FF:WA WAFFER Star Wars Story

"Walnuts? You're the galaxy's most feared ganster, and all you can offer is Walnuts? I might aswell go down the road to Doc Hopper's and see what he's offering. Apparently he's after someone named Kermit the Frog."

And with that, Nat turned and walked towards the door.

"Wait", shouted Corleone the Hutt.


EDIT: As this story has halted, it's time to end it here and start a new one.

 

WAFFER STAR WARS STORY THREE

Setting: It's 2005. As the residents of Perth, on the planet Earth as preparing for their annual "Life Day", otherwise known as Christams.

While developing a super weapon to destroy the Jedi, a malfunction throws Count Dooku and the Seperatist forces into a wormhole, dropping them right into the mess that is Planet Earth. Now, Jedi and stunt doubles must combine to defeat the Sith and save Earth, and the Universe

 

In their Sith shuttle Dooku and Sidious are just making their way past Earths moon. "Master, my scouts have researched this planet and informed me that their technology is extremely low. Main species are humans, several conflicts across the planet, and full of corruptable corporations who would more than likely aid in an invasion in return for money and power much like our friends of the Trade Federation." Count Dooku sat in silence as he awaited his masters reply.

"You have done well my apprentice, soon this planet will be a firm foothold in the beginning of our plans"

"Also master, I have found the most isolated settlement on this planet, it is known as Perth and is located in the south west region of that ancient continent in the south you can see"

"ahhh yes, known as Perth, a wretched hive of scum and villainy"

They began their final approach, using their cloaking system on their shuttle they managed to fly past and be undetected by satellite systems, they decided to land late at night and appear to crash, so that the residents of Perth would think a meteor was crashing to the ground, this was witnessed by thousands of people and even reported in their media, no one suspected a thing.

 

Everywhere you went, the media had saturated the "metoer shower" from overnight. The papers, a 24-hr news bulletin (much like 9/11) and general conversation on the street. Other than that, it was a noraml day in the life of Nat. Work and no life.

As Nat was driving onto Roe Highway off Kalamunda Road on the way to work early one morning, a blinding light came out of nowhere and forced her of he road. All of a sudden a space ship had landed in the field just behind a couple of trees, and out walked some strange looking men. Nat got out of the car, and headed towards the men. On closer inspection, she realied they were Jedi Knights, much like the ones from the Star Wars saga. Maybe they weren't from George Lucas' mind after all.

 

That same morning, Simon was opening up his Subway store for business. As he was unlocking the front door, he heard a noise come from the car park behind him. Loud noises were always frequent in Greenwood, what with all the local revheads in the area, however this was a lot louder than just a car backfiring. He turned around and discovered something smoking on the ground. He walked over to it, curiosity overcoming him. It was a silver cylindar about 8 inches long and with a number of small buttons and a grip on one side. It looked a lot like a replica of a star wars lightsabre hed seen once but what was it doing here and why was it smoking like it had fallen from the sky, and it was intact! Being an avid star wars fan Simon decided first to pick it up and play around with it like, however play time was over when he decided to press a button with a weird symbol next to it. All of a sudden there was a Snap Hiss noise and a bright green laser shot out. He dropped it to the ground.

"Oh my God" Simon shouted after saying a few colourful swear words. "Someones made this one work, what the hell"?

The lightsabre was on the ground, sparks flying around it due to the blade meeting with the bitumen. Simon carefully picked it up by the grip and pressed the same button again, it snapped off.

"Ok, I don't think I want to work today, this is too good to be true"

 

"Contact! Point two seven five!"

"Dooku?"

"Looks likely sir!"

Obi-Wan Kenobi stroked at his beard. The republic gunship had only just scrapped its way into what ever timeportal Dooku and his comrades had created. Now, hovering above an unknown planet, they were on the hunt for the Sith Lord.

"Scan the surrounding area," he said, "Let's get a better idea of what we're dealing with here."

"You'd better take a look at this," Anakin Skywalker pondered over the screen in front of him, "It's crawling with life."

"But what kind?" Obi-Wan pondered.

"Human by the looks, sir," Commander Cody replied, "There's a number of large power spots in and around the surface. No other spacecraft have been detected thus far besides what seem to be harmless communicators."

"I say we go in," Anakin thought aloud, "We find Dooku and drag him back by his boot straps."

Obi-Wan shook his head. "No, too risky. They'll be expecting that. We need to be cautious, especially if the people down there are hostile. Commander?"

"Sir?"

"Take us down into a quiet area. I want to communicate with the locals first. Maybe they can help us."

"Yes sir."

 

As Nat got closer to the ship, a little green figure walked down the ramp.

"No", Nat thought to herself. "It can't be."

Alll of a sudden, the little, green figure started talking to Nat.

"Hello", it said. "Master Yoda, I am. Master Mace, this is" as he pointed to a dark skinned man standing next to him.

Nat was too shocked to speak. Here was Yoda and Mace Windu standing into front of her.

"What planet is this?" Mace asked.

"Earth, and you're in Perth, Western Australia. Otherwise known as the Outer Rim of Australia," Nat replied.

Yoda and Mace both chuckled.

 

"Uh ... sir?"

Cody frowned at the pilot. "What is it?"

"We're getting a strange signal from the surface. It's scrambled, but it checks out ... it's Master Yoda's frequency."

Anakin and Obi-Wan looked at each other in surprise. "Yoda?"

"Yes sir," the pilot continued, "It's his frequency code."

"Get us down there now" Anakin said.

"I've got a bad feeling about this" Obi-Wan added.

---

"God damn it!"

Kart ran around in circles, doing his best to put out the fire that had suddenly cropped up in his backyard.

"Ow, ow, ow!"

What had been a quiet day so far had turned into utter chaos. Some strange crashing sound, then this! It was like a practical joke gone wrong, yet much worse.

Stupid human kart's dog thought Everyone knows you pee on fire to put it out!

Moments later, with the smell of fresh smoke in the air ... "Finally!," Kart said, exhausted, "Thought that would never go out."

On closer inspection, Kart discovered a small piece of metal, red hot to the touch. It seemed familar, if a little abstract. A small red insignia was stamped on the side, which looked amazingly like a ...

"Republic mark?"

 

Simon decided in the end to go inside and get the shop ready for business.

"I cant wait to get out of here today and find out what's goin on" he thought to himself.

He started baking the bread and preparing the food, but in his mind all he could focus on was this lightsabre that had just fallen from the sky. Whose was it? Was it actually real? Of course it wasn't they didnt exist....but he had seen it almost burn a hole in the ground and it had a bright green blade.....this wasn't just a replica, someone with a lot of money and too much time had actually tried to create one and succeeded, he thought to himself.

There was a knock on the door, Simon went to unlock it and noticed two policeman standing at the door, he knew them, they were Jason and Brett from the Warwick station, regular customers.

"Hey guys" Simon said

"Hey simmo, just got a few reports of a loud noise coming from around here this morning at 7, did u hear anything"?

"Ummm no mate not that I could think of" Simon glanced at his car in the carpark where he had put the sabre

"Oh ok, it was pretty loud we hear, about the same level noise as a 22 going off.....umm thats a gun"

"Oh I see, well Im sorry but I must have arrived here after then I cant really recall anything"

"Are you sure Simon"?

"Yeah for sure mate Id definately let you know if i heard anything"

"Ok seeya later then mate"

Simon went back in the store and vowed he would get that lightsabre home as soon as he could, and find out where on Earth it was from

 

Mace looked Nat up and down. "Are you a Jedi?" he asked her.

Nat knew what a Jedi was, but she played dumb. "A Jedi?"

"No Jedis no Earth, there is," Yoda said. "Research I have done. Primitive land, this is."

Mace and Yoda sat with Nat down to explain about the Force and what a Jedi is when all of a subandden Nat's phone rang.

"A great disturbance in the phone I sense. Hmmm, Natalie. The force calling you it is. Yes answer it you must. Long have you waited for this call. Important it may be...." rang Nat's phone, and Nat got really red with embarrasment as Yoda sat there shocked at the sudden sound of his voice.

"What the...." said Yoda.

"Bugger, I'm late for work," Nat explained. "I have to go."

"We'll go with you and you can tell us what that was all about," Mace said.

"Only if you tell me on the way why you're here."

"Deal," replied Yoda.

"We'll take my car, um landspeeder!"

Nat, Mace and Yoda got in the car and drove to Nat's work, Woolies Morley.

 

"This has got to be the dumbest prank of all."

Kart sat on the lounge room floor, holding the small piece of metal in his hand.

"Either that or one hell of a craftsman just lot his work..."

At that thought, he decided to share his discovery, calling the only person who would understand how bizarre it really was.

"Come on, pick up, pick up ... Nat! Hey, guess what I just found?!"

tag: Nat

 

"A great disturbance in the phone I sense. Hmmm, Natalie..."

"Bugger, not again. And I don't have my hands free on. Oh well. I hope there's no police around.

"Hey mate. What's up?" Nat answered

"I found a piece of metal with a replublic mark" was heard on the other end.

"Really? I found Mace Windu and Yoda!"

Tag: Kart

 

After an hour at work Simon couldnt concentrate anymore, he made up some excuse and eagerly left, it was a slow day anyway. He got in the car immediately and headed for the one place he knew someone who he could show this to, he headed straight for woolies morley

 

Kart's mouth hung open for a few seconds.

"Mark ... you still there?"

"Uh ... oook then. Yoda and Mace Windu? You sure they aren't some crazed idiots in costumes or something?"

tag: Nat

---

"There, that should do nicely" Obi-Wan pointed to a small clearing in the trees.

With a soft landing, the two Jedi stepped out onto the slightly browned grass.

"Scout the area, Cody," Anakin said, "We'll go on ahead. Keep your com units open."

"Yes sir."

 

"Yes, it's them," Nat said, but thought to herself, I hope so. "I gotta go now. I'm late for work."

Nat hung up the phone and ran out of the car. Mace and Yoda were right behind her all the way into the store. As soon as she arrived, everyone started giving Mace and Yoda strange looks.

"Sorry I'm late. I had an accident and then met up with some friends I haven't seen in a while," Nat apoligised to the boss. Yeah, hadnt seen since the last time she watched the prequel trilogy.

"Are you OK Nat?" asked Ray, the store manager. "Or do you have concussion? Maybe you should go home and we'll get Anastasia to cover you. You don't look to crash hot. You look shaken up"

"Yeah, I don't feel great," Nat lied. "I think I will go home." And with that, Nat, Mace and Yoda left the store.

As Nat was leaving, she ran into Simon, who was very shicked to see her with Mace Windu and Yoda. Nat was equally shocked with what Simon had in his hand.

Tag: Simon

 

Kart stared at the phone in disbelief, then shook his head.

"Bad dream ... gotta be a bad dream ..."

The little piece of metal peaked out of his hand, almost taunting him.

"Alright fine ... I'll check it out," he said to himself, "But this better not be a joke, otherwise there'll be hell to pay."

Oh that's right, leave the dog by himself again. Go on, go. I don't need you anyway! I can look after myself! Look, I can lick my butt!! You try doing that, go on I dare you!! the dog barked.

 

Simon wasn't one to faint often, or that easily for that matter, but this was one of those times when everything just got too much, the next he knew his knees buckled and his body hit the floor.

The next thing he knew he saw a little green frog man appear over him and a tall dark skinned man standing behind him

"Hmmmm strong with the force this one is not if he faints at the sight of me"

"Oh my god, you exactly like him....and you? What? Either you are samuel l jackson or a very good look alike"

"Ok this planet is very weird master yoda, I really gotta know wahts going on"

Simon got to his feet as nat handed him a glass of water

"where are we right now" Simon asked

 

"Dude! We're in a Jedi starship. Ain't this cool?" Nat said.

"Dude? Never heard of this word, I have." Yoda looked puzzled.

"I'm Mace Windu, and this is Master Yoda," Mace introduced. "We're here on a mission to find Count Dooku and the Sepratists."

Nat turned on the holoprojector, an appliance that looked like a high-tech TV. Amazingly, it emitted a high quailty broadcast of the local television station. On it, was a little, baldy man with glasses making statements on the metoer shower and how Perth will become a major tourist attraction.

"Who is that?" asked Yoda.

"Oh, that's Johnny Howard. He's our Prime Minsiter."

"A polictian?" Mace asked. "They're not to be trusted."

"You can say that again," said Nat and Simon at the same time.

All of a sudden Nat's phone beeped. Kart had sent her an MMS of the metal bearing the repulic mark.

"A republic mark that is. Knew that you did, didn't you? Get it we must. Answers we will find."

And with this, Nat, Simon, Mace and Yoda decided to visit Kart.

 

"Oh by the way, thanx for rescuing master yodas lightsabre" said Mace as he handed it to Yoda

"ahhh it was nothin, by the way..." Simon had to ask this "how would you like to stop by hollywood before we do anything else...I've got someone you might like to meet Mace"

Mace looked very puzzled as did Yoda and Nat

"What are you trying to do Simon? this is important"! said Nat quietly to Simon

"Listen I just have to have the two of them together, they HAVE to meet"

"Who"?

"who else? Samuel L and Mace"!

 

"Dude. My car can't make it Hollywood, and he must make these two unrecoginsable."

Before going to meet Kart, Nat drove to her place and dropped the two Jedi there while she and Simon went clothes shopping for them. Now where exactly are they going to get clothes for Yoda?

"Stay here, and don't make a mess. We're just going to the shops to get you some clothes so you look less..... dorky!" Nat said.

"Come we wiil. Yes come," said Yoda mischeviously.

Nat and Simon conferred, and thought it would be better that Mace and Yoda came with them. Well, they did need Yoda's size.

They drove down to Midland Gate, and Nat sent Kart an SMS to let him know they were going to be a little late. As soon as they drove into the car park, Yoda started acting like a little kid.

"Wow! Cool this is! Fun we will have!"

"Now, now Yoda. We're here to get you some clothes and then meet our friend. Remember your mission. Count Dooku is dangerous. We don't want him making a mess around here. Well, maybe the Bell Tower!" Nat said.

 

"YES" Simon shouted, "We can have a full on jedi vs sith battle at the bell tower, that'll end its precious little run in our city"

"Ummm no Simon" said Nat, "As much as I want it gone, that's not really a great idea"

"Yeah true, damn....hey Mace, do you think you could teach me to use the Force"?

Mace looked curiously at Simon for a moment then looked as if he were about to crack a smile, then he frowned.

"No, absolutely not, no way, for starters your not force sensitive, secondly your too old and you've lived in a society where there is no faith in the Force, it'll be too hard for you to learn it even if you could use it"

"But what about Lu....ummm never mind"

 

"Need all the help we can get, Mace. Teach the ways of the Force we will. Time is not now. Clothes we must buy. Right is Nat, blend in we must."

Yoda calmed down and all four went shopping, much to the amusement of small children who were pointing and laughing at Yoda. Yoda of course used his Jedi mind tricks on every person he met....


--------------------------------------------------------

"What a desolate place this is," mentioned Count Dooku, who had managed to land in just outide of Kalgoorlie. "We must get to the nearest settlement and find shelter for the night. Tomorrow, we'll find the major source of the power so we can get back to Coruscant."

--------------------------------------------------------

Nat, Simon, Mace and Yoda left Midland Gate with bagfuls of clothes and food, from Woolies naturally. Yoda was chomping down a block of Dairy Milk chocolate.

"Good this stuff is."

"That's nice to know Yoda, I have plenty at home for you since I'm on a diet," Nat mentioned.

The group then went on their way to Kart's.

 

A dark shadow drifted over the grassy plain. Obi-Wan and Anakin, leaning up against a nearby tree, peered out over the landscape.

"Looks fairly residential," Anakin commented, "Enough people to keep any cantina busy for years."

"What's that thing?" Obi-Wan pointed to what humans call 'a car'.

"Some sort of speeder, I guess," the younger Jedi shrugged, "Doesn't look very flash."

Obi-Wan nodded. "That's what I was thinking. Possibly a bit behind on technology. Come on."

---

"Oh great."

Kart looked up into the sky, spotting what appeared to be a flying ship floating about his house. A thought crossed his mind.

I'm going to die!

Landing in his carport, slightly rough, the rear doors opened, revealing a grand warrior covered head to toe in some kind of metallic armour.

"Lord help me" Kart said aloud as the figure came closer, two pistols aimed straight ahead.

"You," a voice spoke, "Where are we?"

"Umm .... Earth."

"What kind of planet is that?"

"I uhh ... well it's not too bad."

"Dad!," a young boy peared out from the ship, "I've found them!"

"Good Boba, get back on board," Jango Fett turned back to Kart, "You're coming with us. We need a navigator."

"S-s-sure" Kart replied, reluctantly following.

 

Nat was driving up the South Street,when suddenly blue and red lights were to be seen in the rear vision mirror. Nat looked at her speedo and realised she was driving 50km/hr over the speed limit.

"Damn. Just what I needed. To be pulled over by coppers," Nat moaned.

"Deal with this I will," said Yoda.

Nat stopped the car and the policeman, a very spunky one at that, came walking over.

"Hello Miss. Can I see your license? Did you realise that you were doing 120 in a 70 zone?" the policeman said.

Before Nat even had a chance to speak, Yoda butted in. "See her license, you do not need." The policeman repeated the exact words that Yoda had spoken. "On our way, you will let us be," Yoda contined. And with that, Nat got off a speeding sign.

As Nat turned the corner of Kart's street, Slave1 was ascending into the sky. Nat pulled up in the driveway just as Kart's shocked face was disappearing out of view.

"Great. What do we do now?" Simon asked.

Yoda had a plan.

 

"You know, you really don't have to take me. I mean, it's not that far to ... well ... wherever you're going."

"Quiet" Jango growled.

"Ok" Kart sinked into his seat. Young Boba laughed.

"Now, where's this signal coming from?" Jango pointed to the information screen. A general layout of the planet, with a small dot blinking rapidly.

"Umm ...," Kart looked it over "I think that's Kalgoorlie ... yeah, looks like it."

"Are there any defensive outposts?" Jango kept the questions coming. This time Kart couldn't help but let out a chuckle.

"Mate, there isn't much out there at all. Just a small country town and some old gold mines."

"Good," Jango took the pilots seat, "How long will it take to get there."

Kart shrugged. "How fast can this thing go?"