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Lit We Hav to Take a Trip with Jacen Solo (WARNING: MAY CONTAIN SNARK)

Discussion in 'Literature' started by Trip, May 25, 2008.

  1. Havac

    Havac Former Moderator star 7 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    Sep 29, 2005
    Excellent. As the new owner of Star Wars, my first step will be to declare SWDBPODANOTOR non-canon.
  2. SlackJawedJedi

    SlackJawedJedi Jedi Padawan star 4

    May 28, 2004
  3. Point Given

    Point Given Mod of Literature and Community star 6 Staff Member Manager

    Dec 12, 2006
    What about Rule of Two?
  4. Trip

    Trip Jedi Grand Master star 4

    Dec 7, 2003
    Ah, Hav, I'm so glad you took over.

  5. Ulicus

    Ulicus Lapsed Moderator star 6 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    Jul 24, 2005
    RoT doesn't clash with Hav's beloved JvS, just BotS. [face_whistling]

    No-one cares about BotS.
  6. AdmirableAckbar

    AdmirableAckbar Jedi Youngling star 2

    Jan 9, 2008
    Brilliant. [face_laugh]

    For the record, RoT ought to go for the Chiss person in it.
  7. Havac

    Havac Former Moderator star 7 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    Sep 29, 2005
    Second step.
  8. _Catherine_

    _Catherine_ Jedi Grand Master star 4

    Jun 16, 2007
    Hey, at least RoT references BotS and doesn't completely rewrite it (at least from what I've heard), unlike Abel's The Dark Forces Saga, which it just totally steamrolls over.
  9. Master_Keralys

    Master_Keralys Sometime Technical Aide and Erstwhile Lit Mod star 5 Manager

    Oct 8, 2003
    I'd forgotten how comically cheesy ans outright silly the YJK are. Not that that's a bad thing, per se, but it definitely is pretty funny.

    Havac, I second your winning of Star Wars.
  10. morrison85

    morrison85 Jedi Master star 5

    May 13, 2005
    It is brilliant, thanks for picking it up again :p
  11. Bly

    Bly Jedi Master star 4

    Mar 28, 2005
    I---oh, it's not even worth it.:p
  12. Havac

    Havac Former Moderator star 7 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    Sep 29, 2005
    Part XXII: Shadow Academy
    In which our hero is abducted by a dominatrix witch

    [li]So, we open with Jacen in Luke's office, playing with his lightsaber. However, it's presented through Jacen's imagination, so it opens like Jacen's fighting an evil dark side warrior! Wow, KJA, you really had us fooled! How exciting![/li]

    [li]Luke walks in on him playing with his lightsaber ("I swear it wasn't what it looked like!") and promptly smacks Jacen around for chopping his desk in half. OK, that's not actually what happened, but it should have. Luke takes the lightsaber away and tells Jacen he's not ready. Adventure, excitement, craving, so on and so forth. Then when Jacen agress, Luke says no, really, don't take everything a teacher says at face value. He might be wrong. Except Luke's right on this. Definitely. Trust him. But don't. But he's right. But just don't trust that he's right. Except he is.[/li]

    [li]So Jacen, Jaina, and Lowie are going on a field trip to GemDiver Station. Apparently no other students are cool enough. Seriously, way to go with the favoritism, Lukie. Well, Tenel Ka could go too, because she's friends with the cool kids. But she doesn't want to, because she's terrified her horrible secret would get out! She's royalty! (Never mind that Jacen and Jaina are too, or at least they ought to be, except Leia appears to have just entirely given up on the whole House of Organa thing) This makes Jacen sad, because the girl of his bench-pressing dreams won't go with.[/li]

    [li]Out of context [face_worried] prose of the day:[/li]
    Twin pairs of eyes -- each the color of Corellian brandy -- met in a mixture of excitement and anticipation.

    [li]I've got a feeling I'm going to find at least one of these in each book. These kids meet (brandy-brown, don't forget they're brandy-brown! Not any other alcoholic color! brandy-brown!) eyes excitedly waaaaay too much.[/li]

    [li]Lando shows up to take them for their tour. Boring things are said. Jacen asks to go out on a diamond-mining expedition. Lando reluctantly agrees, because if there's one thing Lando's known for, it's being pressured into doing highly dangerous things with his best friend's children by a punk kid. They fly around in their magic QUANTUM ARMOR!!!! ship (this is going to be KJA's beskar throughout the book, and probably the rest of the series) with their magic energy tether, and almost die, and Lando lets them try trawling for diamonds (it's really not mining) and only Jacen snags one. He's so special.[/li]

    [li]Jacen gets to keep it, because Lando is a dumbass and promised to let anyone who got one keep this incredibly valuable stone. Jacen says he'll give it to his mommy.[/li]

    [li]Now that we burned through a couple chapters, the actual plot kicks in, and the place gets attacked. Despite having a RIDICULOUSLY VALUABLE station producing RIDICULOUSLY VALUABLE gems, Lando has crap security. A couple fighters and Skiprays shoot right through it and board the station. God forbid an actual pirate fleet ever gets ideas. Lando and the kids just kind of haplessly wander around, don't try to escape, and make a stand where absolutely nothing happens and they get stunned.[/li]

    [li]Oh, wow, the Solo kids getting kidnapped? Really? I never would have seen that coming. Not after it was just in the last book! Wow, that KJA's really clever to throw us off like that. That brings us to Jacen's . . . ninth kidnapping attempt in fourteen years? Gee, I hope they don't come to overrely on this particular plotline or anything.[/li]

    [li]They wake up aboard a ship. And they're not kept prisoner or anything. Jacen just opens up the door and finds stormtroopers outside. So he goes "Oh crap!" and shuts it, and then some Nightsister shows up and is all "We gonna turn you evil! That's why we don't bother to restrain you! Evil's great! You'll just embrace it!" And everyone else in the world goes, "You're an overconfident idiot." Flying the ship is Qorl. Wowee, what a coincidence! But he has a droid arm! Jacen
  13. QuentinGeorge

    QuentinGeorge Jedi Master star 5

    Dec 12, 2003
    we wait for next book, when JACEN HAS NEW FRIEND!


    May the force be with ours, Havac, always.
  14. Havac

    Havac Former Moderator star 7 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    Sep 29, 2005
  15. T-boy-wan

    T-boy-wan Jedi Master star 3

    Jun 6, 2006
    That was heartbreaking. I sure hope Jacen and Jaina never end up fighting each other again. :p
  16. Excellence

    Excellence Jedi Knight star 7

    Jul 28, 2002

    Hilarious out-of-context prose of the day:
    Jacen and Jaina looked at each other, their liquid-brown eyes meeting as a host of thoughts gleamed unspoken between them.

    And thus is born the expression, to have your thoughts havac. [face_talk_hand]
  17. CadderlySoaring

    CadderlySoaring Jedi Youngling star 1

    Jul 8, 2008
    Havac wins on so many levels indeed. I nearly died with the Lassie references, Gay Superhero pic and emo Jacen. =D=
  18. J_K_DART

    J_K_DART Jedi Grand Master star 5

    Dec 31, 2001
    Hav, I *seriously* love your reviews!
  19. Arawn_Fenn

    Arawn_Fenn Force Ghost star 7

    Jul 2, 2004
    You do realize that in using this yardstick, you're throwing out the majority of Star Wars books, especially everything since POD?:p
  20. Ulicus

    Ulicus Lapsed Moderator star 6 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    Jul 24, 2005
    Why, Havac, it's almost like you're saying JINO started out in the YJK!

    Damn, I'm suddenly very angry at TDN and LotF.
  21. Master_Keralys

    Master_Keralys Sometime Technical Aide and Erstwhile Lit Mod star 5 Manager

    Oct 8, 2003
    This had me laughing out loud.

    Especially the parts where it's Jacen (rather than, more appropriately, Jaina), noticing how handsome Brakiss was.

    I was fourteen, once, and noticing girls in great details. Many years later, I still can't figure out what makes guys good looking (or not).

    So... KJA has a problem with POV? :p
    DurararaFTW likes this.
  22. Black-Dog

    Black-Dog Jedi Knight star 4

    May 27, 2008
    [face_laugh] This be my favorite part so far, as I've always viewed Tionne as an airhead. :p

    Best. summaries. evah!
  23. Bly

    Bly Jedi Master star 4

    Mar 28, 2005
    OK, that was the part where I literally lolled. Keep up the good work, Hav!=D=
  24. The Loyal Imperial

    The Loyal Imperial Manager Emeritus star 6 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    Nov 19, 2007
    I just noticed you finally reached the YJK stuff. Brilliant reviews, as always.

    So hilariously true.
  25. JediMatteus

    JediMatteus Jedi Grand Master star 5

    Sep 16, 2008
    yeah the yjk was pretty stupid.