Beyond ~Wanderings~ J-S-F Almost There...Week 5 OC Angst

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction- Before, Saga, and Beyond' started by Jaina-Sticks-Fel, Nov 2, 2007.

Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.
Moderators: Briannakin, mavjade
  1. Jaina-Sticks-Fel Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Oct 10, 2007
    star 1
    Hey guys! This is my first attmepts at drabbles, and my *very* late response to the Ultimate Drabble Challenge. I figured, o, what the hey! So Here's the first week, 5 weeks late!:D

    1. Smooth

    It's about the size of a small token, clear, crystaline. Many years ago, it was sharp, angular, razor-keen as the lightning strike that formed it. It is much like the man that owns it. It was one of the many small treasures he found as a child, hidden in the sand. As a child it was a curiosity, now, it symbolized him. His life tossed in an abrupt, unforseen storm. Quick, merciless, and careless, he was left sharp, easy to cut. But the tossing of the sands of time left him smooth, crystal clear.

    2. Rough

    His uncle's hands had stories to tell. Rough times in which life and food on the table meant working with his hands, scrapping whatever he could out of the exisitence he had. Giving his all and only expecting enoughto survive. He was a good man, working an evil life, but that was all he ever knew. Even the man's aunt lacked the soft hands of a woman. She fought the elements side by side with her husband, despite everything that went wrong. They sweat, cried, and bleed together.

    3. Dry

    Tatooine is an ungiving landscape. From the high, jagged peaks of the Wastelands, to the rolling sands of the Dune Sea, one thing is a constant. It's dry. Those on the planet scrape whatever moisture they can from the planet and the atmosphere, so as to say, "I belong. I will live. You will not stop me." But soon, all the inhabitants become like the land they live on; harsh, ungiving, dry.

    4. Wrinkled

    Looking at his reflection in an abandoned cantina glass, the man pauses. Is that truly him? A face that tells so many secrets, has seen so many things, felt so many different emotions... It has only been a short while since he left the first time, hasn't it? All the years, all the experiences, the wrinkles tell the years. It has been too long. Though there is something familiar about that face...

    5. Weathered

    The face follows him everywhere. He cannot avoid it. As he looks at his hands he slowly begins to realze. The scars, the lines, the wrinkles, the stories. He has faced the storm that has tossed him about, the loves, the losses, the hate, the fears, the joys, the experiences, and out he has come. With one focus in mind, one sole purpose, he carries on his life. He is a good man, stuck in an evil life, that he has to scrape his way through, so he can experience the joys. He begins to understand. He stops once more at a passing window to stare at the face he knows well. We share your face now, uncle.


    Tada! Hope it makes any sense. And if you can't piece together who the man is, it's Luke.
  2. SilSolo Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Mar 5, 2004
    star 5
    nice shot of owen and Beru with these drabbles :D
  3. VaderLVR64 Manager Emeritus

    Member Since:
    Feb 5, 2004
    star 8
    Wonderfully done! Please PM me when you update these! :)

    2. Rough

    His uncle's hands had stories to tell. Rough times in which life and food on the table meant working with his hands, scrapping whatever he could out of the exisitence he had. Giving his all and only expecting enoughto survive. He was a good man, working an evil life, but that was all he ever knew. Even the man's aunt lacked the soft hands of a woman. She fought the elements side by side with her husband, despite everything that went wrong. They sweat, cried, and bleed together.


    That was my favorite. =D=
  4. Jaina-Sticks-Fel Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Oct 10, 2007
    star 1
    SilSolo:Thanks! I try to please.

    Vaderlvr64: Thanks! [face_blush] Hope you like this one. Now I actually have got to start up a PM list?! Ok, now I'm lost...

    Here's my second one! Hey, I think I saw a speck of the other runners ahead of me!

    Jag

    6.Jedi

    Peacekeepers of the galaxy. Restorers of Order. Whether they realize it or not they rule the galaxy. By their simplest action they can turn the lifes of many people on it's head. Take mine, for example. My whole life I worked to acheive perfection in flying, commanding, overall military wisdom. Then I meet a girl. She just happens to be a jedi. I fall for her whims. Then she changes her mind. Then from left-field, she gets this 'calling'. In one big malestorm she's destroyed my life, my career, my family.

    7.Sith

    But then again, it could be worse. I could be in her family: good ol' grandpa was a Sith, and dear ol' Jacen is one. As my life begins to rebuild, reform, and reshape itself, Jaina's is falling apart. I begin to wonder, despite how much good he's done in the galaxy, would it have been better now to have had him die with his younger brother on Mrkyr?

    8.Soildier

    All my life I've been one. Whether to a government, or to myself, it doesn't really matter. The training I've had works for both. So whether I'm dodging oncoming plasma, missles, or anything an enemy has to throw at me, I know what to do. It's been drilled into my core, and I don't think about what I'm doing. I just do.

    9.Civilian

    I have tried to live that life. I really wanted to settle down, get married, have kids. But everytime I start to move in that direction, the galaxy has yet another thing to throw at me. I'm begining to wonder if I should give up the ghost. I know what I want. I'm just not going to get it.

    10.Politician

    I was that for a while too. Didn't last too long, though. Guess I wasn't cut out for that kind of stuff. It really is a different sort of warfare. While I'm used to dodging physical things thrown at me, they're throwing words. And they can be even more damaging. Blasters, plasma, lasers, knifes, the worse they can do is kill you. Words can take away your life. They did mine.
  5. VaderLVR64 Manager Emeritus

    Member Since:
    Feb 5, 2004
    star 8
    Politician was my favorite! =D=
  6. Nyota's Heart Combos & Paragraphs Host

    Game Host
    Member Since:
    Aug 31, 2004
    star 6
    Hello!!!!!! So glad when a new very talented author appears!!! =D=

    Week 1: Moving and poetic. :D I thought it might be Luke only because I like him so much!!! [face_love] :)

    Week 2: Sith and Civilian reflect Jag's regret and wistfulness most. :( I believe the answer to Jag's question at the end of Sith would have been: I certainly do. Or Anakin should have survived. [face_frustrated]

    Could I please have PMs with updates? And about your sig, love the thought of there being a lot of bunnies [face_laugh] [face_dancing]

    Gotta plug my ship: [face_laugh] If you ever wanna write L/M, I'll SQUEE! [face_batting]
  7. Jaina-Sticks-Fel Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Oct 10, 2007
    star 1
    VaderLVR64: Thank You! :D

    Jade_eyes: [face_blush] [face_blush] Thank You. With week one I looked at it, became puzzled, shook my head and said something like: "Well, forget me and drabbles" Then about three hours later it hit me, " Hey! that fits Luke! Rough kid turning into smooth, polished Jedi Knight and later Master... And I agree Week Two's Sith was one of my favs to write already... So once again thank you. [face_blush]

    Here goes week three: One day I'll catch up with everyone else.... :p


    Now, for your pleasure and enjoyment... I give you Jacen's last thoughts.... wait... can you call that enjoyment?...*shrugs*




    11.Mother

    They always said I was most like you, polite, calm, thinking of others before myself. I guess that was my undoing. My thoughts were to far off of myself. In the end, where I'm supposed to be honoring you with my life, Mom, I've shamed you. And I'm not afraid to admit it, either. Recognition is the first step to redemption, right? Well, maybe I'm a little too late.

    12.Father

    And Dad. Good ol' Dad. What can I say? That you were right? That I'm not the son you raised? Or maybe that I'm sorry. Yeah, that sounds about right. I know I can't change what I've done to you and Mom and Jaina and everyone else. But, can I at least say I'm sorry? No. No, that's not enough. I wish I had the time to prove it, but I don't. So my words are all I can give.

    13.Sister

    My partner in crime. My best friend. My leader. I let you down. When you needed me, when you were the lowest, I wasn't there, was I? First in the Vong War, then the Killiks, and now, when you did what had to be done. I'm so sorry. But, you will carry on. You were always the strongest of the three of us. Don't let this break you. You are whole, in of yourself. And for that, I envy you. There is never gray in your eyes. It's either one way or it's the other. Don't let that change. Oh, and for Force's sake, just kiss one of those guys and get it over with! I'm smiling Jaya, I'm smiling.

    14.Brother

    I made of mockery of your name, your sacrifice. How do you ever fix that? How do you correct a wrong so glaring? So extreme? I think apart of me died when you did, Anakin. The part that felt, laughed, had spirit. I know I'm responsible for my actions, but I think that is when it all ended. I miss you, my brother. May we meet again. When that happens, I want to know I can look you in the eye.

    15.Friend

    Goodbye, my dear Tenel Ka. You are in my heart. Why wouldn't you be? The holder of my heart and the mother of my child. My friend turned into my almost lover. You know that's what we were. Almost lovers. If only I hadn't taken the course I followed, you and I with our child... If only, if only... I miss your warmth, your smile, saved for me. I broke your heart, my friend. I took a part of your heart with me, when I left. I would give it back if you would take it. I love you, Tenel Ka, my friend, my almost lover. Tell Allana, I love her too...




    Read and review, Please!

    J-S-F
    />/>
  8. VaderLVR64 Manager Emeritus

    Member Since:
    Feb 5, 2004
    star 8
    Wonderfully done! :)

    14.Brother

    I made of mockery of your name, your sacrifice. How do you ever fix that? How do you correct a wrong so glaring? So extreme? I think apart of me died when you did, Anakin. The part that felt, laughed, had spirit. I know I'm responsible for my actions, but I think that is when it all ended. I miss you, my brother. May we meet again. When that happens, I want to know I can look you in the eye.


    :_| =D=
  9. Nyota's Heart Combos & Paragraphs Host

    Game Host
    Member Since:
    Aug 31, 2004
    star 6
    This rings so true. =D= All the emotions for each drabble fit. Sister and Friend were especially moving. I feel those were his closest relationships, but I also believe the insights in Brother are correct. That's when it all went downhill. :( If Jace coulda had these thoughts in profic, and before Sacrifice, I'd be one off the smokin' chain happy camper!!! :D
  10. Jaina-Sticks-Fel Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Oct 10, 2007
    star 1
    VaderLVR64: [face_blush] Thank you! Brother's my favorite too. That was actually alot of fun. :D

    Jade_eyes: Really?! :eek: [face_blush] :eek: [face_blush] And I agree about Sister and Friend, I tried to make them fit. Thanks!

    I'm working on the forth one! Maybe I'll actually catch up sooner or later! [face_blush] :D
  11. Trickster-Lead Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Aug 23, 2007
    star 1
    I don't know about you, but i certainly call it enjoyment... Well written
  12. madman007 Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Aug 22, 2007
    star 4
    Read them all so far in one sitting. Overall, I like the way you give all of them in 1st person as if they are speaking to themselves or maybe even as part of a psychological test where they are given these words and have to write something that relates to them. Kinda like you're doing.
    I just love breaking down that pesky fourth wall, don't I?

    The one that stood out for me was Jagged Fel's Civilian. It could have been any one of the main characters of Star Wars writing that they will never be considered a civilian as they are too much in the forefront of war. We never hear the civilian's story in the Star Wars universe.

    All of them very well written and thought out.

    PM me with updates, please!
  13. Jaina-Sticks-Fel Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Oct 10, 2007
    star 1
    Trickster-Lead: So it was enjoyment? :D Yay! I accomplished my goal!

    madman007: Yeah, that pesky little fourth wall. :D I agree about Civilian. That was actually the easiest one to write so far! And Thank you. I strive to please.[face_blush]

    WARNING:!!!! This May or May Not have spoilers for Legacy: Fury! Proceed at your own risk!



    16.Shuttle

    "Anakin, how are we doing?"

    He just shrugged."Pretty good, from the look of it."

    "Just checking."
    In reality I'm worried sick. We're still in the beginning stages of the mission and Ulaha's already seriously hurt and Anakin's not much better. And the latter I caused. I made the awful decision. But, we've been in worse and gotten out before. Nothing's going to happen. Nothing ever has. Yet the doubt is nipping at my consciousness. Nothing's going to go wrong. Right?... Right?

    17.Fighter

    As my StealthX glides seemingly effortlessly across the vast ocean of stars, my mind wonders to when I said goodbye to Jag last. I truly hadn't meant to hurt him. My mind can't seem to wrap itself around the idea of being married and settled, maybe even with kids. Don't get me wrong, I want that, and I want that with him. But, I can't see it now. It's almost like having a picture so close to your face that you can't see the lines anymore, all blurred together. So I go back to my saftey, my old friends, friend's I can barely stand to be around, and yet, I can't seem to break away from. And so my x-wing glides on...

    18.Freighter

    Home is a hyperspace drive, a bed, and my family and close friends, held together by a few rusty sheets of durasteel older than I am. And one of the few people that I trusted the most, That was so close that without him I feel useless, has nearly destroyed it. Not just the Falcon but the people who made it a home. I feel hollow. This will come back on his head, and one day we will have words. I have a feeling that day is coming soon. And we are going to start with what he named his ship...

    19.Capital Ship

    The Anakin Solo.

    He named it the Anakin Solo. How can you defile a person like Anakin more? Here he gave his life so that the galaxy could be safer for all, not just a select few, and My 'brother' is using Anakin's name for a ship that shatters a galaxy, and divides up who will have peace and who won't! Can you tell this a little touchy for me? This discussion is not over.

    20.Space Station

    So here I am, stuck on a dingy space station hovering over a dingy planet, Force-knows-where, following a man who has promised to teach me everything he knows so that I can have that little 'chat' with brother dearest. For all I know, he could be leading me straight into a trap for the pretty little bounty on my head. But I have to trust him. This is my only chance. And so far, surprisingly, Venku has been rather insightful. I'll see you soon, Jacen.




    Well there it goes. I had a little trouble with this one, but hopefully it works. On to the next!/>/>
  14. VaderLVR64 Manager Emeritus

    Member Since:
    Feb 5, 2004
    star 8
    Very nicely done! =D=

    19.Capital Ship

    The Anakin Solo.

    He named it the Anakin Solo. How can you defile a person like Anakin more? Here he gave his life so that the galaxy could be safer for all, not just a select few, and My 'brother' is using Anakin's name for a ship that shatters a galaxy, and divides up who will have peace and who won't! Can you tell this a little touchy for me? This discussion is not over.


    My favorite.
  15. Nyota's Heart Combos & Paragraphs Host

    Game Host
    Member Since:
    Aug 31, 2004
    star 6
    Fighter and Capital Ship spoke most to me. =D= But Space Station WOOT!!! Go git him Jaina!!!! [face_laugh] Yup, I'm so cheering her on!!!!! BTW, I want those happy family type things for her too, with Jag, also. :* :D
  16. madman007 Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Aug 22, 2007
    star 4
    Nice POV from Jaina.
    If I had to pick one that stood out, it would be Fighter. You do realize that she is constantly stalling in her choice of love life and future, when her fighter keeps gliding on. Nice metaphor!

    And the last line...WOW. Almost like she is saying, Jacen, here I come, so get ready! GO JAINA!!!
  17. Jaina-Sticks-Fel Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Oct 10, 2007
    star 1
  18. Jaina-Sticks-Fel Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Oct 10, 2007
    star 1
    VaderLVR64: Thanks. I think I'm going to blush.[face_blush] yep. I did. I liked that one too(heck, I liked all of them, Jaina is my fav)I was trying to show her edge that I don't think anything or anyone is ever going to take away.

    Jade_eyes: I'm with you. I can't wait till I get my hands on Fury and Revelation. Or on Jacen. Either one works. The book I'd hug. Jacen I'd kill. :) [face_batting] o_O :mad: [face_devil] :cool: :D

    madman007:Whoop! You know,I think something in the back of my mind said that Fighter would work well, but why, I didn't know. And now you put the finger on it. Thanks! Oh, yeah, that was a complete "Jacen, here I come!":D

    Ok here we go with week 5. And I'm trying something new. This will be an OC. *Shivers and starts whimpering* Hopefully the character strikes a nerve! Please offer any constructive critisim! This is for me to grow as a writer. Thanks!



    21.Burn

    He'd been working on one of the fighters when the enemy struck. Just doing his duty. Just like I am. Or rather, like I'm supposed to be. Most of his body was burned, 3rd degree burn at that. He hadn't seen the oncoming missle, just one moment tightening a loose coolant line on his pleasure yacht. That was one of the first places the enemy struck. I guess civilian landing fields are good targets.

    22.Rash

    It kills me to see my 'less dire' patients being moved off the beds just so they can serve the military injuries first. Yes, I know the need, and I agree they do need help, but in order of need. For instance, there's a young girl in the back corner(they shoved her back there on a thermal blanket) who has a rare disease. It shows itself in the form of a rash. It can be very painful. It also can kill. If she doesn't have her drip on time... They took it away.

    23.Surgery

    And then there's the soldiers themselves. When this first happened, when the first blows came, he had been on duty. The explosion of the nearby bunker caused a large chunk of durasteel to go careening. I was told later, after the surgery, that he had been with a company of men at the time, heading torward the bunker. He was in the back. I haven't seen anyone else from that company. No wonder he woke up screaming.

    24.Hurt

    You know, I'm used to pain. Not necessarily on me, but seeing people dealing with great amounts of pain. But this... This wasn't covered in the medical textbooks. Anatomy and Physiology didn't cover what to do with a broken mind. I've been washing my hands now for about five minutes, and yet I can't seem to get the blood off. It's everywhere, and I'm beginning to wonder if it's mine. I've heard of people going into shock after a great injury, but I can't even find a cut. Maybe I'm starting to crack too...

    25.Heal

    As Calta put down her small holojournal, she looked at her hands. To anyone passing, had they taken a small glance at her hands they would have seen small, delicate, and now, after vigirous scrubbing, not so soft hands. But there was no blood. She looked up at the mirror above the sink of the bathroom she had taken refuge in. The eyes were not the same hazel she had seen every morning in the bathroom as she prepared herself. They were the eyes of the mechanic, the child, the soldier. They were haunted. And with that she sank to her knees, held her arms to her body and started to cry...




    Hope ye' likes it!/>/>
  19. madman007 Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Aug 22, 2007
    star 4
    Very touching on all entries. And don't shiver over creating an OC. I've said before, we are dealing with a galaxy with thousands of systems; we're not always going to hear from only a handful of them.

    This wasn't covered in the medical textbooks. Anatomy and Physiology didn't cover what to do with a broken mind.

    So true in any galaxy.

    I've been washing my hands now for about five minutes, and yet I can't seem to get the blood off.

    Seems there was a similar line in classic literature, Out, out damn spot; Shakespeare I believe was the author. Don't worry, I'm not comparing you. No author, either amateur or pro, can go above that bar.

    Well done. Can I get a PM on your next entry? Thanks in advance!

    =D= =D= =D=
  20. Jaina-Sticks-Fel Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Oct 10, 2007
    star 1

    No worries. I agree. Shakespeare noone can beat. I was wondering where I got that imagery from. Was it Hamlet? My brain's frozen right now.

    Check your mail. It's there. :D
  21. madman007 Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Aug 22, 2007
    star 4
    Thanks!
    And it was Macbeth.
  22. VaderLVR64 Manager Emeritus

    Member Since:
    Feb 5, 2004
    star 8
    VERY powerful!

    25.Heal

    As Calta put down her small holojournal, she looked at her hands. To anyone passing, had they taken a small glance at her hands they would have seen small, delicate, and now, after vigirous scrubbing, not so soft hands. But there was no blood. She looked up at the mirror above the sink of the bathroom she had taken refuge in. The eyes were not the same hazel she had seen every morning in the bathroom as she prepared herself. They were the eyes of the mechanic, the child, the soldier. They were haunted. And with that she sank to her knees, held her arms to her body and started to cry...


    My favorite. :_|

    =D=


  23. Nyota's Heart Combos & Paragraphs Host

    Game Host
    Member Since:
    Aug 31, 2004
    star 6
    Very well done!!!! Calta... I could feel her empathizing withe patients in the first three. But now, poor darling needs someone to heal her. :( Otherwise, she'll be no good to any one anymore. Very realistic especially given the "heat of the battle" feel, or trauma ward. Bravo on a new OC!! :D
  24. Jaina-Sticks-Fel Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Oct 10, 2007
    star 1
    madman007: Thank you! My biggest fear about OC's is the fact that people aren't already emotionally attatched yet. So if one is to die, be hurt, or otherwise, noone cries. You know, the Star-Trek-red-shirt-guys syndrome. I know I fall prey to it. So I'm glad that i managed to overcome that.

    VaderLVR64: Yay! I agree that Heal was my favorite too. In fact that was the one that made me start to think about the rest of the story. *powerful* Yay![face_dancing]

    Jade_eyes:Like I said, Yay!! Success! And thank you![face_blush] :p

    I was going to post week 6 tonite, but my plot bunny got ran over by a speeding idea, the idea's tire went flat, the thought behind it got out and was hit by a busload of possiblities. And teacher, that's why my short fiction paper's late. And that was after the dog ate it.

    Can I come up with any other excuses? :p
Moderators: Briannakin, mavjade
Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.