Before ~ Valley of Deception~ From Idea to Story Workshop: Introduction Exercise

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction- Before, Saga, and Beyond' started by MsLanna, Oct 26, 2008.

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  1. MsLanna Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Jul 8, 2005
    star 6
    Title: Valley of Deception
    Author: MsLanna
    Timeframe: Old Republic
    Characters: OCs only



    Valley of Deception


    "Look at me!" His grip on her chin turned her relentlessly to face him.

    But she refused to look him in the eye. Stubbornly, the young woman kept her gaze passing his head, even when he pulled her so close, that there was barely an inch between their faces.

    "Look at me!"

    She shook her head curtly; there was not much leeway in his iron grip. She felt the tip of his ringed index finger wander over her cheek towards her eye. The silver tipped cap slowly came into her field of vision, its sharp tip coming to a halt just under her lashes.

    "Look at me." His voice was but a soft whisper. "You will look at me, Romeena."

    Finally, she gave in knowing that he would not hesitate to stab her eye out if it suited his plans. His dark eyes were ablaze with anger, a hint of desire already mingling into it.

    "You are so stubborn of late," his gaze wandered over her face, as if he hoped to find the answers there. "What have I done?"

    What have you not? Romeena swallowed the thought before it could fully form. Opposition angered him, but aroused him as well. She knew he could feel her clench and unclench her teeth, her whole body was taut, ready to spring into action or -

    "Nothing, Master." That she did not hiss at him was a small victory in itself. That her voice was radiating a calm she was far from feeling surprised even her. "Nothing."

    Slowly, the pointed silver moved away from her eye again, leaving a line in her skin behind. Romeena could feel the blood collecting into a drop.

    "And still you seem to move away from me." He pushed her back a little, turning her face in his hand until he finally let go. He brought his armoured index finger up to his mouth, tapping his lips thoughtfully with the tip. It was a well-studied gesture, since it was not only razor-sharp but also poisoned.

    "I will let it slip - this once. But know that I shall watch your behaviour with interest." He cupped her bruised cheek in one hand. "I have put too much into you to lose you. Continue."

    "The ambassador turned out to be innocent, but I will remove him nevertheless. Selket's delegation is then completely under your command." Romeena inclined her head slightly, indicating a bow.

    "Very good, my Apprentice." He let his gaze wander over her slender frame suggestively. "A reward would be in order."

    Romeena didn't flinch. Threats, promises, it was all the same for Darth Adur who didn't even distinguish between pleasure and pain. "As you wish."

    "You may leave now." Ardur let his hand slowly drop, following her neck line, collarbone and bust. "I will find you."

    With a flourish of her black cloak, Romeena turned and left the throne room, Adur had created for himself. It bore many memories for her, and most were not pleasant. Even those that might have been pleasant were tainted. No matter how bright the tuuroni marble shone, the tiles were deathly cold on skin. With a shiver, she pushed the double door close behind her, heading for the illusionary safety of her rooms.

    The cut was not deep. Actually, it was just deep enough to draw that one drop of blood that now hung in her face like some strange kind of adornment. Romeena stared into the mirror, the green eyes of her reflection burning almost as cold as the tuuroni tiles had on her back. Abuse of power, power of abuse, and the tantalising chance that once in a blue moon a 'no' might be respected, not punished. But Adur was playing a deadly game. One day, he would be the one lying with his back on the icy tiles in the throne room, and his flesh would be just as cold.

    Romeena brushed the blood away with a deft motion. All in good time. And that time had not come yet. She gritted her teeth; that time was still far off, too far off. But with every day she survived, every mission she completed, with every insult she swallowed, technique she mastered - with every breath she took, />
  2. earlybird-obi-wan Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Aug 21, 2006
    star 6
    Great start on your story introducing these two. Intriguing where this will lead to.
  3. Ceillean Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Nov 13, 2001
    star 5
    Oh my, Lanna. Erotically dark. I love this!
    Is there more? Will there be more? [face_mischief] That Adur character...now he's intriguing.
  4. Seremela Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Jul 12, 2008
    star 3
    Wonderful introduction! You told so much in this and their relationship came over loud and clear for me. Such a twisted kind of love, so dangerous for them both and so sad that this is the relationship they grasp at....

    And I loved the poisoned fingertips :D


  5. ZaraValinor Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    May 31, 2002
    star 4
    Dangerous and sad and dark, great introduction.
  6. Ubersue Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Sep 1, 2008
    star 3
    Great start! I love the name, Darth Ardur.

    Can't wait to see more! :)
  7. MsLanna Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Jul 8, 2005
    star 6
    earlybrid - Thank you. It will lead to nohting good, I'd say.[face_thinking] If I can get things okayed, I'll continue.

    Ceillean - Yes indeed. [face_mischief] And that is the reason why, I'll need mod approval for one of the updates.:oops: If you want, I can show you the inspiration pic for Ardur, though the young man is much too young and looks much to nice.[face_laugh]

    Seremela - I wouldn't go so far and call it love. I don't think Ardur is capable of that. He'd disagree, of course.;) But they are stuck with/to each other. *lol* Gothic Sith, gotta love them.:p

    Zara - Thanks. I am good with introductions, it's the rest that's difficult.:oops:

    Ubersue - I actually looked up "Ardur". It came from the LAtin 'adurgere' burn, be consumed by fire' and 'ardere' which means the same. *dundunduuunn!*
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