Welcome to my hell

Knowhere guide

David Clifford ubiquitous quaffing guide

If you read carefully you can see how the phrases 'are you looking at me' and 'innit' orriginated

god I live in a **** hole

 

could be worse, could be Darlo

 

No

Darlo has superior points. I was born there

edit :

god - that site is so true!!!! I'm peeing meself here...

plus there are forums! - http://www.hounslowforums.co.uk !!!!!!!

hehe - ooh - and they show the pub i used to work in !

 

yeah but you dont live here now, doesn't that say alot?

 

easy on stony stratford dude! I used to live near there (and my parents still do).

We're working on turning it into a new Jerusalem

 

trust me - I would rather live in stony stratford any day!

ed:


oooh - my pubs

http://homepage.mac.com/davidclifford/quaffing.html

 

lol well I will be moving back to London next July...don't know how but I shall find a way

 

hehehehe - come and move in with me, si and mart - you can be our cinderella

 

I cant afford to live in London ....like rent and that hense I am gonna live with my mum for free

 

and where in that post did I mention money







oooh - best quote I found so far

''Why doesn't someone Bomb Hounslow. I may die in that attack but it's better than having to live in here. ''

 

[face_shocked]

lmao thats a good one

 

"You can take a man out of Hounslow, but you can't take Hounslow out of a man" - Anon.

OMG. People "hook up" @ bus stops. ROTF

 

Damn - this place is soooo slow today - or is it just lunch???

Has the age of the typical new mother in Hounslow gone up from 13 to 15 yet? It is usual to see four or five generations of the same families wandering up the high street in their leggings and nylon ma-1 jackets, often on the family shoplifting excursion to Primark (most expensive item £9.99).
Why is Hounslow so full of the thick Kevin and Sharon types - Trademark look - Blokes: Pathetic goatee beard, black Kenwood Jacket, Baseball cap riduclously high on head, earring, talking very loud in sarf london accent peppered with excessive swearing to make them look "hard" Girls: White pedal pushers, hair scraped back excessively, dog rough, behaving same as blokes. You people are the brainless scum of society - the lot of could be shot to improve the human race.

 

its this stupid `work' thing they make me do while I'm here. Apparently it's something I have to do in order to receive what they call a `salary'.

I call it an `insult'.

 

It's slower than Chet.

Hand me down leggins. LOL. Is the twin town Chesterfield? People who come from Chesterfield are called Chessie Whippers.

 

All I can say that it is true.

Check the buskers page. All true.

MrMichealJackson dancer is real.

 

chesterfield = sheffield

 

''For those in search of entertainment in Hounlsow, mention must be made of the free spectacle that is provided almost every day by the towns numerous buskers. Variety is indeed the spice of life, and all tastes are catered for, ranging from modern performance-art to classical music. The former is provided by the towns many winos, who have made an art-form out of urinating in the streets and shouting at one-another in the universal, unintelligible language of piss-heads the world over. Surely lottery-funding for these dedicated entertainers cannot be withheld for much longer? The latter comes courtesy of a gentleman of Somalian extraction whose forte is to play the solo clarinet roles of Mozarts' clarinet concertos with orchestral accompaniment provided via the medium of his cassette recorder. This fine musician adds a modern slant to these timeless classics by the cunning ploy of interpreting the music in such a way as the listener is reminded of a noise much like a tomcat with its balls caught in a revolving door on a frosty night.
Mention must be made of a performer of borough-wide renown, namely Hounslows' very own Michael Jackson look-alike. This chap does indeed bare a striking resemblence to Mr Jackson, or at least how I would imagine Mr Jackson would look if he were 10 years older and slightly less caucasian. He even has the authentic clothing of a "Bad"-era Michael Jackson, and most weekends he can be found singing and dancing in the High Street to a large and appreciative audience, most of whom are enjoying his performance so much that they can barely stop laughing, and some of whom have even resurrected the ancient tradition of expressing appreciation by the throwing of fruit and vegetables (there is a conveniently located and competetively-priced fruit stall on the High Street). Whatever aesthetic merits this spectacle may posess is, sadly. somewhat diminished by the fact that his singing makes the above-mentioned clarinetist sound mellow and tuneful, and he dances like a retarded orangutan in a mine-field.
Another regular sight in Hounslow is the accordionist who displays a placard indicating that he is blind. Now as it happens his musicianship is tolerably competent, but if it weren't, why should he use his infirmity as an excuse? If he couldn't play his instrument satisfactorily, then he certainly shouldn't do so in public. After all, does Ray Charles display a sign saying "blind" on his piano? I have often been temped to obtain an accordian myself, station myself next to him with a sign saying "Deaf", and then make an infernal racket.
On which subject, I will mention Hounslow's most notorious busker. I'm not aware of his name,which is surprising as he tends to display it prominently on varous signs, flyers and even compact disks that he has for sale. He can usually be found plying his trade outside the main entrance to the Treaty Centre, wearing outlandish head-gear. This man is the spawn of the devil. He plays a vacuous brand of bland reggae, his lyrics are trite, which doesn't matter so much as you can barely tell what he's singing due to his weak, reedy voice. He dances like a ****, dresses like a pillock and looks like an arse. He takes himself far too seriously (witness the afore-mentioned compact discs of his "music", which he tries to foist upon unsuspecting members of the public). I believe that it is now a local bye-law that you are legally permitted, nay obliged, to smite him mightily around the head with any convenient object you have to hand (may I suggest his guitar?), to be followed by delivering unto him a resounding kick to the gonads (which probably explains his voice), shouting "Die, die, die!"
I quite like the Oriental gentleman who plays the electronic pan-pipes and the wierd stylophone thing though."

 

ROTF ROTF ROTF @ The Buskers page

// holds hand out

Er no way mate. Chesterfield is a town. Fulla inbreds. Sheffield is a city. Fulla adorable laydeez. Chesterfield and Sheffield are seven miles and a decade apart.

 

my mate went to sheffield uni. just a load of hills and inbred locals.

 

Sheffield is the City of Knives and Forks.

 

hey Jinky where abouts did you live ?

 

Deaconmobile

Sheffield's a cool city. We have great knives and forks. What more could a city have to offer. And Sheffield Uni is The Times No 1 University Of The Year. Obviously. I work here.

 

YOu could always try www.kempsey.co.uk
Really Good site

 

Chet...my Mum's family come from Sheffield

//twitch