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Before - Legends Vivid Storm (Obi/Xan, dark mush vignette)

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction- Before, Saga, and Beyond' started by obaona, Aug 8, 2004.

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  1. obaona

    obaona Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Jun 18, 2002
    Thanks for clicking! :D

    Title: Vivid Storm [link=http://www.ralventures.com/Vivid%20Storm.jpg]cover art[/link]
    Summary: AU, dark mush? :p
    A/N: Written for the sock challenge. No one guessed me. :D (And thanks to everyone who liked it over there. ;) :D )

    Feedback is, as always and ever, appreciated and adored and reread. :) @};-


    ~*~*~


    The sky was dark and vivid, the bare slants of light coming from the cloud cover looking like a closed eye. Instead of a massive black front, the storm clouds were tipped with gray twirls and twists, violent and beautiful. The sea below appeared black, sometimes reflecting the slightest hint of silver from the roiling sky.

    Obi-Wan stood on the beach. He was held in perfect stillness, and for all that Xanatos had taught him, he had not taught him that, and he felt an instant of bitterness.

    The waves, appearing almost violently torn from the sea, had not yet reached the boy, though they probably would reach where he was standing and beyond before the day was over. The storm was here to stay. Regardless, Obi-Wan did not have any fear, and Xanatos did not think he would move any time soon. Obi-Wan stood out there as if it was a rite of passage to face the fury of the sea. Or perhaps his own emotions. Who knew? Xanatos wouldn?t, not until he got the chance to talk to the boy. He had difficulty guessing Obi-Wan?s actions, but once those actions were taken, he knew what to do. He could guide Obi-Wan then.

    In the meantime, he watched Obi-Wan from the house?s protected patio. It was a large house, starkly modern and uncompromising. Obi-Wan had been uncomfortable the first few weeks after Xanatos had brought him here. It was so strange to him, and Xanatos had known in its very strangeness he had been unable to help comparing it to his old home, the Jedi Temple. But he had grown used to it ? and to Xanatos. He had accepted the change with a great deal more ease than Xanatos had in the beginning ? from the Temple to outside of it, from Jedi to outcast.

    It was the rain that made Xanatos realize that Obi-Wan knew he had come home. Obi-Wan hated the rain. It was cold, wet, and miserable, he told Xanatos in an affronted tone. Which, of course, only made Xanatos drag him out and train him there, instead. After a few unhappy rainy days, though, Obi-Wan had pulled out of his sulk, and watched Xanatos. Xanatos loved the rain; he didn?t ignore it, he embraced it. He loved the feel of it running down his body, loved the way it made him feel, loved swimming in the sea when it rained, because it seemed like even when he broke for the surface, he was still in the sea.

    Xanatos taught Obi-Wan to love the rain.

    Outside, it rained. Gales were thrown against the house fiercely, and it sounded like small blaster bolts were hitting the windows, the raindrops hit so hard.

    Still, Xanatos didn?t go outside. Obi-Wan wanted to be alone. Xanatos was perfectly willing to sacrifice that for his apprentice. He smiled faintly. That sounded odd even to him; he tried to imagine how Qui-Gon would have reacted to such a notion, and failed utterly. Of course, Qui-Gon was like the rest of the Jedi ? not simply weak, but blind as well, unable to see anything in anything less than black and white, certainly where the Force was concerned; it was a tool, and more than that, but the strict modes the Jedi taught were unnecessary. That didn?t change Obi-Wan?s ties to the man, or his own, but it gave a new perspective on life, what they had been taught and how they had been raised.

    Obi-Wan was simply coming to terms with that in the rain.

    Still. Xanatos had waited long enough.

    He walked barefoot through the muddy sand, instantly soaked by the fierce downfall. Strands of his long, black hair clung to his neck, to his face, but most of it thrashed in the wind, the water curling it into waves. He made his way to Obi-Wan easily, the Force ? strangely quiet in the storm, and utterly pure with wonder ? guiding his steps.

    Obi-Wan?s hair was still growing
     
  2. Indra

    Indra Jedi Master star 3

    Registered:
    Dec 31, 2003
    :eek:
    Wow, that was awesome! Is there a longer story behind this? Because if there is, I have to read it. Don't know what to say about this. It was simply astonishing and certainly very original. I don't think I've read anything like this before. I'm totally awed by this display of talent and there's really nothing more I could say about it. =D=

    Edit: Beautiful cover art, btw.
     
  3. Jedikma

    Jedikma Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Feb 5, 2004
    Yes, this is definately dark...and mushy.

    Beautiful work on the imagry. I just love your descriptions. :)


    I like the cover art, too. It fits well with the story.
     
  4. Layren

    Layren Jedi Master star 5

    Registered:
    Oct 28, 2003
    such a great story sweetie :) I really enjoyed the imagery you portrayed here. It was just as good the second time around :)
     
  5. obi_ew

    obi_ew Jedi Master star 5

    Registered:
    Apr 14, 2002
    [face_dancing] Nothing can beat a wonderful Xaniwan Story!
     
  6. JadeSolo

    JadeSolo Manager Emeritus star 6 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    Registered:
    Sep 20, 2002
    Hey, I almost guessed you! And then I went with Bekah. :p

    This was one of my absolute favorites. I loved the atmosphere, with all the rain, and just LOVED the last line. Ohhhhh, I want more. [face_batting]

    EDIT: But I think my favorite thing overall is how much like Xan Obi-wan has become. He's feeling bad about Jinn's death, but because he wanted to kill him. That's awesome. :cool:
     
  7. Lurkalidth

    Lurkalidth Jedi Youngling star 2

    Registered:
    Feb 5, 2003
    I thought this was awesome the first time I read it, and it's still fantastic now! I loooooved how it seems like just plain ol' mush at the beginning - there's nothing pointing to their *not* being Jedi - and then w/ one sentence, the one where Obi-Wan's sad that he did not bring about Jinn's demise, that's precisely where this vignette goes onto its ear. You don't overplay your hand; you don't wallop the reader on her head by putting in too many hints...and for that I thank you.

    I'm glad you posted this as an indy thread: it really merits its own spot.

    Thank you for sharing it. :D You rock!
     
  8. Altaira

    Altaira Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    Nov 11, 2002
    I loved that. :D Such a nice evil twist at the end. It flowed perfectly to Obi-Wan being evil too. I was guessing all different ways that he was there, then pow! the truth to comes out. Great build up and setting. I like the details on Xan.

    :)
     
  9. obaona

    obaona Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Jun 18, 2002
    Indra: No, no longer story. Sorry. ;) I'm glad you like it! :D And really flattered. [face_blush] And you like the cover art! [:D] Most people don't comment on that, I'm glad you did. :D I really don't know what else to say. Thank you! @};-

    Jedikma: For some reason, the imagery became important, though I don't know why. :p Thank you! :D I've got the sand and storm in there, as well as a hooded person. :cool:

    Layren: Thanks! [face_blush] @};-

    obi_ew: LOL. :p Thanks. :D

    JadeSolo: Sooo close. ;) Thank you. [face_blush] This was one of those things that was hard to do, but I ended up liking it more (instead of the usual less) after I wrote it. But that word limit was killer, I tell you. :p I think the Obi-grieving because he doesn't get to kill Qui-Gon thing is cool, too. :cool: And it is very Xan, dark and yet not, but twisted. :D

    Lurkadith: Really? That's interesting. When I wrote it, I knew Obi-Wan and Xanatos were Dark Jedi, and I figured it would be obvious by the end, so why state it? :p Why else would Xanatos and Obi-Wan be away from the Jedi, grieving or not? :p So - yeah. :p Thank you. [face_blush] @};- I wasn't sure if it should have it's own thread, being as short as it is, but I'm glad you think it does. :D Thank you. @};-

    Altaira: Thanks! :D Yep. Evil, but not crazily evil. :-B I'm glad you liked the surroundings, the details - I think part of the reason I did them that way was because I often don't use description quite so heavily, and I didn't want to be guessed. [face_mischief] Thanks again! :D
     
  10. ewen

    ewen Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    Jun 11, 2001
    Though I shouldn't admit it, I loved your combination of mush and the dark side.

    Don't tell me let me guess.

    The devil [dark side] made you do it!!!

    However the plot came to you, thanks for sharing it..

    PEACE ewen
     
  11. obaona

    obaona Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Jun 18, 2002
    ewen: LOL, why shouldn't you? :p Thank you! :D And yes, the Dark Side made me do it. [face_mischief] Thank you. ;) @};-
     
  12. StarFighter5

    StarFighter5 Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Jul 25, 2003
    I really liked this. I've always liked Xan even though he left Qui-Gon, whom I like as well. You leave parts of your vignettes open to the readers thoughts. For instance you don't tell us why Obi Wan was kicked out of the temple, but let the reader decide for themselves. You leave some of you endings that way too. It:

    A. Leaves the reader wanting more which is good, unless you leave them wanting too much

    &

    B. Let the reader decide what happens next.


    Great vig, Oba. You always have ideas no else has thought of.
     
  13. obaona

    obaona Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Jun 18, 2002
    StarFighter5: Yep, I do that. :p I like working with expectations and what you don't see as well as what you do. :D It's fun. :D I'm glad you enjoy it, too. ;) If I get an idea and it's different, I try to write it. I just love new things that I haven't tried before. :D Thank you! @};-
     
  14. AnakinsHeir

    AnakinsHeir Jedi Youngling star 3

    Registered:
    May 2, 2004
    Dark and mushy, a perfect combination. Lovely, lovely work.
     
  15. Reihla

    Reihla Jedi Master star 3

    Registered:
    May 17, 2002
    I agree with everyone else - this was a very cool idea. I enjoy stuff that falls on the lighter side of evil, as it were. Excellent portrayal of an emotional connection between two dark-siders. We don't see that very often.
     
  16. obaona

    obaona Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Jun 18, 2002
    AnakinsHeir: Thanks! @};- :D I'm glad you think so. :p

    Reihla: I think it's an interesting thing to explore. I don't think bad guys are always so ... movie-ish evil. :p Things are more complicated. Not any more right, or any less wrong, but more complicated. At least, sometimes. :p Thank you! :D @};-
     
  17. Agent_Jaid

    Agent_Jaid Jedi Master star 5

    Registered:
    Feb 21, 2003


    :eek: Oba!! It's so pretty!!! *hugs it* [face_love] Like the others, Obi's desire to slay Jinn was one of the highlights. [face_devil]

    And then the rain... [face_love] [face_love] I love the rain. Most people I know hate it. But the rain is so... I don't know. Refining, calming, cleansing and well, companionishlike. :p

    [face_love] Tis Beautiful Oba.... [:D]



     
  18. VaderLVR64

    VaderLVR64 Manager Emeritus star 8 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    Registered:
    Feb 5, 2004
    That was amazing! Your work never fails to delight!
     
  19. Jedi_Chani

    Jedi_Chani Jedi Youngling star 1

    Registered:
    Aug 30, 2004
    That was both dark and beautiful, quite lovely.
     
  20. obaona

    obaona Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Jun 18, 2002
    Agent_Jaid: LOL! :p You're all such evil people, liking murderous-intent Obi. :p

    I don't like being in the rain, but that's probably because it's always cold here when it rains. :p And I'm not used to it. But I love the smell of the air just after it's rained, I love it when there's those heavy clouds and a light sprinke. :) There's something just beautiful about it.

    Thank you. :D

    VaderLVR64: [face_blush] Thank you! :D

    Jedi_Chani: Thank you :D , I think that's what I was going for. :p
     
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