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Before - Legends Up To Our Neks (c. 487 BBY; OCs, Yoda; concluded 3/26)

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction- Before, Saga, and Beyond' started by Onderon1, Oct 28, 2009.

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  1. CelseteAntola

    CelseteAntola TF.N Books Staff star 3 VIP

    May 18, 2002
    Nice peek into Redona's thoughts and memories... she has a soft side after all ;)

    Great update! :D

  2. Onderon1

    Onderon1 Jedi Master star 4

    Mar 18, 2008
    A/N: The time system Donal refers to, After Ruusan, is a canonical, IU reflection of the Republic resetting its calendar with the Battle of Ruusan as Year Zero; thus, 1,000 AR would be 0 After the Battle of Yavin, or ANH. (This also explains Sio Bibble's line from TPM about "there hasn't been full-scale war in the Republic for a thousand years!" :p)The BBY/ABY system wasn't instituted IU until 25 ABY.

    Chapter 29: 487 BBY: Shack of Trinoia Marnisova, Far Wash, Maslovar,
    Desevro, Tion Hegemony, Outer Rim:

    Donal shook his head as he prepared himself to speak about his grandfather's last stand and how it had led to his grandmother's exile from the Jedi Order. The story of Toldalin and Trinoia Marnis was as much tragic as it was unfair, and Donal was glad that his mother wasn't around. She got worked up when she heard the story, and another anti-jetiise rant was the last thing he had patience for right now.

    He found a seat, letting the lengthening shadows from the midday sun fall across his face while Tiegan waited, trying to balance understandable fascination and anticipation with the patience expected of a Padawan. Grandmother, for her part, started knitting something after she consulted some tea leaves, and Donal decided it was best to just start talking.

    "The whole affair went down about 465 After Ruusan - almost 50 years ago now. Toldalin was a Jedi Guardian, a relatively young Knight who'd proven himself not long before he was assigned to Falang Minor for a rotation of watching Tionese war games in case the 37 Families were funding anti-Republic pirates," Donal said, glancing at Grandmother as she looked up and smiled wistfully.

    "I suppose that's my cue. There was still a small praxeum on Falang Minor back then, for descendants of Jedi who'd settled the world back during its fortress status millenia ago and specializing in Seers like myself. Foresight was a useful skill for the ancient guardians, and my family, the Belladanas, were particularly strong with the Unifying Force. I've also learned how to create illusions, so showing you what went on is fairly easy," Grandmother said.

    She concentrated, the air thickening - or seeming to - as the years rolled back, and Donal echoed Tiegan's amazed expression. Even with Donal's own array of exotic Force talents (foresight, beast speech, and illusions among them), Trinoia's sheer skill level was on a whole other level.

    And she's lost none of her memories ...

    535 BBY: Jedi Praxeum, Falang Minor:

    Trinoia looked up from the scrying bowl (the Masters didn't like the water-filled silver dish to be called that, but Jedi Seers weren't that far removed from the more mystical traditions like the Dai Bendu), and blinked at the young Knight who walked in to the meditation chamber.

    He was human like Trinoia, although his skin tone was a bit lighter than hers - Falang was still a fairly young star, so its somewhat higher ultraviolet output had promoted more melanin in the skin of the average Falangi human - and his blond hair was cropped short. A few stray, longer hairs danging from behind his right ear suggested that the newcomer had had a braid not too long ago - so, this was a recently-promoted Knight, maybe the new Guardian that the Draethos Master D'rachis had said the Seers should expect.

    The newcomer smiled kindly, bowing to Trinoia, and sat across from her. "Hello. I'm Toldalin Marnis, from Coruscant. Master D'rachis said I should look around and familarize myself with the Seers," he said, and Trinoia smiled back at him.

    Inside, though, she had to draw on her Control studies to keep from staring at Toldalin stupidly. Trinoia knew she wasn't being very Jedi ... but frankly, s
  3. Master_Haggis

    Master_Haggis Jedi Youngling

    Apr 11, 2007
    Just wanted to say again how much I'm enjoying the read. Good writing and story all together. The descriptions and characterizations - all of it. I enjoyed the little comments on the UV Rad and the Melanin (I'm a medical guy). I definitely like the idea of seeing an old lady as a young gal and how she reacted long ago, knowing what it led to.

    I definitely see a lot of the same thoughts and emotions in Grammy as we do in Donnel and his dad - the un-Jedi-like thoughts, the recklessness, etc... I assume it's a theme to be continued, and it works well, though there is a line of repititiousness (which you have NOT crossed as of now) that you should be wary of. I think I like the repeated themes, so it's not too much. It just can have a tendency to blur the characters some. Fortunately, thus far, the recklessness has been in male Jedi's so it makes it not too tough to separate grandma from Dad and son. Sorry, I think out loud, well, erm... on paper, and I don't always reread and correct my typing before posting. Too lazy. Ultimately, I think what I'm trying to say is that you have done a really good job of bringing up repeated family themes and personality traits so far, and the balance is appropriate right now. But if further characters with the character flaw of recklessness/impulsiveness come up, it will be hard to discern between them. Am I making sense?

    Regardless, that has not detracted from my enjoyment of the characters and the story. Well, of course it hasn't, because you haven't 'crossed the line' at this point. I'm going to shut up before this hole gets too large...
  4. Onderon1

    Onderon1 Jedi Master star 4

    Mar 18, 2008
    Master_Haggis: Thanks for the feedback. :)

    The Marnis family do have a nontraditional (for this time period) view of Jedi beliefs, but how they approach (or approached) being Jedi differs considerably from member to member. Donal's had his moments of recklessness, but he's learned from his father's hasty behavior, and that of his grandparents ...

    Such as, say, delaying for time until backup can arrive. ;)

    Chapter 30: 487 BBY: Shack of Trinoia Marnisova, Far Wash, Maslovar,
    Desevro, Tion Hegemony, Outer Rim Territories:

    Tiegan shivered when he heard Mrs. Marinsova's tone - it sounded like Knight Marnis' death had been a big sacrifice, and Master Donal felt pretty sad as he looked out the window.

    "Mrs. Marnisova ... what happened? You and Knight Marnis came to Desevro from Falang Minor?" Tiegan asked, and Mrs. Marnisova nodded, smiling again nicely.

    "Toldalin's skills were well-rounded for a Guardian. He was almost a Sentinel, with his technical capacities - nothing in the realm of Donal's Bothan foster-brother Kelnam, but Toldalin was able to hack the security system on a shuttle. From Falang Minor to Desevro is just a matter of hours by any decently-rated hyperdrive. And by the time my Master, D'rachis, knew we were gone, we were setting foot at Jigani Port north of Maslovar," Mrs. Marnisova said.

    The Force gathered around her, and she got sad again as she said, "We were young and determined and skilled in the Force. Most Desevrars had little way to slow us down - even if we weren't being actively threatened."

    "But then, we reached Gad Ap-Ianghe's fortress island ..."

    535 ABY: Far Wash, Maslovar, Desevro, Tion Hegemony, Outer Rim Territories:

    The pulse of the dark side energies had just gotten stronger as Trinoia and Toldalin had made their way through Maslovar, and down to the boat docks - the captain, Iakan, who'd taken them out to the remote fortress, was waiting for them at the edge of the island.

    This wasn't such a good idea ... but we had to come here. We had to face this, Trinoia reminded herself as Toldalin squeezed her hand, radiating support ... and more.

    They both blushed, but not from shame - the trip from Falang Minor had been full of mutual discovery, and in her heart, Trinoia considered Toldalin to be her soulmate. His bravery, kindness, and gentleness were supportive, if quite unlike the friendship and camaraderie Trinoia had felt from other Jedi.

    It was attachment, but Trinoia didn't care about what her Masters had told her - if this was attachment, it was right, like the stories of Bastila and Revan.

    "Trin?" she heard, and Trinoia blushed again - she concentrated in the Force, layering different kinds of Force protections on Toldalin as they'd planned. They'd agreed, on the trip from Falang Minor, that rushing in and both confronting the dark-sider would be stupid. Toldalin would take point, as the Guardian he was, and deal with the dark-sider, while Trinoia faced the dark Jedi's handiwork.

    "You're ready to go. I'll be monitoring from outside," Trinoia said. "May the Force be with you ... and -"

    Toldalin just grinned, kissing her deeply, and rushed toward the dark stone tower. He launched a telekinetic shove that splintered the door as Trinoia focused past her flare of emotions - she had to pay attention now.

    To Trinoia's horror, the dark flame in the center of the tower's marshy floor had only grown - and with it, the rift the dark-sider's foolish machinations were creating. The dark-robed Force-user spun around from the rift, hissing in some horrible language as a red blade flared in his hand -!

    Toldalin just frowned, blocking the lightsaber blade, and he and the dark-sider danced back
  5. CelseteAntola

    CelseteAntola TF.N Books Staff star 3 VIP

    May 18, 2002
    Great post!!

    You're so good at building the suspense, O! This story is like a huge onion, layer after layer of characterization and emotion and just straight up awesomeness.

    I'm looking forward to the next bit!! :D

  6. Onderon1

    Onderon1 Jedi Master star 4

    Mar 18, 2008
    Thanks, Celeste. :D We are - finally [face_blush] - in the home stretch; the big reveals are coming to an end, at least as far as Donal's ties to the Outer Rim and both Mandalore and the Tionese (there's still much more about his young adulthood, which will be the focus of the sequel I'm starting to work on).

    But before that, there's still the matter of that pesky Istlan to deal with ... and a handful more surprises. ;)

    Chapter 31 ABY: 487 BBY: Shack of Trinoia Marnisova, Far Wash, Maslovar, Desevro, Tion Hegemony,
    Outer Rim:

    Tiegan blinked; he'd known Master Donal's life was complicated, but he hadn't thought it went back so far - before Master Donal had even been born, or even Master Marnis had been born.

    And how did Mrs. Marnisova end up here if she was a Jedi seer ...? he wondered, looking at her as Mrs. Marnisova kept knitting what looked like little booties.

    She smiled over her work, while Master Donal got his aay'han smile, but a little sad, too. "Where were we - oh, yeah. Granddad Toldalin killed Gap Ad-Ianghe, but sacrificed his life in the process. And Grandmother here was pregnant with my dad, Torman, but alone on Desevro at the site of a massive clash of light and dark," Master Donal said, looking at Mrs. Marnisova.

    "You make it sound so dramatic, Donal. Like the Desevrars were going to hunt me down and kill me or something. I was able to get back to the ship with Iakan's help, after all, and we went back to Port Jigani," Mrs. Marnisova said.

    She sighed, then, and said, "Of course, that was when I had to answer for my decisions."

    535 BBY: Port Jigani, Maslovar, Desevro, Tion Hegemony, Outer Rim:

    Trinoia bowed her head as she approached the knot of Desevran government officials and Jedi - there was a sense of frustration and tension in the air, but mostly just worry and grief.

    Or maybe that's just me ... she thought, putting a hand on her abdomen. She tried not to break down, remembering Toldalin's sacrifice ...

    She'd recovered his blackened, shattered lightsaber. Toldalin's body was missing, as was that of the dark-sider - "Gad Ap-Ianghe," the black-robed maniac had called himself - while Ap-Ianghe's fortress was a wreck. The clash of light and dark-side energies had levelled the fortress, and Trinoia had fled the scene to warn her Jedi superiors.

    One of whom, at least, was present - the Draethos seer Master, D'rachis, who ran to hold Trinoia gently by her shoulders. "Trinoia -! We sensed Knight Marnis' passing, and some great upheaval in the Force. What happened?" the nonhuman Master asked, helping Trinoia to a bench near the shuttle she and Toldalin had flown from Falang Minor.

    Trinoia's lip trembled as she tried to explain, but a brightly - garishly - robed Desevran man stomped over, scowling as his green and purple robes fluttered in the wind. "That's her! Security footage showed her and that Jedi whelp heading through the streets, using their witch powers to influence hovercab and customs officials! And now we have reports that there was some explosion on an island belonging to my family!" the black-haired man bellowed, his moustachios flowing in the afternoon wind.

    "How DARE you!" Trinoia shouted, unable to keep from feeling outraged - how dare this bloated buffoon spew his accusations, didn't he know, didn't he care about what just happened?!

    Trinoia's eyes narrowed as she considered what her accuser had just said, and she asked, "What's your name ... you said that island belongs to your family?"

    The man went a little pale, but Master D'rachis stood and put a hand on Trinoia's shoulder. "This
  7. HelloKelly

    HelloKelly Jedi Youngling star 3

    Nov 12, 2009
    Dierna's pregnant!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek:

    That's so awesome! I really like this story! And I'm sad to hear its coming to a close. But every good story needs an ending!

    Can't wait for the next post!

  8. Onderon1

    Onderon1 Jedi Master star 4

    Mar 18, 2008

    Thanks, HelloKelly. :) The sequel is very much in the planning stages (I've got a lot of stuff on my plate at the moment ... :p)

    And now - at last :p[face_blush] - an update. :)

    Chapter 32: 487 BBY: D'arsan Manufactum Aurek-1-Orinda, Outer Wash, Maslovar, Desevro,
    Outer Rim:

    There is a disturbance ...

    Istlan stirred from his slumber with a snort; he didn't like, didn't trust, the more "mystical" aspects of the Force. Not only did such powers cut too closely to the Jedi whom Istlan derided, but they were notoriously unreliable.

    Detecting other Force-users is about as much as I prefer ... but this is different. Worth investigating - albeit by safer means, the lordling of House D'arsan thought, rising from his bed. He cleaned up quickly, dressing in a simple but effective combat jumpsuit and combat belt, and grabbed his lightsaber from his dresser before entering his office.

    Fraak bowed, rising from where he had been feeding the tuk'atas which were still on-site. The animals were whining and grumbling, and Istlan reached out as gently as he ever did through the Force to soothe them before nodding at his manservant. "They're restless? I thought only I had sensed the disruption," Istlan said.

    "Could it be Milthiad projecting some kind of interference, M'Lord?" Fraak asked - insightful as ever, and Istlan considered the point.

    "A valid possibility, but I doubt it. It's not Donal's style, such subtlety. That, and he doesn't harass animals. One of his few good points. No, this woke me from a deep slumber - almost sort of a premonition, which I shouldn't have had. While I have studied farsight, I've avoided refining it into future sight ..." Istlan pondered, sitting at his desk.

    He activated the D'arsan datanet, filtering through the most recent intel from Coruscant and the taps on Dierna's personal files - undoubtedly, she likewise could tap Istlan's data (which was both about balancing their positions within the family structure, and how Dierna's agents had identified Istlan's connection to Al'rev). Nothing sprang out at Istlan, however, other than the report of Donal visiting Dierna before coming to Desevro.

    Other than ... other than ... Istlan considered, cross-referencing Donal's schedule with Dierna's.

    And then he saw something that made him blink - Dierna's sudden, unscheduled visit to the doctor.

    Dierna's not known for adventurism - bad taste in men, yes, but she's self-sufficient enough, and has a household medical droid. Any sign of speeder accidents, rival Houses sending agents Coreward on kill-strikes ...? Istlan wondered, cross-checking Dierna's schedule with accident reports from Coruscant.

    Nothing sprung out at him, and he shook his head. Sister, dear, what are you up to ...? Istlan wondered.

    He frowned, sensing more Jedi approaching, and had to uncurl one of his hands as a dark, reddish-black rage boiled within him - the kind he'd thought he'd left behind after turning 18.

    Yes, Corist Jedi are deserving of disgust. But I can't let my rightful outrage blind me, not when I'm so close ...

    Istlan stood, nodding as Fraak gave him his cape, and said, "It's time, Fraak. Before Milthiad can gather his forces, we need to call him out and finish this."

    "Sound the call - duel majeur."

    Shack of Trinoia Marnisova, Outer Wash, Maslovar, Desevro:

    Donal couldn't help but grin - he was going to be a father, and the Council could go hang. But he made himself set aside his joy as a Jedi shuttle came racing in across the water, kicking up wavelets with its repulsors before landing on an islet across the water.

    "You think Jigani Port Control's going to kick up a stink about them not landing in Maslovar?" Mom asked, while T
  9. Onderon1

    Onderon1 Jedi Master star 4

    Mar 18, 2008
    A/N: Sorry this took so long - RL's been busy. :p

    Chapter 33: 487 BBY: Island of Trinoia Marnisova, Outer Wash,
    Maslovar, Desevro, Tion Hegemony, Outer Rim Territories:

    "Cel! Ridi!" Tiegan called - it was great to see his friends again, and they smiled and waved as they got off of Captain Iakan's boat with their Masters.

    "Tiegan! You get all the really fun adventures - uhm, not that that's what Jedi are s'posed to be about. Master," Ridinia said, blushing a little when Knight Hiiril looked at her and smiled a little.

    "It's OK, Ridinia. You hang out enough with us in Don's - ah, Knight Milthiad's - circle of friends, you get dragged into all sorts of crazy stuff. Hi, Tiegan - Redona!" Knight Hiiril said, shaking Tiegan's hand and then hugging Mrs. Varnas.

    "Good of you to arrive so quickly, Taeryn. Thanks for coming - well, ad'ike? You going to talk to your friends?" Mrs. Varnas sort of teased Master Donal, but he just shook his head and smiled before squeezing Knight Hiiril's hands.

    "Sorry for the slow greeting, Taer. Just sorting through the latest tactical update - Tharmag. Thanks for coming," Master Donal said, nodding to Knight Elender - who didn't sneer, and who even kind of smiled.

    Maybe. A little.

    "You're welcome ... Donal. I was hoping you would fill us in on the details - and ... our hostess ...?" Knight Elender asked, looking at Mrs. Marnisova, kind of surprised.

    He doesn't know about her? Maybe Master Zallow didn't tell the other Sentinels about Mrs. Marinisova, Tiegan wondered, watching Mrs. Marnisova walk out of her shack and look the other Jedi up and down.

    "Hmm. One of Taddeus' Sentinels? I recognize the stiff back and the wary eye. It's not a negative trait, actually - you're right to watch your back here," Mrs. Marnisova said, walking around Knight Elender before looking at Knight Hiiril and smiling.

    "A Guardian - strong, courageous, practical. Good. Your grandfather would've approved, Donal," Mrs. Marnisova said, nodding at Master Donal - that was when Celdir gasped, and Knight Elender's eyebrows rose.

    "Whoa, wait a minute - you knew Donal's grand - whoa! Trinoia Marnisova!?" Knight Hiiril yelled, and Tiegan worried a little - he didn't want anyone to be angry, or fight ...

    "OK, QUIET! I'll explain, but everyone, QUIET DOWN for a minute!" Master Donal yelled, like Tiegan had never heard him yell before. It was a little scary, but he thought he understood why Master Donal was upset - they had to find and stop Istlan, and also find the tuk'atas and stop them.

    He just wants to do what needs doing ...


    Donal finished glaring - being part-Mando'ad was useful for reinforcing an angry glare, he'd found - and he nodded once he was sure he had everyone's attention.

    "OK, listen, because I'm only going to say this once: Yes, Trinoia Marnisova is my grandmother - my father Torman's mother. It's not exactly a big secret, but I figured out a while ago that the Council probably doesn't want it shouted from the rooftops because she and my grandfather, Toldalin, broke more than a few rules. That's almost 50 years in the past, though, and we need to focus on the NOW," Donal insisted.

    "I can't believe I never put that all together ... the story of Trinoia Belladana and Toldalin Marnis is one of the earliest warning stories told to Sentinel aspirants among Padawans," Tharmy said, really quiet, but he had the decency to look embarrassed when Donal glanced at him.

    "Hmph. And here I was starting to like you, young man," Grandmother chimed in, shrugging when Donal looked at her and shook his head, smirking. "What? I don't like the thought of the love of my life being used to braintwist young Jedi into being afraid to love."

    "We can argue the ins and outs of attachments later, Grandmother. Point is, we need to
  10. CelseteAntola

    CelseteAntola TF.N Books Staff star 3 VIP

    May 18, 2002
    Hmm... I thought I'd replied to the post before last... [face_thinking]

    Either way, both updates were really good! All the players are assembling for what's looking to be the epic battle of this piece, which hopefully you won't leave for the sequel... [face_shame_on_you] ;)

    Great job, as always!


  11. HelloKelly

    HelloKelly Jedi Youngling star 3

    Nov 12, 2009
    I read that last post but RL happened and now I once again am commenting on two posts.

    I loved the glare line in the second post. It had me chuckling!

    And I hope you don't leave this on a cliffhanger! That would be so mean if you did!

    Can't wait for the next post!
  12. Onderon1

    Onderon1 Jedi Master star 4

    Mar 18, 2008

    Thanks, everyone - sorry this's taken so long to update. [face_blush] I've been working on the ending, and other 'fic ... [face_peace]

    Chapter 34: 487 BBY: Teth, Outer Rim Territories:

    <Smarma? SMARMA! What word do you have of that reprobate biped D'Arsan?>

    Smarma bowed to his parent Smorgasborga as he slithered into their vacation palace's throne room. The Tethan heat was mollified a bit by the cool shadows of the palace's construction, and the young Hutt appreciated the mood the place put his parent in - less homicidal than usual.

    It means his focus is on those who deserve his wrath, Smarma thought, rechecking the latest loss-profit figures from the tuk'ata fighting ring operation they'd entrusted Istlan D'Arsan with. The numbers weren't good, and the datanet suggested that Istlan was indulging his petty hatred of his brother-in-law - not good signs.

    But at least if Smorgasborga knew the real source of the problems, he wouldn't be angry with Smarma.

    <Please forgive my lateness, Father. I've been gathering the freshest intelligence. It's as you foresaw in your wisdom - Istlan's resentment of his jeedai brother-in-law has made him sloppy in his work,> Smarma said, handing the datapad to his parent.

    Smorgasborga rumbled, then started to chuckle. The Twi'lek dancing girl chained to his dais looked scared, while the gathered courtiers and scum (or those courtiers who were scum, since the difference was hard to tell) shifted and muttered.

    <Milthiad ... yes, I remember him now. I killed his last jeedai Master, that Ithorian. Ho ho ho ho ho ... jeedai SCUM,> Smorgasborga rumbled with satisfaction, making even Smarma a little nervous.

    His parent ruled by fear, true, but Smarma thought it safer to give with one hand and take with the other, instead of striking down the serfs all the time. He was just smart enough not to contradict his parent openly.

    <No one can doubt your might, Father. But Milthiad's shown an annoying talent for ruining operations - mostly Black Sun and other competitors of ours, true. Still, his kill count is considerable. If he slays Istlan, and the Republic breaks up the tuk'ata ring, we could stand to lose a sizeable investment,> Smarma said, calmly.

    Smorgasborga's eyes slid to him, and Smarma tried not to show fear. His parent enjoyed fear when it was shown by the serfs - in Smarma, it was intolerable, now that Smarma was a young adult Hutt.

    <Hmm. Looking at the bottom line ... you've learned your lessons well, my offspring. I agree, those tuk'atas are valuable stock. As for D'Arsan ... he's an idiot, letting his emotions override his common sense. And he never did return that geological compressor, either,> Smorgasborga considered, his amusement turning to a dangerous frustration by the end.

    Smarma bowed his head, clasping his hands before him in a gesture of penitence. He'd been the one who'd let Istlan rent the compressor, after all, but he looked up with relieved surprise when his parent chuckled and said, <Relax, young one. You can't control the primates when they're out of your reach, after all.>

    <Indeed not, Father. At your command, I'll go to Desevro myself, find the compressor, and recover the tuk'atas. Perhaps we can still salvage something of the fighting ring. Should I have D'Arsan treated as a ... loose end?> Smarma asked, careful to use language that could be later brushed off as inconsequential.

    Smorgasborga glanced at his Twi'lek dancer, smiling as she slid over to him, and he gently stroked her lekku before his gaze slid to Smarma, then back to the Twi'lek. <My thorough offspring. He's very wise, isn't he, Arsha'vao?> Smorgasborga asked the Rutian female.

    <Y-yes, my Lord,> the Twi'lek said, and Smorgasborga laughed as he let her slide away a bit, relief evident in her expression. Smarma just smiled neutrally; he personally didn't think scaring the dancers was all that amusi
  13. Onderon1

    Onderon1 Jedi Master star 4

    Mar 18, 2008
    A/N: Well, it's finally here - the conclusion. At least of this set of Donal's adventures. :)

    This definitely won't be the last appearance of these characters; I'm working on the sequel now. But I wanted to bring this first tale of Milthiad and Co. to a proper ending ... [face_peace]

    487 BBY: Jigani Port, Maslovar, Desevro, Tion Hegemony, Outer Rim Territories:


    Dierna took a deep breath, smiling at her old friend and main maidservant, Hasna, as they left the courier craft that had rushed them to Desevro. For all the finery and excitement of Coruscant, it was still Coruscant.

    Desevro is home ... and I can, finally, return with good news, Dierna thought, putting a hand on her abdomen and barely keeping from laughing with joy before she turned back to Hasna.

    "Summon a speeder, Hasna. We're going to the Bureaugarchy first and putting an end to my meddlesome brother's reign of madness once and for all. Istlan will lose what little standing he has left when I announce my pregnancy to the rest of the 37 Families - I hardly need to preserve that pompous little fool's heir status when I'm with child," Dierna said, unleashing her full hauteur as she vented her frustration with Istlan.

    "At once, M'Lady," Hasna agreed, activating her comlink while a phalanx of loyal guards surrounded Dierna and Hasna. It was as it should be - the Lady of House D'Arsan was back, and let the scum of the galaxy beware.

    It would be better, though, if I knew where Lord D'Arsan was ... Donal, be careful, Dierna thought while the speeder came racing up - then, Hasna gave a horrified little gasp, and she gave her datapad to Dierna.

    "M'Lady - this call for duel majeur - it's from -!" Hasna gasped, as Dierna read the information ...

    And seethed.

    Istlan, you little PRAT! Donal will KILL you in a duel, you IMBECILE!

    Nevertheless, Dierna centered herself and took a deep breath - she had to think of her child.

    And, yes, other family. Even now, she didn't want Istlan dead. He'd been a sweet boy, once, before their parents' deaths.

    Dierna opened her eyes and said, quietly, "Hasna ... tell our passengers to meet us at the safehouse."

    "I think it's time to teach Istlan that if he wants to play an adult's game, he faces an adult's stakes."

    Shack of Trinoia Marnisova, Outer Wash, Maslovar, Desevro:

    The Force shifted dangerously, suddenly - Donal felt it, worried and confused by what it could mean.

    His comlink bleeped, and Donal answered it while his friends and family members prepared for their various missions. "Milthiad," he said.

    "Don!? Thank the First Snitch - you gotta get to Maslovar RIGHT NOW! I tried to stop her before she left, but she blasted off before I could get to her!" Kelnam blurted, and Donal blinked as he tried to figure out what his foster brother meant.

    Then, the Force resolved into a distant, specific, utterly familiar knot, and Donal slapped his forehead.

    "Dierna. Damn it. It's too soon for pregnancy to make her gedin'la. She must be planning to pull the rug out from underneath Istlan's pretentions by announcing her pregnancy to the Bureaugarchy," Donal realized, nodding when the others looked at him in surprise.

    "Wait, Dierna's here? NOW!?" Taeryn exclaimed - then, she and Tharmag blinked, and Donal rolled his eyes.

    "Yes, Dierna's here. Pregnant. We'll deal with the particulars later, after we've completed our missions - but we need to delay her ... damnit. I can't show up at the duel majeur without a second, so I can't send Tiegan to intervene ... and we need to send force in strength to Istlan's island, so Taeryn, Tharmag, and Mom can't go ..." Donal considered -
  14. CelseteAntola

    CelseteAntola TF.N Books Staff star 3 VIP

    May 18, 2002


    That was quite the finale, O!!!

    Nice job wrapping up all the loose ends-- I'm always amazed by how well you manage so many details-- and the new "secret" is more than intriguing!

    I really can't wait to read more about Donal and Tiegan's adventures. PM when you post the new thread? [face_batting]

    Awesome ending to an awesome fic!!

  15. HelloKelly

    HelloKelly Jedi Youngling star 3

    Nov 12, 2009
    Wow. This was an amazing finale! I can't wait for your next story to start!

  16. Chilla

    Chilla Jedi Master star 4

    Jul 30, 2005
    Onderon! [face_peace]

    Excellent story! I love all the twists and turns and the revelations. I like how all the main cast are somehow inertwined.
    It's been a real treat to read, too. Your writing style is wonderful. =D=

    One thing: I think you could make the battle/action scenes a bit longer. You know I always appreciate a little butt-kicking. [face_blush]

    I really enjoyed the cast here and I'll be sure to dig into the sequel - I'm hoping for a big family reunion and a happy end for Donal's Mum and Dad. [face_praying] Then again, who is Tieg's mother? [face_thinking] And I'm curious about how Taeryn will handle the news of Dierna's pregnancy. Seems to me that everything happened very fast and she hasn't digested it yet....

    So quite a few things to look forward to in the Sequel

    Guess you'll see me around! [face_peace]
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