Video Game Movies: Past, Present, and Future.

After reading a magazine it had scoops on 2 brand new videogames movies comin soon.

The first one is goint to be based on Shinobi, sounds awesome

But the second one scared me straight. The next movie will be........














































a live action........




















































Pac-man movie, AHHHHHHHH!!!

 

Live action Pac-Man, eh?

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Eva_Pilot04,
Sodding, blimey, shagging, knickers, bollocks!

 

I thought the plot to Tomb Raider was ctually insulting.

The plot was more than insulting, it insulted anyone's intelligence. And more insulting was the casting of a so-not-british Angelina Jolie. Her accent was so fake and so bad I cringe everytime I hear her few-almost-non-existent "lines".

 

I think we're just going to have to face it. Video games just don't make good movies. An interactive story with usually a schmidtload of backstory cannot be squished down to 2 hours and be appealing to both gamers and the general masses.

I hate to say it, but even games that I love would be horrible in a movie. Seriously. Say out loud your idea for a Zelda movie and listen to yourself. If you're still deluded, tell your girlfriend or your non gaming friend about it and note their reaction.

Castlevania COULD have potential, but all signs point to being another cheesy vampire-fest where the only difference is the protagonist wields a whip (and will no doubt have some sort of Buffy "quip" each time he kills one, for humor and G.A. sake which Hollywood thinks it NEEDS in a movie).

Metroid will have more than one protagonist that hangs around Samus. That's just how scriptwriters think.

It's cool to think of our fanboyish dreams and what not, but we have to face reality. Video games just don't make good movies. The two mediums are too dissimilar to be appealing to everyone. Even some great fanboy ideas are kind of silly when said out loud. I've had a few myself that I've had to rethink.

Who knows? Maybe as time goes on I'll be proven wrong. For the longest time I believed that no comic book could be a decent movie either, and X-Men finally disproved that (took them long enough though). Sider-Man helped me believe it wasn't a fluke. Daredevil made me believe that it's beginning to revert back to cheese. Hopefully, The Hulk will solidify my new belief in that they can be done well.

-Jomero

 

I don't hold out much hope for Hulk. However, the same can't be said for X2. That movie looks like it's gonna kick some serious booty. It may even be better than its predecessor (not surprising, since when all it's said and done, storywise and budget-wise X-Men 1 came out rather bland).

But, getting back to topic, I'd have to agree: you really can't do a very good video game movie anymore, not when the themes behind most games have been done to death in previous action or sci-fi genre movies. We've seen fighting game movies -- an utter fiasco. What kind of good movie could you make about a shooter like Half-Life? or Halo? Or Metroid? None. Not when in essence all FPS boil down to one hero/heroine/cyborg shooting things or solving puzzles. Tomb Raider won't ever be able to touch Indy Jones, pouty lips, curves and bust size notwithstanding. The horror survival genre has already been done to everyone's satisfaction in the Alien movies, so you wouldn't be doing anything new there. Action sci-fi? See the Star Wars films. You can't touch those. Zelda-type-fantasy? See The Lord of the Rings. You definitely can't touch THAT. See the pattern? There's nothing original under the sun anymore. Not in movies, nor in games. And the fan base for any particular game will always be infinitesimally smaller than that of any movie franchise. So, producers won't be throwing any serious cash into any game-related project. And thus, they'll always be doomed to suck.

 

For those not in the Zelda-know (never played ANY of the games, not even when I had the first NES), and if it's indeed Zelda related: what's ALTTP?

 

ALTTP = A Link To The Past, the Zelda game for the Super Nintendo.

As for the story of Zelda. Sure, when we think of it, we think of "unsung hero off to deafeat evil that threatens the world!" But will audiences see?

An annoying little boy/teenage punk with spock ears and a mini-skirt who's looking for floating triangles guarded by a giant evil pig. Woo hoo!

-Jomero

 

I gather the giant evil pig was...Ganon?







A pig.










Piggie bad guy...








A pig...





And the hero is a short-changed Legolas-type. who plays a teleporting flute/ocarina/whatever.

Oh yeah, sounds like a blockbuster alright. It'd break $100 Mil in the first 10 days for sure.

How 'bout making Max Payne instead. It's noir and it's been done to death as well, but hell, a modern-day noir story laden with Norse myth would definitely be more interesting!

 

" And how are golden triangles any less silly an object to be searching for than a small piece of jewelry?"

They float, spin, and burrow under the skin of your hand.

-Jomero

 

Because the One Ring can rule them all! And you can wear it, and turn invisible. And yes you can become a slave to it but it's a 50-50 chance...

 

I say a Silent Hill film, both 1 & 2 or perhpas combine them. With a great in deepth story plot as in the games, and misty locations...*drools* Oh yeah! thats the best film yet!

 

" Well, when they're on your hand, they're basicly just a fancy tatoo- and it also fits into a common element of mythological stories- some kind of mark (birthmark, scar, tatoo, etc) designating a hero or villian"

General audiences are not going to catch that. Sorry.

"So that golden thingy is in his hand?"
"No, that's just a tattoo."
"But it lights up?"
"It's a magic tattoo."
"So where did the triangle go then?"
"It's inside him."
"What? I thought you said it was a tattoo!"
"It is. The triforce is in him."
"Where? Wouldn't that hurt?"
"No, the spirit of the triforce is in him."
"What the ****?! What kind of whack-ass drugs were they on when they wrote this shiznit?!"



-Jomero

 

Games-to-Films list

Here's a list of all future game movies from IGN; including DOA, Dues Ex, Doom, Duke Nukem, GTA, Metroid, and much more.

 

Well...for the case of the Zelda games, the only way you'd be able to make a cohesive set of movies out of the games would be to condense things abit for general audiences.

For example, Ocarina of Time would be the first film in and of itself. There's plenty going on at each key moment to keep one interested, plus it keeps Ganondorf in his human form, thus allowing for a more realistic portrayal of a "pig".

Majora's Mask could be skipped all together.

The Wind Waker would be the obvious choice for the second film. The story pretty much picks up the slack and explains what exactly did happen to the Link from Oot. However, the only thing I could see being changed for the film would be the sailing. It would be kept to a minimum as Link searches for clues to finding the Triforce and his sister. The first hour of the film could focus on the rescue of Aryll, while the last hour-hour and 1/2 could focus on Link attaing the Triforce and defeating Ganondorf.

A Link to the Past would be next. Focusing on how Ganondorf has returned due to his wish *ANYONE WHO HASN'T PLAYED TWW YET PLEASE LOOK AWAY...MAJOR SPOILER*

to control Hyrule he made in TWW. The film could easily keep the audience interested as Link searches for the Princess in an explosive opening 15 minutes. An hour or so focused on freeing the other girls and gaining the master sword, and another hour devoted to Ganon's Tower. Specifically, the confrontation between Agnhim and Link and then with Ganon himself. The pig form would be interesting to do, but it could be kept to Ganondorf human form.

Link's Awakening and the Oracle games could be skipped over completely. They really are side stories and many believe that Oracles take place after Ganon's official death anyway.

Legend of Zelda and Adventure of Link would be the same film. Probably the longest of all the films, maybe clocking in at around 3-3 1/2 hours. The first half of the film could focus on Link restoring the Triforce of Wisdom and rescuing the princess from Ganon. Ganon dies once and for all, and the second half of the film would be Link's adventure to attain the Triforce of Courage and bring peace to Hyrule. The film would end similar to the game with Link making his wish...also, I would throw in a marriage scene between them so that all possible lose threads in the story could be tied up.

Obvoiusly this list of films is simply a wishlist and based on continuity theories. I believe in the games in order of:
Oot
MM
TWW
ALTTP
LA
OoA
OoS
LoZ
AoL
...Also, I would make a point to inform the audience before each film of when it takes place....Like a little flshback to the end of the last film followed by a "So Many Years Later" type of thing...WW has the perfect beginning for this anyway...