qui-Gon in the end. :p

    KELIA Who knows? But I'm sure Sian feels guilty nonetheless. :(







    [b]Entry #10[/b]


    Jinn has arrived back in the Temple and was whisked straight to the Council?s chambers. I don?t know what went on in there, but he was there for more than four hours and then taken directly to the healer?s ward.

    I caught only a glimpse of him as he was escorted to the Council, but he looked worse than I?ve ever seen him. And I?ve seen him look pretty bad. He looked like a corpse after that Takla flu, and once I saw him take a belly would that would have killed a lesser man. But even then, just a few breaths away from death, he didn?t look this bad.

    I wanted to go to him, but he turned slightly in my direction as he walked past and glanced right over me. I don?t think he was seeing much of anything. There was a dead look in his eyes that I?ve seen more than once when I looked in my mirror.

    Whatever happened, it was bad. Very bad. And I don?t know if anyone can help him.

    Lynka was able to fill in some of the details, though much of what happened on Telos is being guarded like a state secret. There seems to be more than a hint of shame to it all, and I hope that shame doesn?t get attached to Qui-Gon?s name.

    Anyway, the word is that Xanatos turned his back on the Order [i]and[/i] his Master. Walked away from everything he had ever known in one instant. I can?t imagine what the boy was thinking. I can only guess he wasn?t thinking at all ? just [i]feeling[/i] something that was wild and strong and not to be denied.

    Maybe the Jedi aren?t completely wrong when they preach about not letting our emotions get control of us. It obviously would have done Xanatos some good to be a bit more detached from things.

    As of now, the only thing he?s detached himself from is the Order?and Qui-Gon.

    I know Jinn quite well, and he?ll be bearing a heavy burden right now. He?ll take the blame for it all on his own. It?s going to be tough to break through all of that guilt, but I?m determined.

    I started my campaign today.

    I tried to see Jinn today and was curtly informed that he ?wasn?t receiving visitors.? I must admit that I was a bit insulted to be referred to as a mere visitor.

    But I?m not done yet. What kind of friend would I be if I left him to sulk in his quarters? Besides, he didn?t do [i]me[/i] that favor.

    And I?ve been looking forward to a bit of payback anyway.

    I hope Jinn likes the sight of my pretty face, because he?s going to be seeing a lot of it.
     
  14. earlybird-obi-wan

    earlybird-obi-wan Chosen One star 6

    Registered:
    Aug 21, 2006
    I hope Sian will help Qui-Gon. He needs it

    excellent update=D==D=
     
  15. Star-Foozle

    Star-Foozle Jedi Youngling star 2

    Registered:
    Aug 24, 2006
    But I?m not done yet. What kind of friend would I be if I left him to sulk in his quarters? Besides, he didn?t do me that favor.

    And I?ve been looking forward to a bit of payback anyway.


    Of course. That's what frends are for, huh? :p But it's good that Qui has someone around who sort-of understands.

    I hope Jinn likes the sight of my pretty face, because he?s going to be seeing a lot of it.

    [face_laugh]
     
  16. BrentusofGath

    BrentusofGath Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Aug 12, 2005
    Maybe the Jedi aren't completely wrong when they preach about not letting our emotions get control of us. It obviously would have done Xanatos some good to be a bit more detached from things.

    Ah, now we see the duplicity of the Jedi teachings. They always say 'feel'. What did Obi-Wan tell Luke: "stretch out with your feelings." Feelings, not thoughts.

    It's tough to be using your emotions to use the Force and then not get caught up in the heat of the moment and get all emotional.

    [face_thinking] Those Jedi are strange. :p

    Sorry I missed an update! My eyes must be failing me, lol.
     
  17. MsLanna

    MsLanna Jedi Master star 6

    Registered:
    Jul 8, 2005
    Hehe, time for some annoying payback.:D
    I'd liek to see how Jinn reacts to having to take his own medicine. *lol*
    But I think those two can help each other, now that they're in similar situations.
    At least, they can sulk together.
     
  18. KELIA

    KELIA Manager Emeritus star 6 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    Registered:
    Jul 26, 2005
    Yay Sian!

    [face_dancing] [face_dancing] [face_dancing]

    Qui-Gon needs him to force his way past the "no visitors" rule whether he likes it right now or not.

    Great update

    =D= =D==D= =D=

     
  19. ardavenport

    ardavenport Jedi Grand Master star 4

    Registered:
    Dec 16, 2004
    I hope Jinn likes the sight of my pretty face, because he?s going to be seeing a lot of it.

    Oooooh, that sounds like fun. [face_mischief] Well, not fun for Qui-Gon, but that's probably be what he will need. And possibly Sian as well. I look forward to seeing what happens.
     
  20. Rogue_Pilot_2347

    Rogue_Pilot_2347 Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    May 16, 2005
    Okay. Enough lurking. This is really good. I've been enjoying this. Would you be able to send me pms when you update?

     
  21. VaderLVR64

    VaderLVR64 Manager Emeritus star 8 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    Registered:
    Feb 5, 2004
    earlybird-obi-wan Sian is determined. He'll need to be. [face_mischief]

    Star-Foozle Sian is a good friend, whether Qui-Gon wants him to be or not! ;)

    BrentusofGath The Jedi ARE strange. No argument here! :p

    MsLanna Sulking together has to be better than sulking alone. Right?

    KELIA He's going to try anyway! :D

    ardavenport Here you go! [face_batting]

    Rogue_Pilot_2347 Of course! And thank you, though lurkers are always welcome! [:D]





    [b]Entry #11[/b]


    Lynka offered to go with me when I went to see Jinn. I declined for a few reasons, not the least of which I?m afraid if Jinn and I get to talking I?ll start thinking about Trin and I might cry.

    That would be too mortifying to be endured, especially in front of Lynka.

    Anyway, I plan to corner Jinn when he?s alone and holed up in his quarters. He?s been taking all his meals in there. The only time I?ve seen him emerge is when he?s on his way to the Mind Healer. The fact that he?d do that tells me a lot about his state.

    Qui-Gon usually has no patience for those mind leeches, even less than I do. He?s never gone to one before, not even after the most disastrous mission. Whatever happened with Xan must have been very bad indeed.

    More details are coming out now, slowly and probably inaccurate at least half the time. Apparently, Xanatos made a big show of standing up against his Master, even scarred himself in the process. They?re saying that he burned his face with a ring, though with Xan?s vanity, I find that extremely hard to imagine. He was quite proud of that pretty face of his.

    He never seemed to realize that it was just a matter of luck and genetics that gave it to him. A pleasing appearance is easily lost, and if that?s a foundation? Well, one only has to imagine how a life can be rocked by it.

    I think I?ll go see Qui-Gon while everyone else is at their meal. It?s generally quieter then, and I have to resort to singing outside his door to gain entrance, then they?re will be fewer witnesses to my humiliation.

    I sincerely hope that Jinn appreciates all the pain and embarrassment I?m prepared to go to for him.

    He probably won?t.

    Let?s hope he?s more cooperative than I anticipate.

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~

    Well, so much for cooperation. I should have known, should have realized he?d be sulking. No one can sulk like Qui-Gon Jinn.

    Damn.

    At least no one saw what happened. I might have to resign from the Order if they did. I?ll have enough explaining to do tomorrow as it is.

    Jinn is making it incredibly difficult to like him right now.

    Let this be known: Qui-Gon Jinn has an impressive right hook.

    I?m glad I?m writing this and not speaking it, because my jaw is a bit swollen right now. Apparently, Jinn isn?t in the mood to talk.

    And isn?t that just too bad?

    As soon as the cold pack works on this, I?m going to give it another go. Except this time I?ll be prepared. I?ll remember to duck.
     
  22. BrentusofGath

    BrentusofGath Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Aug 12, 2005
    He never seemed to realize that it was just a matter of luck and genetics that gave it to him. A pleasing appearance is easily lost, and if that's a foundation

    And here we have everyone's favorite show... The Pot Calling the Kettle Black, starring Sian Ny!

    :p

    Let this be known: Qui-Gon Jinn has an impressive right hook.

    Better duck next time. [face_beatup] :oops:

    Another wonderful update! I was thinking you forgot about this one Vadey.
     
  23. earlybird-obi-wan

    earlybird-obi-wan Chosen One star 6

    Registered:
    Aug 21, 2006
    Qui-Gon :eek: that way you aren't making friends, hitting Sian

    great update again
     
  24. KELIA

    KELIA Manager Emeritus star 6 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    Registered:
    Jul 26, 2005
    Well, so much for cooperation. I should have known, should have realized he?d be sulking. No one can sulk like Qui-Gon Jinn.

    [face_laugh] [face_laugh] [face_laugh]

    for some reason I found that amusing. :p

    I'm impressed Sian is willing to go back after getting punched. Is it possible no one is as stubborn as Sian?

    Great update

    =D= =D= =D= =D=
     
  25. Rogue_Pilot_2347

    Rogue_Pilot_2347 Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    May 16, 2005
    I like the right hook bit. Says everything in six (?) words. Awesome. And thanks for the pm!
     
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