Phx Welcome to...Bored Jedi Theater!

Ladies and gentlemen...rebels and imperials...socks and well, non-socks...I present for your convience so you don't have to go digging through the 60 pages of the July Sock Puppet thread...

BORED JEDI THEATER!!! (in its uncut, unspell checked, copy and paste glory )

*drum roll*

Welcome to...Bored Jedi Theater!!! (a.k.a. The Misadventures of Dave the Scouttrooper)

*curtains go up, see a patrol of stormtroopers walking on a path in a forest, heading towards a beach*

Trooper1138: We're almost to the point where we lost contact with the scout, sir.

Sir: Good. *to the other men* Stay alert! We may be close to a hidden cell of rebel scum.

*stormtroopers catiously approach the beach, looking for any sign of Dave, the missing scouttrooper*

Trooper212: There doesn't appear to be any sign of...

*loud screaming is heard. Before anyone can react, Dave comes running down the beach*

Dave: HOT SAND, HOT SAND, HOT SAND...

Sir: What the--?

Trooper1138: Dave's having Tatoonie flashbacks again, sir.

Trooper212: Can I blast him?

*Sir shakes his head in disbelief as Dave continues to run on the down the beach screaming...*

 

Bored Jedi Theater Round 2 (a.k.a. The Continuing Misadventures of Dave the Scouttrooper)

*after subduing (stunning) Dave, the patrol continues forward; at the end of the day, they find a cave*

Sir: Dave, check out the cave to see if it can be used for a campsite this evening.

*Dave doesn't respond; Trooper1138 leans over and pokes Dave awake*

Dave: AUGH-! I mean, yes, sir, right away, sir!

*Dave snaps a hasty salute as Sir mutters to himself; Dave looks to Trooper1138 who points to the cave; Dave gives him a thumbs up and heads into the cave*

Trooper212: Sir, I don't think it was wise to send Dave into the cave...

Sir: Why is that, soldier?

Trooper212: He isn't armed, sir.

Sir: How do you know that?

Trooper212: He forgot his blaster-rifle, sir.

*Trooper212 holds up Dave's gun as screams can be heard from inside the cave; Sir smacks his head with his head and considers banging his head on the near-by rock wall...*

 

Just for Darth_Skippyous...

Bored Jedi Theater Round 3 (a.k.a. The Continuing Misadventures of Dave the unlucky Scouttrooper)

*Dave comes running out of the cave, knocking aside the other stormtroopers*

Dave: Shoot it! SHOOT IT!

*Stormtroopers get up and jump out of the way of a rancor, intent on catching Dave*

Trooper1138: Hang on, Dave! [face_shocked]

Dave: JUST SHOOT IT!!! [face_shocked]

*Trooper1138 goes to fire at the rancor, but finds the trigger jammed with sand; other stormtroopers find themselves in similar situations; only Trooper212 hasn't tried to fire*

Sir: Trooper212, what are you waiting for...SHOOT!

*Trooper212 stands still for a moment, then points the barrel of the gun down*

Trooper212: But what if...it belongs to somebody?

Sir and Trooper1138: WHAT?!? [face_shocked]

Trooper212: It was wearing a collar. It probably belongs to someone. How would you like it if someone shot your pet? Do Imperial forces go around and shoot peoples' pets?

*Sir and Trooper1138 stare at Trooper212 blankly for a moment*

Sir: ...Alright . We're not rebel scum who go around shooting everything in sight...

Trooper212: *mumbles under his breath*...and hitting them...

*Trooper1138 snickers; Sir gives him a strange look but contiunes*

Sir: ...so if Dave can lead the creature away, I suppose we could move on and find a different campsite.

Trooper1138: No problem with that, sir.

*everyone watches as Dave disappears in the distance with the rancor close behind him...*

 

*drum roll*

It's the return of...

Bored Jedi Theater Round 4 (a.k.a. The Ever Continuing Misadventures of Dave the unlucky Scouttrooper)

*Dave flops down on the ground out of exhaustion after losing the rancor; two hours later Dave wakes up*

Dave: Uhhh...

*Dave looks around the area, but nothing in the forest looks familiar*

Dave: Sir? Trooper1138? Trooper212? Anybody?!?

*no one answers; Dave starts to cry*

Dave: I want my mommy!

*suddenly Dave notices that he's surrounded by a bunch of...*

Dave: Whoah. Teddy bears. You guys are cute ... but somehow, familiar... ...

*looks around a minute longer*

Dave: Wait a minute! You're a bunch of ewoks! Which means...

*stones go flying at Dave and knock him unconscious; Dave awakens later to find himself being taken to a fire to be roasted*

Dave: MOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMMMMYYYYYY!!!...

 

*brings in a flower for Darth_Skippyous*

*drum roll*

Once again its time for...

Bored Jedi Theater Round 5 (a.k.a. The Ever Continuing Misadventures of Dave the really unlucky Scouttrooper)

*Dave is hung over a fire to become roast Scouttrooper for the Ewoks; Dave frantically blows at the fire but to no avail*

Dave: Oh its getting hot....mommy! [face_shocked]

*suddenly the Ewoks begin to run and scream as bursts of blue light come into the area; its the Stormtrooper patrol to the rescue!*

Dave: HOT! HOT! HOT!

*Trooper212 and Trooper1138 stun blast Ewok after Ewok, making their way to Dave*

Trooper1138: Hang on, Dave!

Dave: I AM HANGING! HOT! HOT! HOT!

*Sir gets to the fire and uses coolent to put it out; Trooper1138 helps Sir cut Dave down as Trooper212 covers their position*

Sir: How are you soldier?

Dave: HOT! HOT! HOT!

*Sir uses left-over coolant on Dave*

Dave: HOT! HOT! OH ITS HOT!

Sir: Uh, Dave, just relax for a moment. I'm sure...

*Dave jumps up and starts hopping from foot to foot*

Dave: HOT SAND! HOT SAND! HOT SAND!

Trooper1138: He's having another Tatoonie flashback, Sir.

*Sir groans, starts banging his head on a near-by tree; Dave continues running around screaming about hot sand...*

 

MY SWEEET!!! MY LOVE!!! All that is Skippy in a man!!!! Though my name I changed to rid myself of the Lint....I LOVE YOU THE SAME!!

Thank you for putting this up for all to enjoy!!!

I am sure there will be many misadventures to come!!

 

Master_Skippy_Gallia: I'll do my best...

Grab some popcorn because its time for...

Bored Jedi Theater Round 6 (a.k.a. The Ever Continuing Misadventures of Dave the really unlucky psychotic Scouttrooper)

*many hours later after calming (stunning again) Dave, the patrol reaches an Imperial post*

Dave: Ohhh my head hurts...my arms hurt...my legs hurt...my feet hurt...

Trooper212: Its just an after effect of being stunned.

Dave: Well maybe if you stopped SHOOTING me...

*Sir gestures for silence as the patrol got closer to a pair of Imperial officers having an arguement*

Mystery Officer 1: The Death Star is the ultimate weapon in the galaxy and will wipe out the rebel scum!

Mystery Officer 2: Super-weapons are a poor replacement for intelligent tactics...

Mystery Officer 1: Or maybe some of your blue pigment has gone to your brain and is affecting your perceptions. What could the rebels possibly do against the Death Star?...

*Dave snores softly as the conversation goes on; Trooper1138 pokes him awake*

Mystery Officer 1: ...though I suppose if you beg the Emperor he might consider placing you on the greatest battle station ever created...a janitor would be helpful...

Thrawn: *snorts in disgust* Eh, screw you guys! I'm going home.

*Thrawn turns on his heel, leaving a sputtering Mystery Officer 1 behind*

Mystery Officer 1: Well--I never--!! Humph. I suppose its time to get back to work. As soon as that last patrol comes in, I can send them to the Death Star to meet my quota...

*Sir turns around and gestures for the patrol to follow him back into the forest; Dave is still snoring and Trooper1138 has to poke him again*

Dave: Huh? Where are we going? The post is that way--

Sir: We're going to the other post.

Dave: [face_shocked] But that post is almost on the other side of the forest! It could take days--weeks even--

Sir: We're going. End of discussion.

Dave: *whimper*

*Sir leads the patrol back into the forest while Dave continues to whimper...*

 

*gives a flower to Darth_Skippyous*

It's that time again....

Bored Jedi Theater Round 7 (a.k.a. The Ever Continuing Misadventures of Dave the really unlucky and psychotic Scouttrooper)

*Dave continues to whine and whimper as the patrol makes their way to the next Imperial post*

Dave: I'm tired...I'm thirsty...I hurt all over...I'm hot...

*Dave flinches, thinking Trooper212 will stun blast him again, but nothing happens*

Dave:

*the patrol is silent, focused on their task of making it through the forest*

Dave: Sir?

Sir: What is it, soldier?

Dave: Why didn't you want us to go to the Death Star?

*Sir pauses for a moment, then responds softly*

Sir: Because I got a...bad feeling that the Death Star wouldn't be a safe place for you guys.

*Dave, Trooper212, and Trooper1138 stop to look at Sir*

Sir: You're my men...your lives are my responsibility. I don't know what I'd do if...

*Sir looks up*

Sir: Shouldn't you be up front to take a look at the trail, Dave?

Dave: Huh? Oh, right, yes, Sir!

*Dave hurries off to move in front of the patrol*

Trooper212: Um, Sir?

Sir: WHAT?!?

Trooper212: Dave forgot his blaster rifle again.

*Trooper212 holds up Dave's blaster rifle as Dave's screams are heard*

Sir: *sigh* I guess we better go save him again.

Trooper1138: Yes, sir.

*the patrol moves to help their comrade...*

 

HAA HAAA HAAA!! I LOVE THIS!!!
You need to make a fan-fic out of Dave

 

Just when you thought it was safe to go back into the Phoenix FanForce board...

Its...

Bored Jedi Theater Round 8 (a.k.a. The Ever Continuing Zany Misadventures of Dave the really unlucky and psychotic Scouttrooper)

*the patrol hurries forward as they listen to Dave scream; abruptly the screams stop*

Trooper1138: Dave?

*the patrol comes into a clearing; the ground is scuffed up and broken branches are everywhere, indicating a fight or struggle of some kind had taken place there*

Trooper1138: [face_shocked] DAVE!!! WHERE ARE YOU!

*Trooper212 and Sir look for clues for where Dave may have disappeared or been dragged away to*

Trooper212: Look, Sir! *holds up a piece of stormtrooper armor* Stormtrooper!

*Trooper1138 starts to panic and Sir smacks him*

Sir: Keep it together, soldier! We'll find Dave. *soflty to himself* I hope...

*Trooper212 continues to look around; suddenly he yells out*

Trooper212: I found him! I found Dave!...

*Trooper1138 and Sir hurry over hopefully*

Trooper212: ...or at least what's left of him.

*Trooper212 holds up Dave's stormtrooper helmet, covered in red goo*

Trooper1138: [face_shocked] NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

*Trooper1138 cradles Dave's helmet in his arms*

Trooper1138: He was my best friend... He could always make me laugh... I can't believe he's gone!

*Trooper212 and Sir put their heads down, in mourning*

Voice: So...did anybody miss me?

*Trooper1138, Trooper212, and Sir look up astonished*

All: [face_shocked] DAVE?!?!

*Dave climbs down from the tree, grinning*

Dave: Things were getting tense... so I decided to lighten the mood.

*Trooper1138 gives Dave his helmet back; after Dave puts it on, Trooper1138 hits him on the head*

Trooper1138: Don't do that again!

Trooper212: The red goo...its from berries, isn't it?

Dave: *nodding* Yup.

Sir: Don't you have a job to do, soldier?

Dave: Yes, sir, right away, Sir!

*Dave snaps off a hasty salute and hurries off; the patrol gets ready to move out when they hear Dave yelling*

Trooper1138: Dave, it's not funny anymore...

*Dave comes running by*

Dave: FAMILY REUNION! FAMILY REUNION! [face_shocked]

All:

*a mob of rancors is seen, closing in on the troopers' position*

Trooper1138: [face_shocked] Sir, I think we might want to...

Sir: RUN AWAY!!!

*the patrol runs after Dave with the rancors uncomfortably close behind them...*

 

SSWWWEEEEEETTTTTTT!!! WOO HOO!!

My Darling, My heart, My life!! I must say this is the best one yet!! LOL!!

Dave finally got a little revenge!! YES!

You REALLY need to make him into a fan fic!!

HAAA HAAAAAA HAAA!!

*kisses the feet BoredJediTheater stands on*

You are not only a Master of the Skippy Side, but I think you're on to something here!! LOL

 

Aww...! I'm just a simple bored Jedi putting on a show. But it *is* nice to see Dave get some justice...



...but you ain't seen nothing yet (as far as Dave is concerned). You'll find that he's full of surprises...

 

YESSSS! That's what I'm talking about! I simply can't wait!!

 

It's about time

 

Hide the women and children because its...

Bored Jedi Theater Round 9 (a.k.a. The Ever Continuing Zany Misadventures of Dave the really unlucky psychotic Scouttrooper and his patrol)

*miraculously Dave, Sir, Trooper1138, and Trooper212 escape from the mob of rancors without a scratch; the weary patrol is feeling depressed until Dave spots the Imperial out-post*

Dave: We made it! We can FINALLY get a shower, real food, sleep in a real bed...

Sir: Not if we stand here daydreaming. Move it, soldier!

*the patrol picks up the pace to get the post when they notice something odd...*

Trooper1138: Um, Sir? Where are the guards?

Sir: [face_shocked] That's...strange. There should also be a patrol waiting outside to relieve us...

*the patrol looks around in confusion when Trooper212 calls them over to a spot near the door of the post*

Sir: What is it?

Trooper212: *touches a patch of ground, and holds up his fingers* Blood, Sir. And it happened recently, too.

*Trooper1138 and Dave take guard positions near the door, eyeing the scenery warily; Sir tries to open the door but it won't budge, Trooper212 follows the blood trail*

Trooper212: AUGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHH! [face_shocked]

Trooper1138 and Dave: Trooper212! [face_shocked]

*Trooper1138 and Dave hear blaster bolts being fired as they run to Trooper212's position; Sir guards the rear; Dave gets to a clearing with scourched earth and foiliage*

Dave: Trooper212! Where are you?!? [face_shocked]

*suddenly a black and white streak hurtles towards Dave and just as quickly, a blaster shot picks it off in the air; Trooper212 comes stumbling out from behind a tree*

Dave: What...is it? *looks at a melted pile of black and white goo*

*Trooper1138 and Sir come in, and Trooper1138 helps Trooper212 walk back towards the post*

Trooper212: They're back, Sir.

Sir: Who?

Trooper212: The penguins, Sir.

*Sir hisses; the woods come alive with chirping and sqwaking; the patrol hurries back to the door of the post; it still won't open!*

Trooper1138: We can't hold them off for forever, Sir. [face_shocked] What do we do?

*Sir is silent for a moment, and looks at Dave*

Sir: Dave...

Dave: I'm on it, Sir.

Trooper1138:

*Dave hands his blaster rifle to Sir, stretches, and takes a few deep breaths*

Dave: AUGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH!

*Dave goes running to the other side of the post, and countless black and white blurs follow him; Trooper1138 moves to follow but Sir holds him back*

Sir: Our first priority is to open the door, soldier.

Trooper1138: WHAT?!? If we don't help Dave the penguins will kill him!

Sir: If we don't get the door open, the penguins will kill us too. Dave's faster than you think...and he'll definately be dead if we don't get this door open by the time he comes back around the post!

*Trooper1138 works on the door, hearing Dave's fading screams...*


Is this the end for Dave? Find out in the next round of... Bored Jedi Theater!

 

YIPPEEE!!!!

*claps furiously, while hooting and hollering*

MORE, MORE, MORE!!!

YOUR A GENIUS, A SAVANT, A PRODIGY!!!

AMAZING!!

WOOOO HOOOO!!

 

Is it possible to be bored of BoredJedi Theatre. ?

 

It's actually a lot like the question, can you ever be bored with the Skippy Temple thread?

The answer is no, unless perhaps you just don't get it.

 

LOL @ TD0690! VERY TRUE, VERY TRUE!!

I NEVER tire of Bored Jedi Theater..

IT ROCKS!!

Or the Skippy Side either for that matter!

P.S. BoredJediTheater I really love your new socks, they're hysterical!!! I like their signatures!! I was hoping some day they'd make their way to the Temple!!

 

I thought you might find them amusing.

 

[face_shocked]

[face_shocked]

Don't be alarmed. It's just...

Bored Jedi Theater Round 10 (a.k.a. Dave Strikes Back)

*Dave continues his mad dash around the Imperial outpost to draw the penguins away from his friends; penguins begin to nip at his heels*

Dave: AUGGH!!! [face_shocked] Must...run...faster!

*Dave pumps his arms wildly as he attempts to gain more speed; the penguins lag behind him only a little bit*

Dave: Puff...pant...wheeze...I can't keep this up forever! [face_shocked]

*Dave barrels around the next corner and comes to a screeching halt*

Dave: Is that...?

*Dave turns and runs away from the outpost just as the penguins turn the corner; Dave pushes himself to run as fast as he can; the penguins are getting closer!*

Dave: Please be what I think that is...please be what I think that is...!!!

*a ground, unmanned laser-turret looms in the foreground and fills Dave with hope as he runs towards it*

Dave: YESSSS!

*suddenly two penguins launch themselves at Dave and knock him down*

Dave: AGGGGGGGGHH!!! Get the #*#&#@(!) off me!

*Dave beats the penguins off and uses every last bit of strength to reach the laser turret; Dave plops down in the seat, exhausted, and begins to power up the weapon*

Dave: Come on...come on...

*beads of sweat trickle down Dave's face as the penguins get closer...and closer...and closer...until finally...*

Dave: Chew on this.

*laser blasts fill the air as black and white bodies become little more than stains on the ground*

Dave: YAAAAA-HOOOOOO! EAT THIS!

*Dave comences a penguin slaughter as waves of black and white bodies fall victim to the laser shots*

Dave: YOU WANNA SEE S.T.A.R.S.!?! I'LL SHOW YOU $(@&@($&@(!&# S.T.A.R.S.!!!

Whup, wrong universe...

DIE, PENGUIN SCUM!!! MWHAHAHAHAHA!

*Dave continues to fire relentlessly at the approaching hordes of penguins; soon there are no more penguins to fire upon and Dave slumps back wearily*

Dave: Whew. I'm glad that's over.

*Dave gets up, stretches, and walks towards the Imperial outpost*

Dave: What's that noise?

*Dave looks around, and realizes that the bits of the penguins left from the lazer shots are pulling together to form new penguins; the new penguin horde blocks off the way back to the laser turret*

Dave: [face_shocked] Mommy!

*exhaustion forgotten, Dave runs like a mad man back to the Imperial outpost, hoping that his friends have gotten the door open; the penguins begin to follow...*

 

Well? Does Dave get away? Is the door unlocked? Will he escape the the Super Penguins?
I can't wait. I want to know.

 

MMMMMMMM Penguin.....the other white meat.

 

Must...have...more...

 

SWWEEEEETTTTTT!!! Ahhh, it's been too long since my last dose of Dave!!! You know, I never get sick of this!!

I second Mobius's motion!