Virginity - A Discussion: "What's so bad about being a virgin?"

Thank you for sharing your thoughts on this, AK. I'm not one to get into my own life here, but I think I can understand what you're saying.

Certainly society likes to stereotype and pigeonhole both people and situations, when reality is far more complex.

 

ArnaKyle: Is it that the media changes our perceptions of what is acceptable, or is it simply the media evolving with society-- and showing us how it really is?

It's probably a bit of both. Society affects what we see in the media; the media affects what's considered acceptable. But the media couldn't affect people's perceptions if they weren't heading that way already.

Growing up, my parents were pretty religious and they stressed virginity. Some reasons made complete sense; others I just believed. I wasn't exposed to very much popular culture or media growing up, so that didn't have any influence over me till I got into my teens. Suddenly I saw a whole other viewpoint from very intelligent people. And it got me to thinking. I did a lot of thinking and talking to other people.

Ultimately, whatever decision you make, as long as you know why you're making it and the consequences, it's your choice. It's whatever works best for you.

ArnaKyle, interesting story. I will agree that those who completely restrain from anything have to have a pretty strong will. I haven't "gone all the way", but neither have I done nothing at all.

 

I would prefer to have a sexual relationship with someone who I truly love and want to be with. Sex isn't the most important thing in a relationship, but since I haven't had the opportunity to have it I guess I wouldn't know.

 

Maybe some non-virgins will feel the virgins will lord it over them, so non-virgins make virginity seem like a bad thing.

 

I wouldn't want to risk ruining my life with a child or std. There's a girl here that has a 5 month old. The girl is 13!

Also suppose this is someone that you truly love. After sex the average length of a relationships is 2 months

 

Is it that the media changes our perceptions of what is acceptable, or is it simply the media evolving with society-- and showing us how it really is?

I think it's both. The way it works is, the media shows us how it really is at least in some part of society, and by bringing it into the mainstream media makes it more publicly acceptable.

Take, for example, Gone With the Wind. They weren't supposed to use the line "Frankly, Scarlett..." because it contained what was currently considered an obscenity. I'm sure that many people actually used that word, and plenty of men actually said it to their wives - but it wasn't socially acceptable for men to say it in front of women and children.

Now, of course, it wouldn't even register when a movie's being rated. A movie today with the same word could probably be rated "PG", since it's not nearly as offensive as it used to be.

 

I'm not sure whether I replied to this thread before or not.

As for the previous topic, I would think that any form of sexual contact would constitute loosing virginity. Only Bill Clinton can get away with saying that a BJ is not sex.

I agree, and I also will reiterate what Jabbadabbadoo said a few pages back. A BJ is sex. I personally think it's hypocritical to have oral sex and still call yourself a virgin. The only difference between that and "slot A to slot B" is the risk of pregnancy.

I was a very early bloomer--not saying how old or how many partners I've had. I view sex as a largely physical thing although it is extremely hard not to have some emotional involvement with the person you're having sex with, no matter how long you've known them or what kind of agreement you've made as to what your attachment will be.

I have a lot of respect for people who plan to wait until marriage and I wish them the best of luck--you have more willpower than I ever had. If I think there's a good age to have sex--well, I don't, because individual maturity varies. If you're going to have "slot A to slot B" sex, you'd better be prepared for the remote possibility of pregnancy because no form of birth control is 100 percent. If your form of sex is some other kind, you still should be prepared for the roller-coaster of emotions that can happen depending on your situation. Other than that, you should know yourself and your partner and follow what your own heart and head tells you to do.

 

Although a bj is of course considered sexual activity, if a girl gives a boy a bj and neither have had intercourse before, I seriously doubt anyone would say those two lost their virginity.

I mean, if a bj is sex, why not kissing? Or just simple petting?

Oral sex is sexual activity, much more sexual than just kissing, but not quite as sexual as sex itself.

 

Thanks, Obi-Wan McCartney and anakin_girl, now the lines are even more blurred.

No physical contact and you still have your virginity. Engage in sexual intercourse and you've definitely lost it. But all the stuff in between seems to fall into a grey area.

No contact > Kissing > Petting > Oral > Intercourse

Where is the line of virginity?

(Not that it really matter but debate is fun)

 

For heterosexual people, the is penetration.

You want to talk about REALLY grey area? What about if penetration occurs, but the act is not completed? Well, I say it's still sex, it's sex as long as their is penetration of the vagina by the penis.

Oral sex is oral sex, it's not a method by which one can lose their virginity. If so, I lost mine a lot earlier than I thought I did!

In the end it's a state of mind.

 

Oral sex is oral sex, it's not a method by which one can lose their virginity. If so, I lost mine a lot earlier than I thought I did!

Depending on whether it is or it isn't, the time when I lost my virginity and the number of partners I've had is definitely up for question.

What I meant in my post earlier is about these people who are so pro-waiting til you get married, but they're having oral sex before marriage--and they still think they're pure as freshly fallen snow because they haven't had actual penetration. I'm sorry, but I beg to differ.

Kissing and petting are not losing your virginity. But if you're having oral and/or anal sex, I wouldn't brag about how virginal you are. That's just me.

 

Theres a cliche in my grade called The Cutts and every weekend they get drunk so they can "hook up" with Seniors because they have to been drunk because the things they do are so stupid that they have to be, they have been in 2 car crashes where the drive is drunk and 2 of them are thinking about going to AA


...

im 14

 

I m going to have to agree with anakin girl on this one. It is pretty hypocritical to call yourself a virgin if you have had anal or oral sex. If penetration is the definitive act of sex then oral and anal would have to qualify. Especially since slot a goes into slot b, but it can also go in slot c, d etc.....

 

I try not to be "explicit".

My first boyfriend I gave a bj to. One day he tried vaginal penetration, but that didn't work, but looking at my underwear I noticed a splot of blood.

about 6 years latter, I got a second boyfriend, we had sex, and afterward I notieced blood on the sheets.

If we are going by just penetration, then I suppose the second time counted as losing my virginity. but considering I did give a bj to the first bf, and we touched and stuff, I do think that all that sex play did compromise my virginity, so I wasn't a virgin. now with the second bf, I found out how penetration felt, which I never did with the first bf.

different topic, I remember reading about some young girl (saint) who lived in Ancient Roman times (before Constantine) and like she refused to marry some guy and her father put her in a brothel, but by the intervention of God, she kept her virginity. So anyway, that miracle got her cannonized.

 

What I don't like is that 'pure' is a synonym for virginity. Virginity is simply the state of not having had sex. To say that virginity = purity is to imply that sex is impure.

 

To say that virginity = purity is to imply that sex is impure.

I think that arose more out of the idea that sex outside of marraige is impure, not that sex itself is impure.

 

Perhaps, but I think the implication is still there.

 

Yes, it is implied. Part of it is that as long as you're a virgin, you're innocent as to what happens. In today's society that's not quite true since most people do know what sex is. But as long as you've not engaged in it or focus on it, you're innocent.

 

So it's as I've always thought. Innocence is just a euphemism for ignorance.

 

stay a virgin as long as you can. dont have sex with someone unless that inner voice tells you that this person is absolutely trustworthy. this is a gift that is given only once. i wish i had known enough to give mine to someone else. my husband and i have said several times that eventhough we werent virgins when we married we discounted all the previous. he is the first i trusted with it. that is the way it should be.

 

One thing I have to say about sex, in my experience, is it doesn't "flow" like what you see on TV or the movies. Sex takes communication. You have to say what you want, like you want to spend time kissing, what position you want to be in. Some virgins decide to have sex hoping it will be like the media portrays it.
So I rather talk to a virgin then a person who had sex and only can whine about how it was not like it is in the movies.

 

There is nothing bad about being a virigin, there is nothing bad about not being one.

I think the only issue here is your choice and the actual act of losing your virginity and not regretting it.

I lost mine young when I was drunk and the girl I was with was drunk. It was a rather blurry escapade if I still have the brain cells to remember it by, somewhere. The thing I did take away from it was I wished i'd actually cared about the person I was with before we'd had sex. Sure we got along after but the actual action was cheap, the experiance was cheap, the relationship was cheap and I think the beer I was drinking was also cheap.

Since then sex for me has meant nothing more than having sex, its just like getting on to someone, touching hands, whatever. Sure there is more pleasure but IMO there is little difference in intimacy, I think for me that is because I don't value sex because I lost my viginity so cheaply. Essentially the only intimacy I get is in an actual relationship, and having sex doesn't 'consumate' or anything like that for me, its just a natural part of it. I always remember what my friend said to me when he had sex for the first time. "She has my virginity and I have hers," they did it at the right time with the right person and they have been satisfied with that ever since. For me, it wasn't that way.

IMO, we shouldn't be taking any moral crusades on how good/bad it is, or what STDs your going to get, or god knows what else. I reakon the most important thing about virginity is losing it in the right cirucumstance which suits you be that in wedlock or out of wedlock, or whatever. Of course, I can't tell if this is the only issue, but it is the only thing i've regretted.

 

Virginity is the gift of true essence.

 

What the force does that mean?

 

Nothing.

But it sounded good!