P.Rico ~Welcome to the Pit of Eternal Darkness: Tell Your Problems to Sir Simon Milligan~

Welcome to the Pit of Eternal Darkness!

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Good evening and welcome to the Pit of Ultimate Darkness. Hello, I am your host, Sir Simon Milligan. For those of you without a brave heart, get your mouse, click Disney.Com or some other childish site... Go ahead, exercise your right to be a coward. Now, for those of you with a brave heart and for those of you who have stayed, look into my face and know, to look into my face is to look into the face..of EVIL! Yes, I am a man possessed by many demons.

Polite demons that would open the door for a lady carrying too many parcels, but demons nonetheless!

Yes, I have walked along the path of evil many times, it's a twisting curving path, that actually leads to a charming block garden, but beyond that evil! And now I would like to bring on one who could be the spawn of Satan himself. Manservant Hecubus. Good evening Hecubus. Are you ready?

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I am ready to serve you master... And Satan!


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Good. Then let the proof of evil begin! Ask your questions! Hecubus and I will answer with pure...E V I L!

 

My work is dull and boring, Im surrounded by old people that lack a soul. There are seldom attractive ladies walking about but none enter the office. How do I cope with this and my inner demons?

 

My dear Tumbark.

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Today we enter the dimly light regions of the human mind. Who knows what secrets are stored within this organ, who knows. . .hey look I found a quarter. . . Finders keepers!

Ahem.

I believe your problems lies with yourself. Right Hecubus?



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Yes Master.



To work with souless demons, there is a great pleasure to work with the children of the Devil! But if your soul is weak and your mind and spirit don't let you work with the damned ones, use pure evil to elevate yourself in the eyes of the Unborn.

Right Hecubus!



Yes Master.



To do this you must search in the blackest part of your soul and do something so evil that the evilness of the souless monstrosities that work with you will get their evilessness sucked out out of their evil monkey bellies.

Something like taking a bite out of their lunches and then putting them out of the fridge. Or calling them at three in the afternoon and hanging up.



No, Master, no! Too evil!



Yes Hecubus! And finally, as a final evil evilistic attack, buy them candy but lick it before you give it to them!



That's good Master!


Isn't it? Its one of my personal favorites...

Ahem. Only by showing your true evilness will you succeed! Remember thing EEEEEEEEEEEVIIIIIIILLLLLLL!!!!!



EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEVVVIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIiIIIIILLLLL


That's enough Hecubus...



Sorry master...


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