Saga Voices in the Dark (angst/grief/Obi-Wan/lil Anakin) Part 2/2 - Completed!

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction- Before, Saga, and Beyond' started by Kestrel_Kenobi, Jan 27, 2006.

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  1. Kestrel_Kenobi Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Sep 26, 2005
    star 4
    Title: Voices in the Dark
    Author: Kestrel_Kenobi
    Timeframe: End of TPM
    Characters: Obi-Wan/Anakin
    Genre: Angst
    Summary: Obi-Wan and Anakin grieve for Qui-Gon.
    Notes: Thank you to my lovely beta Nienna_Narmolanya ? you really made me work for this one! ;) [:D]
    Part 2 should be up shortly.


    Part 1 ? Obi-Wan

    I hope you can hear me.

    I am finally alone and relief washes over me. No more pretending, no more holding back.

    No more hiding inside.

    I fall. My knees crumble and I slip to the floor.

    I can?t keep it inside.

    My sobs echo through the apartment and my thoughts linger on you ?on us? and my heart shatters over and over.

    It grows dark as I sit on the floor; time has no meaning and I bring my knees to my chest and rock myself back and forth. I alternate between tears and silence, happy memories and sad ? everything comes back to you.
    Then the boy, Anakin, murmurs in his sleep and I jump at the sudden noise.

    Wiping my eyes. I shakily rise to my feet.

    The boy is my link to you and my promise. I will follow your training to the end, my Master. I only hope I am ready. I?m so proud to have been your Padawan.

    Am I ready?

    I walk to my room - no, his room - and stand by the door. After our trip back from Naboo the boy was exhausted and so I placed him in my old bed and sat with him. I stroked his hair and told him that I would look after him as you did for me. Do you remember Master? You soothed me when my dreams were painful, you held me when I was ill and you caught me when I fell.

    Who will catch me now?

    I know what I must do, but it is hard ? harder than I ever could have imagined.

    I take a deep breath and rub my hands over my hair; automatically I go to touch my braid before remembering it is gone. Gone.

    I walk the five paces from my room to your own. My hand is trembling as I tap the control and the door slides open. Fresh tears fall as I look into the space that was yours.
    I feel you within it.

    I am lost inside.

    I have to smile as I enter the room, but it is a smile tinged with sadness and soon fades. The bed untouched since we left for Naboo and half-made in your usual style. A few garments lay on the floor of the closet rather than hung up. I walk over and kneel to pick them up, and immediately my fingers find your spare robe. I carefully lift it from the floor and wrap myself in it. It swallows me and I inhale deeply stroking it as if it is made of the most precious material in the galaxy. It radiates peace, it radiates you.

    The few possessions you had are scattered on a low table, a well-tended plant among them. I reach out to touch it, my fingers buzzing as the living Force runs through me, and I find I am weeping again.

    Slowly I sit on the bed. I cannot bring myself to change the room, to take out what is yours and replace it with my own. Exhaustion floods though me and I recline, laying my head on your pillow and tracing the lines with my fingers. I remember the way you teased me for the meticulous way I?d straighten my sheets and pillows and I remember the jibes I gave you when I glimpsed a look into your quarters. So meaningless. A hundred meaningless conversations that now mean everything ? I?d do anything to have them back. But you?re gone and so are they.

    I cry into the sheets and my body aches with all the tears I?ve spent. I never knew it would hurt so much to loose you.

    Why did you have to go?

    My sobs subside and I look up at the ceiling, at the spot you must have gazed at a thousand times or more. I wonder what you thought of. I wonder what I will think of a night from now, a month, a year. Will the pain have left me or still linger beneath the surface. Will Anakin help to ease the heartache? Will he become to me what I was to you?

    I wish I could ask you. I wish I could know.

    I miss you.

    I pull the cloak up over me. Sleep has evaded me since you left, but now here in your
  2. jpauln Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    May 3, 2005
    star 3
    This is beautiful and touching... a true glimpse into what Obi-Wan must have gone through in the days following his Master's death. I can't wait to read the second part!
  3. VaderLVR64 Manager Emeritus

    Member Since:
    Feb 5, 2004
    star 8
    Simply gorgeous! =D= I love fics like this! I look forward to the next part! :D
  4. Darth_Tequila Jedi Padawan

    Member Since:
    Jan 5, 2006
    Hello.

    Very emotional, really comes through. Kudos.

    Marc

  5. KELIA Manager Emeritus

    Member Since:
    Jul 26, 2005
    star 6
    That was beautifully written

    I can just feel Obi-Wan's anguish

    Bravo!!

    =D= =D==D= =D=
  6. JadeSolo Manager Emeritus

    Member Since:
    Sep 20, 2002
    star 6
    I take a deep breath and rub my hands over my hair; automatically I go to touch my braid before remembering it is gone. Gone.

    :_| That probably hurts the worst. Please let me know when the next part is up!
  7. obi_webb Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Aug 4, 2005
    star 4
    such a sad and realistic portrait of obi-wan's grief! his thoughts are all over the place, and all of those thoughts center on qui-gon. everything he sees reminds him of his old master. again, so sad and so realistic as well. truly amazing work kes!
  8. Stella_Ripple Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Jul 29, 2005
    star 3
    :_| oh that was soo powerful! Poor obi, reminded of his master! Wonderful details there- just about reduced me into a puddle :_| I can see and feel his grief so very vividly =D=
  9. jaina_clan_solo Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Dec 14, 2005
    star 4
    OMG, beautiful work Kes. My eyes watered as I read that. Poor Obi-Wan, losing so much in such a short period of time. I don't know that he ever truely got past Qui-Gon's death.

    Would you please PM me when you update? I am looking forward to reading the next part

    jcs
  10. Nienna_Narmolanya Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jul 5, 2005
    star 4
    Thank you to my lovely beta Nienna_Narmolanya ? you really made me work for this one!

    It deserved it! ;) This is such a beautiful, heartbreaking piece and I'm so glad to see it posted!

    Can you hear me?

    Thinking back, I can't believe I questioned this phrase. (Which proves that you should tell me to stick my foot in my mouth more often. :p ) It gives the end a slightly unfinished feel that parallels Obi-Wan's grief wonderfully. Though he may feel better for a moment, the road to acceptance and happiness is far from over. He is still plagued by doubts and fears. :) :_|

    =D= You certainly have a way with Obi-Wan, Kes.
  11. Magenta_Moonshadow Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Aug 14, 2005
    star 3
    That was beautiful! Well done!=D=

    Will you please PM me when the second part is up?
  12. Kestrel_Kenobi Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Sep 26, 2005
    star 4
    jpauln - Thank you. :)

    VaderLVR64 - Glad you enjoyed it!

    Darth_Tequila - Thanks!

    Kelia - Aw, thank you! :)

    JadeSolo - I know :( ...I even get all teary when reading it!

    obi - [:D] Thank you so much.

    Stella - Thanks m'dear...tissues all round then? [:D]

    jcs - :) Thank you - glad you enjoyed it.

    Ah, Nienna - You certainly have a way with Obi-Wan, Kes. I could respond to this in so many ways...*ahem*...But coming from such a wonderful writer that means ever so much. Thank you [:D] ...as for the last line, well, without giving anything away it's 'used' in Part 2 so I had to keep it! I'm glad you felt it worked though. :D

    Magenta_Moonshadow - Thank you!

    All those who've asked to be Pmed will be. The next part should be up sometime next week.

    Thanks for reading!

  13. Luna_Nightshade Manager Emeritus

    Member Since:
    Jan 25, 2006
    star 5
    Good job, Kestrel_Kenobi.

    I see how our stories were on similar pages.

    I look forward to the next post. :)

    (My smileys aren't working today for some reason.)
  14. Jennifer_Lyn Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Jun 8, 2005
    star 4
    beautiful work, Kes!

    i loved how Obi-Wan was calmer in Qui-Gon's room, how he could feel his Master's presence there.

    make sure you let me know when you get the next chapter up!
  15. Luna_Nightshade Manager Emeritus

    Member Since:
    Jan 25, 2006
    star 5
    I felt like replying again, since I read this again as a sort of motivation for another piece I am writing.

    Ah, beautiful... I find the connection between Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon to be painfully beautiful, so when I read something that captures that fragile connection between pain and beauty and makes it more intense, I am quite pleased.

    Kudos. Thanks for making something worthy of a double read.
  16. kenobiwanobi Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Jun 26, 2005
    star 3
    I really think this is a flawless piece=D= . Excellant job in bringing tears to eyes that have already seen so much anguish.:_|
  17. Kestrel_Kenobi Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Sep 26, 2005
    star 4
    Luna - [face_blush] Thank you so much for both your replies...I'm really touched you thought so much of this piece. :D

    JL - Thanks m'dear [:D] - the update is all written and should be up soon!

    kenobiwanobi- I really think this is a flawless piece. Wow - thank you so much. I'm happy you like it! :)

    Thank you all for reading!
  18. Kestrel_Kenobi Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Sep 26, 2005
    star 4
    Nienna - This one is for you... :)


    Part 2 - Anakin

    Don?t look back.

    Disorientated, I lift my head from the pillow.

    Mom?

    But she is not here. Blinking the sleep away from my eyes, they slowly adjust to the darkness and take in the unfamiliar surroundings. This isn?t home ? home is somewhere I may never be again.

    Forcing back the tears and pushing the covers away I quietly sit up. My bare feet touch the floor. So cold. I involuntary shiver, but resist climbing back under the blankets. Bringing my knees up to my chest I pull my tunic down over them. The coldness clings to me ? I haven?t been warm since leaving Tatooine.

    Will I ever be warm again?

    I can?t help it. The tears are sliding silently down my cheeks. All I?ve left behind makes me hurt inside. I can?t wait to grow up, to be a great Jedi as Qui-Gon was. Perhaps then I will have the power to stop all the bad things - to stop the hurt for all of us. I hug my knees tighter and I can almost feel mom?s arms around me.

    Why won?t Obi-Wan talk to me about it? About him? I can see the sadness in his face and feel his pain. It hurts.

    Why did you have to go?

    Does Obi-Wan want me here? I don?t know. I?m lonely. I?m alone in the dark. I wish I could make everything better.

    Resting my head on my knees the tears dry on my face. I try to stop crying...I didn?t even get to say goodbye.

    Can you hear me?

    A voice is whispering softly through the Force. It?s so quiet - I strain to hear it.

    My knees uncurl and I slip from the bed. I know where to go.

    The distance between our rooms is short. My feet make the only noise, padding softly on the cold, hard floor. The door is open. Stepping into the room I suddenly stop. Qui-Gon! I can feel him here. It is a good surprise. My eyes, hardly dry, fill with tears again. But I?m also smiling now, remembering the good things: his touch, the gentle words he spoke, but most of all his belief in me.

    I miss you.

    The smile leaves. Rubbing my sleeve across my face I walk towards the bed where Obi-Wan is sleeping. Nervously, I reach out to stroke his face ? he looks so sad.

    Master?

    There is no answer. Our bond feels so new - I don't want to call too loudly; I might break it.

    Leaning forward I softly speak in his ear.

    ?I can hear you.?

    Stepping back I watch as his eyes flicker open. He sees me. And as sleepy confusion clears I feel relief as he smiles.

    There are no words as he shuffles across the bed and raises the cloak that is wrapped around him. Climbing onto the bed I scurry underneath it; it is big enough to cover us both. It feels warm; it feels safe - like the three of us are together again.

    Obi-Wan places an arm around me and we lay together in comfortable silence. He is drifting back to sleep and my eyes too are beginning to close. I?m sleepy here; I?m safe, and I whisper through the Force:

    He can hear us too.

    His arm tightens around me as he pauses before answering.

    Yes, Anakin. I believe he can.

    These words fill me with peace.

    Everything has changed, but we are still here.

    Smiling I close my eyes ?Obi-Wan, I think, is smiling too.

    Goodnight, Master.

    Goodnight, my Padawan.

    And from somewhere far off in the distance, just before I fall asleep I think I hear another voice.

    Goodnight, my sons.
  19. Luna_Nightshade Manager Emeritus

    Member Since:
    Jan 25, 2006
    star 5
    Okay.... say it with me now......

    Awwwwwwwwww.

    That was just wonderful. I love how you don't use "big words" or overly powerful description to make Anakin's voice young--you manage to make it powerful without overdoing it, and its beautiful.
  20. obi_webb Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Aug 4, 2005
    star 4
    kes, you write young anakin so well! you captured him with your words perfectly! especially when he said that he wanted to be strong to stop all the bad things from hurting everyone.
    and the ending kes.. wow. you said this was a gonna be a tear jerker and you were right! both parts! but especially with the beautiful ending to this one!
    amazing stuff my friend!
    =D=
  21. Magenta_Moonshadow Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Aug 14, 2005
    star 3
    Awwwwwwww, that was wonderful...=D= =D=

    Thank you for the PM![:D]
  22. jaina_clan_solo Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Dec 14, 2005
    star 4
    :_| <-Those are happy tears....

    Kes, this story was truly beautiful. I loved it.

    =D=

    I like the way Obi-Wan and Anakin's thoughts mirrored each other. They were able to start strengthening their bond through sharing their grief.

    jcs
  23. LuvEwan Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Mar 24, 2002
    star 4
    That was very beautiful, Kestrel. One of those rare pieces that truly inspires tears.

    So meaningless. A hundred meaningless conversations that now mean everything

    What a statement that was for Obi-Wan to make, so eloquent in its simplicity. You handled both viewpoints so well, showing the differences between them, as well as the things they have in common, perhaps more than they can realize at the moment. And the ending was incredible. :)
  24. MegumiFuu Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Jun 6, 2003
    star 1
    I'm ashamed to admit that I have never really given too much thought to what went on during the days following the events on Naboo. The actions and thoughts of Obi-Wan and Anakin in this piece seem so real... I could definitely see this happening. My eyes were watering throughout, but when I read Goodnight, my sons. you made me cry.

    Lovely lovely is all I have to say about this.
  25. Bastet Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Dec 30, 1999
    star 4
    Oh, Kestrel, that was just so beautiful! :_| [face_love]

    You described Obi-Wan's grief so vividly, I felt so bad for him. :( The way he couldn't bring himself to replace Qui's stuff with his own, and the way he'd do anything to have another meaningless conversation with him, and the way he curled up in bed under his spare cloak, it's all just so touching. :( *sniff* I cry into the sheets and my body aches with all the tears I?ve spent. I never knew it would hurt so much to loose you. :_|

    And poor Anakin too, that was exactly what I would have pictured him as going through at that point-missing his mother and mourning for Qui-Gon, and feeling so uncertain in his new life with his new Master. That was cute and sad the way he thought he would break the bond if he called too loudly.

    I love the image of Obi and Anakin both lying on Qui's bed under his cloak. [face_love] I'm glad they are starting to get to know each other better.

    Goodnight, Master.

    Goodnight, my Padawan.

    And from somewhere far off in the distance, just before I fall asleep I think I hear another voice.

    Goodnight, my sons.
    Aaawwwwww! I loved the ending, the image of Qui-Gon watching over those two from the Force. [face_love]

    Thanks for this lovely fic, Kestrel, you truly are very talented! =D= @};-
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