Lit We Hav to Take a Trip with Jacen Solo (WARNING: MAY CONTAIN SNARK)

Yeah, that's actually what I wear, too.

He heard it through the grapevine that Tenel can't braid her hair with one hand anymore. So he sees this as a great and exciting challenge and devises a technique, which he sends to Tenel Ka. Apparently, Anakin is now equally interested in puzzles both machine and hair. Basically, it's stupid. It's just so pointless . . . I was expecting it to come in later, with Tenel Ka forced to braid some vines together to make a rope or something, but it went nowhere. It was totally extraneous.

 

So you fit the bill then.

 

Well, his recaps have been quacking me up

 

Even though I was fond of the YJK books as a kid, this is such an amazing thread. Can't wait for the next installment!

 

Oh man, from now on I am picturing Hav like that.

*wipes a tear*

 

So you fit the bill then.

 

This is what I look like thinking about this: -_O

I can see the hair braiding being a big thing for Tenel Ka herself (trivialities often are for girls that age), but since the grapevine Anakin heard this through was likely comprised of adults for whom that difficulty wouldn't even be registering, the basic premise still doesn't make sense - aside from the oddness of a little boy being captivated by the idea of figuring out a hair braiding puzzle. And you're right: for that to come out of nowhere and have no involvement with the plot is abysmally bad storytelling. But then, this is KJA we're talking about. I appreciate your taking the time to explain, though.

 

I have the feeling this thread will be my highly bookmarked "Most Hilarious TFN Literature Thread of All Time" by the time it reaches its conclusion.

So I would like to give early props to Trip and Havac for making it worthwhile.

Definitely should be included in that sticky about worthwhile topics from here when it's all said and done.

 

Jacen and Jaina told him.

And I'm glad everyone is enjoying this.

 

can this be the precedent for Marakin? Anakin getting interested in redheads...?

 

Marakin?




Of course, now I'm very sad just thinking about the two great characters that were knocked off by what I'm calling the Plot Kitty Snipers.

Kitty Snipers

 

I'm sort of hoping Havac finds some Maracen as he reads.

 

hehe... Mara is not in the YJK books, sorry

but... think about this:

Anakin got interested in first Tenel Ka, then Mara...
Jacen angry that his bro wants his girl...
then Maracen happens
then Jacen angry that Anakin even wants Mara => Marakin
then Jacens evil masterplan,... Anakin dies accidently
later he kills Mara
and if Tenel Ka would not want him, she'd too be offed.. but luckily he was stopped

Vergere was never at fault, nor was Lumiya! it was Jacen after all... poor Vergere was just his excuse and stepstone he could blame!

 

Well, okay, that's slightly less cringe-worthy. They might have mentioned hair braiding. Still bad storytelling in general, though - but first class snark.

Oy vey.

 

Meh. Sometimes it feels like red hair is a requirement in Star Wars. If you're a girl and you want to be cast as a Star Wars character you need to have red hair so people can tell you apart from Leia.

 

Part XXVI: Jedi Under Siege
In which our hero begs for help

Have you noticed yet how relentlessly passive and pathetic our hero's role in the YJK books is?

I have.

So, KJA, capitalizing on his realization last book that the filler is less obvious in continuous action scenes, makes the whole book one big action scene. Regrettably, he was forced to set it on Yavin 4, but he mostly gets around this by not showing any actual (oh, the horror!) learning, just fighting.

So, they land, and in a gigantic stroke of luck, no one's actually attacked in the stretch of time in which they elected to come warn Luke personally rather than just call and say, "Hey, attack coming." Jacen tells jokes to relieve the tension. He needs a better coping mechanism.

Now I know why Luke didn't last very long as a general. His battle plan? KJA seems to be under the impression that Tionne and Luke are the only adults on the planet, which is really dumb (Abel put the lie to this anyway by putting Kyle there during the attack, and Kam and Corran were almost certainly there as well), so Luke . . . assigns Tenel Ka to teach the students ground combat tactics in like a five minute crash course. Not, like, Kyle "Combat instructor and general deity" Katarn. Or someone else who isn't a thirteen-year-old kid. Also, they probably shouldn't send a message to alert anyone to the fact that they might face an attack. Luke needs to know a nebulous "more" before such an action could be justified. It's unclear exactly what this "more" is. Jacen gets assigned to monitor communications. Finally, a role you can halfway justify putting a kid in. That's the last time we'll see that.

Peckhum lands. The Shadow Academy shows up. Gee, they're jamming. A little too late for the distress message, don't you think, Master Dumbass? Anyway, rather than do the job Luke told him to do, Jacen makes Jaina do it and runs off to free his pets.

Luke calls a council of war. Basically, this means that he gets a bunch of kids together and says, "Let's run and hide in the woods! Fight hard, even though I only saw fit to give weapons to my bestest favoritest students ever! Don't bother staying together. I'm not going to attempt to actually coordinate anything or take care of anyone. Don't die now, OK?"

The Academy got shields set up just in this book, just for this attack. A commando TIE fighter slips inside the shields anyway and blows them up before the battle even begins, so we're left wondering why even bother. However, rather than use the fact that he's inside a TIE fighter to his advantage and just shoot the shield generator, the TIE pilot lands, gets out, and carefully places explosives to blow it up. Yes, that's so much more efficient and so much less risky. No Jedi shows up to stop him. No one appears to even care. Dammit, Skywalker, get on the ball.

So now all the Special Favorite Jedi get more commando missions. Jacen is sent to take the Shadow Chaser and send that distress message. Whoops, the hangar's bombed and blocked in now. Oh, well, here's the Lightning Rod. Let's take that. Oh, good, Peckhum's here. He can fly her. At this point, Jacen's presence becomes wholly redundant and pointless, but he just goes along for the ride anyway. Let's face it; he's useless anyway. He's not going to do any more good on the ground. The other kids get various elite missions, like taking on a fully-powered Nightsister who's the Second Imperium's second-most-powerful Force user, or running into the middle of the field of fire to repair the thoroughly wrecked shield generator.

Alright, I'm going to get Jacen's plot all out of the way in one go, because he's more useless than ever in this book and does absolutely nothing. They fly up. Second Imperium forces in orbit. Uh-oh. Jacen sends a grave all-channels distress message, then asks Peckhum, "How'd I do?" in a totally misplaced bit of flippancy. They go back to the surface. The

 

Excellent coverage, Havac! But dude, no mockery of THE JEDI TREE? Come on!

 

Oh my god, the tree. How Lucas put the kibosh on Wookiee Jedi and not on Jedi trees, I have no idea.

 

Eh, we already had Ood Bnar and T'ra Saa, so...good precedent, probably.

Anyways, hilarious update. I think this is the last one I've read, so from here on, I'll be enjoying your coverage of KJA's...uncharted waters, so to speak.

 

The Jedi tree mocks itself. There's really no more to say.

 

None shall pass?

 

Admiral Ackbar's badassery knows no bounds.

Seriously, one of the few redeeming traits of KJA is his use of Admiral Ackbar.

Joking aside, KJA does make it appear that the Supreme Commander of a galactic military force apparently never works in his office on Coruscant.

--Adm. Nick

 

Yeah . . . he seems to be unaware of the existence of any other fleet officers. I wish a couple of the Random Ackbar Rescues in the NR era had used some different officers -- Bel Iblis or somebody. One of the few things TNR did right was using Wedge instead of Ackbar (though Wedge is the second-most-overused officer, so I'm not sure it's that much better).

 

this is why luke isn't out on the front lines. he's lettin' the force command his troops.

 

Feel the Force flow through you, guiding your actions. If you open yourself fully to the light, the Force will be a poweful ally to you... while I run the kriff away and hide.