Phx Welcome to...Bored Jedi Theater!

*tosses a gold-spray painted thermal detonator towards Goldmember0609*

*whistles innocently after it explodes in Goldmember0690's face*

 

WoooHoooo go Dave

 

All things Dave are the best!

 

Get 'em Dave!!! We want Dave, we want Dave!!

 

I am Dave!

I am Dave!

oh frack!

Wrong dave again!

 

......


A very special edition of...

Bored Jedi Theater (a.k.a. Grief)

*darkness*

*Dave lies on a bed in a medical bay, eyes closed, barely moving*

*Sir comes into the room along with Trooper212 and Trooper1138; all are wearing dress uniforms and look very somber*

Trooper212: Why don't we just let him sleep, Sir? He'll find out soon enough--

Sir: I want to tell him. He should hear this from his commanding officer, not from some random Imperial broadcast. He needs to know.

Trooper212: Yes, Sir.

*Trooper1138 turns the light on over Dave's head; Dave begins to wake up*

Sir: Dave...come on...wake up...you've been sleeping for weeks...

Dave: ZZzzz...hmm...go 'way...tired...hurt...head hurts...

*Sir helps Dave sit up; Dave takes a sip of water from the cup offered to him by Trooper212*

Dave: I had the strangest dream...I was looking at a planet...a beautiful one, kind of like Alderran, that my mom likes to visit...I was scared, no, TERRIFIED that something bad was going to happen, that I'd do anything to prevent it from happening. But I COULDN'T do anything, and that beautiful planet...vanished. It was the oddest thing...

Sir: Dave...you need to hear something...something really important...

Dave: What's even weirder is I dreamed about my dad saying good-bye to me. That he was proud of me. *scoffs* Yeah, right, if he was so proud, how come he looked away in shame when I failed the officer's program and had to be a Scouttrooper or be kicked out of the Imperial Forces. I guess painkillers give you weird dreams, huh?

*Sir, Trooper212, and Trooper1138 are silent*

Dave: Guys? What's up? I'm getting better; in fact, the med bot is saying I'll be released--

Sir: Dave, Alderran is gone.

Dave: Gone? What do mean 'gone'? Planets don't just up and disappear--

Trooper1138: We're not sure what happened. Some stories say that the Death Star had a misfire; others say Rebels got on board and sabotagued--

Dave: WHAT DO YOU MEAN ALDERRAN IS GONE?!?

Sir: It was destroyed, Dave. Completely and utterly. I'm sorry.

Dave: My mother--what about my mother?

Trooper1138: As far as we can tell, she--she was on Alderran when it happened.

Dave: [face_shocked] Wha--no, no, no, this can't be true, it CAN'T be true--my dad will know, I want to speak with my father--

Sir: I'm sorry, Dave.

Dave: WHAT?!?

Sir: Soon after the Alderran incident, the Death Star suffered a major Rebellion attack. It was also destroyed.

Dave: Then he was-- [face_shocked]

Trooper212: We're so sorry, Dave.

*Dave whimpers a little*

Dave: sniff...mommy. I want my mommy.

*Dave cries, and his friends can only stand by, hold him, and share in his grief...*

 

WAAA HAA HAAAAA!! Poor little Dave!!

BTW...I saw the new sig...you never know...the Skippy and Master Skippy Gallia may return someday....

 

With the new Jiffer/Skippy thread, perhaps there is hope...

*coughs*

Anyway--

time to get this party started because its...

Bored Jedi Theater Act 2, Round 1 (a.k.a. The Many Deaths of Jar Jar Binks)

*curtains go up; Dave, Trooper212, and Trooper1138 are being instructed at an Imperial firing range*

Sir: Today we're going to have some target practice. I requested some...special targets for you guys to unleash all your hate and anger on with whatever weapons you like.

*gestures to a table in holding an assortment of weapons: blasters, heavy blaster rifles, swords, knives, sawed-off shotguns, etc.*

Dave: *raises his hand* Uh, Sir?

Sir: Yes, soldier?

Dave: Aren't some of these weapons a little...outdated? I mean, aren't we going to face lethal targets like we normally do?

Sir: Your targets will be droid replicas of a certain...individual...whom I can gurantee won't be able to cause you any great bodily harm, except on accident.

Dave: Oookay.

Sir: Besides, the Imperial Academy has since changed regulations. It's rather difficult to teach people to shoot if they're fatally shot the first day of training.

*the lights begin to flash*

Sir: The replica droids are ready. Arm yourselves...



...and have fun.

*Dave blinks in confusion as Sir leaves the room; Have fun?; Dave grabs as many weapons as he can while Trooper212 & Trooper1138 calmly aim their heavy blaster at the approaching droids*

Dave: [face_shocked]

[face_shocked]

[face_shocked]

DIE YOU HORRIBLE ABOMINATIONS! DIE!

*blaster shots fill the air as Trooper212, Trooper1138, and Dave fire round after round at the approaching targets*

Dave: MWAHAHAHAHA!

Jar Jar Droid: Why is yousa sirs a firing on mesa--YOW! *explodes*

Dave: YEAH! *to Trooper212 & Trooper1138* I'm not sure why seeing these targets makes me so angry ...

Trooper1138: I'm out.

Trooper212: My power pack is sucked dry, too.

Dave: Awww...*realizes his own weapon is out of power* and there's still targets left, too.

*Dave looks at the sawed-off shotgun; Dave then looks at the remaining Jar Jar droids; Dave looks at the shotgun again*

Dave: *shrugs* This end goes that way...let's pull the trigger and see what--

*BA-BOOM!!! Three Jar Jar droids are turned into instant scrap metal*

Dave: [face_shocked]

[face_shocked]

I'm in love!

*Dave finishes off the rest of the Jar Jar droids, humming happily the entire time...*

So, reactions, anyone?

 

Woo Hoo!!! Death to the Jar Jar droids! Go Dave!

 

Horray for Dave!

 

Dave rocks.

 

Shriek of utter-happiness!!

*SHRIEK*

They got to shoot a sawed-off shotgun!!!



Armor and Guns!!

It is like a dream come true!!

Oh and....


JAR-JAR MUST DIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Excuse me...pardon me...

*shoots a fleeing Jar Jar droid in the back with his sawed off shotgun*



*spots another Jar Jar droid, laughs manically, & runs off after it*

 

WOO HOOOO!! Go get 'im Dave!!!

Ohh yeahhh!! A guy in armor with a nice, loud gun!!

*Chases after Dave with a huge grin on her face!*

YIPPEEEE!

 

Run Dave run!

 

Grab some ear plugs because its about to get noisy in...

Bored Jedi Theater Act 2, Round 2 (a.k.a. The Many Deaths of Jar Jar Binks, Part 2)

*BA-BOOM!!!*

*the remains of the Jar Jar Droids are everywhere*

*BA-BOOM!!!*

Dave: YAY-HOO! This is great! Why don't we have target practice like this more often?

Trooper212: *looks at the scrap heaps that were once droids* Hmmm, for one thing, its probably rather expensive considering that none of the droids will be reusable...

Trooper1138: And I don't think the Empire wants us to be able to shoot too well. Have to give those Rebels some chance to defeat us.

*Dave & Trooper212 look at Trooper1138 blankly for a moment; all three bust out laughing at the same time*

Trooper212: The Rebellion...defeating the Empire! [face_shocked] Riiigggghhtt...

Dave: Un-huh. *lovingly cleans & reloads the shotgun* Are you sure all those droids are down?

Trooper212: *kicks a few piles* Yup. Unfortunately.

Trooper1138: I think we might have some Gungan prisoners here we could use.

*Dave & Trooper212 stare at Trooper1138*

Trooper1138: I'm kidding! [face_shocked] Just kidding.

Trooper212: Un-huh.

Dave: Right.

Trooper1138: But they did just install the new hologram fighter arena. We could see if we could request some time--

*Dave pumps the shotgun*

Dave: Oh, I think they'll let us in.

*Trooper212 & Trooper1138 grab their weapons and follow the unusually confidant Dave...*

 

Yippeeeeee!! I love this!!

Be quiet Duron!!

 

Run Dave, beware of Jedi Wench

 

OH NO! Poor Dave. Now Jedi Wench is flirting with him. The poor guy,

 

And he thinks he is good with a shot gun? She can take him out with one kiss from a 1000 yards.

 

Knock him on his astroid before he sees the lipstick coming.

 

And that aint no purple bruise either.

 

Do I sense some hostility toward the Wench here? I thought you guys liked my Wenchy ways...you named me afterall...

*tear rolls down cheek*

 

I know I named you JW. We have NO harsh feelings for you. Its like 2 brothers teasing their sister.

 

ROTFL!! I know, that's why I put the laugh at the end...I just wanted you to react...HEE HEEE!! The Wench strikes again.


Doesn't hurt to hear it though...I love all my big bro's in the PFF!! Very kissable and hugable.