Visions--A JA Short Story

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction Stories--Classic JC Board (Reply-Only)' started by Healer Apprentice Lina, Jun 3, 2000.

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  1. Healer Apprentice Lina Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Jun 1, 2000
    star 4
    Oh....erm...I'm off to a bad start. The disk with my post has been corrupted so, uhhh...I'm writing this from memory. Apologies if it sucks big time and too short. This is my first attempt at Fan Fiction so comments will be appreciated. Well, on with it!
    ***********************
    Visions

    This wasn't supposed to happen. Not now, not now, not now....

    The words echoed through Qui-Gon Jinn's mind like a mantra. Desperation and anxiety had long settled in, making the usually stoic Jedi Master hope that if he repeated the words long enough he might open his eyes to find it all a horrific nightmare.

    It was childish and completely pointless.

    Opening his eyes, he still found himself sitting on the hard plastic chair, now staring at the blue doors of the Medi-Center. Even on Gema, a planet nearly three weeks journey from Couresant, the medical waitrooms felt just like the ones on Couresant.

    They gave little comfort.

    In all the years the Jedi Master had been alive, he felt his experiences had prepared him for just about everything.
    Death of friends, family, cruelty fueled by war, the loss of a padawan to the Darkside.

    But none of these events had even remotely prepared him for the nearly all-consuming panic he felt now.

    Nothing prepared him for possibility of losing Obi-Wan Kenobi.
    **************************

    gotta cut it off there. Sorry so short. I'll have to re-type my post on a hopefully more stable disk.
    until then....ta!
  2. jedi jaffacake Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    May 12, 2000
    star 1
    This better not be a sad story! lol I'm emotionally unstable enough as it is! I think it's a good beginning, it got my attention. I know how it feels to lose the contents of a disk (don't we all), only I lost a whole year's worth of schoolwork. I really shouldn't have ripped it apart, but there you go... I also know how it feels to write your first fanfic (mine is up right now, hint, hint), and it's a shame yours got off to such a bad start.

    Keep up the good work!
  3. Alli-Wan Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Dec 21, 1999
    star 3
    I once heard that Leo Tolstoy's made used a completed manuscript with no copies to tinder a fire. He had to write it all over again, and the rewrite became the famous "War and Peace". Look on the bright side, this is only a short story.

    Still, I too feel the sting of lost work. Always double save!

    Nice beginning though. Emotions and thoughts handled well. Looking forward to more.--AWK
  4. Kid Jedi Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Apr 2, 2000
    star 1
    you left us there !!! I can't wait to read more....
  5. HealerLeona Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jan 18, 2000
    star 4
    A really fine beginning Healer Apprentice Lina, and let me be the first welcome you to the infimary.

    You relayed great depth of emotion in Qui-Gon.

    I look forward to reading more. There just can't be enough JA (I'm helplessly obsessed), especially when it's this promising.

    Post often, post soon.
  6. Kid Jedi Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Apr 2, 2000
    star 1
    Just bringing this sucker to the top, cause it has sooooooo much potential...gotta see if Obi will make it. Qui emotional torture is as good as regular old Obi torture. Please continue...
  7. Kim-kenobi Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Jul 20, 1999
    star 3
    I love Obi-Wan injured stories Excellent start, please keep it coming.

    Kim B
  8. Celes Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Jul 8, 1999
    star 1
    Great beginning!

    Please post more!
  9. Healer Apprentice Lina Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Jun 1, 2000
    star 4
    WOW! Thanks for all the responses everyone!
    I'll post more tomorrow. sorry for the lateness, computers are hard for me to scour these days. *long story*
    To answer a question: this isn't exactly a tragic story. Not in the immediate sense. And I'll just say that for now.
  10. Healer Apprentice Lina Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Jun 1, 2000
    star 4
    *Panting, clutching pieces of paper* I've got it! I've got the post! Whew! Okay, it's a hard copy. Sorry for the wait and thanks to all for the responses!
    Here we go:
    *********************************
    The mission had seemed so simple. Escort the Gemian Ambassador Tre'lan back to Couresant for the trade negotiations that were to start between several other planets. Gema was a small world tucked away in a remote section of the galaxy. Until a few years ago, Gema held relations only with a few neighboring planets. The newly elected Ambassador, however, believed it was time to finally enter political and cultural arenas beyond their corner of the universe.


    "This kind of isolation, though good for preserving our traditions, has long inhibited any cultural growth. We need to realize there are other worlds and opportunities out there, Master Jinn" Tre'lan had stated.

    "Do you expect much dispute over your decision, Ambassador? If Gema is as traditional as you say, this could upset a great many people."

    "I admit there has been some opposition. But that is to be expected. I'd almost worry if my people gave in so easily" he replied, smiling. "But the people have elected me and I intend to do what I feel is best for them. Whatever the conflicts, I know this is the right decision."

    Whatever confidence the Ambassador had in his actions, he had nonetheless, sorely underestimated the reaction of his people.

    The day they were to leave, Qui-Gon had accompanied Ambassador Tre'lan on his visit to his late wife's grave while Obi-Wan had stayed behind at the Ambassdor's home to see to the final travel plans and one other duty.

    Qui-Gon had chuckled at the look of slight terror on his 14 year old apprentice's face when he had instructed him to watch over the Ambassador's infant son since his regular nurse had fallen ill.

    "But Master, I don't know anything about babies. What if he....does something?"

    "He's only an infant, padawan."

    "That's hardly comforting, Master."

    "This is a good opportunity for you to gain some experience in dealing with children."

    "Why? So if this Jedi thing doesn't work out I can be ready for a career as a nursemaid?"

    "Obi-Wan..." Qui-Gon's attempt at a stern tone was downgraded by the reluctant grin that appeared on his face. His inability to hold back smiling was happening to him a lot around Obi-Wan lately.

    "Sorry, Master" Obi-Wan replied, returning the grin. "I'll just.....play with him unti lyou get back."

    "Do that Obi-Wan. We'll be back fairly soon."

    "Yes, Master."

    The two men had barely traveled a mile from the house when the bomb leveled the structure. Apparently an assassination attempt, the rebels against the Ambassador's plans had not counted on the Ambassador being out of the house.
    Both Tre'lan and Qui-Gon stood in horror as the dust settled.

    Obi-Wan....

    //Obi-Wan!!// Qui-Gon practically screamed through their link as he and Tre'lan sprinted to the once standing home. Casting his senses through the Force, Qui-Gon detected both Obi-Wan and the baby's life force.

    Alive The thought gave Qui-Gon a small amount of comfort.

    //Obi-Wan?// he called again.

    //M-m-master?// a faint reply echoed through their bond.

    //Obi-Wan! I'm coming!//

    //P-please hurry. The b-baby...// the voice was getting weaker.

    //We're almost there, padawan// Qui-Gon reassured as they reached the pile of ruins.

    "Ambassador, find help immediately."

    "My son was in there! I have to find him!"

    Qui-Gon struggled to remain calm himself as he assured the distraught
    father.
    "Your son is alive, Ambassador. He is and so is Obi-Wan, believe me. But they both need help. Please, find someone."

    Tre'lan nodded, taking a deep breath and took off.

    Qui-Gon began to make his way through the ruis, reaching out to try and locate his padawan and the baby.

    //Hang on, Obi-Wan. I'll find you//

    The Jedi Master continuted to send reassuring messages through their bond, though Obi-Wan had stopped responding.
    The Ambassador soon returned with healers as well as others to help in the search. A few agonizing moments later, a sound caught
  11. Alli-Wan Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Dec 21, 1999
    star 3
    Fine work. Reactions quite realistic and in character. Awaiting more. --AWK
  12. Kelly Kenobi Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Mar 23, 2000
    star 4
    I am with you HealerLeona, I am also hopelessly addicted to this type of FanFic, and one this good does nothing but feed my addiction Almost makes me feel bad when I get so excited about Obi-Wan being hurt and on his death bed, notice I said almost, because in reality I just love it!!!!!

    Nothing about that post bites, not one thing!!!!!!! You are a most welcome addition to the wonderful writers on this forum Healer Apprentice Lina, just remember not to torture your faithful readers with long delays between posts.
  13. Obi the Kid Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Apr 13, 2000
    star 4
    Excellent... and I love the long post. Please continue.
  14. Healer Apprentice Lina Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Jun 1, 2000
    star 4
    Thanks for the welcome Healer Leona and Kelly Kenobi!
    And thanks to all for your replies. I'm being such a dork and checking every ten minutes to see if anyone is reading this thread
    Well, here' s more coming at ya. Usual plea for comments and such:
    *************************************
    Qui-Gon continued to stare at the still blue doors leading to the examination room that had long stopped swinging after they had wheeled Obi-Wan through them.

    It had been over 4 hours and it was taking every Jedi calming technique Qui-Gon had learned over the years to keep from rushing through the doors and demand to know Obi-Wan's condition.

    His patience was soon rewarded with the approach of two healers. One male, one female. Both had silver hair and violet eyes that were common among the Gemians as well as the typical Gemian youthful features that contrasted their elderly coloring, making it impossible to tell their age. Before they even had a chance to reach where the Jedi Master had been sitting, Qui-Gon bolted up,

    "How is he?"

    "Master Jinn, I am Healer Bren and this is Healer Sira." The male healer introduced. "We have treated most of Padawan Kenobi's injuries. The broken bones have been set and the lung was repaired without too many complications...."

    "But what?" Qui-Gon beat Bren to the catch.

    "It is the internal injuries that we have to worry about" the second healer answered, softly. "The impact that Padawan Kenobi suffered has damaged many of his organs causing internal hemorraging. Since Padawan Kenobi is a human, he will need a bacta treatment."

    "When will he go into the bacta tank?" Qui-Gon asked.

    Both healers glanced at one another momentarily before Bren spoke:

    "We do not have a bacta tank of Gema."

    Qui-Gon stared in disbelief as he felt his heart sink.

    "You don't have a single bacta tank on this planet??"

    "Bacta has no effect on Gemian bodies. We have never had a use for it" Bren explained. "We have already contacted the nearest neighboring planet to bring one to us immediately. But it will take at least three days even with their fastest engines."

    "Three days! But you said Obi-Wan is bleeding internally. He will die before then!"

    "There is no other choice. We will simply have to buy ourselves the time" Sira answered. "I will be performing a binding trance on him to slow down his bleeding. That should give us more time."

    "A binding trance?"

    "It is similar to your ability to use the Force to control objects. At least, that's the closest thing I can think of as a comparison. It is a bit more complicated than that but it is difficult to explain." Sira smiled apologetically. "With your permission, I'd like to try it on Obi-Wan."

    Qui-Gon nodded. What choice did he have? "I'd like to see him before you start." It wasn't a request.

    Bren nodded, understandingly. "Of course, Master Jinn. You can stay with your apprentice during the entire process if you wish."

    "Thank you. I will do that."


    The healers led the Jedi Master to Obi-Wan's room and stood outside to give a few minutes of privacy.

    Qui-Gon had always believed that the ability of medical beds to dwarf the size of the patients was a bit of an exaggeration. Looking at Obi-Wan now, he proved himself wrong.

    His padawan's pallor matched those of the sheets, the only color being the dark circles around his eyes. A breathing tube had been attached as well as several IV's and a heart monitor.

    It frightened Qui-Gon that so much was needed to just keep Obi-Wan alive. And it was still not enough.

    He quickly approached the bed and grasped Obi-Wan's hand, being careful not to disturb any wires.

    //Obi-Wan? Can you hear me?// He received no answer. //I am here, padawan. Everything is going to be fine. You'll be fine.// He reassured, unconsciously gripping the smaller hand tighter.

    Qui-Gon's eyes traveled over Obi-Wan's features, taking them in. He had once been at Obi-Wan's bedside, even before he had taken him as his apprentice. Though not officially his padawan, Qui-Gon had even then felt apprehension at the sight of the usually energetic student lying s
  15. Obi the Kid Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Apr 13, 2000
    star 4
    sniff, sniff....this is so sad, but very nicely done. Very touching... Keep posting...
  16. Kelly Kenobi Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Mar 23, 2000
    star 4
    That was beautiful. You could actually feel Qui-Gons pain. Please post more soon!!!!
  17. HealerLeona Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jan 18, 2000
    star 4
    Superb posts Lina, you've got a wonderful gift for relaying emotions.


    And don't feel bad about checking every 10 min. for replies. I'm sure most (if not all) the authors here have done (and do) the same thing. I'll admit to being guilty.

    One of my habits has become posting to my story (when I have some written) before I check out any of the other threads. That way I as I make my way through my favorite stories I feel less guilt as I wait for replies.

    Anyway, rest assured you are doing an incredible job.
  18. Knight Obi Wan Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Dec 17, 1999
    star 3
    What happens now?? Poor brave Obi-Wan, fighting to keep the baby alive above all else. We all knew our dear Padawan was so chivalrous ::sniff sniff::
  19. Tenel'Ka Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Apr 5, 2000
    star 3
    PLEASE LET OBI LIVE!!!
    Great post! I keep checking back like every 3 min. to see if you update, so...PLEASE POST MORE!!!
  20. Bastet Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Dec 30, 1999
    star 4
    Ooooh. This I like, very very much!!! You're an awesome writer, and I am now addicted to your story. Keep it up!
  21. Healer Apprentice Lina Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Jun 1, 2000
    star 4
    Tenel'Ka , it would be really tenacious of me to be the one to kill off young Obi-Wan, wouldn't it?
    Hmmmm.....tenacious but original. Yes....interesting thought....

    well, I'm still working on the story so I'm not completely sure how its going to turn out.
    Will keep writing and more coming later! Ta, until then.
  22. Healer Apprentice Lina Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Jun 1, 2000
    star 4
    Hey! I'm a Knight! WHEEEEEEEEEE!!!!
    *dances around the room w/arms in the air*
    *Suddenly notices her dogs backing away from her slowly*

    Um.....right.
    *goes back to her desk*
  23. Kid Jedi Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Apr 2, 2000
    star 1
    Okay, being a Jedi Knight myself (happy dance !!!WOO HOO !!) I announce a new rule for this thread. You may not kill off Obi, not after all he's been thru in all these other threads and still come out whole.

    Repeat after me Lina, there will be no Obi killing, there will be no Obi killing. Come on, say it !!!

    But, of course, Obi torture is okay. As is Qui torture.
  24. Tenel'Ka Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Apr 5, 2000
    star 3
    Hmmm...let me think about it...NO!!! DON'T KILL MY POOR OBI!!! He goes through enough tourture, including in my Fan Fic's! But, consdering this is your story, do as ou plese, just BEWARE of having me haunt you, bugging, and nagging you for killing my poor Obi! mad.gif
  25. Kim-kenobi Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Jul 20, 1999
    star 3
    sniff, sniff this is very touching. I like the idea of Bacta not working on a certain species and must bring bacta form a neibouring planet(very original ).

    Kim B
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