Untitled Fic: JA--Obi and Qui angst

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction Stories--Classic JC Board (Reply-Only)' started by IceAngel1026, Dec 3, 2002.

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  1. IceAngel1026 Jedi Youngling

    Member Since:
    Sep 20, 2002
    Hi all!

    Here's one I just had to write after reading another fic here. I hope the person doesn't mind, I can't remember who the author was, or what the story was called, but I REALLY liked it, and decided to put my own spin on it. Don't have a title yet, but if any of you think of something, let me know!

    So, here's all that legal stuff:

    Disclaimer: Just playing with my two favorite Jedi's for a while. Please don't take legal action against me. I'm just a poor poor...POOR college student.

    Summary: Obi get's a wee bit depressed, and Qui decides that some changes are in order.

    There had been a time in my life when I thought that you loved me. Now, I find myself questioning whether or not you ever even cared for me. I question whether I ever held a place in your heart. I know it?s not my place to question, but we?ll just add that onto your ever growing list of my failures. I?m sure you?re sitting there adding to it even as I?m writing this. A month ago, you would have realized that something was wrong, you would have tried to do something about it. A month ago, you would have cared. But that was a month ago, and as you always say, ?Keep your attention in the here and now, where it belongs.?

    That?s exactly what I?m doing. Ever the model apprentice, right? Always one pace behind. Always there as a support structure in a life your frequently chaotic life. Always the one standing off to the side, the faceless, nameless shadow. It didn?t hurt like this before. At least you acknowledged me before, knew my name, my person. At least you recognized what and who I am: not just your apprentice, but a person...a living, breathing person.

    I?m not even going to bother asking, ?why?? I know why, and it would undermine my intelligence to pretend not to know. It would also make you a little less guilty of what you?re doing, the pain you?re inflicting. To pretend ignorance would be to let you off easy, and mercy, in this case, is not something I can grant you. You?ve hurt me a little too much for that. You?ve cut a little too deep, and I am, after all, only human. More so in many ways than you.

    You see, Master, the sad truth of the matter is, I love you. I love you despite the harsh words, or the cold shoulder, or the blame that you place on me. I love you despite the fact that you can?t even bare to look at me anymore. I love you, and the love I feel for you is unconditional. It has to be, because, if I?m completely honest with myself, you?ve done nothing to earn it. I love you despite, and maybe even because of, your faults ?and there are many, Master, that I am no longer blind to.

    So, continue thinking the way you do; believing what you believe. Blame me for her death. Hate me for a new found love too quickly lost. Do whatever you have to do to justify your actions to yourself, but know this: I will not play lapdog to your hate and anger. I will not let you kill me piece by piece. If you want my end as justice for hers, then you will have it. But I will do it my way. For the death of the body is nothing compared to the death of the soul.

    This is my decision, my choice. So, do not blame yourself for this. I will not be another addition to the Qui-Gon Jinn Reasons to Wallow in Self-Pity list. I did this for me, not for you. I did something selfish for the first time in my life. I did it because I had a moment on strength to go against all I?ve been taught. I did it because for a moment, I heeded your words, and lived in the here and now. Because for one moment I lived in it; I lived are you have always told me to.

    Without even a second glance he clicked the ?control? and ?s? buttons, successfully saving the document. He made it a point to quit out of the program. If his master found it, he found it. If he didn?t, then it was because the force felt that it would be better that he not know. He looked over at the lone man sitting on the balcony one last time before getting up and stretching out his cramped muscles.

    ?Master? I?m retiring for the evening. Do you need anything else before I/>
  2. LuvEwan Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Mar 24, 2002
    star 4
    Obi-Wan's deep weariness was heartbreaking. Good lil' fic! :D [face_love]
  3. FELICIA_ZEZILI Jedi Youngling

    Member Since:
    Aug 5, 2001
    star 3
    ::applauds:: I love Obi-Wan when he's like this! Yeah it's wrong but...oh well. Great job and I hope to read more from you!

    Felicia Z.
  4. Jedi_Suzuran Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    May 22, 2002
    star 5
    That was beautifully written, I loved the angst! Great job! :)
  5. Wild_Huntress Jedi Padawan

    Member Since:
    Jul 15, 2002
    star 4
    Wow this was a very well written piece! Great job! ;)

    Ironically, you said you got the idea from something else you read and I in turn have a similar piece which I wrote a while ago and haven't posted yet. Hmmm the fact that Suicidal Obi is so common around here is a trifle worrisome but good job just the same!
  6. Havoc_2Nite Jedi Youngling

    Member Since:
    Aug 15, 2002
    Nicely done! Great angst! So... is there any chance you would consider adding a piece to let us know how Qui-Gon reacts to Obi-Wan's note?

  7. IceAngel1026 Jedi Youngling

    Member Since:
    Sep 20, 2002
    I was actually thinking about just leaving this as a one poster. I know that if I go any more indepth with it, I'll drag it out, and sometimes that just worse than leaving the ending up to the reader, ya know? I dunno, I suppose if I get enough requests, I'll do it, but if not, I'm just gonna leave Qui-Gon's response up to the reader's imagination.
  8. Lieutenant_Page Jedi Padawan

    Member Since:
    Mar 17, 2001
    star 4
    I really enjoyed that! I hope you do continue it! I would read it; I love how fan fics drag on..I never want them to end. So please, if you wanna, post more :D
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