main
side
curve
  1. In Memory of LAJ_FETT: Please share your remembrances and condolences HERE

Saga Vestiges--An Obi-Wan Vignette

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction- Before, Saga, and Beyond' started by LuvEwan, Jan 29, 2004.

Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.
  1. LuvEwan

    LuvEwan Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Mar 24, 2002
    Vestiges

    A Vignette by LuvEwan

    PG-13

    Main Character: Obi-Wan Kenobi

    Disclaimer: Not mine.



    {}


    Someone would find him.

    It was the fraying rope that bound his dissembling mind, that tied together remnants that would have otherwise gone skittering into oblivion. The frail and colorless ribbon that pulled him from the chasm of potential insanity, but in its efforts sacrificed many of its fibers.

    If he began to careen again, his eyes sinking from the earth around him into himself and the murky landscape of his mind, even if he grabbed for that salvation with raw, desperate fingers--it could still break.

    And then he would be free-falling, into the pits of bitter uncertainty, to drown in the ether of detachment.

    He had dropped from the traitorous mountainside, clumps of grit and rock spraying from his opened hands as he descended. Face and belly down, he landed on the forest floor, wreathed by a rising plume of dust.

    For a brief moment, he floundered in the breathless shock of his body colliding with the ground-at first, it seemed he was caught in a perpetual plunge, only afterwards did he realize how quickly he came from clinging to the hill's jagged face to being outspread on a bed of rotting leaves and stone.

    Then, blinking furiously in a struggle against the powdered grime, he attempted to stand, or at least move. But his limbs screamed their resistance, and much of his strength was drained by injury, as well as calling on the Force-suddenly and wholeheartedly-to cushion his fall.

    What good that did.

    The sun had been high and radiating effervescent shafts of gold when he stumbled. The shrouded shelter of leaves taunted him, a mere handful of feet away, where the clusters of trees gave way to a clearing. Now the molten core above him was surrendering to respite beneath the horizon, nestled in a faraway darkness, leaving warm, diluted echoes of lavender and burnished scarlet, tinting the edges of his vision.

    It was the prime of summer, so he had stripped off his tunics before beginning the climb. He felt a rush of satisfaction in the freedom of such a simple gesture, of peeling off the burden of heavy clothing and reveling in the slight breeze swirling around his skin. There had been a slick, glistening sheen of sweat on his chest when he lost his footing?

    And it had been replaced since then as clammy beads on his back.

    He was never thrown-or even slipped-into unconsciousness. His was an unyielding, unforgiving cognizance, in which every grinding pain was fully experienced. His state had left him in a paralysis, smothered by the heat, his eyes wandering the limited panorama.

    He caught sight of an insect, tiny and black, flying in half-circles near the ground.

    The buzzing was a delicate sound, but in the strict silence, it coalesced with his own ragged intakes of air, until he felt that he himself were buzzing. His focus dwindled to the small target and his eyes were pinned to it, the shrill noise, the fuzzy dark speck?

    Obi-Wan clamped his eyes shut, for he had begun to feel that the miniscule creature was his eye, was the black pupil of it.

    Faintly, Obi-Wan wondered if he was feverish--or delirious.

    But I would know, wouldn't I? If I was delirious?

    No--of course there was no way of knowing.

    Perhaps he had been rescued, by a passerby or--or better, his companion, who offered to stay behind this morning, as they sat at the quaint wooden table eating early meal, to allow him to be alone with his thoughts.

    It was not often Obi-Wan could take advantage of such a rare opportunity. Sabbaticals-be they a year or a day-were not necessary for a Jedi. He had felt a knot of guilt in his belly when he started off, hearing his own, unaccompanied footsteps.

    Alone?'m certainly alone now.

    He looked dimly at the forest brush, his face pressed against the leaves.

    Or maybe he had already succumbed to the lulling darkness, and these musings were nothing but lingering vestiges of his departed soul, like the soft projecti
     
  2. Shaindl

    Shaindl Jedi Grand Master star 4

    Registered:
    Jun 18, 2002
    Critiques? Okay.

    You hit one of my pet peeves in your last line: all right is two words, not one. :p

    Seriously, LE, you worry too much. I know, it's a lot easier said than done to not worry, but really, you have a lot of talent. Sometimes it's fun to write something without a purpose. It's fun just to string words together in a coherent manner sometimes. :)

    Great job. I liked the way it swung from reality to the dreamscape. But you need to hurry up and update your other stories, dear. :D

    Shaindl
     
  3. GuerreStellari

    GuerreStellari Jedi Master star 2

    Registered:
    Nov 23, 2003
    Well written Obi-torture, as usual. Always finding new ways to hurt him, emotionally and physically, it seems. [face_devil]

    Why is this such a popular genre? I ask myself that, as I read these vignettes with morbid delight. My boyfriend says it's the oldest thing in the books, the whole "I will nurse you back to health, my rugged knight." I used to think it was just me!

    What's particularly humorous is that we always find new ways to hurt and comfort poor Obi-Wan. [face_love] It was only a matter of time before someone made him stumble down a steep hill. Perhaps I'll make him get stepped on by some wooly mammoth type alien. Of course, that lacks the symbolism that falling does. [face_laugh]

    Anyway, very well-written. The imagery is fantastic, very descriptive and poetic. Good writing, yes yes.
     
  4. obi_ew

    obi_ew Jedi Master star 5

    Registered:
    Apr 14, 2002
    Well you had me fooled. The entire time I read this I thought I was reading about him around the time of Episode 3. I was thinking all along that Anakin was the he Obi was referring to throughout. What a shock I got when I realized this was Padawan Obi! :eek:
     
  5. Sheila

    Sheila Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Oct 6, 2002
    I liked it LE, it had a very dark and foreboding atmosphere.
     
  6. LuvEwan

    LuvEwan Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Mar 24, 2002
    Shaindl Actually, my other stories are the reason I wrote this yesterday. I just couldn't get started on any of them, they're all at really important parts in the plot and I was just too intimidated, to tell ya the truth. [face_laugh]

    Guerre I definitely think darker plots are written to express something in the character, a strength or weakness or emotion. I can't remember ever reading something that was written purely for the darkness in it...there'd be no point, really. ;)

    o_e That's what I was going for. :D

    Sheila [face_love] Thanks, as always.
     
  7. Nat

    Nat Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    Jan 11, 2002
    I have to admit I had the same idea, I thought he was waiting for Anakin. I was kinda relieved to see Qui-Gon come to rescue him, as only he could really comfort Obi-Wan - at least that's what I think.

    Beautiful imagery, I'm always amazed by the metaphors you use. It gives so much power to your text. Very surrealist.

    I love your vignettes! :D
     
  8. LuvEwan

    LuvEwan Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Mar 24, 2002
    Nat And I'm always amazed by the kindness I'm shown here every day. [face_love] Thank you.
     
  9. GuerreStellari

    GuerreStellari Jedi Master star 2

    Registered:
    Nov 23, 2003
    "I can't remember ever reading something that was written purely for the darkness in it...there'd be no point, really."

    Gasp! Point, indeed, there would be! (as Yoda would insist) Dark, angst-ridden scenes are great! :D They make Obi-Wan so much more intriguing... [face_love] I certainly write scenes purely for the drama, mwahaha! [face_devil] Why not? Ain't no shame. Indeed, did Howard Dean feel shameful at Iowa after bellowing his barbaric yawp? NO! :D OK, I need to stop using that as a metaphor for everything...
     
  10. dianethx

    dianethx Jedi Grand Master star 6

    Registered:
    Mar 1, 2002
    It was lovely. Obi-Wan obviously had some issues, perhaps a vision of the future.

    If I had any criticism, it would be that the dreamscape was hard to tell when it started (even though you had those {} things. Perhaps, if you had a different color font, it might help. On the other hand, to not see where it started (for me) made it more off-balanced in terms of Obi-Wan's reality (in other words, he was starting to go loopy in small doses). Does that help? or make it worse?

    I liked it....
     
  11. PadawanKitara

    PadawanKitara Jedi Grand Master star 5

    Registered:
    Dec 31, 2001
    my postie not show up :(

    You had me fooled into think that this was during the purge. Nice little viggy.
     
Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.